All comics by not_funny

 

by not_funny
8-12-03
WOO WOO! ALL ABOARD THE MANTRAIN!!!
(I'm the caboose!)

 

by not_funny
8-12-03
The bug logs onto goatse.cx
Hey, Cthulhu, check out this website.
Ok.
That's some fucked up shit.

 

by not_funny
8-12-03
I am goth fag. I cut myself and listen to whiny depressing music about vampires.
I am hippie fag. Save the whales, man. Legalize it, dude. Save the whales, man.
You may think we're totally pathetic, and should kill ourselves, and you'd be right...
but there's one thing worse than a hippie fag and a goth fag combined, dude!
FURRIES
I JUST BLEW MY LOAD TO A CARTOON RABBIT HOOKER! ACCEPT ME WORLD, FOR WHO I AM!!!

 

by not_funny
8-12-03
Hello, I am Sean, also known as "not_funny"
I chose this screen name for a reason.

 

by not_funny
8-12-03
Any idiot could do this.

 

by not_funny
8-12-03
If you could fuck any Nick Toon, who would you fuck?
Hmm...
I'd fuck Vicky from Fairly Oddparents.
Good answer. Personally, I'd want Macie and Dobie from As Told By Ginger in some hot, hot threesome action.
That show gets me wet.

 

by not_funny
8-12-03
An average day with Sean and Maria.
Hey, Maria! Let's go on an adventure!
OK! We'll use my time machine!
WHOAAAAAAA!
Time travel makes me horny.
Judging by the sheer amount of surrenduring Frenchmen, I'd say we're in France 1940.
Oh, Sean!

 

by not_funny
8-12-03
France, 1940
I have an idea! Let's assassinate Hitler!
Sean, you always know the right things to say! Let's have sex!
We must kill that dastardly Adolf Hitler! The 20th Century will thank us!
It's a good thing I brought a minigun for good luck! War is Hell!
Seconds later...
Jesus! What are you doing in the Fuhrerbunker!?
Getting back at them Jews.

 

by not_funny
8-12-03
USA 2003
Now that Hitler is dead, we can see how history changed, Maria!
We're the coolest chronoassassins of them all!
TYME SEFARI INC. SEFARIS TU ANY YEER EN THE PAST. YU NAIM THE ANIMALL. WEE TAEK YU THAIR. YU SHOOT ITT.
...
THE END?
NOOOOOOOOOO!
NOOOOOOOOOO!

 

by not_funny
8-12-03
Hello, Mr. Bee!
Why, hello, Little Timmy!
How are you today, Mr. Bee?
Full of AIDS!

 

by not_funny
8-12-03
Hello? I'd like to order a large pepperoni pizza, and a large order of garlic bread.
Will there be anything else, sir?
Nope, that'll be it, thanks.
Is this delivery or pick up?
Delivery.
That'll come to $12.25. Your order will arriving in about 15 minutes.

 

by not_funny
8-12-03
The holidays are here, and I'm so lonely and depressed... Nobody remembered to give me a present... Not even Santa Claus.
SANTA!
Billy, you've been a very good boy this year! So good, in fact, that you're on the top of my Nice List! I'll give you your own Christmas Wish!
HEY EVERYBODY, I'M BILL COSBY!
Yay! I got my wish! My very own sex slave! THANK YOU, SANTA!

 

by not_funny
8-12-03
Nobody understands us furries.

 

by not_funny
8-12-03
Once you are finished,
Man, that was some good pizza.
you'll find out the truth.
The garlick bread was pretty good, but I've had better.
This has been a waste of your time.
Is anybody actually reading this?

 

by not_funny
8-12-03
Sean, a.k.a. not_funny, is sitting at his computer, doing what is known as "surfing the net."
Man, I'm so cool, just because I go to rotten.com more than any of my friends.
I'm so cool, I collect video games, DVDs, MP3s, action figures, and graphic novels.
I'm so cool, I make comics that only I'd find remotely amusing, then subject my digital friends and family to them afterwards.
Hell, I'm so cool, I get all the Watchmen references.
Who knew that being such a super cool internet guy feels exactly like being a fucking faggot?
The answer: You.

