These comics are really, really stupid. Porkman and Finchy should have never been made into Stripcreator comics. They are even terrible at being terrible. Don't read these.

Porkman & Finchy Hate Being Superheroes by ZMannZilla 10-01-10

Holy Cursewords, Porkman!!! Unknown badguys approach! Egad, Finchy! What do badguys look like? The henchman all have red "P" logos on their clothes! What badguy in Porkman histories has P in name? Pandaman? Pollywhomp? Private Parts? Is lots of P names! Think Porkman THINK... ...oh, except one of them... He's 900 feet tall and looks like a flying dinosaur! PTERODACTYL THE FLYING T-REX?!?! WHY YOU NOT SAY SO FIRST YOU ASS?!

Porkman & Finchy Are Terrible Superheroes by ZMannZilla 10-01-10

Porkman! Incoming T-Rex wearing a jetpack! PTERODACTYL THE FLYING T-REX IS OUT OF PRISON?!?! Oh, that reminds me, Porkman, the commisioner called before we left. Something about a prison escape and all your enemies. FINCHY KNEW THIS DURING ENTIRE BUS RIDE HERE?!?! He said "This looks like a job for BACONMAN!" COMMISIONER CALLED ME BACONMAN AGAIN?!?!?!

Porkman & Finchy Fail At Being Superheroes by ZMannZilla 10-01-10

Ah yes. At last we meet again. I have awaited this day for many years, Porkman. PTERODACTYL THE FLYING T-REX!!! Yes, and I am still very upset with you foiling my plot to assassinate the Secretary Of Anti-Matter. I SWEAR THAT WAS DIFFERENT BACONMAN!!! I thought your name was Porkman. Abort Plan A!!!! ABORT PLAN A!!!!!

Porkman & Finchy Should Not Be Superheroes by ZMannZilla 10-01-10

And now, Porkman, you shall pay the ultimate price, for crossing Pterodactyl The Flying T-Rex... DEATH! Jeepers, Porkman! Is tight spot! How will I smack delicious Atomic Laser Cocoa out of his hand-claw? I'll just pull this trigger and BOO!!!

---
"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

Porkman & Finchy Don't Have What It Takes To Be Astronauts by ZMannZilla 10-06-10

Holy Cursewords, Porkman! There's nothing up here! LIES! THE CHEESE WAS LIES!!! No, I am not taking the rap for this one! I flat-out told you there was no cheese up here! IS THAT WHAT YOU WERE SAYING IN ESPERANTO?!? Well, duh. I used the universal language for a reason. IS UNIVERSAL BECAUSE EVERYBODY DON'T SPEAK IT!!!

Porkman & Finchy Hate Being Detectives by ZMannZilla 10-02-10

Holy Cursewords, Porkman! That's BLOOD! A mystery is upon us! Yes, Finchy! Pure people grease! We now study blood pattern for clues and motive. The killer wants a red drum! THERE WAS A KILLER?!?!?

Porkman & Finchy Suck At Being Player Characters by ZMannZilla 10-08-10

Holy Cursewords, Sir Porkman! Some good guys approach! Porkman casts a spell on Finchy! What? But I love you! OMG WHAT HAVE I DOOOONE?!?!?! Plus you don't know any spells at Level 1. DAMMIT I HATE BEING MULTICLASS!

Porkman & Finchy Are Ill-Equipped For Vaudeville by ZMannZilla 10-04-10

Holy Cursewords, Porkman! I just bought a baseball team! IN THIS ECONOMY?!?! WHO DOES SUCH NONSENSE?!?! No, Who's on first. Oh, is good place for Who. He has fast hands. Actually, no, I think he's left outfield. STAY ON SCRIPT!!! PORKMAN CANNOT IMPROVISE!!

---
"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

Porkman & Finchy Can't Even When It Comes To Sporting Events by ZMannZilla 10-19-15

Holy Cursewords, Porkman!!! Another season of SPORTSBALL is starting! Strange place. Porkman is not impressed with colosseum named after cell phone company. Finchy tell Porkman what is appeal of this SPORTSBALL? No idea whatsoever, Porkman! But I did hear that our home team has a real shot at the BIG SPORTSBALL CHAMPIONSHIPS! OMG OMG THAT MEANS PORKMAN WILL SHARE SWEET VICTORY! PORKMAN MUST NOW BUY ALL THE HOME TEAM JERSEYS BEFORE EBAY DOES!!! Ha, psyche. We suck out loud. PFFFT WHATEVER ONLY MORONS EVEN CARE ABOUT DUMB OL' SPORTSBALL ANYWAYS!!!

