All comics by ZMannZilla

Profile

 

by ZMannZilla
2-05-16
Martin loves his holodeck. Every day, Martin pretends to be his favorite comic book character.
Time to be destroyed, Herpes The Clown... For I, THE MASKED PENIS, must destroy you with my mighty BUTT-THRUST ATTACK!
I dare you to try!
Except today, when the power went out.
DAMMIT!

 

by ZMannZilla
3-06-16
Holy Cursewords Porkman! They have one of those old Nintendo Play Choice 10 arcade cabinets!
Porkman remembers that bastard machine well from grade school!
Oh yeah, I keep forgetting you're old as shit. So what was it like then, having to rent access to ten mediocre NES titles?
HORRID! Bodega across the street from school had one... it took MUCH of Porkman's lunch moneys and left Porkman with NOOOOTHING!
Just like a school bully, huh?
Indeed, which is why Porkamn happy to see that quarter stealing prick now works at a Chuck-E-Cheese.

 

by ZMannZilla
3-08-16
Holy Cursewords Porkman! It's like Abe Vigoda using a Virtual Boy full of Vegemite in here!
Is Finchy so certain? Porkman feels it is more like Rutger Hauer hitting Roger Whittaker with a sack full of Pogs.
What? No way! If ANYTHING, it's closer to Steve Guttenberg making McDLTs with a Bedazzled Salad Shooter!
FINCHY IS MISTAKEN! This is CLEARLY analogous to Tor Johnson violating the entire cast of Cop Rock with a Pogo Ball full of frozen Hi-C Ecto Cooler!
What if it was full of Sharkleberry Fin instead?
YES! PERFECT! SAVE COMIC!

 

by ZMannZilla
3-10-16
Holy Cursewords Porkman ! Ni vere parolas Esperante nun !
NO WE ARE NOT SPEAKING ESPERANTO! STOP TRYING TO MAKE ESPERANTO A THING!
Ĉu vi certas Porkman ? Eble helpos via morta karno de porko scias la romantika amo de ĉevalo !
Mmmm... ĉevalo you say? Porkman would get lots of ĉevalo...?
Jes , ĉevalo .Vi konsentos al pariĝado kun ĉevalo ĉar Esperanto estas nur tiu malbenita sexy .
JUST TELL ME IN ENGLISH WHAT FLAVOR ARE THE CEVALOS!!!

 

by ZMannZilla
3-10-16
Holy Cursewords Porkman! I can't believe you're finally letting me see the inside of your apartment!
WHAT YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN HERE BEFORE?
What? No, I've never been here! Remember, you said you wanted to keep work life and private life separate?
But wait! If all those times it was not the Finchy, then who WAS that Finchy that kept stealing Porkman's breakfast cereals all those times?
I'unno. Probably an impostor or something. So what's the story with that weird poopy smell?
Porkman used to have a dog.

 

by ZMannZilla
3-17-16
Hi! I'm Stripcreator donor ZMannZilla. My first comic series in 2005 was "To Serve Robot-Kind", a whimsical tale about the lighter side of being the last human in a robot apocalypse.
It was awesome! We made tasteless jokes and I even got to eat a baby! When are we ever going to pick that back up?
Probably never BobTron. My second serious attempt at a series was "This Is Tech Support", based loosely on things that happened to me when I did tech support for a video game company.
Don't forget to mention the part where you specifically chose the title because the acronym was "TITS", you clever boy.
I tried a lot of other series ideas, and somehow ended up settling with Porkman & Finchy. It's a formulaic two character set-up where I just type whatever brain fart occurs to me.
Holy Cursewords Zilla! I've never been on this side of the panel before! It looks weird and smells like pork!

 

by ZMannZilla
3-22-16
Holy Cursewords Porkman! Wisconsin people sure have to pull a lot of cow titties to make all that delicious cheese!
THAT WHITE STUFF IS CHEESE?
Not yet, Porkman! First they let the white stuff spoil a little, and then they add stomach acid from a cow to it, and THEN they let it sit around and get bacteria until it hardens!
Porkman confused by Finchy's summary. How is it that a bacteria-riddled block of old expired cow-titty fluid is something people add to every food?
Gosh, if you ask a question like that, people are going to think you've never even tasted a salad.
OMG WHAT PART OF A COW DOES THE SALAD COME FROM?!?!

