King by crabby 6-26-05

So what brings you to this seedy motel at Christmas time stranger? Visiting some family. Yeah, I live here. In the hotel or just here? Excuse me? Would you like to go out for dinner?

Kong by crabby 6-26-05

The next day...... So thanks for coming out to my house. Yeah no problem. I couldn't stop thinking about you from the other day. We barely spoke to eachother. Perhaps you are coming on too strongly for my tastes. Maybe you should leave. You invite me to this Barn for kinky stranger love and now you ask me to leave? You asked me out to lunch and then I invited you to my barn. No mention of kinky sex was ever made. HEY! I'm not gay man. Not at all. I'm just out here on vacation.

Bundy by crabby 6-26-05

So my cousin says you tried to seduce him at your barn. Who are you? My name is Ishmael Santiago and I'm here to challenge you to a duel. For my cousins honor. I don't see any sort of family resemblance. See, my birth parents died. So I went to live with my godfather who happened to be his uncle. So while were not blood relatives, I must still fight for his honor. You bore me.

> by crabby 6-26-05

Look, I'm sorry my cousin came and hassled you like she did. That was your cousin? She gets very annoyed whenever anyone offends the family. That was a woman? Are you saying I got an ugly family? Here, let me draw a picture so we both know for sure we're talking about the same person.

Billy by crabby 6-26-05

LOOK FELLA! I'm sorry my family been givin you tha third degree. I told my sons to stay away from you. No questions asked. You can also have some free plumbing work done cause I feel guilty. Perhaps you could check my toilet at home. Well for starters someone was murdered in here. I see. Tell your father that his quote was reasonable, but I'm just not interested. You just made the mistake of your life.

Jack by crabby 6-26-05

I really enjoy Coke with Lime and I really want to see Pepsi with Lime succed. All I'm saying is the market is a little bit saturated with Lime right now. I'm saying invest in Limes. I keep all my money locked up in the futures market. You have that much faith in Alex Keaton? His name is Michael J. Fox and he is an inspiration. I'm sorry. I just get riled up really easily.

Haynes by crabby 6-26-05

So I need your help to destroy him. You're my only hope. I only met him twice. We met at a coffee house. It was a one-night stand sort of thing. You had sex with him? His stamina was nothing to write home about, but He was very eager to please. I DON'T NEED NO PLAY-BY-PLAY! You's a playa hata.

On his by crabby 6-26-05

My cousin made me come and apologize. He had a talk with some pig friend of yours and he feels bad now. If you're talking about Linda from the book club I find that to be completely innappropriate. By the way, who is your cousin? The guy who keeps hassling you. The sexy plumber? No, his son. I don't recall a son.

Best by crabby 6-26-05

I would really appreciate it if you would give my son that cabana boy job you have available. The inside of my house is dull. It's completely white. I thought you were just a weird guy. Actually it's a cult. All my friends have completely White insides to their homes. So can he have the job? Sure, why not.

Night by crabby 6-26-05

So as cabana boy, I need you to scare the hens three times a day. I really appreciate the job. Especially after all the trouble we had before. Excuse me? I kind of hassled you and bothered some friends of yours. I don't have many friends. I really appreciate you spending time on my farm to keep me company. Smores.

It's like a page out of my life.

Excuse me?

You always have to get the last word, don't you?

Front

Don't eat at that Low Cal restaurant they've been having alot of problems with their chef. Oh yeah, like what?

by crabby, 6-26-05

and

I just feel like cooking puppies today. I can't help it. If you weren't the assistant supervisor of advertisings secretaries assistants son, I wouldn't cut you this kind of slack. I just worry about what the customers will say.

by crabby, 6-26-05

Center

So how was your dog? A little undercooked.

by crabby, 6-26-05

I just couldn't stop reading them.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

You managed to come up with all those hilarious jokes in one day!?

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I love Family Guy more than I love taffy, and I'm a man who enjoys his taffy.

I have a complaint about the last three restaurant comics. My dog was not only undercooked, but it also was not neutered.

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

Yeah, I think that first series had a hypnotic effect. And "Front and Center" was totally incoherent, which was good.

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I think, therefore I make comments on a forum.

I thought there was something wrong with the way my dog tasted, and, upon closer inspection, I found that it was in fact a live cat. Which would also explain the hairballs.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.