London is hosting the 2012 Olympics.  Loads and loads of people will show us all the training they invested into skills that can only be used to get endorsement deals for products only other Olympic athletes would buy.  Meanwhile, you'll be within earshot at least once daily of a conversation in which tech support weiners and investment banking shitheads suddenly become learned experts in synchronized horse fencing.  At the end of it all, patriotic chickenhawk fatasses will claim the number of gold medals won by obscure athletes in sports they've never heard of as a victory for their entire country.

God I love it so.

Anyways, your task is to come up with the world's worst Olymic event.  Special bonus consideration will be made for comics that manage to demonstrate the scoring system of the sport, but it's by no means mandatory.

It's time to find out who takes home the gold medal in Worlds Worst Comic Making!  On your marks... get set...GO!

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

WW79:"I'M YOUR SAVIOR" GAME! Contestant #1 by iconoclastic 8-02-12

Contestant #1 How ya'll doin' tonight? Anyone here from Bethleham? Let me tell you why I should win this 'Savior' competition. Huh?!! I thought this was 'Ca-ca Stacking'. In addition to my ultra anal and updated 'Chuck Norris' beard, I'm sporting a 'cross-free' bodice with a fine tapered red sash. Could somebody please guide me to the 'Ca-ca Stacking' venue? Although my looks righteously appeal to all faiths, non-christian believers will still go to hell. Never mind everybody, I'm okay now!

WW79:"I'M YOUR SAVIOR" GAME! Contestant #2 by iconoclastic 8-02-12

Contestant #2 What a phony contestant #1 was huh? A beard and a fucking sash! What a loser! Check this shit out... You should've seen the shit I just finished cleaning up! Please remember, I have been prohibited from bringing a cross onstage That is strange, isn't it? You can bring your dick, but not your cross... go figure! *bap bap bap* Is it bleeding yet? Hey! Next year tape your cross to your dick, and they'll never know!

WW79:"I'M YOUR SAVIOR" GAME! Contestant #3 by iconoclastic 8-02-12

Contestant #3 I am 'AUTOMATON JESUS'!!! Bow down to me on your scabby bleeding knees!!! Scraping is also encouraged. Sorry A.J., I think we all left our scrapers at home! You best do what I say, or hell awaits. I'm the man, and you are NOT! Gimme' your money! Kill in my name! Indulge in spiritual bigotry! Slow down A.J. I'm trying to write all this down! Do these things in my name, and a little sodomy's cool, as long as you don't inhale! LULZ!!! Quick! Look up 'sodomy' and tell me if I want to do it!

WW79 Olympics Schmolympics by ragu4u 8-03-12

Are you here for the competition? Yeah, but why is everyone puking all over the place? Because THAT'S the event. And why the broom, may I ask? A broom is required in the Curling Competition. I didn't even realize puking was a sport. You've obviously confused Hurling with Curling. Someone is confused, but it isn't ME!

Groovy! - World's Worst to World's First by edoggydog 8-03-12

We now go to Waste Management Arena for the finals in the Individual All-Around in Dumping... Groovy! "Next up is Maura Simpson from the United States..." *OOMPH* Maura, you just set a new Olympic record with a 125.65 kg shit. That's more than three times the previous record... Congratulations! Thanks... I didn't know I had it in me.

WW 79: At the Reapers' Olympics by 100Faces 8-04-12

What? Disqualified for Devil's sake??? That was a new world record! Sorry, Mr. Reaper, but this was the natural death event. Phew. I still don't see what's not natural about a little plane crash on a nuclear power plant. After all, it's just the laws of nature, I say.

The scoring system is not mentioned because I guess it's quite obvious.

WW 79: Things Just Got Real by brycekain 8-04-12

I'm here with the man who has done the unthinkable. Tell me something, sir... You climbed into your sister's vagina, tore out her inbred fetus, cooked it with mayonnaise, and flung it across the English Channel in under 46 seconds. How do you feel about winning the gold in this Olympic event? I thought I was on Fear Factor.

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...and if you liked that one, here's a link to my other stupid shit.

WW79: Atheist Cricket by boloboffin 8-05-12

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You can take the heart out of the hooker but you can't take the hooker out of the heart. -- Frankenhooker

Olympic Event Horizon by Namgubed 8-05-12

Depending on the judges' evaluation of the Ugandan team's effort, this could mean a new all-time high score ... ... in the Olympic Elephant Back-Half Camouflage event!

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"There's no point in beating a dead horse ... except, of course, for the pure joy of it." - A. Whitney Brown

WW79: 'DISEMBODIED PARTS GAMES'

THE USA GETS THE GOLD IN THE 'ONE-ARM CIRCLE SWIM'! Great swim! Thank you

by bigworm, 8-09-12

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bigworm

Some great entires here!  But we're on the final lap... so who's going to take the gold?  Judging will commence tomorrow!

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

WW 79 (or something) by brycekain 8-14-12

WW 79: Some great entires here! But we're on the final lap... so who's going to take the gold? Judging will commence tomorrow! Ooh, can't wait to see who ZMannZilla picks to win this thing! 2 days later. 3 days later. Oh just fucking kill me now.

This comic is officially the winner of WW79 - as well as the gold-medal winner in the American-Style Whining event!  Take it away, Bryce!

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

I am both humbled and humiliated. But enough about my sex life. New contest will be up asap.

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...and if you liked that one, here's a link to my other stupid shit.