 

by not_funny
8-13-03
I pissed my girlfriend off by portraying her as a braindead skank, so here's Maria to clear things up.
I just wanted to let all of you internet freak friends of Sean's to know that in real life, I actually have a personality, and I'm very intelegent.
This character doesn't even look a think like her!
...but that's the nice thing about the internet, isn't it? You can misrepresent anybody you fucking feel like.
You is my ho.
You make my underthings sticky! Fuck me up my tight asshole!

 

by not_funny
8-13-03
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Gary!
Gary who?
Gary Blankenship, your ex-boyfriend!
I'm calling the cops again.

 

by not_funny
8-13-03
All right! All right! Whut's all this then!
I SWEAR TO GOD, OFFICER, I DIDN'T STAB MY HOOKER/STRIPPER GIRLFRIEND TO DEATH WTIH A SCREWDRIVER JUST NOW!
Ha! A likely story! Let's investigate this supposed "mutilated whore!"
SHE WAS LIKE THAT WHEN I GOT HERE! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! IT'S HER FAULT! SHE GAVE ME AIDS! IT'S NOT MY FAULT I KILLED HER! I DIDN'T DO IT!!!
Son, have you ever heard of the story, "The Boy Who Cried Wolf"?

 

by not_funny
8-13-03
Hey everybody! My name is Lance, but everybody calls me Fucking Faggot!
Hello, Fucking Faggot.
Do you know where I can find some dick?
I'm gay, but I'm not that gay.

 

by not_funny
8-13-03
WOO WOO! ALL ABOARD THE MANTRAIN!!!
Don't worry! I have a penis.
(I'm the caboose again!)

 

by not_funny
8-13-03
4:20! WOOO!
4:20! WOOO!
My God, you're an idiot.
4:20! WOOO!

 

by not_funny
8-13-03
Have you ever played the old Sierra adventure games? King's Quest, Quest for Glory, Space Quest?
Of course I have! I absolutely love those games!
Hey, do you remember Laura Bow: The Dagger of Amon Ra?
Uh, no. I haven't even heard of that game.
Oh.

 

by not_funny
8-13-03
After reading all those DBZ message boards, I know how to make an energy ball for real! No more sitting at the edge of this road for me!
I CAN FEEL IT! I'M ALMOST THERE! I'LL BE AS COOL AS GOKU IN NO TIME!
Oops, I shit my pants. That's what I get for liking anime.

 

by not_funny
8-13-03
Ok, last time was a failure, but after watching all those fan dubbed episodes of Dragonball GT I got off eBay, I'm ready to try again!
I think I might be starting to like this.

 

by not_funny
8-13-03

 

by not_funny
8-13-03
Hey, would you like to catch a movie sometime?
Oh, sweet Jesus! That's so fucking disgusting! I asked you a simple question, and you shit your pants! I'm going to vomit!

 

by not_funny
8-13-03
...so, yeah, go back to my place, and have a few drinks?
WILL YOU MARRY ME!?

 

by not_funny
8-13-03
I'm going to play Wind Waker.
Getting all the figurines in the Nintendo Gallery is time consuming.
Only two more figures, and I'll have the whole Forest Haven Room completed.

 

by not_funny
8-14-03
Archangel, Dark Angel/Lend me thy light/Through Death's veil/'Til we have Heaven in sight!
Archangel, Dark Angel/Lend me thy light/Through Death's veil/'Til we have Heaven in sight!
Archangel, Dark Angel/Lend me thy light/Through Death's veil/'Til we have Heaven in sight!
Archangel, Dark Angel/Lend me thy light/Through Death's veil/'Til we have Heaven in sight!
ARCHANGEL, DARK ANGEL/LEND ME THY LIGHT/THROUGH DEATH'S VEIL/'TIL WE HAVE HEAVEN IN SIGHT!
Archangel, Dark Angel/Lend me thy light/Through Death's veil/'Til we have Heaven in sight...

