Although I personally don't clean stuff (except for my naughty bits), I hear a lot of folks do. This is your chance to dust off some older comics and let them get a good airing out.

Here's the deal:

1) This contest is open to old comics only, let's say at least a month old, nothing new please.

2) I want to see your personal favorites, but nothing that has 3 or more votes. Show me those comics that you bitterly feel should've been voted to glory, but for some reason got overlooked.

3) Maximum of 3 comics unless they're part of a series.

I think that covers it. Finally, a contest that encourages laziness. You're welcome.

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Kill Whitey.

Like this. See how easy it is?

no social conscious by AngryAmerican 2-22-06

Spare some change? Um.....no. Cmon, help a guy out. Panhandling is a self perpetuating cycle of despair and dependency which will only lead you farther away from an acceptable social position and standing. Eat your pussy for a dollar? Kneel and start lapping you homeless piece of shit.

Vikings 3 by AngryAmerican 3-01-06

Lovely little village, don't you think? Eh. Its lacking a base authentic feel, you know? They're just trying too hard for "quaint", like they built it last year or something. I don't know about that. My Father and Grandfather both raided this town, sometimes twice in one season. Well i stand corrected. But the charm still comes off as forced to me. Still, be a shame when we burn it to the ground and butcher its inhabitants. I guess.

Dr. Pembroke: Sexual Veternarian by AngryAmerican 8-26-06

Well it seems your mule is resisting treatment. I fear we're gonna have to attempt fellatio next. What's fellatio? Oh, Amish. Right. Um...Fellatio's an ancient treatment technique utilizing the healing power of ejaculations frequently combined with peanut butter. What's ejaculations? *Sigh.* Just give me five minutes alone with your mule, OK? You're the vet....

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Kill Whitey.

Thoughtfulness by LittleRocker 2-16-09

...Its from Mom Good News or Bad News. Bad. She survived the car crash. Fuck.

Hungry Officer by LittleRocker 1-04-09

Sir, you have a bit of tomato sauce on your shirt.. I've just been shot, and I need medical help right now! So, you don't have pizza? Nevermind.

Pinky and Mr. Pink by Hari_Nezumi 6-26-06

Assanine: I'll give her face a two, and her assanine. Ha ha ha! Oh man, these Redneck vocabulary words are great! OK, my turn. Butt rape: I'd like to butt rape that little girl over there.

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More lust than you can shake a stick at.

Now technically, that last one doesn't count because 6 people had voted on it before I voted it good, Hari. I think.

But that it was rated a 6.67 or something in those nine before me -- that's outrageous. That's the funny right there. It definitely deserves better than it has.

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You can take the heart out of the hooker but you can't take the hooker out of the heart. -- Frankenhooker

Oh, enter the contest.

Cubiclesque Capades by boloboffin 4-22-07

Chugga-chugga- chugga-chugga- chugga-chugga- Melvin, what do you think you're doing? Chugging around the lake, Mr. Wastaba! I'm a motorboat! Oh, thank God. For a minute there, I thought I was going to have to start cutting the Prozac in half.

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You can take the heart out of the hooker but you can't take the hooker out of the heart. -- Frankenhooker

boloboffin

WHAT

HOW COULD MY FLAWLESS SYSTEM OF PUTTING THINGS INTO MY "TOP RATED" SERIES HAVE FAILED

YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY A WITCH

Ah well. Disregard that, than.

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More lust than you can shake a stick at.

Groovy! 74 by edoggydog 3-08-05

Okay... I know my last few stories sucked ass! But, wait until you hear what happened to me yesterday... Groovy! I was down at the local Circuit City, picking up an extra set of digital Y-joints, when up walked towards me was the most beautiful fem-bot with a bra-size of 44 double-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D...   ?   ...D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D--D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D... Damn! That did sound like a great story! I hate that his hard drive freezes whenever he gets excited...

Groovy! 75 by edoggydog 3-09-05

...D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D cup. Groovy! Uh... What was I talking about? You were telling me about that hot fem-bot you met a Circuit City... Oh, yeah... Man! She had the biggest pair of ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti... Here we go again...

 OK...how about DIS UN

Pinky and Mr. Pink by Hari_Nezumi 4-17-06

OK, I'm conducting an expieriment. When I say a word, I want you to say the first thing that comes to mind. OK shoot. Hamburgers. Pedophilia. Next?

This is just turning into a shameless plug-fest for my (imo) vastly underrated Pinky and Mr. Pink series. 

But whatever. I have too many top rated to be able to see the older ones.

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More lust than you can shake a stick at.

Steve and Steve by mandingo 1-14-09

man, i had the most emasculating experience of my life the other day. i uppercut this dickhead, caught him on the chin just perfect. his head snapped back and he fell to the ground unconscious yup, pretty effeminate no, no, but i wanted to teach him a lesson. so i whipped my dick out to piss on him. only i couldn't go. but then it became a pride thing. i refused to put the bad boy away until some pee came out so there i am, standing over this guy, holding my dick, shouting, "COME OUT, DAMN YOU! COME OUT!" a hundred people must have seen it. definitely everyone on my mom's church bus. it even made the paper YOU'RE THE CELLULOID GAYPIST??!

A boy and his bike by mandingo 2-20-09

RAWWRR!!! what the hell?? YOU RAN ME OVER!!! i didn't even see you! you should have put those little reflective stickers on your bike and you'd still be alive! I WAS STILL ALIVE!!! YOU SMOTHERED ME WITH YOUR OXFORD AND RAPED MY CORPSE!!! okay, that one is my fault. i doubt they make a sticker for that

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what if nigger meant kite

THE GLAD LADS starring Blaine Rivers and Floyd Reynolds by biped 4-16-02

Look! Me found kitty cat! Me glad you found kitty cat! Me glad you glad me found kitty cat! Me glad you glad me glad you found kitty cat! Six hours later... ...me glad you glad me glad you glad me glad you glad me glad you glad me glad you glad me glad you glad me glad you glad me glad you glad... ...you glad me glad you glad me glad you glad me glad you glad me glad you glad me glad you glad me glad you glad me glad you found kitty cat!