 

by ZMannZilla
3-22-16
Holy Cursewords Porkman! I just realized that I haven't heard a thing about Tiger Woods in, like, YEARS!
Untrue, Finchy. Less than 24 hours ago, Porkman's Facebook feed said something about Tiger Woods hurting his back.
WHOA! So, like, there's some news only you get and I don't, and it's because we get all our news through Facebook?
Hmm, yes, Finchy makes compelling point even to Porkman's rotting pig-goo brains.
Does President Schwartzenegger know about this?
WE'RE NOT A MONARCHY ANY MORE?!?!

 

by ZMannZilla
3-22-16
Holy Cursewords Porkman! It just occurred to me that we're supposed to be superheroes! Do you still have those super powers?
Porkman will check-
I smell smoke. Does that mean you still have the flame powers?
NOBODY CAN PROVE IT! PORKMAN WAS NOT EVEN IN THE PANEL AT THE TIME!!!

 

by ZMannZilla
3-22-16
Holy Cursewords Porkman! It sure was lucky for us that the zombie apocalypse was the correct one to prepare for!
Indeed, Finchy! Porkman's genius contingency plan for these dead of walking was based on thorough reading of the Zombie Survival Guide.
Wait, isn't that the one that told people to burn their stairs down and hit zombies with shovels?
PORKMAN ASSURES FINCHY THERE WAS PRACTICAL REASON PORKMAN DID THOSE THINGS!
But aren't we in a basement? Wouldn't burning the stairs mean that hundreds of zombies can get in here, but WE can't get out?
OMIGOD YES AND I JUST PISSED THEM ALL OFF BY THROWING SHOVELS AT THEM!!!

 

Senator, why do government goofballs like you push so hard for anti-transsexual bathroom laws?
Because one time when I was assaulting someone in a public bathroom, I accidentally touched a vagina!
by ZMannZilla, 3-25-16

 

by ZMannZilla
3-29-16
Holy Cursewords Porkman! Cigarette prices are getting INSANE! Even bags of loose tobacco are ridiculously expensive!
FINCHY IS A CIGARETTE SMOKER?!?!
At THESE prices? Pffft, not any more! I quit yesterday!
Porkman happy to hear this! Let Porkman know if help is needed!
You could start by not being so skinny and delicious looking.
IT IS NOT PORKMAN'S FAULT THAT I AM ONE-QUARTER CIGARETTE ON MY FATHER'S SIDE!

 

by ZMannZilla
4-06-16
Holy Cursewords Porkman! Your resume is literally two solid pages of 12-point Times New Roman LIES!
PORKMAN ASKED FOR PROOF READS NOT CRITIQUE! Besides, is just creative truth enhancement, not lies!
I'm just saying, dude... A little fib here or there is cool, but how are you going to keep all this outlandish fiction straight during your interview?
Relax Finchy. Porkman is smooth like the cream cheese on a morning Egg McMuffin.
So it says here that from 2004 to 2008 you were Burt Reynolds?
AMAZING, RIGHT?!

 

by ZMannZilla
4-10-16
Holy Cursewords Porkman! The Kickstarter campaign for "Scrotorola: The Smartphone Case That Slaps You With A Scrotum" is only a few hundred dollars away from hitting its goal!
CRAP! PORKMAN PLEDGED TO THAT AS A JOKE! Porkman did not think silly phone scrotum would actually get funded!
OF COURSE it was going to get funded! It's the phone accessory that slaps you in the mouth with a scrotum every time you answer a call!
SCROTUMS ARE UNPLEASANT AND PORKMAN CANNOT FATHOM WHY ANYONE WOULD WANT THAT!!!
Pffft, whatever! More phone scrotum for me then!
Wow, once you say "scrotum" several times it starts to sound silly. Scrotum scrotum scrotum scrotum scrotum scrotum scrotum scrotum scrotum scrotum scrotum scrotum scrotum scrotum scrotum scrotum

