My wife and I have been watching The Bible series on History.  So far, it's been covering the Old Testament and how vindictive and violent God was.  Seems he was constantly instructing the Israelites to go wipe out some peoples to show their allegance. 

That was the O.T.  But, in the New Testament, God is a gentler and kinder diety.  But, what if he wasn't?  What if Jesus was just as violent as his father was?

So, your assigment is to create a comic based on Jesus being not so nice, as portrayed in the good book.  You can use any time frame or genre (including making him a comic character, or  a character in a movie).

Rules:

None.

Hope yopu have fun with this!

Here's an example: 

Groovy! - DON'T MAKE THE MAN ON THE CROSS CROSS!!! by edoggydog 3-11-13

Yes, stealing from orphans and blowing the money on a debaucherous weekend in Vegas would qualify as a major sin. But, there is good news. Groovy! Ask for forgiveness from Christ and he will wash away all your sins! Just make sure he's in a good mood when you ask him... Or what will happen? FORGIVE YOU?? HELL, NO!! ACTUALLY, I SHOULD SAY, "HELL, YES" BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE YOU'LL BE SPENDING ETERNITY!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Jesus Christ: Advice Counselor by brycekain 2-21-10

Jesus, I used to be funny when I was AtheistDiary. What happened? You went through anger management three times, sobered up, and now you aren't as volatile. So what you're saying is in order for me to become funny again I need to get shit faced and beat up some retarded hookers? Exactly. You've changed, man. I'VE BEEN NAILED TO PLYWOOD FOR 2,000 YEARS! WHAT THE FUCK YOU EXPECT ME TO DO; SHIT DAISIES AND SING KUMBAYA??

If Jesus Had a Youtube Page by brycekain 3-12-13

Ok, to become my disciple you gotta go into the barn, suck on a cow's tit, and film it for my youtube page. Are you sure you're the messiah? Get in the barn, bukkaki breath.

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...and if you liked that one, here's a link to my other stupid shit.

Jeremy Christmas by mandingo 3-12-13

dad, why were you such a dick in the old testament? that was a weird time for me. the band had just split up and your mother and i were barely talking. plus i was your age which means i'd just entered pon farr what's pon... RAAAAARR!!!! FIGHT ME, KIRK!!!!

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what if nigger meant kite

Evangelism by HCRoyall 9-14-05

Good morning! Can I help you? I'm with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Have you accepted Jesus into your life? Are you kidding me?! I let the bastard in two years ago and he never left! You're out of milk again.

Thoughts on 9-11 by HCRoyall 9-12-05

Man, it sucks having 9-11 as my birthday. I've got you beat. How is Christmas worse than the anniversary of such a tragedy? On my birthday, I have to give presents to everyone else. You win.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

De-Liver Us! by four_legged_tripod 3-13-13

Jesus, we need more wine for the party. More wine? MORE WINE? I'LL GIVE YOU MORE WINE AND ALL OF THOSE DRUNKEN HEATHEN BASTARDS! Looks like a confirmed case of 65 dead due to alcohol poisoning. Must have been some hella strong wine!

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

First Shall Not Be Last by choadwarrior 3-13-13

Would you at least consider it? No. But he asked nicely. NO, NO, NO, INFINITY! But he's from South America. I'm not going to let him call himself Pope Jesus

The Rectory by choadwarrior 3-13-13

Lord Jesus, I need you to tell me what to do... All around me in the diocese, my fellow priests are fornicating with innocent, young altar boys... All He said was, "Fuck 'em?" Damnedest thing.

Bon Sauce, bin a while;

Oldie 

Prankster by TheGovernor 5-07-09

Hehe What the?.... Hey Martha get in here! The cat's taken a dump on the table again, but this time she's done it in the shape of our saviour Jesus Christ! You know, after 2,000 years I thought I'd be bored of the japery, but the secret is to be creative, and love what you do.

Newie

Asshole Jesus in "Moon Punk'd" by TheGovernor 3-14-13

*Houston, Tranquility base here, The Eagle has landed* Ok Neil this is it, time to leave the capsule if you dare. "It's one small step for man one giant..." First! Dammit Jesus!

Jesus Grants a Wish by kaufman 3-14-13

... so then a bunch more drunkards come up to me and say, "Hey, turn my water into wine too!" So I finally had enough and turned it all into wine. The oceans, the rivers, the glaciers, everything. All the water on earth. Of course all the fish and algae died. And best of all, the oceans were all salty and full of dead fish, so when they tried to drink it, it tasted like crap.

Cross-examination by kaufman 3-14-13

Mom, can you check if the mail came? I checked ten minutes ago, and it hadn't come. What is it you're so impatient about anyway? A piece of wood. I'm due for this month's board. A piece of wood? Jesus, why does that interest you so? Just look at this thing I'm nailed to, mom. It looks like a fucking T. Eleven more pieces and I can finish my swastika.

[edited by kaufman on 03-16-13 at 7:03:09pm]

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

From Bad to Verse by kaufman 3-16-13

Hey Luke, do you know how to spell "ejaculating?" E-J-A-K ... hmmmm... I'm not sure, John. What do you need it for? Oh, I've got a deadline in 20 minutes to turn in my gospel, and I just need to fill in the part about the time he was ejaculating pretty thunderously. Oh yeah. That was fuckin' hilarious. You NEED to put that in. Well, I'll just write "Jesus w.e.p.t." Everyone'll know what I was talking about.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC529: Jesus really was a lot nicer than his dad. by bigworm 3-17-13

Son, I've been a real son-of-a-bitch, and I'm gonna' turn everything over to you. You're a lot nicer than me, and the people deserve that quality in their God. Alright!!! When can I start? Well, first you gotta' promise to finish some of my unfinished business, you know... kill some Jews and shit like that. Is that cool? Of course it is. That's the nicest thing I can do for the world as a whole. That's the spirit! YA!!! WHOOP WHOOP!!! I'm za nice guy!

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bigworm

CC529: "From now on I'm gonna' be..."

As soon as I get off this cross, I'm gonna' be a really nice guy.

by bigworm, 3-17-13

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bigworm

CC529: FUCKIN' YER OWN DAD!!! by bigworm 3-17-13

Dear Jesus, I pray that all the homos become normal and stuff like that. By the way, whoever taught homos how to be homos anyway? Jesus always answers his pmail! Hmmm... how to put this? That would be my dad.

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bigworm

Jesus Henry CHRIST there were some great entries!  The top two, however, were from bigworm and choadwarrior (kinda ironic, eh?) 

After much prayer, I have to give it to choads for this entry:

The Rectory by choadwarrior 3-13-13

Lord Jesus, I need you to tell me what to do... All around me in the diocese, my fellow priests are fornicating with innocent, young altar boys... All He said was, "Fuck 'em?" Damnedest thing.

Congrats, and take it away!

Groovy!  Thanks, Dawg!

Time is of the essence...new contest will be up in a matter of moments.