Porkman & Finchy Are Almost As Good As The McRib Sandwich by ZMannZilla 12-31-12

Holy Cursewords, Porkman!!! THE MCRIB IS BACK!!! ACK! PORKMAN STILL MADE OF PORK! HIDE THE PORKMAN!!! Don't flatter yourself, Porkman! You aren't nearly rancid enough to be in a McRib sandwich! Can the Finchy be so sure? Porkman's past does include exposure to atomic BBQ sauce. Pffft, more like atomic WEAK sauce! I've been pooped in by gorillas, and I still say the worst thing that's ever been in my mouth is a McRib sandwich! $20 IF YOU LET PORKMAN SIT IN THE MCRIB MACHINE FOR FIVE MINUTES AND JUST DREAM!!!

Porkman & Finchy Wear Crappy Halloween Costumes by ZMannZilla 10-20-11

Holy cursewords, Porkman! That house is giving out Snickers! Yes, Finchy, is good loving show of Yuletide spirit. Porkman only hopes those choco-gobbling orphans know the real reason for the season! Oh, I know! I know! Halloween used to be called Samhein, and its pagan roots have been viciously removed and replaced with horrid consumerism and NO PORKMAN IS TALKING ABOUT THE CHRISTMAS NOT THE HALLOWEEN!!!! I think that Grinch costume is confusing you. This is Halloween. Is easy for Porkman to mistake the two. Wal-Mart candy cane display was blocking the pumpkins.

---
"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

Porkman & Finchy Are Horrid At Funerals by ZMannZilla 11-12-10

Holy Cursewords, Porkman! It sure is sad of your cousin Hammy to die like that! Hammy earn this Buddhist funeral with Hammy's good good artery clogged heartmuscle! It was also nice of Hammy to come to the funeral! UNDEAD COUSIN HAMMY?!?!?! Boy, look at him suck down those hors d'oveurs! NO HAMMY I MADE THOSE FOR THE GUESTS!!!

Porkman & Finchy Are Total Crap At Being Wedding Planners by ZMannZilla 12-29-10

Holy Cursewords, Porkman! They kicked us out without paying! Porkman worked so hard on centerpieces and was a diligent DJ! Why is all this hate for Porkman? Porkman, I'm medically brain-dead, and even I know that "Du Hast" is not appropriate wedding music. WORDS ARE NOT IN ENGLISH AND PORKMAN HAS A DANCE FOR IT!!! THESE ARE IDEAL CRITERIA FOR WEDDING MUSIC!!! It's a German song about hate. That's pretty offensive music for a Jewish wedding. ACK! ALSO PORKMAN IS MADE OF PORK!!

Porkman & Finchy Can't Even Be Trusted With Using A Bathroom by ZMannZilla 10-24-11

Holy Cursewords Porkman! My smartphone doesn't work any more! Fear not, Finchy. Porkman prepared well for this day with $7 a month insurance plan. Great thinking, Porkman! Will that also pay for a guy to pull it out of the toilet for us? OMG PORKMAN THINKS IT DOES BUT WHAT IF IT DOES NOT?!?!?! Well, let's just say drowning in turd-water only makes the birds angrier. wait no hold up WHY IS PHONE IN THE TOILET?!?!

---
"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

Porkman & Finchy Make Poop Jokes Even Dumber Than Poop Jokes by ZMannZilla 11-23-15

Holy Cursewords Porkman! This dog poop is COLD! THATS DISGUSTING wait hold up WHY ARE YOU TOUCHING DOG POOP!? It's the law. You have to pick up dog poop from the grass. I even found out you can put a plastic bag over your hand first! Porkman thought law was only for people who are owning of the dogs? Really? Oh well, that's okay! I've discovered things about myself! Like for instance, I like warm poop better than cold poop! PORKMAN'S BRAIN IS NOW FIXATED ON DOG ANUSES OOZING RECYCLED ALPO AAAAAUUUGGH!!!

Porkman & Finchy Are Somehow Able To Fail Being Republican by ZMannZilla 11-20-15

Holy Cursewords Porkman! Americans sure are a bunch of whiny over-sensitive wimps! I KNOW RIGHT?!?! PORKMAN FINDS AMERICA TO BE AS WEAK AND FEMININE AS THE GENITALS OF A FEMALE WOMAN!!! Oooooh, be careful Porkman! You might offend some feminists talking like that! PFFFFFFT LIKE PORKMAN CARES FOR THE OPINIONS OF LEFTY-LEFT LIBTARD LESBIANS! Haha! Now the GAYS can get offended too! Serves 'em right for calling you a rotten bigot on the internet! wait hold up THE QUEERS CALLED ME WHAT?!?!