 

by not_funny
8-14-03
Ashton Kutcher
Steve Buscemi
Rob Schneider
Draco Malfoy
Sir Ian McKellen
This comic sucked.

 

by not_funny
8-14-03
nipples
assholes
balls
cocks
cocks
more cocks

 

by not_funny
8-14-03
You know what's so great about all my pants?
What?
I cut out the pockets.
Oh my God! I did the same thing with all MY pants!

 

by not_funny
8-14-03
*spooge*
*spooge*

 

by not_funny
8-14-03
God damn it, I wish I was logged on to stripcreator.com right now!

 

by not_funny
8-14-03
I have a confession...
Don't worry, I'm here for you. You can tell me anything.
I've been reading Jerkcity for over a year now, and I still don't get it. I just pretend I get it to be a bigshot.
Well, I have only one question for you. Are you a homosexual?
HELL YEAH! I love to have queer sex with random men in filthy gas station bathrooms!
That's all that matters. Now mount me, you lusty stallion!

 

by not_funny
8-14-03
We have a VERY special show tonight! I know I always say that, but I really mean it this time! Tonight, we're interveiwing Dave LeBlanc, but you might know him as "Larry's Brother!"
Hello, Dave, and welcome to the show!
A pleasure to be here, Sean, and might I say, that's a mighty fine t-shirt you've got there.
Thanks, I'm stuck with it, because there isn't another character that looks like me. Now, let's get down to the burning question of the night...
What might that be, Sean?
How do I ask this... uh... Are you, or are you not, uh, a homosexual?
I most definately AM, Sean, and there's no need to be hesitant! I love to be fucked up the ass by large hairy men!

 

by not_funny
8-14-03
Fascinating! Well, I'm glad we got that out of the way. Now, tell us about your new movie!
Ok. Ok. (I'm excited!) It's called "Dave the Fag" and it's starring me. I wrote it, produced it, the whole shebang!
What's the story?
Well, it's basically a documentary... more like a docudrama. Some things were faked for the sake of entertainment. The movie just follows me, as I go through my faggy day!
Do we have a clip? What clip is this? Dave, can you set this clip up?
Uh, no. I wasn't told which one they'd be showing. I guess we'll both find out!

 

by not_funny
8-14-03
Sean shows a clip from Dave's new movie, "Dave the Fag"
That'll be $32.50 for all those weiners you ordered!
I like to eat weiners because I'm a fag!
All these hot dogs makes me wish I had a REAL footlong in my mouth!
Did someone ask for a footlong in their mouth!? WISH GRANTED, STUD!
YAY!

 

by not_funny
8-14-03
Wow! That was really hot!
Sean Nau, are you coming on to me?
...yes.
BE GAY WITH ME!!!
FOR FUCK'S SAKE, GO TO A COMMERCIAL!
(I want that tiny cock of yours up my ass!)

 

by not_funny
8-15-03
Meanwhile, deep within the bowels of somebody's parent's basement...
Haha! I am using "1337speak" in this chatroom to be as obnoxious as possible!
The joke is that, normally, I do not type this way, nor am I this stupid.
I am very ironic.

 

by not_funny
8-15-03
WE ARE THE KNIGHTS WHO SAY "NI!"
COME SEE THE VIOLENCE INHERIT IN THE SYSTEM! HELP, HELP I'M BEING REPRESSED!
I FART IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION!
BRING OUT YOUR DEAD! BRING OUT YOUR DEAD!
'TIS BUT A FLESH WOUND!
IT'S PEOPLE LIKE ME WHO HAVE SYSTEMATICALLY RUINED MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL! EVEN IF THE QUOTES WERE STILL FUNNY, I CAN'T EVEN DO A BRITISH ACCENT, PEOPLE!

