Instead of browsing through all the past contests I've missed to make sure I'm not duplicating anything, I'll just go with an idea I'm fairly sure has never been done before. I use my initials for my username, and I sometimes make it stand for other things in my signature. So here are the rules of this contest.

1) Write about something whose acronym is FPD. It may be anything except someone with the initials FPD. It could be a police department, a personality disorder, or even a Greek organization called Phi Pi Delta. Use your imagination.

2) No old strips.

3) Series and multiple entries are allowed.

Judging should be in about a week.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

FPD by HCRoyall 8-01-06

Hi! I'm trying to raise support and awareness about our ogranization, For PETA's Destruction. Every pledge means another PETA member dead and another steak on someone's plate. I do like a good steak now and then. I'm in. Thanks for the support! Can I sign again?

FPD by HCRoyall 8-01-06

And remember kids: Tell your parents to support the FPD movement! What's FPD stand for? Forensic Pedophile Disjunction! What the hell is that supposed to mean? I don't know, but it sounds really cool!

FPD by HCRoyall 8-01-06

I used to be a lonely barfly like yourself until I joined the FPD! FPD? What's that? The Firm and Perky D-cup association! They hook you up with a plastic surgeon and inflate those mosquito bites of yours so you can get a date despite your hideous face! Really? How long does it take? Not long at all!

FPD

Fornication Prevention Depertment

by HCRoyall, 8-01-06

FPD

Freestyle Perjury by a Donkey Honestly, officer! I have no idea how that underage japanese exchange student ended up tied naked to my bed with various phallic objects in her orifices!

by HCRoyall, 8-01-06

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

FPD by Scyess 8-01-06

Hello. Feral Penguin Department. Um, is this tech support? No. All I'm authorized to do is snarl and peck at the phone. That idiot operator must've transfered me wrong again. You can't tell, but I'm snarling right now. How can I get a job like that?

"Ferality"? by Scyess 8-01-06

Hi. I'm here to apply for the job of "feral penguin." We usually only accept penguins for those positions. I think if you look at the 1976 Anti-Discrimination Act you'll find it's illegal to refuse me work because of my -- **SNARL!** And you just gave up? What a git. I couldn't help it. I was overwhelmed by his ferality.

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"Old" is the old new.

FPD by LBH 8-02-06

Heeeeey, baby. Why don't you sit on down in that chair and I'll check out that pretty mouth of yours. Who on earth are you? I'm your funky parapalegic dentist. Now I have seen it all.

FDP=FUCKING PENIS DRAWER

[IMG]http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e301/mattmallone/p1.gif[/IMG]

FDP=FUCKING PENIS DRAWER

[IMG]http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e301/mattmallone/p2.gif[/IMG]

FDP = FUCKING PENIS DRAWER

[IMG]http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e301/mattmallone/p3.gif[/IMG]

Since I didn't provide an example earlier, I'll provide one now. If you have questions about the contest, you can pm me, since I am going to avoid reading the comics until it is time to judge.

The Fat People Diet by fpd 8-02-06

A new diet craze is sweeping America, and even skeptics agree that it is reducing obesity across the nation. This new diet is simply called the Fat People Diet. We turn now to Earl Grey for the word on the street. Earl? Tell me, how did you use the Fat People Diet to get as thin as you are now? When I heard about it, the Fat People Diet motivated me to take a serious interest in bulemia. I lost weight in record time after I began puking my guts out. But bulemia is an eating disorder, not a diet. Didn't you follow the Fat People Diet? No, I'm not a cannibal. When I heard the Fat People Diet was becoming popular, I knew I had to slim down right away, because I didn't want to wind up on anyone's menu.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

FPD = FUCKING PENIS DRAWER

[IMG]http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e301/mattmallone/p4.gif[/IMG]

Hey mattmallone... Your photoshop alterations are funnier than shit! I couldn't stop laffing! Please, teach me how you did that!