Porkman & Finchy Can Even Botch A Simple Concept Like Poetry by ZMannZilla 11-20-15

//Holy Cursewords Pork// //Man, I am being forced to// //speak in haiku style// Oh! We're doing a poetry bit now! But hold up wait, what rhymes with "bit now"?! //This isn't funny// //Porkman, I need a doctor// //Please call 9-1-1// Well, it rhymes with itself... And THAT rhymed with ITself... //Vision is blurring// //Something smells like buttered toast// //Let's follow that light// I WAS A LIMERICK THE WHOLE TIME, HOLY SHIT-COW!

---
"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

Porkman & Finchy Are Crappier Looking Monsters Than Godzilla by ZMannZilla 12-06-15

Holy Cursewords Porkman! That delicious radioactive suppository that Doctor Totes D'Villain gave us actually made us huge and rubbery! WE'RE KAIJU! GESUNDHEIT! Tee-hee! I didn't sneeze! Kaiju is a Japanese word! It means "giant monster!" GESUNDHEIT! GESUNDHEIT! OH I GET IT! You're being like a giant Pokemon and your NAME is "Gesundheit"! What fun! WROOOOONG! PORKMAN SAW LITTLE PEOPLE SNEEZING! OMG MUST EVERY THING BE ONLY ABOUT YOU?!?!

Porkman & Finchy Die Repeatedly In Their "Let's Play" Videos by ZMannZilla 12-04-15

Holy Cursewords Porkman! I'm internet famous after live-streaming myself playing video games! PORKMAN KNOWS THIS BECAUSE FINCHY'S DAMN BRAIN-STUPID FANS HAVE BEEN ON OUR LAWN FOR DAYS! Tee-hee! I know, right? But the ad revenue from my YouTwitch channel is making me a millionaire! Millions of moneys IS ok reason to be letting neckbeards pee-water Porkman's begonias. How many moneys be Porkman's for having? I'M the millionaire, not you. Get me a soda, peasant. yes master.

Porkman & Finchy Totally Suck At Getting Laid by ZMannZilla 12-29-10

Holy Cursewords, Porkman! None of these prostitutes wants to have sex with you for $20! Is Porkman's dead piggy flesh to never know love? I did find one that would do it for $50 though! FINE PORKMAN WILL PAY THAT MUCH FOR PORKMAN HAS THROBBING NEEDS!!! Ew, wait, no, never mind. I thought the kid said you were a "Jamaican Man". WAS THAT LITTLE DUMB SHIT CALLING ME "BACONMAN" AGAIN???

---
"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

Porkman & Finchy Are Worse For The Internet Than IE6 by ZMannZilla 12-09-15

Holy Cursewords Porkman! We've traveled back in time and gotten stuck in the ancient HTML code of an old GeoCities website! Indeed. Porkman sees several places where GIF URLs are repeated to create tacky masterpieces. I like how the person who created this page is welcoming us to hang out in it like it's an actual physical place! Classic late 90s personal website design! Why yes, Porkman thinks that he WILL kick his feet up, relax, and enjoy his stay amongst these loud colors, MIDI loops, and broken hyperlinks! Explain the GeoCities business model to me again? No idea. Porkman hypothesize that it resembles plot to "Brewster's Millions".

Porkman & Finchy Multi-Fuck Pizza, Navigation, & Greek Myths by ZMannZilla 12-15-15

Holy Cursewords Porkman! We'll NEVER deliver Minotaur's pizza in under thirty minutes if we can't find our way through this maze! Fear not! Porkman's brilliant brain-goo has discovered solution to maze! Follow the Porkman to the Minotaur! You keep saying you have it figured out, but we've been wandering aimlessly for four hours now! YES AND IN THAT FOUR HOURS PORKMAN DEDUCED ANSWER TO MAZE! NOW FOLLOW PORKMAN TO MINOTAUR! Meanwhile... Why are these idiots still pacing around my front hall...?

Porkman & Finchy Befoul The Once-Sacred Act Of Masturbation by ZMannZilla 12-10-15

Holy Cursewords Porkman! I've been framed for a public indecency crime I didn't commit! Yeah, Porkman is sorry about that... WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?! PORKMAN DOES NOT KNOW! Porkman is sick and requires head-pills and therapy persons for the shrinking of Porkman's broken brain meats! Oh, well as long as you get the help you need! They have video games in prison, right? Yeah probably.

