I really, really, really like LOTR (The Lord of The Rings... to appeal to the ignorant, out there). Though I've never read the books because I can't fucking stand more than ten minutes of fiction at a time, I do enjoy scrolling through the wikis and reading up on the beautifully elaborate lore of Tolkien's magnificent masterpiece of a literary universe. The idea of Eru Iluvatar and how he shaped Arda into being... hell, how he shaped "Ea" into being... the story behind and the backstory to what was portrayed in the movies. The rise and fall of the first dark lord and the continuation of his work by his most trusted servant Sauron. The fear and dread of which Gandalf felt in facing Sauron. The response he was given when he told the Valar he served at the time (I think it was) of his fears... and how everything ties together into a neat little bow. It's an obsessive compulsive's fictional paradise.

So my task, I put it to you, is to MAKE ME A SERIES WORTHY OF MORDOR.

The rules are simple:

1. It must be LOTR themed.


2. It must be the funny, or more specifically what you believe would be the funny.

I hereby let this madness commence!

---
You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll

CC622 by Porternotes 9-15-15

I need to create a comic about the Lord of the Rings. Dude! I told you we should collaborate on your comics. You need me on this one. I'm part Hobbit. On my mom's side. Meet up with me after Elevenses and we'll brainstorm.

---
https://www.porternotes.com

I don't know how literally I'm supposed to take the word "series", but this is all I've got.  At least for now.

CC622: Thou shalt have no other lords of the rings before me by evil_d 9-15-15

The Silmarillion is this giant creation myth about how Ilúvatar (that's God) created the Ainur and the world and the Elves and the Men and so on. But some of the characters from this story—like Galadriel—are still alive and well at the time when The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings take place. It's like... imagine if the biblical Abraham were alive today, and had an apartment in downtown Baghdad, and you could go and visit him if you wanted. Oh Jeez, Mr. Abraham. I'm so sorry about spilling that glass of wine on your carpet. You bastard! I'd kill my own son for less than that!

---
The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

RCL no. 4904 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 9-15-15

I hear Spankling was crowned "Lord of the Rings" last week... No... "Lord of the COCK Rings". Oh. Makes sense. What are you doing? Phreaky's coming over for dinner... I'm lowering the thermostat for maximum areola protuberance. Then, I crown thee "Lord of the NIPPLE Rings", boyyyeeeeeee!!!

CC by HCRoyall 9-15-15

There's a theory that Frodo's parents were killed by Gollum, because the books say they were experienced with boats and were good swimmers, but they somehow drowned during a short boat ride. Gandalf states that Gollum never made it to the Shire, but that the Rangers found his trail on the edge, leading away, that he was following the call of Sauron. But consider this: Gollum's trail was leading away> from the Shire. Gollum was as at home in the water as the fish he loved to eat. And Gollum only knew two things about Bilbo: A) a place called the Shire, and B) the name Baggins, a name shared by Frodo's parents. And Gollums trail was found around the same time as their deaths. They're looking at this hard. We need a good defense strategy already in place if they decide to charge you. Filthy hobbitses!

CC by HCRoyall 9-15-15

This is going to be highly publicized since your media exposure with the movies. Public opinion is a big influence. Yes, Precious. My name is Ben. Ben Stanford, your attorney. Not Sidebe Gabourey. Who is that, Precious? Oh, right, they warned me you had a thing you do. You've lost weight since your movie, Precious.

CC by HCRoyall 9-15-15

All right, maybe we can get you off on an insanity charge. Living in a cave for a thousand years couldn't have been good for you. We can't helps it, Precious. HE called to us. HE made us speak of the Baggins! Manipulation of a compromised individual? We can work with that. You're as much as a victim, then. What's this guy up to now? CRAFT ME A POWERPOINT WORTHY OF MORDOR!

CC by HCRoyall 9-15-15

Sir, several reporters are asking for interviews. Gollums lawyers are claiming mental incompetence and that you coerced him into the murder of Mr. & Mrs. Drogo Baggins. No charges have been filed yet, but we already have a public image issue and this isn't helping. CRAFT ME A MEDIA RESPONSE WORTHY OF MORDOR!

CC by HCRoyall 9-15-15

THESE ALLEGATIONS ARE BASELESS! GOLLUM SOUGHT TO HIDE IN MORDOR AFTER THE DEATHS! I TURNED HIM AWAY AS WOULD ANY LAWFUL CITIZEN! Looks like we need a new strategy. If the fish doesn't fits, you must aquits?

---
It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Lordy, Lordy by four_legged_tripod 9-15-15

Dude! A flying fish! Ouch! Hey, who just pinched my ass? Where have you been all day? Out. By the way, here's your magic ring back.

---
"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

evil_d wrote:

---

I don't know how literally I'm supposed to take the word "series", but this is all I've got.  At least for now.

---

Just because he's the coolest character, how about a medley of gollum oldies!

International Brotherhood of Gollums ON STRIKE! by kaufman 5-15-01

What has we gots in our picketses? What do we want? Preciousssses! When do we want it? NOW!!! And we also want hobbitsses in the cafeteria three nights a week. Nasty managements hurtses us

Gollum's Girlfriend Goes Caroling by kaufman 1-15-15

Ready, here we go, final verse... o/` On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Twelve drummers drumming, Eleven pipers piping, Ten ladies dancing, Nine lords a-leaping, Eight maids a-milking, Seven swans a-swimming, Six geese a-laying, Nothing at all, Four calling birds, Three French hens, Two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree.

Teen Angel by kaufman 7-20-04

How'd your date go last night? TERRIBLE! We were heading to the movies, and the car stalled out, right on the railroad crossing. We got out just as a train was coming, but then he ran back, saying that I'd left my ring in the car, and SPLAT! That's awful! No kidding, and I've got YOU to thank. Please don't set me up with anyone else, not if they're half as creepy as that Gollum guy.

---
ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Well folks, it's that time. I have consulted with the late unlate Rene Descartes to determine exactly what "funny" is on a strictly logical level and he had the following deduction to declare:

"I dunno, man... probably fart stuff."

And so, naturally disregarding everything academic in favour of another thing because it seems like less work on my part, the winner is HCRoyall.

Take it away HC!

---
You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll

PS

LOTR CC PS

Bilbo, Bilbo Baggins, the fattest little hobbit around.....

by Pandeist, 9-21-15

Huzzah!  I shall post a new contest by the morrow!

---
It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

One network to rule them all by TheGovernor 9-23-15

One does not simply log into Facebook, Its Black Gates are guarded by more than just Orcs. There is evil there that does not sleep, and the great eye is ever watchful. .. ... This evil cannot be concealed by the power of Google Plus. We do not have the strength to withstand both Facebook and Whatsapp. Hey your computers acting very weird and geeky Yeah sorry, I installed it on a Tolkien Ring Network