The last CC covered one of the cornerstones of great comedy: robots. Robots are inherently funny.

Another such cornerstone is pirates. Pirates are comedy gold. A dull strip about a job interview or accounting audit becomes a laugh-your-guts-out riot with the addition of an eye patch and a peg leg. So this CC's theme is pirates. They can be in traditional pirate settings such as frigates and gay discos, or less traditional settings such as The Mormon Tabernacle.

The first 50 customers to make an ass-pirate joke will get a free coffee mug filled with Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum.*

Judging takes place Monday noonish EDT.

*offer not valid anywhere

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What others say about boorite!

After being knocked out of the Comic Cup, I'm determined in winning this!

CC 137: Pirates by Bazilla 8-15-02

Arrrrr! I'm a pirate! Aye! Arrrrr! I'm a pirate! Aye! Arrrrr! I'm a pirate! Aye aye aye!

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I am not 16 going on not 17, I know that I'm naive.

CC 137: ARRR! by DragonXero 8-15-02

Arrr! So ye're the scallywag applyin' fer the new position aboard my ship, aye? Uh, yeah Cap'n Clippy. I gotta warn ya, there'll be plenty 'o rapin', stealin', drinkin', and killin'! Serves me fine Cap'n! When do we set sail with the rest of the crew? Set sail? Crew?

See? I'm not dead!

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

CC 137: Pollyglot by kaufman 8-15-02

Little known fact: Pirates had birds on their shoulders to translate what they were saying. Arrrrrrrrrrrr, shiver me timbers! He says his peg leg is killing him --- there must be a monster storm coming. Batten down the hatches. Avast ye scurvy dogs, prepare to be boarded! Your ass is so grass! I'd suggest you practice your plank-walking now. Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum! I'm going back into my cabin to watch Rocky and two thirds of Miracle on 34th St. before passing out drunk.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

And of course the obvious ...

Pieces of 8-Track by kaufman 8-15-02

Once upon a time you dressed so fine... Damn the corporations. Hello, Napster! You threw the bums a dime in your prime... Didn't you? Shit. This sound quality sucks.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 137: The Adventures of Captain Couplet by Drexle 8-15-02

Arrr!!! Shiver me timbers and roast me bum, I've got an itchin' for a bottle 'a rum!!! Aye Cap'n! Arrr!!! The fish in the seas make quite a stench, so bring me a fine young scurvy wench!!! I've got scurvy Cap'n! I'll pillage 'er booty and then for good measure, I'll rip off me pantaloons and bury 'da treasure! AAARRRR!!! 'Ere's a map, Cap'n! "X" Marks the spot!!!

A Very Metal Voyage by DragonXero 8-15-02

Hey James, wanna be pirates? Surely! We can use our booty to secure an entire library of metal CDs and instruments! Well, I had other ideas... Did you now? A few weeks later, onboard the pirate ship.... Your elven mage has destroyed the fish-men. Sweet! This is much more fun than actually robbing people.

\m/ Hail, hail, to geekdom!
Hail, hail, oh, shit, I rolled a natural 20!! CRITICAL HIT!

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

Captain Braids by DragonXero 8-15-02

Welcome aboard, scurvy mate! The name's "Captain Braids" Hrm, well, I don't see any braids in your hair. So, what's your point? Well, how'd you get that name? Well... Oh, SICK, never mind!!

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

Continued from DX's 2nd entry...

CC 137: The further adventures of Captain Couplet by Drexle 8-15-02

Arrr! But on the next round, the pirates gain flank! If ya surrender now, ya may walk tha plank! Dude, what's wrong with you? Why are you talking in rhyme? Because I am Captain Couplet, terror of the seas! I rape and I pillage and I do as I please!!! I think you're just a little too much into character... Now get me a beer and misen tha mast, and be quick about it lest I pillage yer asst!

Avast, Ye Asslubbers! by DragonXero 8-15-02

Well, you've got two choices: ass-pillaging by me, or first mate Tabor. ACK! Wait... Tabor? His name is Tob- SHHH! TSR will sue our asses if we say that word. What word, Tob- SHUT UP. Believe me, you'd rather have Tabor rape your ass than TSR. I dunno, big metal schlong, or a few needlepeckers in a lawfirm...

And a further continuation of said series.

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

CC 137: Space Pirates From Outer Space by BigEvilDan 8-15-02

Who are you, and why have you boarded my ship? Arrr, we be space pirates. We sail the seven galaxies in search of treasure. Wow, you're so much like human pirates. You have pirate accents, and peg legs. Arr, that be no leg, matey. Now I shall leave you in the hands of my parrot, while I steal your booty. Squak! Polly want a human! Parrot? Ha, stupid pirate!

