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Dash4814
Stripcreator Newbie

Well, I'm a noob, but I thought I'd share some of my comics anyway. Mine are political in nature, so I hope the topic hasn't been beat to death.

[Click to view comic: 'Feeding tubes are funny after all!']

[Click to view comic: 'Based on a true story']

[Click to view comic: 'Sorry, it's this trick knee...']

[Click to view comic: 'Pacifinished with you!']

Comments are appreciated!

4-12-05 11:21am (new)
quote : comics : pm : info


attitudechicka
is never bored.

Member Rated:

I'm not going to put it before each and every comic this appears in, so in general, narration is often not necessary in a comic. And in all the comics here, it was only semi necessary once. Try to avoid the big yellow boxes from now on, k?

Comic # 1: Okay, the first two panels have to be setting up to something good, but what? Once we reach the last panel, you lose and confuse your reader. What's up with Tommy and the pool? And why are they holding on for a week? And what does that have to do with feeding tubes?

Comic # 2: Again, my problem is in the last panel. Skippy's comment was funny, however, Clown's "'Seperate but equal'...hey that has a nice ring to it." should either appear before Skippy's statement somehow, or should be cut. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices of your work to get the humor quality you're looking for.

Comic # 3: Good. Best of the four. (By the way, this is the one where I said the narration was semi-necessary, otherwise we wouldn't understand why the donkey chooses to go to Starbuck's)

Comic # 4: Set up was boring, and, though Skippy's line was funny, it wasn't funnny enough to cover the long, boring, factual set-up. Again, hippie's line can be cut and Skippy's line could stand alone.

In conclusion, you don't have to fill all the boxes on the make a comic page. And you've got potential, kid! I give you 4 stars for now, don't ruin it.

---
Mediocrity at its most average.

4-12-05 11:57am (new)
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Dash4814
Stripcreator Newbie

Member Rated:

quote:
I'm not going to put it before each and every comic this appears in, so in general, narration is often not necessary in a comic. And in all the comics here, it was only semi necessary once. Try to avoid the big yellow boxes from now on, k?

Comic # 1: Okay, the first two panels have to be setting up to something good, but what? Once we reach the last panel, you lose and confuse your reader. What's up with Tommy and the pool? And why are they holding on for a week? And what does that have to do with feeding tubes?

Comic # 2: Again, my problem is in the last panel. Skippy's comment was funny, however, Clown's "'Seperate but equal'...hey that has a nice ring to it." should either appear before Skippy's statement somehow, or should be cut. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices of your work to get the humor quality you're looking for.

Comic # 3: Good. Best of the four. (By the way, this is the one where I said the narration was semi-necessary, otherwise we wouldn't understand why the donkey chooses to go to Starbuck's)

Comic # 4: Set up was boring, and, though Skippy's line was funny, it wasn't funnny enough to cover the long, boring, factual set-up. Again, hippie's line can be cut and Skippy's line could stand alone.

In conclusion, you don't have to fill all the boxes on the make a comic page. And you've got potential, kid! I give you 4 stars for now, don't ruin it.


Thanks!

I thought #1 might be a little ambiguous. It's not a swimming pool, it's a betting pool. The kids are betting on when Terri and the Pope are going to die, and the boy in my comic is lamenting the fact that he had placed a bet on a day sometime in the future. I think the gym class/pool proximity was too close, and that's what caused the confusion.

4-12-05 12:05pm (new)
quote : comics : pm : info


attitudechicka
is never bored.

Member Rated:

quote:

It's not a swimming pool, it's a betting pool. The kids are betting on when Terri and the Pope are going to die, and the boy in my comic is lamenting the fact that he had placed a bet on a day sometime in the future.
It makes sense in that context.

Yes. I hear gym and pool in the same sentence, I think of that dumb teen movie where the guy opens up the gym floor to the pool during the prom. "Whatever it Takes" Just remembered the name during preview.

---
Mediocrity at its most average.

4-12-05 12:17pm (new)
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evil_d
Riding through your town with his head on fire

Member Rated:


I think you're right; that is what causes the confusion. I got it, but I had to read it twice to get it. The pool could have been "at the office" or "on the internet" and the confusion would have been avoided.

I disagree with 'chicka about #2 -- I think the last panel works great as it is. In fact, #2 is my favorite of the four.

I'm not real big on the punchline in #4. There are no new jokes, I guess, but puns involving the word "nuts" are older than most. It's not terrible, but it could have been better, I think.

Overall, I think you've got a handle on both how to make a comic and how to make a funny comic, so congratulations! You're already ahead of 90% of the newbies here. Keep up the good work.

---
The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

4-12-05 12:18pm (new)
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andydougan
Film critic subordinaire

Member Rated:

The pool reference seemed pretty obvious to me. But maybe that's because I spend more time at rotten.com than I do sleeping.

4-12-05 12:32pm (new)
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MikeyG
Shoots the shit and often misses

Member Rated:

I got the pool reference immediately, too. But that's because I used to listen to Howard Stern when I was younger and he had a death pool.

---
The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

4-12-05 1:23pm (new)
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Shadow_The_Hedgehog
Stripcreator Newbie

Member Rated:

They're all interesting, but I suggest a backround!

---
If you wanna eat a pineapple, eat a lemon. CHEEZ!

4-12-05 3:01pm (new)
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Inflatable_Man
Heart stopper. Hip hopper. Pill popper.

Member Rated:

I liked these. A couple punchlines had too much exposition (you need less "lines" and more "punch"), but all in all pretty good. I agree you should take the time to add a background, though. It would make your strips more aesthetically pleasing.

---
Destroying my reputation one post at a time.

4-12-05 6:55pm (new)
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choadwarrior
Crash Magnet

Member Rated:

I'll jump on the bandwagon. You show great promise--you know how to set up a punchline, which puts you way ahead of most noobs.

Some of the jokes have been done before, but I'll just consider them separate-but-equal as well.

Welcome to Stripcreator.

4-12-05 7:42pm (new)
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PrimoOoze1138
A refreshing kick to the pants.

Member Rated:

Pretty much everything that could be said has been said already. Though superfluous as it may be, the line "Try stuffing ME in your cheeks, Rodent Boy!" just struck me as hi-larious.

---
Thar's a snake in mah boot!

4-12-05 10:48pm (new)
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Dash4814
Stripcreator Newbie

Member Rated:

Thanks for the comments guys! I appreciate it.

I'll take your ideas into consideration when writing.

4-13-05 10:49am (new)
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not_Scyess
not laughing with you

Member Rated:

I didn't like these, but I don't like dogma in my comics. I prefer more universal truths that don't require the reader to agree with your personal beliefs. I did, however, like "Sorry, it's this trick knee...", though I didn't understand the title. I must disagree with chicka's statement that

I think you can lose the narration. The Starbuck's reference would still come through.

I do agree with chaod that you have great promise... if you choose a less annoying topic than politics.

---
peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

4-13-05 2:40pm (new)
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