Whoever said "money can't buy happiness" just didn't know where to shop!  Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!  I made that up!

For this contest, make comics about money!  Lots and lots of money!  And I mean a bunch!

I know, it's not such a great idea, but I'm not good at thinking these things up!

Do it for Lester--he's on his deathbead.  In fact, if you can work in a reference to Lester being on his deathbed, you will earn no extra points and no special consideration whatsoever.  So, come to think of it, there's really no reason why you should do that.  Have fun!

I will judge this contest at my earliest convenience.

---
Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

RCL no. 2342 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 8-28-10

Did you here about Lester? I saw him on his deathbed yesterday... I saw him this morning. He said he wanted to take his money with him when he died, so he gave me half of all his money in cash and wants- ...you to throw it in the hole right before they bury him? He gave me the other half of all his money and asked me to do the same thing! Cool. See you at the funeral... Three days after the funeral... I have a confession to make... I didn't throw all his money into the hole. I kept a little bit for myself so I could buy a new bunnysuit. I can't believe you did that, you thieving bastard! I threw in a personal check for the full amount!

Anything for You by shmool 8-28-10

It's a legal notice. My great aunt Bea just passed away. That's terrible, dude. I am so sorry. Wow, I knew she was rich, but I had no idea she had so much money. You know I've always been here for you. Just tell me what you need. Just kidding, that was just the final notice on my gas bill. Can I borrow ten bucks til payday? Hold still, asshole.

cc459: It's all about the H. Jon Benjamins by mandingo 8-28-10

man, i really hit it off with that girl yesterday. by 7 pm, i was sandbagging her you mean teabagging? sandbagging's like teabagging except you spend a couple of hours at the beach first. how bout you? any luck with that redhead? nope. i was so frustrated, i left here and immediately went and pulled a bank job   ?   jacked off with a roll of quarters up my ass

---
what if nigger meant kite

RCL no. 2343 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 8-29-10

I paid her $100 to fuck me... And, I paid her friend $125 to fuck me... And, $175 for the girl next to her to fuck me... That one over there with the big titties charged me $300 to fuck her (well worth it, I might add)... And, you see the one sitting in the far corner? She fucked me for FREE! But, later her pimp came by my apartment and beat the living shit out of me until I wrote him a check for $236... That's interesting and all, but I just needed you to point out where the restroom is.

Milkin' It by four_legged_tripod 8-31-10

I'm so broke right now. I wish there was a way I could get some easy money. Hi. I'm the magical Cash Cow. Just milk me for a chance to win millions and millions of dollars. Oh, that's it! Keep pulling on it, bitch! Hey! Since when do cows have only one ginormous teat on their udder? Get back down there and finish the withdrawal or I'll deposit my hoof in your ass!

---
"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Groovy! - Based on My Own Real Life by edoggydog 8-31-10

Dude... I just bagged the white elephant! The last guy I telemarketed wants me to do a loan modification on his five homes at $2500 a pop! Cha-CHING!! Groovy! How's your telemarketing going? Not well... I've just been "phoning it in" today... What?

Groovy! - It doesn't hurt to ask, RIGHT? by edoggydog 8-31-10

Dude... Take a look at that fine-ass prostitute standing on the corner there! I'm going to ask her what she charges for a blowjob and butt-hole licking. Groovy! [ *SLAP* *PUNCH* *KICK* ]   !   She's not a prostitute. Ya think?

CC 459: Bribes by 100Faces 9-02-10

Help! Help! Coming! Oh my God, it's you already, Mr. Reaper! Do you take bribes? I'll give you one million Dollars. One million, you say? Okay, but don't tell the boss. He'll really get angry if he finds out I've given your boyfriend an extension. What do you mean, extension? The million is for finishing him off right now.

WHOO-HOOO YIPEEEEE! A BIPED CONTEST! YOORAY-HOOLA BOOLA!

0====3

---
Ham-fisted ham fisting.

CC 459: Slow on the Uptake by 100Faces 9-03-10

Boy, it's really hot in here. Maybe I can buy something to drink over there. Have you got Diet Coke? I'll give you 100 Dollars. Sorry, your money is no good in here. Hmm. Are you saying this is Canada? [sigh]

Groovy! - The PERFECT Gift by edoggydog 9-04-10

Do you know what tomorrow is? Yes, honey... And, since you're turning 40, I'll buy you anything you want for your birthday. Anything? Then, I'd like something shiny that goes zero to 150 in under three seconds. I know the PERFECT gift! I bought her a scale. Groovy!

CC 459: Money Change Is Everything! by 100Faces 9-06-10

Yes? Sorry me! Is it possible for you to do the kindness me to give your message where I have to switch money may be from Mars with earthly order to have at my disposal on your body of heaven? Huh? Now you please help me and finally told me where can replace the money I have I want to share it for the your here on the earth, right? I use to me there was nothing. Do not get me really not? Fucking Google translator! Fucking Google translator!

RCL no. 2337 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 8-26-10

"It's your job to let the bulls relieve themselves on you before each fight with the matadors?" Yep! "How much do you get paid for that?" Minimum wage. "Really? You know, you could do another job that pays the same and still keep your dignity..." And, quit show business??

I'll see what I can come up with for this but then again The Perfect Gift is HILARIOUS! haha

B.O.A.T.S. - Keep The Change! by ZMannZilla 8-25-10

Spare some change mister? Y'know, I never thought I'd be doing this, but God has ways of humbling us all. ...so you're claiming that The Almighty made you a homeless bum? How, pray tell, did The Good Lord do that? God is teaching me a lesson about alcohol abuse, laziness and gambling by allowing me to be homeless. So you think Jesus made you spend all your unemployment checks on liquor and casinos, because he doesn't want you gambling or drinking? Hey, The Lord works in mysterious ways. Well, I know better than to interfere with His divine plan for you, so I'll be keeping my change. Hallelujah!

B.O.A.T.S. - Change Is The Only Constant by ZMannZilla 8-25-10

Y'know, not all homeless people are drug addicts and deadbeats. You shouldn't assume I don't deserve your change just because I look like a dirty bum. Too true. So tell me... what made you think I have change in the first place? Well... um... Go on. ...you're wearing a clean outfit. It's what's inside that counts... and inside this clean outfit is NO FUCKING CHANGE!!!

---
"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

Based on a True Story. Sort of. by AngryAmerican 9-06-10

Holy shit that stripper's looking at me! Quick Uncle Trey, gimme $100! I'm gonna make it rain on her! Whoa son. You don't go charging out of the gate at the first ho you see. Let's see the lineup first then we'll talk about getting some trim wet. OK, gimme $50 and I'll make it drizzle! Son, ya got ta bide yo time. Make the ho's come to you. Fuck! Gimme somethin! I wanna make some weather happen on that bitch! Let's settle for overcast. With a chance of showers. Here's $5.

---
Kill Whitey.

no social conscious by AngryAmerican 2-22-06

Spare some change? Um.....no. Cmon, help a guy out. Panhandling is a self perpetuating cycle of despair and dependency which will only lead you farther away from an acceptable social position and standing. Eat your pussy for a dollar? Kneel and start lapping you homeless piece of shit.

---
Kill Whitey.

I will judge this contest sometime this weekend. 

---
Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Everybody did a great job and is a runner-up.  But I agree with Neo11 that "The Perfect Gift" is the funniest gag.  That means edoggydog is the winner!

Thanks for playing, everybody!

---
Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Thanks, biped!  I will have a new CC up in a jiffy or a day or so.  Maybe a jiffy.