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

CC 137: Rape, pillage and plunder. by mutsje2000 8-15-02

Aaaaaaaaar! This island is ours! Steal the houses! Burn the women! Rape the horses! Rape the horses, sir?

/benny/

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My metaphors are metafives...

CC 137: Comedy Is In The Aye Of The Beholder by BigEvilDan 8-15-02

And now, a rebuttal from asiangirl2 "Pirates are comedy gold"? What crap. Pirates are nothing more than thieves and murderers. How could you find that funny? Swap the poop deck! Search for hidden booty! Hee hee hee! Oh, shut up.

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

CC 137: Pirates 2 by Bazilla 8-15-02

Cap'n, we're in trouble! Aye! Cap'n, all the other pirates ran away. Aye! Cap'n they took the boat with them! *glug*

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I am not 16 going on not 17, I know that I'm naive.

CC137: Scurvy! by evil_d 8-15-02

I'd like to know just who you parrot-fuckers think you are, stealing our money and scuttling our ship like that! Arrr, ye got quite a tongue on ye! I like that in a wench! We worked hard to earn that gold and build that ship, and now it's all been taken away by a bunch of long-haired, peg-legged, English-mangling, scurvy thieves! Ye best watch what ye say, woman, lest I make ye suck the plank! I'm sure you mean WALK....... I'll be quiet now.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

CC137: Yar! by evil_d 8-15-02

Shiver me timbers! Shiver me timbers! *squawk!* *squawk!* Arr, matey! Prepare to walk the plank! Arr, matey! *squawk!* Looks like an iceberg! Looks like an iceberg! *squawk!* *squawk!*

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

CC 137: Anachronism by Drexle 8-15-02

Arrr, ya wanna know about bein' a pirate!? Lemme tell ye a tale of when me ship was attacked by the English Navy!!! The cannons roared, and hatches battened! The blood of many a salty sea dog flowed like rum! But on we fought, and drove 'em back with their tails between their legs! Then the lads and I had our ways with tha wenches! Okay, that's nice... now how do I use this CD-RW software?

CC 137: Untitiled by Drexle 8-15-02

And what ye be wantin', wench? A place on me ship, no doubt? I take great offense at being called a wench! I would like you to know that I'm just as capable a sailor as any of your men! Arrrr, a feisty one eh? Just like I likes 'em. I'll batten yer hatches any day 'a tha week! Hah! Just let me on your ship! I'll prove to you that I'm just as much a salty seaman as any of these scurvy dogs! If it's "salty seamen" ya want, I've got plenty fer ya right here! Only if you want to eat fish for dinner, peg penis!

My entry is an attempt to test this theory. I have taken one of my own unfunny office humor comics and rewritten it as a pirate comic. My entry is the result.

And, if you give a damn here is the original.

Have I actually created a funny comic cup entry? I'm not sure. I know I never have before.

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"Eat a fucking cock." - attitudechicka

The evidence mounts. Pirates are comedy gold.

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What others say about boorite!

This is not an original joke. But if plagiarism helps me win the contest, I'm okay with that.

CC137: A pirate walks into a bar by evil_d 8-15-02

Avast, ye scurvy landlubber! Yo ho ho and bring me a bottle of rum, before I keel-haul ye like a common stowaway! There you go, sir. By the way, I can't help noticing that you seem to have a steering wheel in your pants. Aye, I know! It's drivin' me nuts!

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

Little known fact: all pirates are from the West Country. Hence that accent.

(That's in England, for all you thrice-bedamned foreigners)

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Absorbed directly through the skin.

Special Pirate Edition: Believe Me or Bite Me by kaufman 8-15-02

Captain Hooker used to put on a wig and turn tricks in Times Square. Yo, ho! Ho! In spite of his moniker, Blackbeard was a natural blond underneath. Tee hee hee! Later in life, Jean Laffiteforears sold his overgrown appendages for two dollars. That's a buccaneer!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Fire My Agent by Namgubed 8-15-02

Meanwhile, back at Universal Studios ... Sorry, folks, the auditions are for someone to play CAPTAIN Kidd!

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"There's no point in beating a dead horse ... except, of course, for the pure joy of it." - A. Whitney Brown

Pirates vs. Scottish - in the World Series of Love by ObiJo 8-15-02

ARRRRRRR!!! Stow'way! Ye know what we do to stow'ways on the open sea, boy? Askch me if ae geev ah sinamee khcrismus khcrep. ARRRRRRR!!! ARRRRRRRR yah goe'in ah keep sa'in thah, yah whi'ee-kneed sissy's sister? HAR HAR HAR!!! I like ye, matey! What say ye become me first mate? *backslap* ARRRRRRRR ae could beat yah ra'OOnd thee 'ead an shouldehrs wit me kchock.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Ass Pirate by crabby 8-15-02

Hey did you here about that new pirate movie? It's rated ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!! moh.