Porkman & Finchy Aren't Worthy To Utter The Name Squidrabies by ZMannZilla 12-11-15

Holy Cursewords Porkman! That woman over there is SUPER ATTRACTIVE! OMG IKR?!?! Porkman would gladly do sexual things to her! Oh thanks! Because I was TOTALLY wondering whether or not you'd use her as a masturbation sleeve! PORKMAN DOES NOT RECALL SOLICITING YOUR SHALLOW OPINION EITHER! *sigh* I wish we were funny like Tardboy & Finkleman. Porkman would gladly do sexual things to them as well.

---
"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

Porkman & Finchy Exist Solely Because They Really Shouldn't by ZMannZilla 1-11-16

Holy Cursewords Porkman! NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE! Finchy is correct; the act of achieving the complete concept of nothingness would indeed not be possible. No, I mean you should follow your dreams, because NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE! Porkman does not follow Finchy's bizarre philosophical bent on this one. Consider that the concept of nothingness itself is still a thing, so even nothingness itself is something. RIGHT! NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE! And by double-negative logic, EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE! A PLANKTON FARTING ITS WAY TO JUPITER'S SMALLEST MOON WILL NEVER BE POSSIBLE AND YOUR INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE IS A SHAM! AAAAAAARGH!!!

Porkman & Finchy Tell David Bowie Jokes Way Way WAY Too Soon by ZMannZilla 1-11-16

Holy Cursewords Porkman! David Bowie died! Porkman heard! Killed by ninja tumors a few days after his birthday! Porkman finds this ironic! ...Porkman, are you absolutely sure you remember what the word "ironic" means? Maybe? The point is, Porkman thinks this is poetic end for unique rock and roll trendsetter and goblin monarch. I don't think anyone wants to hear the punchline to this- BECAUSE THE LAST THING HE DID ON THIS EARTH IS COPY LEMMY KILMISTER!

Porkman & Finchy Are Unworthy Of This Tribute To America by ZMannZilla 1-10-16

On the first part of the journey... Holy Cursewords Porkman! Look at all the life! Plants, birds, rocks, things, sand, hill, MORE things... OMIGOD IS THAT A FLY?! WTF?! Porkman now going through desert with this unnamed... horse? Is that noisy thing over there some form of horse? After three days in the desert fun... Golly, I bet a geologist could tell some mighty sad stories about any rivers that flowed here! HEY! WHAT IS YOUR NAME AND ARE YOU A HORSE?! After nine days... PLANTS... BIRDS... ROCKS... MORE THINGS... QUIT IGNORING ME HORSE!!!

Porkman & Finchy Did Horrible Things With Rolls Of Quarters by ZMannZilla 3-06-16

Holy Cursewords Porkman! They have one of those old Nintendo Play Choice 10 arcade cabinets! Porkman remembers that bastard machine well from grade school! Oh yeah, I keep forgetting you're old as shit. So what was it like then, having to rent access to ten mediocre NES titles? HORRID! Bodega across the street from school had one... it took MUCH of Porkman's lunch moneys and left Porkman with NOOOOTHING! Just like a school bully, huh? Indeed, which is why Porkamn happy to see that quarter stealing prick now works at a Chuck-E-Cheese.

Porkman & Finchy Are Incapable Of Understanding Anything by ZMannZilla 1-24-16

Holy Cursewords Porkman! Even the INSIDE of Disney's Pixar's Big Hero Six's Beymax's gaping butthole is white and rubbery! THIS IS GROSS AND STUPID AND AUGH!! WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?! HOW DOES TALKING BALLOON ROBOT EVEN HAVE AN ANUS?! ...said the manic-depressive slab of floating dead cow flesh to his gormless screechy sidekick. ALSO GROSS AND STUPID! PORKMAN DOES NOT APPROVE OF OWN EXISTENCE! HOW IS PORKMAN EVEN POSSIBLE?! Because you exist in the same universe as Disney's Pixar's Big Hero Six's Beymax's gaping butthole. Hey, sorry to bug you, but I'm from the comic series next door, and we were just wondering if you guys could suck a little quieter? Thaaaanks!

---
"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

Porkman & Finchy Have No Idea How Reference Humor Works by ZMannZilla 3-08-16

Holy Cursewords Porkman! It's like Abe Vigoda using a Virtual Boy full of Vegemite in here! Is Finchy so certain? Porkman feels it is more like Rutger Hauer hitting Roger Whittaker with a sack full of Pogs. What? No way! If ANYTHING, it's closer to Steve Guttenberg making McDLTs with a Bedazzled Salad Shooter! FINCHY IS MISTAKEN! This is CLEARLY analogous to Tor Johnson violating the entire cast of Cop Rock with a Pogo Ball full of frozen Hi-C Ecto Cooler! What if it was full of Sharkleberry Fin instead? YES! PERFECT! SAVE COMIC!