For those of you just tuning in:

I'm putting my crappy comics thread to bed. I've put more than enough of my crap in it, if anyone out there feels like continuing be my guest. My new series will be an on-going series. I'm planning a 16 part series. Each part will consist of three comics. I will continue the series every Thursday night. Feel free to post your comments on the current weeks episode or your thoughts on where the series will be going.

And now for the show..............

BEANPOLE 1-1 by crabby 1-16-03

Van Hammer Von Winkleman. My alias. One among many, for in my head........I AM A SUPERSTAR! In reality I am just a humble picture framer. I hang picture frames. I have an ordinary family. Average looking wife, a son I think might be gay and a daughter I'm almost sure is a whore. But in my head.......

BEANPOLE 1-2 by crabby 1-16-03

How are you Honey? Feeling well? My uterus aches for the love of another man. You need to talk to our son. His teacher called he's in danger of failing PHYS. ED. Son I hear your in danger of failing PHYS. ED. Why don't we go out back and run some laps to make a man out of you? I can't run laps! I'm to busy emailing members of The Cure begging for them to perform a concert at my high school. Have you ever seen our son with a woman? I once saw him with a very skinny man.

BEANPOLE 1-3 by crabby 1-16-03

MY SON IS GAY!!!!!! But I have no proof. Perhaps if I go to an underground gay club in disguise I'll be able to find out some information! That night at the trendiest underground gay bar in town. THE SKINNY STAR......... ARGGHHHHHH!!!!! Does ye be knowin a young lad named Chuck. Oh man. A pirate that is sooo hot. Call me matey! Just answer ye question matey! SAY AHOY!!!!!!!!!!

I think this is a good idea.

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Batman created by Bob Kane

This is like... um... yeah.

Shit, train of thought was set up the bomb.

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Needs more sodomy.

If there's one thing Stripcreator is sorely lacking, it's strips referring to homosexuality. Keep up the good work trying to correct this imbalance!

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Please remember to spay and neuter your elected representatives.

Yay! Crabby's back!

Heh heh.

Hey, I'll have you know, crabby was out there not sucking dick long before you showed up.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Damn right!

I get no respect. Dirty newbs.

Hey, I'll have you know, crabby was out there not sucking dick long before you showed up.

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Please remember to spay and neuter your elected representatives.

BEANPOLE 2-1 by crabby 1-23-03

The next morning...... Dear God.........My head aches and I'm holding a knife. Covered in blood and urine. And from the taste of it this is the urine of another man. What did I do last night? The last thing I remember is leaving that gay club with that gay man. OH MY GOD! It couldn't be. Upon closer inspection my cock smells like male asshole.

BEANPOLE 2-2 by crabby 1-23-03

Honey, I'm worried. I found a dead male hanging in our washroom. I think our son might have something to do with it. Yeah I'm going to have a talk with him about it. **KNOCK KNOCK** Ma'am we got some calls from your neighbors. They reported hearing some noise over here last night and just saw your husband running down the alley covered in blood. Hmmmmmmm...........

BEANPOLE 2-3 by crabby 1-23-03

WHAT THE FUCK! I killed a gay man. I obviously made love to him first. And now I'm on the run from the law. I've never killed before. I may never kill again. I need to find direction. I need to get away from this madness. Do you have any idea where he might run away too? Well he has a brother. He lives in Mexico. I'm almost certain you'll be able to find him their.

Hah!

BEANPOLE 3-1 by crabby 1-30-03

So your father thinks he raped me and then murdered me huh? Yeah, I drugged him after you got him drunk. Rubbed cat shit all over his cock and pissed on him. Now he's hiding out at his brothers house in Mexico? How do you explain the blood he was covered in? Well I am a practicing vampire so I have a healthy supply... What did you use for a fake body? JACK-O-LANTERN!

