I had to take my dog to the vet yesterday and was forced to pay £115 for the privilege.

Now it is your turn to show how these money-hungry animal-fiddlers enjoy earning these ludicrous amounts of money and/or what they do to earn them.

Rules:

1)  The phrase 'Donkey thumping' will be looked upon kindly.

2) New comics for preference, but old are acceptable if they're funny.

3) Judging will be on or around Friday the 4th of May.

CC 353: At the Vet's by gabe_billings 4-26-07

I was told you had a question about your bill. You've charged me $435 for something called 'donkey thumping'. What in the hell is that? Oh, that's just something we made up. We couldn't very well say 'boat payment' outright, could we? How can you get away with this? Because I can trigger the remote explosive inside your dog at any time. You're a heartless bastard.

---
100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

CC353 - Crass? Just a band. by kramer_vs_kramer 4-26-07

I'm here to pick up my horse. Your horse? Ah yes, the severe rectal trauma. Wait a minute, my horse wasn't suffering severe rectal trauma. I wasn't talking about the horse. Say, do you want to buy some DVDs?

cc 353: Star Paws by TheGovernor 4-26-07

I felt a great disturbance in my paws, as if millions of cats suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened See thomas, being neutered wasn't that painful now was it? I find your lack of nuts disturbing

CC353 - Hey! Us kids know! by kramer_vs_kramer 4-26-07

I'm here to pick up my gerbil. Ah yes, the gerbil. I'm afraid we... lost it. It's up your ass isn't it? No. So why are you walking funny? And what's that squeaking noise? New shoes?

Doc Pembroke in the Mysterious Orient by AngryAmerican 4-25-07

Dr. Pembroke, the fortune of our temple is karmically linked to the life of our panda. Can you save him? I'm not sure Master Po. He seems to be suffering from an abcessed libido. Its a very serious problem with dire consequences if the treatment doesn't prove effective. We place our trust and the future of our temple in your venerated hands, Dr. Pembroke. May Buddha smile upon you. And you've provided the supplies i require? Errr...most of them. A two pound tub of KY jelly, a thong woven from bamboo fiber and twenty tablets of Ecstasy. We could not obtain any 'panda plushie' porn. Damn! My trusty inflatable love koala will have to do then

---
Kill Whitey.

I Couldn't Resist by boloboffin 4-26-07

Don't worry, dear, everything will be alright. Woof. Agnes! Ahhh!

Why someone might consider this funny:

http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/boloboffin/sets/agnes/

---
You can take the heart out of the hooker but you can't take the hooker out of the heart. -- Frankenhooker

Oscillate Wildly by AccentuateNegative 4-28-06

I took my dog to the vet yesterday. He was so excited and wagging his tail so much, the doctor couldn't take his temperature. It's time for your prostate exam. Remember that story I just told you?

Wok Dedog by RedfeatheR 4-26-07

May eye-ah take-ah you oddah? Yes, I brought my dog in yesterday and I'm here to pick him up His name is Bastian

RCL no. 1503 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 4-27-07

...then the vet handed me a bill for $500, just for cleaning my dog's teeth! So, I picked him up, threw him to the ground, and preceded to donkey-thump the shit out of him! What you in for? "Animal-fiddling"...

---
Ham-fisted ham fisting.

CC353 - Now I'm an amputee, god damn you. by kramer_vs_kramer 4-28-07

Wait a minute, there's something wrong with this bill. You've attached an extra penis to my chimp and charged me £500. Yes? You told me it would be £400.

CC 353: The Emancipation of Bucky Masturbate by biped 4-29-07

What are you doing, Dick, are you donkey-thumping again because if you are-- SHUT UP, assface--you made me lose my fucking concentration!!! ...and then Dick called me an "assface", Dr. Super-Secret-Agent Veterinary-- WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN HERE BUCKY I AM TRYING TO TAKE A PISS AND A SHIT BETWEEN ANIMALS!!! FUCKHEAD!!! ...and what's more, "Doctor", from now on I will take my giraffe, Milburn, to a different veterinarian, and--- ...the time is now 4:35 a.m. The temperature is now...

---
Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

It's been a while - but here goes :-)

CC 353: Heavy Petting by bonwag 4-29-07

... and then the vet said she had to put me down. They offered my owner a range of differently priced alternatives. What sorts of options? Most of the lowest priced options involved chemicals and injections and stuff. What did your owner choose? Did you see Sony's 'God Of War' launch party? That was YOU?

---
exit, pursued by a bear

Me-OW! by choadwarrior 4-29-07

I'm sorry, but we had to put Princess Pussy Paws to sleep. Here's your bill. Why does every item have a quantity of eight? She was on her first life.

Vet Your Vet by choadwarrior 4-29-07

Have you always wanted to care for animals, Dr. Whimper? When I got back from the war, I had this insatiable thirst for blood and killing. And I can satisfy that in this career and earn an income that lets me afford that sweet Stingray parked out front. So you're a vet vet with a Vette? You bet!

eh, why not? a whole contest centered anround veternarians?

what were the chances?

