Well since it was a doctor themed strip that won me the last contest (and that I'm lazy and haven't given this much thought) I've decided to continue the idea into this competition...

The strip must contain at least one patient complaining about a problem to one doctor/nurse. That's the basic premise anyway. It doesn't have to take the form of a "Doctor Doctor!" joke. I'm trying to make the competition free, and pretty much unrestricted (They work better that way). Just as long as it has something to do with doctors, illness, hospitals etc.

Restrictions:

1) You cannot use the scientist (from the DexX artwork) as a doctor. The most unlikely choices for doctors are best.

2) One of the characters must use a line from the song "Bohemian Rhapsody" (try and make it fit in as well as you can...don't just slot it in randomly)

3) No one must be surferring from a severe Cornholing.

That's about it. Series are welcome. Judging will be Tuesday 12pm SC time.

Good luck!

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There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don't

You don't plan on getting many entries do you?

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I am not 16 going on not 17, I know that I'm naive.

CC 133? Boheimian Appointment by Bazilla 8-23-02

I want to go to the hospital. We will not let you go. Let me go! Will not let you go! LET ME GO! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!

Got the CC Number totally wrong.

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I am not 16 going on not 17, I know that I'm naive.

CC 139: Eye Doctor by Bazilla 8-23-02

Okay..... open your eyes. Look up to the skies and see. Goood. Hmmmm, you have eye cancer, I'm sorry. I'm just a poor boy! I need no sympathy!

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I am not 16 going on not 17, I know that I'm naive.

pillar of doctor by crabby 8-23-02

What seems to be the problem Mr. Hitsum? MAMA! Just killed a man. How long since your last bowel movement? Put a gun against his head. Your not being much of a help Mr. Hitsum. Pulled the trigger now he's dead.

pillar of doctor 2 by crabby 8-23-02

Mr. Hitsum, it appears you have a very serious illness. Life has just begun. Gonna leave it all behind to face the truth. It appears you think your Freddy Mercury. WE WILL ROCK YOU! I'm going to recommend a psychologist. BICYCLE! BICYCLE! BICYCLE! BICYCLE! BICYCLE!

pillar of doctor 3 by crabby 8-23-02

What seems to be the problem? WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS MY FRIEND! ROCK ON! WE'LL KEEP ON FIGHTING TO THE END! I don't treat Freddy Mercury disease. It's a blessing not a curse. Here's the name of someone who can help you. BLOOD ON YOUR FACE BIG DISGRACE!

pillar of doctor 4 by crabby 8-23-02

OOOOO, your my best friend! It says here that you think your Freddy Mercury. Fat bottomed girls they make the rocking world go round! Thats quite the closet homosexual lil diddy your singing. I have just the thing to cure you. Look directly at this hammer! OH MY GOD! Are you ok? This wasn't supposed to happen!

pillar of doctor 5 by crabby 8-23-02

Doctor I'm cured! Good for you. MAMA MIA! MAMA MIA! MAMA MIA! LET ME GO! I've failed him.

This is a hard one.

Comic Cup 139 - You Think You Can Love Me? by Smarmulus 8-23-02

I'm here to seek your help. I've been told you are a great & wise healer. This is really embarrassing & I don't know how to put this... It's a sexual dysfunction relating to time. Easy come?

The dialogue in the last panel is from the song. Also, the title is from the song.
(Smarmulus in a Captain Obvious mode)

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"Eat a fucking cock." - attitudechicka

CC 139: How to stick the falsetto by boorite 8-23-02

What seems to be the problem? These hemorrhoids, doc. Nothing helps. It's as if Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me... I see. Have you tried... For Me--ee-ee! For MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Beelzebub? No, I'm with Asmodeus. *poke* *poke*

Please note: He is not getting cornholed, just poked in the ass with a red-hot pitchfork. By a demon.

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What others say about boorite!

Bazilla! You should have called that one Bohemian HMO! DAMN! Next time, call me first.