 

by ZMannZilla
4-13-16
Holy Cursewords Porkman! They're making an Uber service just for women!
DISCRIMINATION AGAINST MAN PERSONS! HOW DARE THEY!
There's still going to be regular Uber though. This is just a service for women who no longer feel safe since male Uber drivers did all those sexual assaults.
HOW DARE WOMEN GET A SPECIAL THING THAT IS JUST FOR THEM! PORKMAN INFURIATED THAT HE CANNOT UTILIZE 100% OF ALL SERVICES!
That explains why we keep having to take you to get abortions.
Porkman regrets those, but it is only way to remove all the tampons!

 

by ZMannZilla
4-15-16
Holy Cursewords Porkman! That button the leprechaun gave us was hooked into every nuclear missile on the planet! We're all doomed!
YES PORKMAN KNOWS THIS BECAUSE PORKMAN PAID ATTENTION TO WHAT LEPRECHAUN SAID!
What?! When did he say that?!
DURING THAT STUPID ORIENTATION WE HAD TO GO TO!!! IT WAS WRITTEN IN GIANT RED LETTERS NEXT TO A PICTURE OF A BOMB!!!
I must have been asleep at the PowerPoint presentation. Still at least we'll get that million dollars!
AND SPEND IT ON WHAT EXACTLY?!

 

by ZMannZilla
4-23-16
Holy Cursewords Porkman! We have the power of creation itself!
Is that why Porkman just pooped a jackalope?
Yep! God just granted us his powers, and all I had to do was loudly complain about how difficult my life as a first world white male is!
THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE GAVE YOU LIMITLESS COSMIC MIGHT FOR THAT? HOW STUPID AND PETTY!
Hey, screw you. Just for that I'm going to rewrite history so that all the best religions will consider your existence a sin.
Please at least name the sin after Porkman's beloved aunt Kosher.

 

by ZMannZilla
4-23-16
Holy Cursewords Porkman! That lovely dinner with Springfield's famous family "The Simpsons" was TERRIBLE!
Ok, right, so how come the Homer can try to eat Porkman but IF PORKMAN BITE BABY SUDDENLY IT'S NOT FUNNY?!
I bet Maggie tasted better than that thing Marge said was "meatloaf".
She did, yes, God rest her soul.
Oh boy, at least we'll get to meet that wacky Police Chief Wiggum... here he comes now!
Yeah for Homer! Porkman called in a domestic violence report after he choked Bart in front of us TWIST ENDING BITCHES WORD I'M OUT

 

by ZMannZilla
4-29-16
Holy Curshwordsh Porkmam! I am, like, SHOOOO drunk right now! Lookit how drrrrrunk I am!
Yes, Porkman can clearly see Finchy is inebriated with liquors. This is not a compelling or interesting observation.
Ohmanohman Porkman... PORKMAN... thish one time, I got sho drunk dat-
Porkman will stop you there. "I was so drunk" stories only interesting to the drunkard and nobody else.
Waitwaitwait, what about thish idea I have f'r a movie? Wanna hear that?
Only if idea is Finchy goes home and sleeps it off because DRUNK PEOPLE ARE UNPLEASANT BOORISH ATTENTION HOGS!!!

 

by ZMannZilla
5-05-16
Holy Cursewords Porkman! My dick is caught in this chicken!
FINCHY SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN FOLLOWING CHICKEN SO CLOSELY!
I just wanted to know why it was crossing this road!
It would be nice to get a definitive answer to such ageless question. Porkman still unclear how Finchy's penis became part of this scientific inquiry.
I also wanted to know if the egg would come first!
OK NOW THAT IS JUST GROSS!

 

by ZMannZilla
5-10-16
Holy Cursewords Porkman! That guy over there is whipping!
Is that what that is? Porkman thought that man was nay-naying.
Whatever it was, he seemed really enthusiastic about us watching him do it!
Porkman always happy to watch someone nay-nay!
Oh, now he's rolling.
AND NOW I HATE HIM!

