Greetings all. I'm SpideyChris, quite obviously a fan of certain arachnid heroes, and only a recent comer to the site. As well as the winner for the last contest. Yes, yes, I accept that I fuckin' rock. Thank you. Now I get to establish the next competition on this thread:

World's Worst Excuses after Being Caught Cheating.

I'm sure most folks get the idea. Whether it's getting busted on a high school test, an employment application, or a little loving on the side... Illustrate those moments when people say the first pieces of absolute garbage that come to mind.

I'll pick a winner around the 4th or the 5th, I believe. That's a week.

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Use your weapons, they are designed to inflict damage!

It had to be done.

WW-I recently just found my Sublime CD by xxausrottenxx 11-28-04

uh...I didn't do it?

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xx( o Y o. )xx

WW 31: Reduce, Reuse, Recycle by BigFrank105 11-28-04

Tim, I have reason to believe you were caught cheating on your Calculus test! Fuck you.

She's Doing the Pool Boy Again by Zaster 11-28-04

I can't believe you've been cheating on me with the pool boy again! Honey, I swear he means nothing to me! That's a relief. What was it then? Loneliness? Boredom? Desperation? Let's work this out. Actually, he's just way hotter and better hung than you are.

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

She's Doing the Pool Boy Again, Part II by Zaster 11-28-04

I mean, who can blame me? You should see this guy naked. He's huge! I've never seen one so big. And boy does he know how to use it! I've never had so many orgasms in one... OK, I get it. Thank you. But you've still got a cuter nose, honey.

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

259436[/comic]]

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The only way to discover the limits of possible is to go beyond them into the impossible. Arthur C. Clarke

WW31: Anatomy Lessons by quodlibet 11-28-04

Ohhhhhh! Uh! Uh! Yeah baby YEAH! Oooooooo! What are you doing? I thought you said you were studying! And is that -- that's porn! Beat it like a rented mule, baby! Whip it like a lemon meringue pie! I told you, I'm studying to be a gynecologist.

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If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.

WW #31 - Cheaters by niteowl 11-29-04

...be careful not to break your arm patting yourself on the back for finishing the game. You're just jealous because you don't have the internet and can't get any cheat codes of your own. Your application says that you were in Vietnam. I find that hard to believe since you're only 33. I was a twinkle in my daddy's eye when he was over there killing...and seducing the ladies. Whaddya mean I got a D- on the test? I made sure I cheated off of Johnny's paper! Johnny's failed 5th grade 8 times. Haven't you ever wondered why he's the only 5th grader with a goatee?

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

WW 31: Worlds Worst Cheating Excuses by ReiWonr 11-29-04

Affair Style! Come on honey, according to Bill Clinton, we didn't even have sex! Diablo II Style! Come on man, I am not twinked! n00bz0r, i see that Occulus in your stash! Angry Jewish Liberal Style! Come on Laura, this election I actually GOT the popular vote! Yeah... of every place BUT Ohio!

WW31: Do unto others as you yourself have done by quodlibet 11-30-04

All right. Why were you down on your knees in that alley, sucking off some guy's penis? Well, uh, I -- really, I just met him. He asked me for some help. Come on, Zoe. Help sucking him off? Yeah, uh, like, that time, when you lost a flake of your candy cane in your really grotty keyboard? He had a piece of candy cane stuck in his penis? You gotta be kidding me. He said that he had a candy cane in his shorts and he needed me to lick it out. Really irritating. It was that or the vaccuum cleaner. Really.

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If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.

WW31: Some Marvelous Excuses for Cheating by fpd 12-02-04

Peter, why have you been cheating on me with Felicia? Elementary, my dear Watson. She is hardier than you. Hardy har har. Nancy, why have you been cheating on me with Gerry? Buzz off, Jack. It is my dream, my passion, to become Nancy Drew, girl detective. Mom, why did you cheat on Dad with a woman? He was always in and out like a flash, Felicity. But women take their time.

SpideyChris, even if this one doesn't win, can you identify each character shown or mentioned in this strip?

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

WW31: Nude beaches have their own pitfalls by quodlibet 12-02-04

I told you that I would be lifeguarding at a nude beach. Someone was bound to choke sooner or later. Oh really? How do you explain the screams of 'Fuck me harder! Harder!' she made, hm? You look so hot in a bikini. Stop changing the subject! I mean, you screwed her without a condom! Who knows what that bag has! It's a nude beach. I couldn't just, you know, wear a condom. I'd be breaking the rules. I can't believe that was the best excuse you could come up with.

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If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.

WW 31: S'more Mounds by CHUBBY 12-02-04

Honey, have you been cheating on your diet? No, of course not. Why? Aha! You have! I can smell the chocolate on your breath! I was just trying to help split our Hershey stock. Or your jeans.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

WW 31: A lifetime on the hip by CHUBBY 12-03-04

Have you been cheating on your diet? No, of course not! Yes you have! I smell the chocolate on your breath! OK, I did, but only because they were Hershey's Limited Editionsâ„¢.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

WW 31: I'm Funnier Than Chubby by possums 12-03-04

Have you been cheating on your diet? No, of course not! Yes you have! I smell the chocolate on your breath! That's so you wouldn't smell my secret lover's dick! That's disgusting, but ingenious nonetheless. Thanks, I used to be a roadie for Mötley Crüe.

Hey! I smell chocolate on your breath!

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

It's poo, actually.

(Not an official contest entry, though it does sorta fit.)

A Slip of the Tongue by CHUBBY 10-14-04

Are you the brewer? Yes I am. I'm Dave the bartender. This beer tastes like ASS! Gee, I don't know what to tell you... Unlike you, apparently, I don't have a boyfriend upon whom I perform analingus.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

WW31: Nudist beaches redux by quodlibet 12-04-04

What do you have to say for yourself this time, mister? If she'd just swallowed, we wouldn't have gotten into this fix. And Bob's got a big weenie, so I guess he must have choked her too. What does this have to do with your stupid lifeguarding job on a nudist beach? I had to give her the Heimlich. With all of that rubbing -- you know -- I must have gotten aroused and slipped inside her without meaning to. You know. You expect me to believe that lame excuse? Loser. Come on. It was a nudist beach! I couldn't put a condom on! It would be breaking the rules! And I didn't love her at all! I only screwed her!

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If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.

Alright, a week's up and the entries seem to have finished flowing in. And the winner of this competition is quodlibet.

(Heh. Big shocker, huh?)

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Use your weapons, they are designed to inflict damage!

Cool! This makes my day.

Give me a day or two to think up a new WW topic, and we'll take it from there.

-Q

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If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.

Since SpideyChris mentioned that he was a fan of certain arachnid heros, I made a strip that showed or mentioned various arachnid heros. But he has not identified them. So I open the question to anyone. Who is who in my strip? Here are your preliminary clues. Everyone who is shown or mentioned in the strip is a Marvel comic book character, and every panel shows or mentions one arachnid hero or heroine.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

I thought the last one was the Flash, but he's DC, not Marvel

I thought I was a regular Marvel geek but I'm stumped past the first panel. Unless that's the Swamp Thing in panel 3 disguised as a Christmas tree.

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

Yeah I'm stuck too, the first panel is obvious but 2 and 3 mean nothing to me.

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"If you can't keep it in your pants, keep it in your family"