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What others say about boorite!

I could re-make the comic under the new title if you really want?

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I am not 16 going on not 17, I know that I'm naive.

Nah.

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What others say about boorite!

CC139: That's Why They Call Me Mr. Fahrenheit... by TheBlairZip 8-23-02

Good morning, earthl....umm, Johnny. What seems to be the problem? Well, doc, I have this....wait a minute. You don't look like Doctor Rosencrantz. Oh....well.....I have a cold. I don't think a mere cold would change your... Look, if you'll just bend over, I'll start taking your temperature... ...just gotta get right out of here....

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If it wasn't for bad luck I wouldn't have no luck at all. D'OH!

I feel stupid.

/me thinks "Must go download Bohemian Rhapsody."

CC139: Can't think of a title by wirthling 8-23-02

I'm so depressed. I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all. I am going to kill myself. Hmmm... Let's try it this way: "I will take proactive measures to end these troubling times if it's the last thing I do! There's a great, white light at the end of the tunnel, my friends!" You are a medical doctor, right? Heavens no--I'm a spin doctor.

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

I AIN'T NOBODY'S BITCH!!! by ObiJo 8-23-02

I'm not feeling too great. What seems to be the problem? Severe cornholing. That reminds me of that one song. What song? Strangers in the night.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

CC139 - Doctor, Doctor! Entry 1: Heroic Dr DooDoo by Shadow_Artist 8-23-02

A terrible storm rages overhead as Dr DooDoo is called into action... Morbid crowd of onlookers, stand aside and let me through! What seems to be the problem my good man? Please...help me Doctor...I'm dying...it was the lightning... Lightning? My dear dying patient, you can't possibly be a victim of a lightning strike. There's not a sign of electrocution on you! No Dr DooDoo...it isn't a lightning strike that's killing me...I'm having a heart attack! Heart Attack? Why? Thunderbolt and Lightning, very, very frightening...

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Carry the battle to them. Don't let them bring it to you. Put them on the defensive. And don't ever apologize for anything. - Harry S Truman, 33rd president of US (1884 - 1972)

Non-compliant...

CC139: Doctor Doctor (Kevorkian Kevorkian) by DexX 8-23-02

Doctor, where do you stand on the issue of euthanasia? AAARGH!!! Wow... so, you're a big believer in euthanasia, then? Yoo-tha-whatsia?

...unless one of those high notes in Bohemian Rhapsody could be thought of as being "AAARGH!!!"

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

CC 139: Bedside Manner by BigEvilDan 8-23-02

Doc, you've got to help me! I don't want to die! What's wrong? Is it the lack of skin? No, just a mild headache. Of course it's the lack of skin! Geez, calm down. There's no need to be so thin-skinned. *snicker*

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

The Future of Socialized Medicine IV by Namgubed 8-23-02

... so all this hypertension causes you to grind your teeth at night, making them sensitive to frozen foods? Even the thought of popsicles or ice cream sends shivers down my spine, my body's aching all the time ... You must lower your blood pressure with a low-sodium diet, and regular exercise will help relieve stress, also. Now go see the nurse for your prescription. Thanks, Doc! You know, it feels as if my life has just begun! Awaiting prescription orders ... More shock therapy! And don't forget to wire his jaws shut!

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"There's no point in beating a dead horse ... except, of course, for the pure joy of it." - A. Whitney Brown

That's Why They Call Me Mr. Fahrenheit..., Part 2 by TheBlairZip 8-23-02

Probing...I mean, temperature-taking has commenced... How much longer is this gonna take, doc? Almost finished.......oh my Ultimate Being! What is it? I see a little silhouetto of a man... Scaramouch!!!

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If it wasn't for bad luck I wouldn't have no luck at all. D'OH!

Non-compliant, for its own sake:

CC 139: Terry's Chocolate Orange. by mutsje2000 8-23-02

I'm not feeling so good. I think I have food poisoning. Okay. What have you eaten lately? Chocolate. Just that? Where did you get it from? That was the best dump I've had in ages. The dog dropped it.