BEANPOLE 3-2 by crabby 1-30-03

Honey, I need to talk to you. Your father is on the run from the law. He raped and killed a gay man. The body is still in the bathroom. Mom maybe you should go look at that body. Holy fuck that's a JACK-O-LANTERN! That means Van Hammer is innocent. I need to get ahold of him in Mexico! Meanwhile in Mexico....... So I raped and killed a gay man I met at a gay bar while spying on my son who I think might be gay so now I'm on the run from the cops! QUE?

BEANPOLE 3-3 by crabby 1-30-03

Son we have to go find your father in Mexico before the police get him. Mom, I'm a vampire! You know I can't leave the house. I know that! You inherited that trait from me don't forget. We just need to find someway for us to venture into the sun! Mother I've been keeping a secret from you. I've designed a suit of armor which allows me to go out into the sun light. You can wear my spare suit and we'll go find dad. Good job son! The suits a little snug but it should get the job done. To Mexico!

heehee

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Welcome to Bohemia. Population: a lot Cash flow: a little

3-1's "JACK-O-LANTERN" is just great. Bravo.

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

BEANPOLE 4-1 by crabby 2-06-03

Son, I need to know. How did you know that your father didn't kill that man? How did you know it was only a JACK-O-LANTERN in the bathroom? I planted that JACK-O-LANTERN so dad would think he raped and killed that man. Then he would slowly be driven insane with guilt. He went insane alot faster than I thought he would. Ok. I've always hated dad because he thought I was gay. I get teased enough at school for being a vampire. The last thing I need is a dick up my ass for the other kids to make fun of. So your not gay? No, I'm a young vampire trying to live in a human world. Now lets go kidnap an Indian guide and go find dad!

BEANPOLE 4-2 by crabby 2-06-03

Don't you understand I need your help! I'm wanted for murder but I could never kill I don't have it in me. I think someones framed me. I need to hide out here. QUE! DID YOU JUST CALL ME GAY? I'M NOT GAY I WOULD NEVER SLEEP WITH A MAN! QUE! I'LL KILL YOU! YOU'RE A DEAD MAN! QUE!

BEANPOLE 4-3 by crabby 2-06-03

Well here we are. Were should we start looking? Mom, were to late. I can smell the stench of death. Let's go look together. Oh god it's awful! But...but...but this doesn't make sense. I have to go! I should have known this is what we would find. JACK-O-LANTERN!

BEANPOLE 5-1 by crabby 2-13-03

So I killed my brother? So what. I've always been jealous of his figure and he doesn't know a word of English. I'm lost. I'm torn between returning to my family and killing again. I need guidance I need to visit my father. He can point me in the right direction.

BEANPOLE 5-2 by crabby 2-13-03

SON! Get the fuck away from me! What in the hell is your problem? Dad do you not want me around because of all the killing I've been doing? Son you dumb fuck! I'm a frankenstein and your mother is a vampire. Don't you realize what this means. It's almost a crescent moon get the fuck away from me. I' don't know what you're talking about.....but I don't feel so good. OH GOD! Great now you're a fucking werewolf! Howl.

BEANPOLE 5-3 by crabby 2-13-03

Son I'm afraid your father is now a werewolf. We are going to need a silver bullet to kill him. What makes you think he's a werewolf. Crescent moon last night. Didn't you ever notice your grandfather is a frankenstein and your grandmother is a vampire? Didn't you take MUNSTERS 101 in school? THEY DON'T TEACH YOU KIDS ANYTHING! Well lets go find some silver. We can just melt something down. A teenage son should melt down into just enough metal.

BEANPOLE 6-1 by crabby 2-20-03

Wait, you're not a werewolf anymore. If you're an angry villager out for revenge from the havoc I caused while I was a werewolf I hope you understand I'm prepared to denfend myself with this hammer. Don't you recognize me? Or does this metallic shell hide my true feelings for you? Wait! Your true feelings? You're here with a robotic gun filled with several silver bullets. You're my wife aren't you. Strip off your metallic disguise and show yourself to me. It was really hot it that thing. I bet it was. You smell like the inside of a million assholes.

