I made this observation today: When you see someone walking down the street talking to themselves, they may not be crazy. They might be replaying a conversation they had earlier or are rehearsing one they plan on having later.

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Ham-fisted ham fisting.

When I worked at Mervyn's, I used to go outside and sit in front of an empty storefront to smoke. There was an old black man who used to walk around all over the place preaching, but one day he was all upset about something, and when he walked by, he said, "I'm mad at her! MIGHTY mad!"

From then on, I always thought that "I'm mad at her! MIGHTY mad!" sounded really cool.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

One time when I was walking down the street with my mp3 player on, I noticed an old man turning towards me and saying something as I passed him, so naturally I took out my earphones and said "What?". This seemed to shock the man as he gazed me up and down before stating in quite an angry manner "Wait, you are not Tom". He then muttered something to himself and wandered off.

Stuff like that happens alot to me.

Another time I gave a homeless guy 50p (to go away mostly) and he predicted that later that night I would get laid. He described the woman as wearing red, with blonde hair, big tits and a giant vagina (to demonstrate the size of the vagina he moved his arms in a large oval, which was bigger than half his body).
Sadly, I never did meet this woman with the giant vagina.

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The following statement its true. The previous statement is false

Once I got caught in a Time Warp that sent me back in time to a critical point in my history. Wanting to change a terrible decision I had made in the past, I told myself to order a turkey sandwich for lunch instead of roast beef. Crisis averted, I found myself back in the present, enjoying a stomach full of turkey sandwich.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

I once cut a fart so rank that it traveled back in time and knocked Robin Hood off his horse.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

I'd like to announce that I'm about to make an announcement!

I am making an announcement!

Thank you.

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More lust than you can shake a stick at.

I'm now a donor!

Which means squat in the grand scheme of things.

quote:

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Another time I gave a homeless guy 50p (to go away mostly) and he predicted that later that night I would get laid. He described the woman as wearing red, with blonde hair, big tits and a giant vagina (to demonstrate the size of the vagina he moved his arms in a large oval, which was bigger than half his body).
Sadly, I never did meet this woman with the giant vagina.

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Today I finished my first year of Uni.

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Poo perhaps?

I found a severed bird head on my doorstep this morning. I suspect my cats are involved in the mafia.

Drinking Absinthe and then runnning do not go together well.

Trust me.

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The following statement its true. The previous statement is false

To whom it may concern: My work email will be down for the next couple of days. If you feel the need to email me, send it to the yahoo account.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

I got 10 days ago, bub. It feels damn good to be free!

I got 10 days ago, bub. It feels damn good to be free!

I finished yesterday, hence the absinthe and the running.

And the twisted ankle :(

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The following statement its true. The previous statement is false

Alcohol hasn't touched my lips in 3 weeks :(

Guild Wars has a language setting called "Bork! Bork! Bork!", which translates everything in "Swedish Chef from the Muppets" type speech.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

I know where the beef is.

What lovely frankincense you have.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Frankenstein wore Frankincense.

When I was in second or third grade I was walking toward the bus shed after school and there was this big kid, like in fifth grade, named Bart Watson, whom I didn't even know, leaning against a post. When I walked by, he regarded me with a sneer of utter disgust and growled, "Yewwwwwwwwwwww STINK."

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Luminous--just as hilarious as ever.

http://www.wittycomics.com/comic/7573

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

I miss Luminous :(

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

That makes me so hot right now

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The following statement its true. The previous statement is false

i just shit my pants for no apparent reason.

i don't really mind til it starts getting cold and flaky....

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Kill Whitey.