And compliant, because I can:

CC 139: Suck My Horn. by mutsje2000 8-23-02

So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye? So you think you can love me and leave to die Oh, baby, can't do this to me, baby Just gotta get out Just gotta get right outta here Oh no... not 'til you pay your medical bill, buddy boy.

/benny/

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My metaphors are metafives...

Doctor! Doctor! by Spankling 8-23-02

Doc! You gotta help! My skin feels crispy, like it gonna fall off! Tell me what happened. Thunderbolt and lightening! Very, very frightening! I should imagine. Do you have any insurance? I'm just a poor boy... NEXT!

Doctor! Doctor! too by Spankling 8-23-02

Doctor... I killed a man. How? Put my butt against his head. Pulled my finger. Now he's dead. NO no no no no NO NO NO NO NO Now I gotta use the crapper. Where's yours? NO! I will not let you go!

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

CC139 - Doctor! Doctor! Entry 2: Anal sex again? by Shadow_Artist 8-24-02

You want to play hide and seek, honey? Sure, just so long as you give me anal sex afterwards! The game begins... Come out, come out wherever you...ah! She's behind the curtains! I see a little silhouetto of a...man! Cripes! Better put my disguise back on or all will be lost...

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Carry the battle to them. Don't let them bring it to you. Put them on the defensive. And don't ever apologize for anything. - Harry S Truman, 33rd president of US (1884 - 1972)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I've just realiesed my last entry isn't rules-compliant!

What a fool I am!

Oh well, I guess this means I AIN'T NOBODY'S BITCH! either...

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Carry the battle to them. Don't let them bring it to you. Put them on the defensive. And don't ever apologize for anything. - Harry S Truman, 33rd president of US (1884 - 1972)

CC 139: Dr Boorite, Paging Dr Boorite! by KajunFirefly 8-24-02

Doc, you've got to help me, I'm suffering from uncontrollable flatulence, I heard you're the right guy to see. That's correct, any way the wind blows, I'll be there. So what's the cure? We have to tighten up those rectum muscles, I'm going to prescribe you a SEVERE CORNHOLING! HUZZAH!

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Dad was flammable

CC139 - Doctor! Doctor! Entry 3: Doctor's Patience by Shadow_Artist 8-24-02

Dr Snow's surgery... Doctor! Doctor! You've got to help me! I've lost my cat, Gallileo! Please, don't talk to me unless you have a medical concern... Outside Dr Snow's surgery... Gallileo, Gallileo! Gallileo, Gallileo! Have you seen my cat, Gallileo? For the last time, NO! Back inside again... Doctor! Doctor! You've got to help me! This giant red robot thinks I'm a cat! He's been holding me hostage and feeding me canned tuna! I keep trying to tell him I'm a squirrel but... WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE! I'M A DOCTOR, NOT A BLOODY AGONY AUNT!

CC139 - Doctor! Doctor! Entry 4: I'll provide the cure! by Shadow_Artist 8-24-02

You wanted to see me, sweetie? Sure did. Thing is babes, I've got terminal cancer, so I thought I'd tell you where I've buried millions of government bonds before I die a painful death. That way you can live a happy, wealthy life when I'm gone! Now, the bonds are hidden at...Too late, my time has come. Heh heh...Hell's got a naked statue of Hitler that's just begging to have a sinner's ass plunged onto it's erect, marble phallus... The next day... ...so you see Dr Bloodygills, I'm worried that I'll get depressed over the loss of both my boyfriend and his undisclosed millions! I see. Well, recent medical research indicates that the best way to prevent depression is to swallow large quantites of shark semen...

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Carry the battle to them. Don't let them bring it to you. Put them on the defensive. And don't ever apologize for anything. - Harry S Truman, 33rd president of US (1884 - 1972)