BEANPOLE 6-2 by crabby 2-20-03

I need to know, did you kill those men. Well, no I didn't. That was a pumpkin back home in the bathroom and my brother died of natural causes. Then why was a pumpkin found instead of his body? Isn't that your killing card. People are calling you the Trick or Treat slayer. My brother was a pumpkin harvester. After he died there was no food left except for pumpkins. Instead of eating said pumpkins I devoured him whole and replaced his body with a pumpkin. Did you really have to carve a face into before you planted it as evidence? YES! Now how's my son?

BEANPOLE 6-3 by crabby 2-20-03

Well in order to get enough silver to make the silver bullets to kill you I had to melt him down. Damn your a stupid bitch. That violates this warranty. Now I won't be able to write that dirty android off on our taxes! Maybe we could plan to have another child. I told you when we got together. I'm impotent and can never produce an heir. I thought I had that little problem taken care of until you melted him down. Well, honey............I'm pregnant. My period is three weeks late. I've been on the run from the law for over 12 weeks. Hold on a second I need to crunch some numbers over here.

BEANPOLE 7-1 by crabby 2-27-03

9 months later........ I finished building the crib like you asked me too. Actually I told you this baby wasn't your's and asked you to leave. Is that was these divorce papers were all about? Yes. For a pregnant bitch your not gaining much weight. Cyborgs don't need much room to develop in the room and you don't retain as much water.

BEANPOLE 7-2 by crabby 2-27-03

Can I at least keep the crib. I'd rather you didn't I can't believe you were ler our vampire cyborg son fuck you. You're the one who order him that latin lover programming! That was for my pleasure not yours! Freak.

BEANPOLE 7-3 by crabby 2-27-03

YOU KILLED ME INSIDE! I'M GONNA PUT THIS NAIL IN MY HEAD! You know that's what made me fall in love with you please don't. BLAH! The baby is here. You're beautiful! I'm the man!

Due to falling ratings I have decided to bring in a panel of celebrity guest strippers to finish this series off. Hopefully the first celebrity addition will be posted soon.

I hope you all enjoy.

BEANPOLE 8-1 by gabe_billings 3-08-03

Damn it but if you aren't the finest son a man could ask for. You remind me of my first son. I've got a brother? Wow! What's his name? Had a brother. He came down with a bad case of being melted to death by your halfwit mother. Brother! I hardly knew ye! Well; easy come, easy go. Wanna go to the zoo? Yay!

BEANPOLE 8-2 by gabe_billings 3-08-03

Well son, this is the circus. What do you think? It's the most magical place ever! So what do you want to do first? See the elephants? The freak show? Corn dogs and cotton candy? Let's kill some carnies and feed their corpses to the tigers! Good choice son. I'll get the tire iron. Dibs on first whack!

BEANPOLE 8-3 by gabe_billings 3-08-03

Excuse me? Are you a carnie? Yeah. I'm in charge of cleaning up the elephant shit. What's it to you? Wow. I didn't know you could bend a person like that. It's not so hard once you take out most of the long bones.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Coaxing Gabe out of semi-retirement. Impressive.

Damn it. I thought he was finally dead.

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

I dont believe its really Gabe.

He did three strips without mentioning "Wirthling Sucks" once.

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

BEANPOLE 9-1 by BigEvilDan 3-13-03

While Junior is out carnie hunting, I think I'll get back at my cheating wife by nailing a hooker. Excuse me, circus whore. Would you care to partake in some sex in exchange for money? Daddy? Is it really you? Infidelity is harder than the television made it appear. I can't believe you finally came for me.

BEANPOLE 9-2 by BigEvilDan 3-13-03

I didn't come for you. I still haven't forgiven you for becoming a whore. It wasn't my choice! I was bitten by a hooker. You know hooker bites are to vampires as vampire bites are to humans. You're brother was the vampire. You're a werewolf. Then I guess I'm just a slut. Sorry daddy.

BEANPOLE 9-3 by BigEvilDan 3-13-03

I'm glad we've cleared up this misunderstanding. I hope you'll come back home with me. How is the family, anyway? Your brother was melted down into silver, but not before he impregnated your mother with a killer cyborg. If it's all right with you, I'll just stay here.