Horrors!  We were without proper cable service for 7 1/2 days.  Do you know what that's like?  Let me tell you, it involves a lot of not seeing things on television.

So we're going to immortalize that with a comic contest.  Your theme is simply: Something you (or anyone else) would never see on television for whatever reason.  The comic that tickles my arbitrary and capricious funny bone the most will probably win.  Judgement will be in about 7 1/2 days.

Have fun!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC584: Yeah, That'll Be the Day

Breaking news from Washington, DC! Yes, my fellow congressmen and I have decided to take a cut in salary. We now work for minimum wage and everyone is covered under Obamacare.

by brycekain, 7-23-14

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...and if you liked that one, here's a link to my other stupid shit.

Won't See That on TV by four_legged_tripod 7-24-14

This is it! I've finally tracked down that deadly, well-armed, violent killer in this abandoned warehouse where no one else is. I guess I'll follow protocol, radio for backup and quietly wait until they arrive.

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Groovy! - Foxy Lady by edoggydog 7-24-14

Welcome back to Fox News... Groovy! Today, President Obama did everything RIGHT! Meghan? As promised, I will now flash my boobies! TA-DA!! Nice.

Groovy! - Three things we'll never see on TV by edoggydog 7-24-14

They serve as both visual scanners and female genitalia... May I poke you in your vag-eye-nas? ...then I says, "Them rotor turbines won't generate the gravitons necessary to vaporize Ryan Seacrest"! Ha, ha -wait. WHAT THE FUCK?? We now return to the History Channel's 24-hour marathon anthology of French war heroes... Groovy!

CC584: You could do this on television, but you won't by evil_d 7-25-14

Boy, you know, I thought having total strangers follow me around and film my intimate moments and half-assed bar fights would be really fulfilling, but it turns out it's not. Let's cancel this reality show, guys. I don't need the money badly enough to sacrifice my dignity.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

RCL no. 4215 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 7-25-14

Next on E!... A new reality show called, "Beating Back the Bushes". *sniff* What's wrong, Jeb? How are we ever going to house all those poor illegal children at the border... You know their parents only sent them here out of love, Dubya! But, you said just yesterday we should deport them back to their home country! You can't believe anything I say... I'm a Bush! HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA

CC 584: Let's Just See How Much We Can Cram Into This One by brycekain 7-25-14

It is an honor to be elected the first transgender, homosexual, Arabic atheist President of the United States. Godless America! Sharia Law for everybody!

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...and if you liked that one, here's a link to my other stupid shit.

CC 584: To the Wayback Machine!

June, honey. How's the Beaver? It would be better if you'd stop fucking me in the ass.

by brycekain, 7-25-14

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...and if you liked that one, here's a link to my other stupid shit.

Pocket Rocket by choadwarrior 7-28-14

Next up! Firing missiles at the Gaza Strip! Reprehensible act of Israeli aggression? Or great euphemism for banging a Middle Eastern chick?

CC by HCRoyall 7-28-14

Next on NBC! Our new sitcom, "Real People of Various Ethnicities That Aren't All Horrible Stereotypes"! Followed by our new game show "Treat Gay and Trans People Like Human Beings Instead of Sideshow Attractions"! Well, I've seen TV "entertainment" implode upon itself. My life is complete.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Before & After by choadwarrior 7-28-14

So you were a mild mannered doctor until you drank the potion and then what happened? I turned into a vile sociopath, committing all sorts of crimes and indulging in every vice imaginable. And then? I drank another potion and turned into the man you see before you. Stay tuned for scenes from the next episode of, "Dr. Jekyl & Mr. Hyde & Sikh"

CC584: "And did the band label get all gummy?"

Did your cigar have sex with that woman? Yes.

by eggsforknockers, 7-30-14

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I like my eggs fried hard!

Ok, time to turn your tvs back on.

Honorable mention to choadwarrior for his wonderfully executed "Before & After".  It just wasn't quite what you'd never see on tv (I think Syfy might be making a movie out of it), unless you're counting the Wheel of Fortune puzzle spelled that way.

This week's winner is this little headscratcher:

Won't See That on TV by four_legged_tripod 7-24-14

This is it! I've finally tracked down that deadly, well-armed, violent killer in this abandoned warehouse where no one else is. I guess I'll follow protocol, radio for backup and quietly wait until they arrive.

Take it away, Tripod!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Wow!  Well thank you kind sir.  I will put on my thinking cap and see what I can come up with.

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke