That's right. The Oscars are just a few days away, and if I know what's good for me, I'll resist watching them. However, to pay proper homage to this bloodbath of excess, I am asking you to submit award-worthy productions in three categories. Specifically, each strip you submit must comply with the following rules:
[list=1][*] Best Set Design: It must use three different backgrounds.
[*] Best Sound: It must contain some sound effect. Think Don Martin.
[*] Best Supporting Actress: There must be a female character who appears only once, yet her dialogue balloon is the largest in the strip (measured in number of words).[/list=1]
This envelope will be opened Sunday Night around the time they are handing out Best Director, unless, like the Oscars, it runs late.

---
ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 108? : The Wilde pun by Bazilla 3-21-02

Well, this has been crazy. You could say Wilde. Actually, I checked it up, and you can't, you can only call it crazy! What the hell? Don't ask me, I must've transformed. I hate it when that happens.

---
I am not 16 going on not 17, I know that I'm naive.

Well, I forgot rule two, so here's the real entry:

CC 108: The Wilde Pun Take II by Bazilla 3-21-02

BANG! KAPLOW! Man this is crazy! You could say Wilde. No, actually you couldn't, I checked it up and only crazy is acceptable. What the hell? I don't know, I must've transformed. I hate it when that happens.

---
I am not 16 going on not 17, I know that I'm naive.

CC108 War: The Movie by drave 3-21-02

*fweeeeeeeeeeee* Fighting in this war has taught us a valuable lesson. Ya, that people of colour and alcoholics can work together. *KA-BLOEY* Arrrrgh! NOOO! Why god?! Why take Johnny!? His only crime was being a black man in a war movie. Oh ya... *fap fap fap* Hey soldier boy. I do you for 5 cents. Then I can feed my family and symbolize innocence lost in the path of the cold impersonnel war machine, all at the same time. *sniff* This ones for you Johnny.

---
You're ugly. I'm sorry I said that ugly.

Uh... oops. Do I have to relabel it?

CC 108 - Billy Crystal > * by Kevin_Keegans_Perm 3-21-02

*sob* And id like to thank my manicurist , my pedicurist , my dog , the man who i buy my morning paper from , and Imelda Marcos for inspiring me to buy lots of shoes. Thank you Gwyneth. And now , the moment youve all been waiting for ..... *BRAAAAAAAPPPPP* Well , so much for me farting the national anthem. Heres a talentless manufactured Boy Band. Enjoy!

---
"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

I don't get it. by Jabizo 3-21-02

So is the plight of man. To be always at war and ready to kill each other, and for what? The chance to inflate their own sense of self-worth? Well, At least I can remove one weapon of destruction.. Well, I didn't expect that. I just asked if she could clean up some of the make-up she had spread all over the bathroom counter. Hey, man. Don't let what you own, own you.

---
Vulgarity is simply the conduct of others. -Oscar Wilde

Well, heck, I already got this one covered, if you count the Splat graphic as a sound effect:

Force of Levity by Namgubed 2-01-02

WARNING: Viewers may experience re-hashed comedy material. ...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... ...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... Gravity. It's not just a good idea. It's the LAW.

But don't worry, I'll cook up another one.
... Or maybe you should worry.

---
"There's no point in beating a dead horse ... except, of course, for the pure joy of it." - A. Whitney Brown

First idea that popped into my head...

CC108: If this doesn't clean up at the Oscars... by DexX 3-21-02

I can never thank you enough. I thought my life was over when my promising athletic career was cut short by that carpet-laying accident, but now I_can_live_again! Don't thank me, dearest. You incredible courage in the face of adversity had allowed me to see my own value. If not for your inspiration, I wouldn't have had the courage to_pursue_my_dreams! Daddy! You did it! You fought the evil corporation whose negligence caused me to catch this terrible illness in court, and won against all odds! I did it for you, my beloved son. Your plight inspired my Oscar-worthy final address to the jury. Now it's time for your dramatic death scene... Harold... when I first met you, I thought you were a filthy little cretin with chronic flatulence, played by Joe Pesci. However, now we are approaching the closing credits, and_I_can_see_that_I_tru- *prrrpt!* Sorry, carry on. Don't mind me...