Dr. Pembroke: Sexual Space Veternarian by AngryAmerican 8-29-06

Captain, I'm happy to announce that your tribble is going to be fine. She came through the surgery with flying colors! Thanks doc, that's a relief. But how can you tell if its a female or not? They appear to be nothing more than semi animate balls of fur. You have to lick teasingly in concentric circles all over the tribble in question. If after an hour or two there's no discharge, it's a female. ... Or you can attempt insertion.... Security team to bridge.

Dr. Pembroke: Sexual Veternarian by AngryAmerican 8-26-06

Well it seems your mule is resisting treatment. I fear we're gonna have to attempt fellatio next. What's fellatio? Oh, Amish. Right. Um...Fellatio's an ancient treatment technique utilizing the healing power of ejaculations frequently combined with peanut butter. What's ejaculations? *Sigh.* Just give me five minutes alone with your mule, OK? You're the vet....

Doc Pembroke, Master of Hamsters by AngryAmerican 8-29-06

Ma'am, i'm afraid your daughters hamster is dead. It just...it just stopped moving. Oh no. She's gonna be so upset. Yes. She will. The little guy was a fighter though, to the very end. It took me by surprise because i was sure i packed enough trail mix in my ass, and i really thought that i'd worked all the bugs out of the tiny set of scuba gear...

---
Kill Whitey.

RCL no. 1504 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 4-30-07

After all the years and money I spent putting my self through medical school, I never thought I'd just be collecting semen for a living... I mean... I pictured myself finding a cure for cancer, or being a top-notched brain surgeon. Not a low-level crank yanker! Ah, fuck it... HERE, HORSEY-HORSEY!

RCL no. 1506 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 4-30-07

What's up, dude? I was just at the vet's to see what they charge for neutering... How much? Only $175... Seems reasonable... Did you make an appointment? Yeah... I go in for surgery next Thursday.

I made this as a tribute to HCRoyall's McRapey's series and just saw it would be a fitting contest entry. Hope you like it.

McRapey's by Something_Corporate 4-30-07

Umm, Boss? I think you need to get your optical sensors recalibrated. What do you mean? I know our policy has measures for dealing with the disabled, but you got that blind man's seeing eye dog... That was intentional. The vet down the street is a friend of mine. How could a dog suffer such a severe anal breach just by going into a fast food restaurant? Stop asking questions and cancel my 2 o'clock.

 

Something_Corporate

Bastard. You used a good idea before I could think it up for my own comics. Good, though.

CC353 by HCRoyall 4-30-07

Doctor, I'm a little nervous about my Mittens's upcoming surgery. Ma'am, I assure you that every precaution has been taken. Nothing could possibly go wrong. Later... Well ma'am, the good news is I've proven hemophilia is a genetic trait in cats as well as humans...

---
It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

CC353: In the hands of the Poker Dogs by TheGovernor 5-01-07

Ive brought my dog in for his check up as requested. Great Mr Waffle, just leave little Scamp with us, and We'll do the rest My three Queens beats your two pairs, unlucky again Scamp. I think its time we called it a day and settled up. Woof That'll be Two Hundred and Fifty-Six Pounds

RCL no. 1511 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 5-01-07

...then I preceded to give her pussy a MAJOR donkey-humping! Y'know... I really resent it when people call a woman's vagina a "pussy"! I was talking about her CAT, dumbass! Yeah, right... I've got the $1000 vet bill to prove it! Meee-OUCH!

CC 353: High-Rise Ructions by bonwag 5-03-07

Hallway Confrontation WTF, old man? I can't get any sleep downstairs with all that thumping going on. I blame your donkey My donkey? Thumping? Your donkey. Thumping. Do something about it, or you're out on the street. These new neuticles rock, man. Seriously - thanks. Damn - down 115 smackers. I hope there's a return policy.

---
exit, pursued by a bear

RCL no. 1519 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 5-03-07

Hey, Chuck... ...AAAAAAAAAAA... You were RIGHT! ...AAAAAAAAAAA... Pokey didn't come in to be GELDED... ...Whoops... ...AAAAAAAAAAA...

And now for the winners.

The award for 'Best use of Tobor' goes to 'Something_Corporate' for

McRapey's by Something_Corporate 4-30-07

Umm, Boss? I think you need to get your optical sensors recalibrated. What do you mean? I know our policy has measures for dealing with the disabled, but you got that blind man's seeing eye dog... That was intentional. The vet down the street is a friend of mine. How could a dog suffer such a severe anal breach just by going into a fast food restaurant? Stop asking questions and cancel my 2 o'clock.

 The award for 'Best Moment of Realization' goes RedfeatheR for

Wok Dedog by RedfeatheR 4-26-07

May eye-ah take-ah you oddah? Yes, I brought my dog in yesterday and I'm here to pick him up His name is Bastian