 

by ZMannZilla
5-16-16
You wouldn't believe what just happened to me.
Gee, that's kind of presumptuous. How do you know I wouldn't believe it?
Well... uh, what?
I have a healthy imagination, I actually asked for this mullet, and I've been drinking since 9AM! I could believe all sorts of crazy stuff for all you know! Lay it on me!
Well, okay... so this 50-foot-tall Martian sex robot shaped like Bob Barker almost stepped on my rabbi, and-
Wait... you're JEWISH?! I DON'T BELIEVE IT!

 

"How do they make Starburst so juicy? It's like a modern miracle!"
GODDAMMIT STARBURST STOP TAKING CREDIT FOR MY OWN SALIVA!
by ZMannZilla, 5-20-16

 

by ZMannZilla
5-20-16
Holy Cursewords Porkman! Those Bernie Sanders supporters sure are a bunch of angry whining jerkfaces!
Yeah but Hillary Clinton supporters are a bunch of smug self-righteous jerkfaces!
We still have to pick one of them though! Otherwise Trump's racist uneducated jerkface supporters will win!
If only there were a candidate with no jerkface supporters whatsoever.
Sadly, nobody wins an election if only 3% of the population supports them.
THE SYSTEM IS RIGGED TEAR IT ALL DOWN VERMIN SUPREME 2016!

 

by ZMannZilla
5-22-16
Holy Cursewords Porkman! Those cannibals cut my pecker off!
A sad single tear is shed by Porkman for loss of Finchy's dingaling.
It's okay though, because see what I can do now that I couldn't do before!
UGH FINCHY IS SPRAYING DICKBLOOD AT PORKMAN GROSS!
I wonder why they cut off my ding dong though? What use could cannibals have for a meaty 14-inch mutant penis with two heads?
AND WHY IS PORKMAN UNCUT? CANNIBALS TOO GOOD FOR THREE POINT SIX INCHES OF GOD'S BEST WORK?!

 

by ZMannZilla
5-27-16
Before we get started, I am required by law to tell you that I'm a registered sex offender, which is stupid because both of the Boy Scouts involved were consenting.
It's yet another blatant case of government overreach, just like the time they violated my rights by breaking my toilet cameras at the daycare. Unacceptable!
It's like I told my pal Adolf at that NAMBLA meeting, "If Uncle Sam minded its own damn business, Uncle Chester wouldn't need to make little boys eat so much NyQuil."
That's why, with the help of all you fine folks at this orgy, I'm running for president. Any questions?
Obama's done some good things for the economy, but the work is far from over. What are your plans for continuing that success?
The fuck is an "economy"?

 

by ZMannZilla
5-27-16
Holy Cursewords Porkman! My torches are set up perfectly, and now Creepers and Skeletons won't spawn in my base!
ACK! PORKMAN'S HOUSE HAS ZOMBIES IN IT!
Yeah, but if you put up torches in the corners like I TOLD you to, zombies wouldn't spawn in your house. That's like Minecraft 101.
Porkman didn't put in corner torches because they would look dumb and ruin the mood lighting!
Yeah, it looks like the zombies sure appreciate your mood lighting.
At least someone does.

 

by ZMannZilla
6-01-16
Holy Cursewords Porkman! There's something weird and sketchy about that guy near the front of this bus!
Does Finchy refer to the scrawny one with the Miller High Life hat or the fat one with the beard?
No, not the two perfectly normal bus ladies! THAT one!
Oh, does Finchy mean the one with a fake beard made of old used coffee filter, and is also clearly 47 SNAKES INSIDE OF A TRENCHCOAT?
...OOOOOH, is that what his deal is?
Yeah, that's Carl. Nice enough guy but also a chatty conspiracy nut so don't make eye contact.