---
This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

CC 107: And the award goes to... by BigEvilDan 3-21-02

And the award for Best Actress goes to... Britney Spears... I won? Like, ohmygod, I don't believe it. I'm just totally like... BAM! I am totally in shock over this! ...'s agent, for managing to convince someone that Crossroads was a good idea.

CC 108: Long shot by BigEvilDan 3-21-02

...and that's why I'm honoured to recieve the award for Best Delievery of the Word "Oof!" in a Dramatic, Animated or Soft-Core Porn Film. That's all the awards for 2002. Please exit in an orderly manner. We're finally finished. I swear, these things take longer every year. Well let's hurry and take down the set. There's a big show here tommorow. Really? What's playing tommorow? The 2003 Oscars.

---
"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

Getting their acts together by andydougan 3-21-02

Russell Crowe, quietly confident Oscar nominee, and Nicole Kidman, his mistress Nary three days to go! I must remember to wax my biceps for the acceptance speech. I've not been on TV enough lately. Should we just pet a little at the ceremony, or would_full_penetration be more newsworthy? Denzel Washington, hard person from Harlem, and Ethan Hawke, non-entity Ey yo! Bitch! Ass! G! BOOM! ...Oh, it's no good, this just isn't me. I want to play solicitors again. Er. Hello. I'm Ethan Hawke. I'm not going to win. The Academy Hey, how about "Gosford Park" for Best Picture? Ha ha ha! Shh, c'mon, we have to get this done!

Andy, if you're on a music-sharing service of any kind, you should see if you can find a song by Tripod (Aussie comedy trio) all about Meg Ryan, Dennis Quaid, and our Russ. It was written in an hour for a radio comedy show, but it's hilarious - they ended up using it in their live shows for a year or so afterward. Anyway, because of it's cobbled-together origins it doesn't have an official title, as far as I know. "Tripod - Meg Ryan" will probably turn it up for you, though.

---
This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

Slightly inspired by other entries.

CC 108: (insert humourous title here) by Bazilla 3-22-02

It sure is hot here! I know, this weather is tiring, I'm thirsty. Hey! Where's your missus gone? Mrs. Splat? Oh shit, I knew we forgot something! I never realised how great it is to shop on Saturdays. I got some ice lollies for my husband, I can't believe they named them after him! And then someone spilt some ketchup over me. And the great thing is, no-one noticed!

---
I am not 16 going on not 17, I know that I'm naive.

CC108: A Beautiful Mime by israphael 3-22-02

Get out! No son of mine is going to be a street performer! *SLAM* You're a genius! I've never seen a performance of Hamlet so moving. That's it! I can't take another minute of this. I'm leaving you. This marriage is not working. We never talk anymore.

---
"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

As promised ...

Depth-Challenged Hal, part 1 by Namgubed 3-22-02

Hal strikes out at the disco ... Why won't any hot chicks dance with us? Because they have a right to be shallow, and we don't! And again with the hot chick next door ... So ... how about this Friday? First of all, I'm NOT your girlfriend. And secondly, you're nowhere near attractive enough to be so shallow! **KER_MILLENNIUM_WASH AND_WASH_BRAIN_WASH** Tim Robbins! Can you help me with my problem? Sure thing! Just close your eyes ...

Depth-Challenged Hal, part 2 by Namgubed 3-22-02

Hal hits on the boss's daughter. Talk about a deluxe pair of beer goggles! Hey, let's go to my friend's pool party! That sounds like a great idea! I'll just get my bikini ... ** GA-SPLOOSH-KA! ** Geronimo! Obese cannonball humor will never die. How'd you get up there, Son? Dad, help me!

... to be continued!

---
"There's no point in beating a dead horse ... except, of course, for the pure joy of it." - A. Whitney Brown

CC108: O Bottle, Where Art Thou? by Blew_Crabs 3-22-02

- --*IN UNISON*-- - Oh shit, I lost my ID. Hook up the Jaegermeister IV... ...Bad idea, yeah, you're probably right... ...But I won't be your designated driver tonight!.. ... I'm on the wagon and on the town! I'm on the wagon and-- *wuPAH**wuPAH*wuPAH* Nein! Nein! Nein! Dummkopfs! Our patrons generously rented the hallowed Hall of Three Similar Curtain Scenes and you still foul up the lieder! Your lyric is all OFF! OFF! OFF!

