I've been spending a lot of time these past couple months on a Star Trek shitposting page and the new thing in the zeitgeist outside that is to argue about whether or not the song "Baby It's Cold Outside" is about date rape. Answer: It wasn't written with that intention, but it still sounds like it in modern context, and Dr. Bashir is totally a power bottom for Garak the Cardassian Tailor on DS9.

Your challenge is to either mock something about Star Trek canon or find a legit-sounding reason to be outraged about a specific Christmas song. Bonus points if you can combine the two.

I will judge this Christmas night sometime in the middle of the night. Have at it!

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Ode to biped: Sally's Christmas Songs by four_legged_tripod 12-11-18

What's your favorite Christmas song, mommy? "I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus". Do you know all the words? Of course! ♫ Oh, what a laugh it would have been, if daddy had only seen, mommy kissing Santa Claus last night! ♫ So the little boy's dad was a cuck? Well, he-- OH MY GOD!!!

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

CC:708 Deck the Halls by Makin_d_bacon 12-12-18

"Deck the Halls" plays in the background..... Hey fag, I see ya went and did it! Did what, you Oriental homo-phobe? "...don we now our gay apparel, fala la" What the song said! You went and donned your GAY apparel! What makes you think my apparel is gay, you blathering twit? ...la, lala la, la la la........... Because REAL men's pants don't zip up the back! I just knew you were an ASS man!

RCL no. 6550 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 12-13-18

I really can't stay... Baby, it's cold outside! You just want me to stay so you can #metoo my ass! No, baby... I was thinking we could watch the Star Trek marathon playing on the SyFy channel. I'd rather you rape me! THEN can we watch the marathon?

Groovy! - Ceti Alpha Brrrrrrr! by edoggydog 12-13-18

Baby, it's cold outside... You really can't stay! But, I'll freeze to death! GET OUT!!   ?

Baby, It's Shitty Out There by Neo11 12-15-18

Maybe just a half a drink more Put some records on while I pour The neighbors might think Baby, it's bad out there Say what's in this drink? No really, it tastes funny Oh, that's probably just the laxative. Mwahahaha!

RCL no. 6459 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 12-18-18

I'm just saying, if people are all up in arms over, "Baby, It's Cold Outside," then Mr. Spock shouldn't be butt-fucking green alien women! You're thinking of Captain Kirk. Mr. Spock buttfucks Captain Kirk??? No, it's just the opposite! Casper Weinberger dresses up like a geisha girl while watching Hillary Clinton pussy-punch Oprah Winfrey???

CC708: I kissed a Santa Claus and I liked it by evil_d 12-20-18

I'm concerned that the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" helps to normalize sexual assault. It doesn't sound like you've listened to more of that song than its title. Adults know that it's consensual, but to kids who don't get the subtext, it teaches that men coming into random women's houses and kissing them is acceptable. Hmm. Aren't you also concerned that Santa is just assumed to be heterosexual? Well, I mean, he does canonically have a wife. Maybe she's Santa's true beard.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

Redshirt, Brownshirt, what's the diff? by Moturd 12-23-18

♪♫ I'll have a blue Christmas without you; I'll be so blue thinking about you. Your racist lyric is in violation of Starfleet reg PC2018-12... It's not racist. It refers to the methyl hexane snows of my planet which are blue in color. Scotchy, beam down a security detail. Hate speech violation. Have you any last words, Earthling? Blue Lives Matter?

HCRoyall must be lost in space himself

Thanks for the nudge, RCLG.  I would have liked to wait for HCRoyall to return to judge this, but it's been a few weeks and at some point we just have to move on.  If HC doesn't surface in another day or two, then, as the host of the previous CC, I will use a random number generator to select a winning entry for this one.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

One Vulcan Vulcing by kaufman 1-22-19

Spock! I just heard this contest is going to be decided by a random number generator! I need to know a lucky number so we can win. Captain, with all due respect, it is illogical to think of numbers as lucky. Besides, I am quite busy right now. Dr. McCoy asked me to improve a Christmas song. Well, is there a number in that song I can use or something? Very well, Captain. The number is 5,878,625,373,183.6 Five trillion, eight hundred what? What the hell carol is that from? On the 5,878,625,373,183.6th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 5,878,625,373,183.6 miles in a light year, 5,878,...

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

evil_d wrote:

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Thanks for the nudge, RCLG.  I would have liked to wait for HCRoyall to return to judge this, but it's been a few weeks and at some point we just have to move on.  If HC doesn't surface in another day or two, then, as the host of the previous CC, I will use a random number generator to select a winning entry for this one.

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I literally forgot I had to judge this between the holidays and having to get ready for MarsCon this past weekend. However, thanks to ZMannZilla you don't have to use a random number to find a winner. While the references to Ceti Alpha 6 were appreciated, RCLG, evil_d wins this one.

evil_d wrote:

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CC708: I kissed a Santa Claus and I liked it by evil_d 12-20-18

I'm concerned that the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" helps to normalize sexual assault. It doesn't sound like you've listened to more of that song than its title. Adults know that it's consensual, but to kids who don't get the subtext, it teaches that men coming into random women's houses and kissing them is acceptable. Hmm. Aren't you also concerned that Santa is just assumed to be heterosexual? Well, I mean, he does canonically have a wife. Maybe she's Santa's true beard.

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Well hey, I didn't expect that.  Thanks ZMannZilla and HCRoyall.  I'll half-bake a new contest idea presently.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!