 

by ZMannZilla
6-01-16
Holy Cursewords Porkman! We're stranded on a desert island!
FINCHY IS DAMN RIGHT WE ARE! NOW WE SEE WHO IS TRULY CORRECT!
Oh, is this about that dumb Facebook post we replied to yesterday, the one about what 3 things we'd bring if we were stranded on a desert island?
Damn right again, stupid sidekick! Porkman shall now demonstrate why Porkman's answer was superior to Finchy's!
Your answer was "infinite wishes". Do you see a genie anywhere? ((sigh)) Now where's the desert survival kit, complete set of Craftsman tools, and Daft Punk mixtape I had on my list?
..........Porkman was going to wish for them with second wish to emphasize Finchy's stupidness?

 

by ZMannZilla
6-02-16
Holy Cursewords Porkman! You gotta try this new drink! It's called YO BUBBLE and it's basically carbonated YooHoo!
Porkman confused... Why would carbonated bubbly milk stuff be good? YooHoo is a dairy product!
I don't think it is. It's basically just chocolate water.
Nuh-uh the YooHoo it is made with whey WHICH IS A DAIRY PRODUCT! It is the reason why YooHoo have the creamy texture Porkman love so much!
Oh yeah, the ingredients list does say "whey", how about that! It's right here, just after "yak musk".
YOU CAN CARBONATE YAK MUSK? LIFEHACK!!!

 

by ZMannZilla
6-03-16
Holy Cursewords Porkman! We got on the wrong bathysphere!
AH CRAP! PORKMAN WILL BE LATE FOR IMPORTANT MEETING IN ATLANTIS! Where is this stupid thing going?
Not sure. I asked the conductor but all he did was make a cow noise at me.
Oh, that must mean we going to lost continent of Mu. Never been there before.
I know what Mu is, but that wasn't the noise. It was more like when a cow barfs up and eats its cud after it ate a bunch of Sour Path Kids.
AH DOUBLE CRAP! WE'RE GOING TO BLUHSQUEECH?!

 

by ZMannZilla
6-12-16
Holy Cursewords Porkman! That guy is getting the everloving CRAP beaten out of him!
QUICK GET THE PORKMAN'S CELLPHONE AND RECORD MANY YOUTUBE VIDEOS!
I know we aren't going to rescue that guy because, duh, this is a Porkman & Finchy strip, so instead I'm going have to ask: why do you make me carry your cellphone?
GODDAMMIT WHAT'S WITH ALL THE QUESTIONS?!
There's porn on this thing, isn't there?
Only of our mother and her aunts, God rest their filthy contortionist souls.

 

by ZMannZilla
6-24-16
Holy Cursewords Porkman! We're inside of a spam email!
Hey, didn't we already use this background before?
Porkman, focus! Someone has made us into a digital attachment and is mass-mailing us to old ladies and shut-ins!
Yeah, Porkman did that, is because Porkman has power to infect computers, but no for real I swear we used this background for the GeoCities strip.
We now exist in a quantum superstate in over a billion inboxes worldwide, and the thing you're hung up on is some background recycling?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE THAT HAS TO DEAL WITH NITPICKY HATE MAIL FROM ALL BOTH OF OUR FANS!

 

by ZMannZilla
7-04-16
Holy Cursewords Porkman! The prototype game console Microsoft sent us for testing exploded and now everything is on fire!
ACK! Porkman's rare collection of used celebrity toilet papers is catching of the flames! That will decrease resale value!
Yeah, also, the HOUSE and ALL OUR STUFF is on fire thanks to this stupid prototype!
Porkman should have suspected something when instructions for new Halo game included use of actual flamethrower.
So what do we tell the fire department when they get here?
According to non-disclosure agreement we sign with Microsoft, NOT A DAMN THING!

 

by ZMannZilla
7-04-16
Holy Cursewords Porkman! It looks like a British murder mystery happened in here!
How is can it be that Finchy knows it was British murder and not vanilla-flavored American murder?
There's all sorts of obvious evidence laying around, and all the corpses look so... polite. You know how British murder mysteries are.
Porkman slept through every British murder mystery Porkman ever watched, but Porkman can imagine what it would be like.
INSIDE PORKMAN'S IMAGINATION:
Dreadfully sorry, but I'm afraid this knife will damage your Brioni suit pocket. Is there a favor I might do for you as a reparation?
Ah, there's an upstanding chap! Would you kindly lay the knife near my head and stuff a picture of your favorite songbird into my ear?