CC108: Nicole Kidman Can Act AND Sing. Good Dancer Too. by Blew_Crabs 3-23-02

*ozzzzzzie... ozzzzie...oi...oi...Oi. Oi!* Y'know, Good Sandy and Bad Sandy are nice but I like Olivia in Xanadu the best. *ozzzzie... ozzzz.. Oi! Oi! OI! Oi! Oi!* Kylie Minogue is back! And I can't get her out of my mind. No, I can't get-- *ozz- Oi! Oi! OI!! OI!! OI!! OI!! OI!! OIIII!!!* Natalie Imbruglia. Do-able nostrils. Ladies... having trouble finding a shopping partner or an engaging lunch date? Try our new Ozzie Gaydar. This pocket-sized model will be sure to discern the mere ponces from_the_true_arse_bandits.

---
[img]http://photo.msn.s8.com/MS8zLzEwNTIwMTk4NjQvMS80MDE3LzE1NS8zMi9yZmM1RHUxZU9fZzNxRnk0RkFEdjB3/46b435275f6d18e45188099d0587305d/clbk=HcZNnT9kkUh6!cx8ceVWZpdc4adQXMF7dxfRN8fxUJ20XRZVw0NDoYaVMU251evB

Highlander! The Musical by TheBlairZip 3-23-02

"I killed them all, now I am The One! But without any ozone, we'll be killed by the Suuuuuunnn!" *SKIZIMFLIZIFRRRRRRRAAAAAPPP* "What a jip, it's a rip in the space-time continuum!" "Welcome, traveler from parts unknown! You look weary, you need rest. I garauntee the Immortals here will put you to the test!" SHIT!

Highlandin' 2: Electirc Boogaloo! by TheBlairZip 3-23-02

Would you please stop and listen to me? I don't see why you feel it necessary to conitnue this stupid quest. If you truly loved me... ...then I wouldn't have to do this! *CHING*SLASH* Now, where was I? Oh yeah... THERE CAN BE...Only.......? ...well, this is fucked.

---
If it wasn't for bad luck I wouldn't have no luck at all. D'OH!

CC 108: winner 2001 by crabby 3-23-02

Why should I let you use the washroom? Go ahead and use it but don't break anything! Fantastic! HOLY FUCK MY ASS IS GONNA BLOW!!!!!!!! Honey I know the man saved you life in NAM' but he just took a monster shit in our bathroom! I called the cops and they said theres nothing they can do for at least 24 hours. I'm going to my mothers! OH FUCK! I'M SCREWED!

Skeet Shooting With Phasers by TheElPaso 3-23-02

Now pull! (*Whoooosh!!!*) (*BANG!!!*)

---
My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in. -Weird Al Yankovic

Am I the only one who finds nothing amusing about these skeet shooting comics? Not just this one but all of them in general. They just do nothing for me.

CC108: You Can't Sleep With a Spectre by fpd 3-23-02

Bunny O'Naturel, have you killed 007? You didn't tell me how dreamy and handsome he was. When he looked at me with those deep, penetrating eyes, I just couldn't do it. Fzzzzzzzzzz pop pop pop pooop zzzzzzzp Goodbye, Bunny. No one may defy S.P.E.C.T.R.E. and live. Oh no, this is the last panel, and I have no one to sleep with. Tobor will sleep with you, Mr. Bond.

---
FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

uhhhhhhh.......almost funny. by Kitty_Kat 3-23-02

RARRR!!!!! TOBOR WILL.................... WHOOSH TOBOR SEES NO ONE TO CORNHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so great. I escaped from that stupid red robot. I can't believe I made it. No one I know has ever done this before. Wow!! This is great.........

Like it says in the title. Almost, but not quite.

---
My life totally and completely REEKS.

CC108: Stripcreator (The Movie) by israphael 3-23-02

I'm thinking of starting a web page... maybe a discussion forum. How about something artistic. I need some place to post the unflattering portraits I drew of my friends. Make it a news page with hard hitting stories on current events and social commentary. No! Let's do a humor page... with lots of puns! You fools! Don't you realize that we can use our combined talents to create a vibrant community, for the refinement of our nobler nature and to serve as a beacon of good taste and civility. Whatever, as long as it has plenty of donkeys and sodomy.

---
"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."