JOEY!!! AND MR. WILSON!!! IN "THE T-BONE STEAKS"!!! by biped 4-15-04

JOEY GOES OVER TO MR. WILSON'S HOUSE TO VISIT MR WILSON!!! WHAT'S THE MATTER, MR. WILSON!!! YOU LOOK REALLY UPSET!!! I AM MAD AS HELL AT THE T-BONE STEAKS MY WIFE JUST BOUGHT!!! GRRRR!!! DID'JA HEAR WHAT HAPPENED, JEFF!!! MR. WILSON'S WIFE BOUGHT SOME T-BONE STEAKS, AND MR. WILSON IS HOPPING MAD AT 'EM!!! I'M NOT JEFF, I'M HIS MOM!!! GO ASK MR. WILSON WHY HE'S SO MAD AT THE T-BONE STEAKS, JOEY!!! I'M REALLY, REALLY CURIOUS!!! GEE, MR. WILSON!!! WHY ARE YOU SO MAD AT THOSE T-BONE STEAKS THAT MRS. WILSON JUST BOUGHT!!! OH, I'M NOT MAD AT THEM ANYMORE, JOEY!!! WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY FOR SUPPER!!! WE'RE HAVING T-BONE STEAKS!!!

The Day After Today by biped 10-23-04

We interrupt this program for a special news bulletin -- the United States is under nuclear attack. New York City, Los Angeles, and Washington, D.C. have already been obliterated. Hundreds of nuclear missiles from several countries are criss-crossing the globe. Worldwide disaster -- perhaps even the extinction of the entire human race -- is at hand. I like the green M&M's.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Parenthood in the insect world by lara7 10-16-01

Guess what honey? I'm pregnant! You mean..I'm gonna be a father? Whoa! So, I've been thinking about baby names. Names? Uh-oh.... For the girls, Aaliyah, Aariel, Abaigeal, Abana, Abayomi, Abby, Abebi, Abegaila, Abeje, Abelia, Abilene, Abimbola, Abiona, Abrial, Acacia, Acantha, Acenith, Achala....... .....

 

CC66 - huh huh, she said burning bush by lara7 9-26-01

I am the LORD thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. Give you twenty bucks. Twenty bucks? What for? The House of Bondage. I want in. I'm not really The Lord. That's okay. I don't really have twenty bucks.

 

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When they invent BookFace, I'm -there-.

Only 3 entries? You're a damn sadist. I don't have nearly enough time to dig through all my old stuff...

Hardware story by NeoVid 9-10-02

Done looking through our backstock yet, sir? Hang on, I still haven't found anything I want. Hmm... wait... I want to know what this one does. That's for trimming limbs. I'll take three.

Tard Boy and Finkelman by NeoVid 7-24-08

What do you think you're doing? Huh? You just beat that dickhead to death with your bare hands! So? SO!? There was a perfectly good brick right over there!

Inheritance Boy by NeoVid 9-16-08

The view from my family's house is awesome, even though it's of Oakland. Anything looks good if you get far enough away from it. Really? I have to test that. I hate you so much right now.

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

ni

Jedi Knights of NI by TheGovernor 2-17-03

INT. Jedi Council, Coruscant Master Yoda, Ive come to ask the Council's Permission to train the boy Anakin. He is the chosen one Train the Boy you may Qui Gon, but only if you first build us A SHRUBBERY!!!!  Ni   Ni   Ni   Nu

tzu

Sun Tzu for Cats by TheGovernor 2-15-03

Cat versus the Birdcage as resolved by the Art of War Calculate a plan with the five woking fundamenatals of strategy: The Tao, Nature, Situation, Leadership, Art. If a fortified area is attacked, One's strength is compromised. Once a challenge is executed, if triumph is prolonged, the strategy becomes dull and the vigor dampened. Attacking a Fortified Area is an Art of last resort. You win this round bird

mordor

A day in the life.... by TheGovernor 3-05-04

Show me a Stock Report worthy of Mordor Make me a Cheeseburger worthy of Mordor Show me an Email worthy of Mordor

Lazy contests rawk!

Scrapin' the bottom of the barrel here

The Jungle by BigFrank105 3-27-05

o/ WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE! WE GOT FUN AND GAMES! o/ What kind of fun and games? Scrabble... Monopoly... Jenga...

Stepdads by BigFrank105 3-25-05

Well, son! I know we haven't seen each other much because of the divorce, but we're gonna have a fun day in the park! Dad, face it. The only reason you took me here is so you can pick up hot single moms. Correction: Hot ASIAN single moms.

Kiss me! by BigFrank105 3-17-05

Kiss me! I'm Irish! You're not Irish! Fuck me! I'm German! That'll work.

 

It was depressing to go through my old comics and see how many I thought didn't deserve to be voted up.

Still, even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while, and I spend a lot of time looking for nuts.

Censorware 5 by evil_d 6-21-04

Computer, I need to look up some information about preventing the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. Sorry. Your network administrator has installed software that blocks any web sites that deal with sexual subject matter. Well, okay, but it's his daughter that's going to be getting herpes from me.

Robots for that by evil_d 8-13-02

So, um, I'm sorry, but I can't pay back all that money I owe you... please don't beat me up! Bongo, Bongo, you surprise me. To think that in this day and age, a man such as myself would stoop to physical violence to resolve a dispute! Oh, thank god! I mean, really. We have robots for that now.