 

by ZMannZilla
7-10-16
Holy Cursewords Porkman! I just read "Atlas Shrugged" by Ayn Rand and it was the BEST BOOK EVER!
But Porkman thought that the Finchy he does not know how to read?
Correct! I'm illiterate AND medically stupid, and I say "Atlas Shrugged" is the finest piece of American literature written by a non-man!
first of all nuh uh its twilight and second of all FINCHY MAKE NO SENSE HOW CAN YOU HAVE OPINION OF BOOK YOU CANNOT READ?!
Right, like Westboro Baptist Church members can even read their own signs, much less a Bible.
OMG ARE THE WBC LITERALLY PROTESTING THIS COMIC STRIP WHILE ZILLA IS WRITING IT?!?!

 

by ZMannZilla
7-13-16
BLACK LIVES MATTER!!!
Hey screw you! ALL LIVES MATTER!
SUPPORT THE TROOPS!!!
Hey screw you! I SUPPORT EVERYONE!
PAC MAN IS A FUN VIDEO GAME!!!
Hey screw you! ALL VIDEO GAMES ARE FUN!

 

by ZMannZilla
7-14-16
HELLOOOOO! ANSWER YOUR DOOR!
knock knock
Ah! Hello fine foul spawn of the pit! I have your pizza here!
I did not order a pizza.
Wait, this isn't 666, the Number Of The Beast???
Thou hast the wrong address. This be 668, the Neighbor Of The Beast. 666 is over there.

 

by ZMannZilla
7-18-16
Holy Cursewords Porkman! This Kolkata India call center smells like curry farts!
PORKMAN AND FINCHY IS IN INDIA NOW?!?!
Yeah, I'm here because our call center manager said the ventilation was broken. You're here because I drugged you.
Why does Finchy and also Porkman need Indian call center?
Duh, because the minimum wage is too damn high in America.
NO REALLY WHY DOES WE NEED CALL CENTER TO RUN THIS SHITSHOW OF A COMIC STRIP?!

 

by ZMannZilla
7-20-16
Holy Cursewords Porkman! This has been one wild Republican National Convention!
SHUT UP AND VOTE FOR VERMIN SUPREME ALREADY!!!
Stephen Colbert, Third-Eye Blind, and that wild party where Ann Coulter got topless!
Oh, is that why both of the straight senators were throwing dollar bills at that coatrack?
Yup! I can't wait to see what the Trump supporters boo at next! WHAT IF IT'S SCOTT BAIO?!
CHARLES IN CHARGE IS A REPUBLICAN AND ALSO STILL ALIVE?!

 

by ZMannZilla
7-23-16
Holy Cursewords Porkman! ZMannZilla is making this comic during his 40th birthday!
Isn't that the age when life begins? That makes this ZMannZilla's first true birthday!!!
I don't think the space time continuum quite works like that.
It doesn't?! THANKS OBAMA!!!
You should actually be blaming ZMannZilla. He's done far weirder things to us. He could easily make space/time bend to our every whim.
THIS IS WHY NOBODY LIKE YOU, NOT EVEN YOUR OWN CREATIONS! HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU TRASHFAG!

 

by ZMannZilla
7-24-16
holy cursewords porkman that was a really painful lobotomy
DURRRRR!
ha ha i see you have gotten a lobotomy as well
THEY USED AN ICE CREAM SCOOP!
i have pooped myself and forgotten my first name
ARE YOU A PONY?!?!

 

by ZMannZilla
7-29-16
Holy Cursewords Porkman! Our corporate by-laws are experiencing synergy with sweat equity from the capital sector! Our division will experience negative growth if we don't engage with the user base!
Porkman pretty sure none of that made sense.
You need to tap your pondering resources, Porkman! A deficiency in effective bi-lateral communication is a total non-starter in this corporate environment!
Is this another dumb Esperanto strip? SPEAK THE ENGLISH!
I'm concerned that my contribution will be insufficient in preventing your downsizing.
Porkman will pack up desk.

