Introducing...The Church of Arse! by DexX 9-16-01

Here it is, DexX - the new cathedral for the Church of Arse! Oh... What do you think? Uh... it's a big pile of arse. Yes, it certainly is!

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Arse-holy by BigEvilDan 9-16-01

Sir, that new "Church of Arse" is becoming quite popular. Hah! They don't even have a symbol like me to inspire them. How popular could they be? Well, actually.... Hey DexX, the statue is here!

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

The Church of Arse - secret arse-shake! by DexX 9-16-01

Okay, we have the church, the cathedral, the statue... we need a special gesture thingy now... What, a Sign of the Cross equivalent? Let's see... Hmmmm.... Cover your arse with both hands while wearing an expression of terror on your face? Great minds, Dan...

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Welcome to the Church of Arse by attitudechicka 9-16-01

Hi, I'm considering joining your church. The church of arse is always open to new members. Great-- Now, let's see your arse. Um, ok... You qualify. Welcome to the congregation.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

Attitude is everything by skagg 9-16-01

You seem down. whats up? ah my tv's bust, i can't get anything on it have you tried phoning the repairman? nah, i cant be arsed excuse me sir but i couldn't help overhearing your conversation. have u ever considered a change of religion?

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Who knows what fear lurks in the hearts of men? MIKE BOBSICO KNOWS! And if you give him a decent tip when he delivers your mail , he might tell you.

Church of Arse: Cummunion Crust by Deisel 9-16-01

It's time for the cummunion! We don't have any wafers or wine! Don't panic...I have an Idea bend over! Oh...Okay... Wait a sec! At the communion... Whats this? This dosn't look like wafers wine! No...It's dioreoha and bum crust. Well what do you expect? It's the church of arse!

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"You don't scare me with your silly knees bent running about advancing behavior."-Monty Python

Exorcise by gabe_billings 9-16-01

You've got to help me, Reverend Dan. I've been butt ugly all my life, and I think it's because I'm possessed by demons. Can you make me handsome? I'll see what I can do. This might sting a bit. Demons out! What happened?!? Did it work? Oh, it worked, all right. You are one sexy bitch.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

can't believe no one's done this yet...

Church of Arse: Another congregant... by habnem 9-16-01

Hi! I'm here for the Church of Arse worship service. Where can I sit? Dear LORD, for these blessings we are about to receive may we be truly thankful...

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- christ@myself.com - fuck a cat, kill yourself - my alter ego has five stars

Baptismal by crabby 9-16-01

Hi, I'd like to join your Church of Arse. No problem pal! Your gonna have to be baptised though. Alright no problem. Good, You wait here while I get the priest! RAAAAAR!!!!!!! FATHER TOBOR BAPTISE YOU REAL GOOD!!!!!!

The Ten Commandments at the C of A (Part 3) by kaufman 9-16-01

Number 8: Thou shalt not steal. Number 9: Thou shalt not bear false witness. And Number 10: Thou shalt covet thy neighbor's arse.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

quote:

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can't believe no one's done this yet...

Church of Arse: Another congregant... by habnem 9-16-01

Hi! I'm here for the Church of Arse worship service. Where can I sit? Dear LORD, for these blessings we are about to receive may we be truly thankful...

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i'm honored, nonetheless...

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- christ@myself.com - fuck a cat, kill yourself - my alter ego has five stars

Church of Arse - Door to Door spreading of the 'word' by LevelZero 9-17-01

*DING DONG* Yes? RAAARRRR!! I'D LIKE TO TALK ABOUT THE CHURCH OF ARSE! Hmmm .. sodomy, 'ey? Welcome to HELL I DON'T CARE! NOW BEND OVER!

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Ignorance is no excuse

hee hee... this is better than the serial comic!

Church of Arse: The Crusades. by habnem 9-17-01

*grunt* I'll show them. When my preparations are complete, those Church of Arse bastards will never cornhole me! *ahem* HELLO! I HAVE A DELIVERY FOR ONE ROGER STICKMAN. Yes?--HEY! RAAAAARR!! Make it stop!! MAKE IT STO-HOP!! TOBOR CONVERT YOU REAL GOOD, BITCH!