Groovy! - Fucking Pretty Dumb by edoggydog 8-01-06

...so, I then says, "I knew Artoo Deetoo. Artoo Deetoo was a friend of mine. And, you, sir are no 'Artoo Deetoo'!" By the way... Have you read those "FPD" comics by HCRoyall? Yeah... Aparently, "FPD" stands for "Fucking Pretty Dumb"! Well, that was certainly uncalled for... Oooh, if I hurry, I can make it home just in time for the start of the "Sex and the City"!

The FPD: Making A Difference by AngryAmerican 8-03-06

Hello. I am here to talk to you today about the F.P.D. The Federation for the Pummeling of Dipshits. As you know, stupid people are a plague in our great nation and indeed, the world. Life can be challenging enough without the added frustration of dealing with the common-sense-deficient. It has been somewhat scientifically proven that kicking the living shit out of morons every now and then makes them more receptive to to thoughtful action and helpful advice.

The FPD: Making a Difference by AngryAmerican 8-03-06

We at the F.P.D. need your support. Just a few dollars a month can forever change an idiots life and make the world a better place to live in for all of us. Just think, for the price of a couple of cups of coffee a month, your donations can keep our 'fucktard counselors' out of jail and out there making a difference every day. But don't take our word for it, listen to some success stories from some former shit-for-brains...

The FPD: Making a Difference by AngryAmerican 8-03-06

I was stuck at a red light blocking 2 lanes of traffic instead of pulling up a bit and letting at least one lane through when a FPD activist pulled me out of the window of my truck and punched me in the face til i passed out. After i got out of the hospital I realized we all have to share the roads and my actions were inexcusable and frustrating to those around me. Thank you FPD! Even though i'll never see out of my left eye again because my optic nerve was severed, you showed me the light.

The FPD: Making a Difference by AngryAmerican 8-03-06

I used to work the burger line slaving over the hot grill. Then one day i put extra pickle on a burger when the order clearly said NO pickle. Lucky for me that sandwich was for a member of the FPD, who proceeded to drag me over the counter and stomp me into a coma. When i woke up 6 months later, my boss was so impressed with the maturity i acquired while hanging between life and death that he put me on the front counter! Thanks FPD!!

FPD by AngryAmerican 8-03-06

I was always too busy getting fucked up in school to pay much attention, so admittedly, i was pretty dumb. Well this one time i tried to get into a bar with a fake ID, but fortunately for me, the photo on the ID was the wrong race and sex and the doorman just happened to be a member of the FPD. Long story short, after the doctors reconstructed my face and my arms were fully healed i went back to school and got my GED. Now i'm readin at a 7th grade level and have a promising career as a busboy. I donate a bit of my check every week to the FPD cuz they turned my life around. Thankey!

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Kill Whitey.

FPD by AngryAmerican 8-03-06

So you see, we're out there on the front lines making a difference every day. Sometimes our clients require multiple beatings to become the productive members of society they've always wanted to be. And let's face it, lawyers aren't cheap. We just can't do this without your generosity. Remember our motto, "We Give Til It Hurts You" We're all in this together, if you do your part to stamp out stupidity, we'll do our part to stomp it out. Thank you, and good evening.

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Kill Whitey.

FPD = FUCKING PENIS DRAWER

[IMG]http://www.filelodge.com/files/hdd3/44277/penn009.gif[/IMG]

what's with the spam?

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Kill Whitey.

CC 329: FPDeed by NeoVid 8-03-06

Welcome to Stripcreator, now a subsidiary of FPD Inc. What's FPD Inc? Flabby, Pathetic Dorks Incorporated.

CC 329: FPDid by NeoVid 8-03-06

Locking yourself in the bathroom won't stop me for long! Yes it will! I just heard the cops busting the door down, sucker! Dont worrie, now the Fuck Poleece Deppartmant is heer to sav yuo! ...Hey, could you let me hide in there with you? Please?

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

wow. that's not spam, its a giant dick burrowing its way in and out of my body.
i always get those two mixed up.

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Kill Whitey.

FPD = FUCKING PENIS DRAWER

[IMG]http://www.filelodge.com/files/hdd3/44277/penn009.gif[/IMG]

haha, you have a penis worm going through your body, what are the chances of that happening!!!!!!