 

by ZMannZilla
8-02-16
Whoa, duuuuude. That was one hell of a cosmic kegger. Where the hell am I?
Omigod, omigod! Thank Krav'lakk someone finally landed here! Hey, can you help me out? I'm stranded on this planetoid and almost out of food and-
Star-Bro Log, Stardate Fucked-If-I-Know. My rampant VD finally caught up with me. My ballsack fell off and asked me for food.
Wait, no, there must be some confusion. I'm not your dangerously septic gonads, I'm a marooned star captain from the planet-
Star Log Addendum: my balls just called themselves a captain. Obviously compensating for being born disgusting.
Well, at least I won't be running out of food any time soon.

 

by ZMannZilla
8-02-16
Holy Cursewords Porkman! It was a terrible idea to hide from the giant inside this toilet!
HEY LAY OFF! NOT EVERY ONE OF PORKMAN'S PLANS CAN BE WINNERS!
Name one thing about this entire trip up the beanstalk that was a good idea.
Porkman does like a challenge. Hmmm... well, taking a bite from that giant Ferrero Roche was good idea. Finchy enjoyed that as Porkman recalls.
Yeah, not what I'd call an experience worth floating in giant turd-water while fearing for my life.
Climbing beanstalk into the clouds was also good cardio! CHRIST WHY IS FINCHY ALWAYS SO NEGATIVE?!

 

by ZMannZilla
8-11-16
Holy Cursewords, Porkman. You are just THE most annoying life partner. I mean seriously.
And Finchy is the most breaking of Porkman's heart-muscle. Say please that it is ain't so.
I have no idea what that meant. I never do. You talk like an idiot and make no sense. That's why I'm breaking up with you.
PREPOSTEROUS! These are traits which the Finchy once said was cute and endearing of the Porkman!
Yep, I was probably high on diet crack when I said that. You're annoying and we're through. Is it cool if we still fuck from time to time though?
WE WILL FINALLY FUCK AGAIN?! OMG YES LET'S BREAK UP AND HAVE ALL THE ORAL SEX!!!

 

by ZMannZilla
8-19-16
Holy Cursewords Porkman! That dead-eyed redneck rapist is sharpening his boner!
HE TOTALLY IS! THAT IS HILLBILLY GENITALS GETTING GRINDED TO A RAZOR SHARP POINT!
We're going to die, aren't we?
O god yes, in very humiliating ways and also painful sexy ways.
Oh wait, no, no... he's bleeding to death. Turns out there's a major vein in the penis and he just cut right through it. Hah! Dumb-ass.
YOU SEE?! IS SHIT LIKE THIS IS WHY PORKMAN GOING TO DIE A VIRGIN!!!

 

by ZMannZilla
9-02-16
Holy Cursewords Porkman! My psychiatrist says I've been suffering from schizophrenia!
OH WHAT EVEN IS SCHIZOPOOPYDOOP?
It means I see and hear things that aren't there! That's why they gave me these pills to try and make it go away!
Yeah, good luck with that.
TWO WEEKS LATER...
Well, I'm impotent, drowsy, can barely hold a thought for ten seconds, and my chest hurts all the time, but at least I don't see hallucinations any more!
That's nice.

 

by ZMannZilla
9-02-16
Jeez, that child of mine has been right up my ass all day! Finally though I can just smoke a cigarette in peace.
I'll just pull out my lighter and
DADDY HUG?
Wha... I WALKED A MILE AWAY FROM THE HOUSE! Where's your mother?!
The location of mother does not concern me, fat man, for it is only YOUR peace and quiet that I yearn to destroy! MUHUHAHAHAHA!!

 

by ZMannZilla
9-02-16
Holy Cursewords Porkman! The planet Earth is spinning much faster than I remember it spinning!
Days going by in minutes! Minutes going by in microseconds! Is all so terribly confusing!
I'm also getting a little queasy from the motion sickness.
Indeed, Porkman feeling barfy as well. What could make the world to go round so much faster than normal?
Well, science did try to warn us about America's obesity epidemic.
Ah yes. Too many fat-bottom girls will do that.

Showing page 10.

« Previous Next »