 

by not_funny
8-16-03
Men, Women And Animals In Action!!!!
Just when you thought you have seen some of the most wild and (some think) disgusting sex scenes ever we bring you the site you have only heard people talk about.
Do you think a horse cares where he sticks his cock? Have you ever seen a man take it doggy style?
Does it shock you to see what some women will put inside them? Come see the answers to all of these questions!
See why Denmark is known as the animal sex capital of the world. See why America is second.
And see who would send in pictures of themselves with the family dog having a good time to try and win $100.

 

by not_funny
8-16-03
Maria, remember that time I called you up, all frantic, saying that a monkey broke into my room and stole my favorite sweater?
Oh, yeah, I do! That was such a cute phone call!
And then I went on to say that the monkey put on my sweater, and it ran out the door, and you should come over to help me figure out how to get it back?
Aw, that was so nice of you cheer me up like that! I was going through a rough time back then.
Well, on that day I told a horrible, horrible lie! I lied to you, Maria! I LIED! There was never any fucking monkey, and I haven't owned a fucking sweater in years!
He might not be a looker, but at least he's marginally better in bed than my brother Michael.

 

by not_funny
8-16-03
I am a kind of farthing dip, / Unfriendly to the nose and eyes; / A blue-behinded ape, I skip / Upon the trees of Paradise.
At mankind’s feast, I take my place / In solemn, sanctimonious state, / And have the air of saying grace / While I defile the dinner plate.
I am the "smiler with the knife," / The battener upon garbage, I- / Dear Heaven, with such a rancid life, / Were it not better far to die?
Yet still, about the human pale, / I love to scamper, love to race, / To swing by my irreverent tail / All over the most holy place;
And when at length, some golden day, / The unfailing sportsman, aiming at, / Shall bag, me - all the world shall say:
Thank God, and there’s an end of that!

 

by not_funny
8-16-03
I went to Ozzfest yesterday, and I was wearing my Ghost Rider t-shirt, which is basically just a black cotton T emblazoned with a firey pissed-off skull.
Having been tired of the whole set of "flamah" jokes, I thought I'd beat people to the punch, even if they weren't thinking it. "I'm wearing this t-shirt because I'm a FLAMING FAGGOT!" I'd say.
"And by 'flaming faggot' I mean A CIGARETTE...! get it? Get it!?" I'd add, louder than before, creating the appearance that I thought I was being remotely clever with that terrible joke.
Once people were tired of me being unfunny, I'd catch them off guard with a big deadpan, "And by 'cigarette' I mean I LIKE TO FUCK GROWN MEN UP THE ASS!"
You should have seen the reactions! Nobody expects to hear that in public, especially not in a loud masculine voice, stated plain as day! Not even my friends saw it coming.
God, I'm a juvenile prick.

 

by not_funny
8-17-03
HEY FREDRICK! I JUST SAW THE COMMERSHUL TO AMERICAN WEDDING ON THE TEE VEE!
HE WUZ SHAVING HIS PUBICS CUZ OF HIS WEDDING NIGHT, THEN WHEN HE'S SHAKING OUT THE TOWEL, ALL HIS PUBICS GO EVERYWHERE, AND, AND, AND, AND INTO THE PEOPLES MOUTHS AND ON TO THE WEDDING CAKE!!!
HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW!!!

 

by not_funny
8-17-03
This sunset is so beautiful, because watching sunsets and being happy all the time is what marriage is all about.
Well, now's the perfect time! I've seen you fuck wacky shit for the last time! I'm leaving you... FOR YOUR MOM!
Let me think this over, while I slit my wrists in the car.
Ok.
Well, it's time to bury the body, and accidentally fuck it on the way.

 

by not_funny
8-17-03
Well Sorcerous Zog, it's your turn.
I cast a spell.
Roll a d20.
I got 1.
You lose.
I lost a long time ago.

 

by not_funny
8-18-03
OH YEAH! THAT'S THE SPOT!

 

by not_funny
8-18-03
Ok, that's enough.
THAT'S ENOUGH! STOP!
RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!

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