Evil Petting Zoo by LBH 8-05-06

Don't run away! I must control you! First I destroy you, and then I destroy the world. Help, I'm being chased by a fiendish pink donkey!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Dino Art by LBH 8-05-06

Je n'ai jamais, jamais souhaité j'étais un Oscar Meyer Weiner mais je ne m'occuperais pas d'être un ventilateur de plafond. Je laisse ma bosse de chien ma jambe, mais la chienne devient toujours fâchée quand bosse de I sa jambe. Why did I let you trag me to see the French Poet Dinosaur? I like him.

Furry-Porn Director by LBH 8-05-06

Okay, in this scene, I want you to suck him off until his butt turns red and he starts screeching. Then I want you to hack up a hairball on your chest and rub it into your boobs. Gotcha. And...ACTION Oh, baby, you drive me bananas. And to think, I turned down that MLM venture...for THIS.

FPD: God is pissed.. but standing or sitting? by RedfeatheR 8-06-06

So... let me understand this my son... He had a-... IT!!! ... had a procedure that made it look like a female's genetalia, but it was in fact a- Forlorned Pussy Dick hhrmm... Do not be troubled my son. God has no gender either.

Groovy! - That Pink Donkey Is FUNNY! by edoggydog 8-07-06

...so, I says, "Ping pong halls? I thought you said, 'King Kong's balls'!" That's when I realized I made an ASS outta myself! HAHAHAHAHAHA [*snort*] What do you think of this funny pink donkey? Groovy! I think he SUCKS! May I take your order, sir? Sir..? SIR..? MOTHERFUCKER!!

CC329: fpd's perfect date by mandingo 8-08-06

Fred, please don't be lazy! only when someone shows anger is Leon's ostrich rinsed satisfactorily! fuck! only rinsing people's ostriches can keep Ernie tame! cup his animal nasty! godbless Ernie!

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what if nigger meant kite

CC 329: Grant Larson, Future Salesman 1 by biped 8-08-06

Good afternoon, madam! Would you like to purchase a Finster Poodle Disintegrator? A who what...huh? A Finster Poodle Disintegrator. It's the finest quality... Well, why in heaven's name would anyone want to disintegrate poodles? Uh, madam...SOME people happen to be ALLERGIC to poodles! But, apparently...YOU... DON'T...GIVE A FUCK!!! Oh piss off, dickhead.

CC 329: Grant Larson, Future Salesman 2 by biped 8-08-06

("When customer is dubious, demonstrate product.") Do you have any poodles, Madam? I will disintegrate them for you! NO, I don't have any fucking poodles, dipshit! Let me just activate the--OOPS! YAAAAAAAAA!!! OH, NO! Me kill customer--me BAD SALESMAN! THANKS, Mister! Now I can watch Dad's DVD of "Felching Pooty Diddlers" on the big screen TV and WHACK OFF right in the LIVINGROOM!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

CC 329 by boloboffin 8-08-06

Wail with fear, you tiny fool, for I am the FPD Killer!!!! I'm going to Filet your carcass, Poach it in an impeteous pinot, and Devour the meat by the pale moonlight!! Aw, fuck it. It beats getting kicked in the nuts all the time.

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You can take the heart out of the hooker but you can't take the hooker out of the heart. -- Frankenhooker

I'll give this contest a little longer. In the meantime, here's another one I did.

Free Pedophile Daycare by fpd 8-04-06

Your child is in good hands with us, Mrs. Doughnut. Our motto is "We love kids." Thanks! I have to run to work now. Who did you say your daycare provider was? It's called Free Pedophile Daycare! Francine Penelope Doughnut, are you out of your mind? You're entrusting the care of your baby to pedophiles! Didn't you hear what I said? It's free! FREE! I can't afford to pass up a deal like this!

Note that this one breaks the rule against being about someone with the initials FPD. Bonus points, as if, ha ha, the contest is judged on the basis of points, for making some sense of this contest's enigmatic title.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.