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- christ@myself.com - fuck a cat, kill yourself - my alter ego has five stars

My (very) humble contribution:

Never trust a church in a stripmall by ObiJo 9-17-01

Let us open up our hymnals to number 316 and start singing. o/` My arse is an awesome arse who reigns like a perfect arse... o/` o/` With wisdom, and just a bit of gas, my arse is an awesome arse... o/` I FEEL THE POWER IN ME! These fuckers are crazier than me.

And now I pack for vacation. See you all in a week.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

A reading from the Book of Arse by DexX 9-17-01

You know, I think that arse we bought might be stolen. Says it belongs to someone called Obi Wan Kejobi. That name sound familiar to you? Hmph... This arse is ours now. First thing tomorrow, I want you to take it in to Arsehead and get its memory erased. Later, in Mos Arsely... You don't need to see his identification. This isn't the arse you are looking for... We don't need to see his identification... Later still, in a seedy bar... DexX, this man here says he can take us to Alderaarse... Great, just my luck - a Browni.

Here endeth the lesson.

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The Ex-Arse-ist... by DexX 9-17-01

Father Karras, I know that your faith has been weak since your mother died of arse cancer, but this girl needs your help! Please... Ah, crap... okay, sure, I'll give it a go... The power of Arse compels you! The power of Arse compels you! The power of Arse compels you! The power of Arse compels you! Mommy! mommy! I'm all better! Those nice dead priests fixed me! Now remember, honey, if someone asks you to be in the sequel, you say, "Fuck off!" Got it?

This one almost qualifies as a movie in three panels, too...

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Arse Comica by boorite 9-17-01

Welcome to the Church of Arse. Reverend Boorite is with us, on sabbatical from the Academie des Beaux Arse. Unfortunately, the sanctuary has burned to the ground. We suspect arson. Yes, and to catch the perpetrators, we shall employ our full arsenal. Because we arse the champions, my friends. Damn, these jokes are a BIG pile of arse. I'm about to take arsenic.

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What others say about boorite!

Hey, did we arse you for an opinion?

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Arse is for Robot by boorite 9-17-01

So I wonder what this Church of Arse is all ab-- GAH! Do not fear. This is the Reformed Church of Arse. Reformed? Yes, you'll find us quite liberal. Would you like to discuss theology? Go ahead. Ask Tobor a question. Ok. Umm... if God is all-loving and all-knowing, then why does He-- RAAAAAAAR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!

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What others say about boorite!

Raiders of the Lost Arse by kaufman 9-17-01

Indy, look out! Hah, you're no match for my bullwhip!! After another narrow escape: At long last, the Arse of the Covenant.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

The Church of Arse... I'm no good at this. by Drexle 9-17-01

This is bad, Dan... The Southern Baptarses are getting really restless. They've been sending us hate mail and death threats every day... Dave? What's wrong? Speak to me! Oh, I'm sorry DexX... I had the most wonderful vision... it was a divine field of verdant arse. It was incredible. *Gasp!* Dan! You've ascended to a higher state of conciousness!!! Not ascended, DexX... Arsended.

The Begging acording to: The book of Arse by Deisel 9-17-01

As the gods joined together to make the perfect being who would bring the world to salvation... ...Who would make the world a happier place to live in... Along came the God of Arse to ruin it all! RAAAAAGH!!!! CORNHOLE THE UNBELEIVERS!

sorry if someone has already done this

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"You don't scare me with your silly knees bent running about advancing behavior."-Monty Python

In Arse we trust. by kramer_vs_kramer 9-17-01

Hi, is this the Church of Arse? I was wondering if you had any openings for a figurehead of evil. I see. Do you have any prior experience? I spent 2000 years with the Christians, but I figured it was time for a change. Plus I wasn't happy with the pension scheme. Sounds good. I just have to speak to someone, then we'll be in touch. I'm sorry, we'll have to let you go. Someone better has come along.

The Convert by Spankling 9-17-01

I hear that new \"Church of Arse\" is becoming quite popular. And I know you like arse... Arse worship? I am so about that! What do I have to do? Who do I get to kneel behind?!? Let me at it! Uh.... that\'s not what we... I mean... Oh.... nevermind. I think we can hook you up. I am so completely unworthy! Bless you goddess! The fact that you\'re right doesn\'t mean I need to hear it. Less talk, more tongue.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet