All comics by DestroyAllTacos

Profile

 

by DestroyAllTacos
12-29-02
OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ
Are you sure having a rave in the middle of the desert is such a good idea?
What?
OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ
I said, are you sure having a rave in the middle of the desert is such a good idea?
WHAT???
OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ

 

by DestroyAllTacos
1-03-03
So, a man walks into a bar with an inflatable chicken on his shoulder.
The bar tender asks what he'll have. And the man says "Quit staring at me! A man isn't free to take his inflatable chicken out to a bar anymore thanks to ignorant people like you!"
Why the hell are you telling jokes to an elephant?
Look, I'll tell jokes to elephants all I want! I won't have ignorant elephants like yourself telling me when I can and cannot tell jokes to elephants! I shall be persecuted no longer!!

 

by DestroyAllTacos
1-03-03
So a man tries to tell a joke to an elephant and...
wait, I've heard this one already.
Oh.
Since the author can't think of anything to do with this panel, here is a cross-dressing bunny for your entertainment.
hi.

 

by DestroyAllTacos
1-04-03
He smiley strange
You lookin happy, Lee the range
a-can I sell you sherbet?
oh have you hit your target yet?
yes indeed, don't you talk pie, yes indeed.
AYE AYE AYE AYE!

 

by DestroyAllTacos
1-04-03
One Fish.
Two Fish.
Red Fish... Holy Shit It's A Crossdressing S And M Penguin!

 

by DestroyAllTacos
1-04-03
I need love.
Shut up before I shove a broom handle up your ass!
A broom handle... of love?
So lonely...

 

by DestroyAllTacos
1-04-03
No one understands me. I need love.
23 Skidoo!
23 skidoo... of love?
yes.
Aw.... Love!!!!
23 skidoo!
23 skidoo!

 

by DestroyAllTacos
1-05-03
Say, what's in that jar over on the kitchen counter?
Oh, those are Chupa-Chups (TM). you know, the lollipops.
Yeah, well one of those "lollipops" just jumped out the window and sucked the life out of my pet goat!
Huh. that's odd... I'll go into the kitchen and check things out...
Wait a second... Chupacabra-Chups?? No wonder these things were on sale!

 

by DestroyAllTacos
1-08-03
Yes! In a few moments, my evil plan will be complete!
This is madness! Don't you realize what you're doing?
If you come to the surface of the earth, the fabric of time itself will errode and... hey, isn't that a dog balancing on a ball over there?
Crisis averted!
Oh, 23 skidoo dog, you're the 23 skidoo-est!
23 skidoo!!

 

by DestroyAllTacos
1-08-03
The cupboard is empty, we really need food. Summer is winter and you always knew.
Everything's gone white and everything's grey, now you're here now you're away.
All police are paranoid. So am I, so's your future. So are you, be a creature! Thank you, and good night. And always remember, your child is on fire. your child is on fire.

 

by DestroyAllTacos
1-09-03
Meanwhile, in the home of a prominent movie critic...
Who the hell are you, and what are you doing in my house?
I'm Kangaroo Jack.
Really? I went to a screening of your movie the other day. It sucked.
Yes, but I have a gun.
Point taken. Alright, I'll still give it a bad review, but I'll include one sentence that sounds sort of positive when taken out of context, so you can quote it in future ads for the movie.
It's a deal!!

 

by DestroyAllTacos
1-15-03
Hey, what's going on?
Not much.
That's too bad.
Eh, it oculd be worse. Bad things could be happening... Marsupials could be consuming my live flesh.
A wallaby ate my mom's face off once! Thanks for bringing it up, dick!
Geez, sorry.

 

by DestroyAllTacos
1-15-03
So yeah, that time I had to sit through Coyote Ugly was the most horrible experience in my life.
Well it was a pretty bad movie, I guess.
I mean what the hell kind of stagefright only prohibits you from singing your own original songs, and can only be cured by a special guest appearance by Leann Rimes?
My mom had a case of stage fright exactly like that. Leann Rimes never showed up, and she was so embarrassed she stabbed herself to death with a q-tip. Thanks for bringing it up, dick!
Is there any bizarre tragic occurence that hasn't happened to your mom?
No.

 

by DestroyAllTacos
1-16-03
Raped with a spatula?
Someone broke into the kitchen one night and my mom woke up with various utensils up her ass. It happened again the next day, and the day after that. Thanks for bringing it up, dick!
Disemboweled with a spear carved from armadillo shells as part of an elaborate ritual to please Jakkalakalu the mighty Corn Husk God?
My mom was a missionary in South Blempgorfia, where corn husks are revered as holy. They stole her vital organs, but she will always have my heart. Thanks for bringing it up, dick!
You're just making these up now, aren't you?

 

by DestroyAllTacos
1-16-03
Hey, aren't you the dog on the ball that says "23 skidoo"?
SCHEISSE VERDAMNT!
I'm a really huge fan. Can I get your autograph?
SCHEISSE VERDAMNT!
Well, um... Okay... I'll be... leaving now...
SCHEISSE VERDAMNT!

 

by DestroyAllTacos
1-16-03
You'll never guess who I ran into today... The "23 skidoo" dog! He was acting kind of weird too...
He wasn't saying "SCHIESSE VERDAMNT!" by any chance, was he?
Yeah... How did you know?
My god! That wasn't "23 skiddoo!" dog! That was his evil twin from an alternate dimension, "SCHIESSE VERDAMNT!" dog. We must prevent them from meeting, or the world as we know it will be over!
We must send for help! To the Delorean! I mean um, my mom's old hatchback!

 

by DestroyAllTacos
1-16-03
So basically you're saying that a talking dog on a ball with a stupid catchphrase is going to meet another talking dog on a ball with a stupid catchphrase, and this will cause the apocalypse?
Um yeah, that's basically it...
Well then, I'll be sure to help right away... right after I take care of that crime spree in magical happy fairy land, and give Princess Moonbeam her fucking parking ticket!
Y'know, I don't quite think he believed me...
Well, looks like it's time we take matters into our own hands... But who on earth could be responsible for this?

 

by DestroyAllTacos
1-16-03
WHO INDEED!
Yes, it is I, Dr. Metacarpus! I summoned the "SCHIESSE VERDAMNT!" dog from his parallel dimension, so he could meet with the "23 skiddoo!" dog, and cause a paradox that would-
Yeah, we already went through that whole backstory thing.
Well damn, that's not how it works! The villain is supposed to reveal his own plot. What kind of world is this where an evil villain can't even give away his own evil plot for no clear reason at all?
Oh, just get on with it!
To be continued...
Alright, it's just that that was always my favorite part. Anyway, the 23 skiddoo dog and the schiesse verdamnt are placed in a secret location in my lab, and THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP ME!
We'll just see about that...

 

by DestroyAllTacos
1-17-03
Meanwhile, somewhere deep within Dr. Metacarpus' laboratory...
23 skiddo!
SCHIESSE VERDAMNT!!
23 skiddo!
SCHIESSE VERD...
(DEAFENING EXPLOSION)

 

by DestroyAllTacos
1-17-03
You know, I think it might have been a better plan if you used the catchphrase dog paradox thing to take the world hostage, instead of just blow it up for no good reason.
Yeah, I suppose I should have thought things through a little better.
So are we going to do anything about this or just enjoy the post-apocalyptic scenery?
Well, I was thinking, it's entirely possible that we're the only people left on the face of the earth. In order to start human life again, we must, er, procreate.
I thought you were gay.
Eh, that was just a phase. Now let's go find an abandoned building and I'll push my pencil into your clam.

 

by DestroyAllTacos
1-17-03
Huh. Well that was better than I thought it'd be. I mean we're still alive....
So, what are we gonna do now?
I was thinking we could go back in time and make it so this whole thing never happened. There was nothing in this comic that suggested we had that ability, but considering past plotholes, that's ok.
Wow, that's a great idea, I was just thinking we should procreate. Well, off to save the world then.
Damn!

 

by DestroyAllTacos
1-17-03
And so our heroes traveled time... For the future of mankind. Der ner, der ner ner ner, der na ner na ner ner, der na ner
So you're sure you know what we're doing, right?
Yeah, yeah, sure.
Um, something tells me this isn't 10 minutes ago...

 

by DestroyAllTacos
1-17-03
The girl I forgot to name and the coffee drinking dinosaur fell deeply in love. I'm not showing that much of it because I'm getting bored with this already, but they did, ok?
I wish I could stay with you forever, Mr. T-Rex-With-Coffee, but I must leave. The fate of the world depends on it. You'll always be in my heart.
BRAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!
Alright, now to stop Dr. Metacarpus from ending the world.
I come from the future. In 10 minutes, you're going to come up with a plan to take over the world by pitting the "23 skiddoo" dog against the "SCHIESSE VERDAMNT!" dog. Don't do that.
Ok.

 

by DestroyAllTacos
1-17-03
Hi, this is Mike of DestroyAllTacos fame. I'm being represented by a goat for some reason. Anyway, I'd like to apologize for that last series.
I really only thought of ideas for 3 or 4 of those strips and decided I could make the rest up as I went along and everything would go fine. Then I just started trying to get the damn thing finished.
The result was a pretty lame webcomic. I really deserve to be raped by a tentacle for that one... I um, didn't mean that literally or anything... NO PLEASE GOD, NO!!!!

 

by DestroyAllTacos
2-06-03
I'm bisexual. I'll buy anything sexual.
I'm trisexual. I'll try anything sexual.
I'm a necrophiliac... I like to have sex with dead people.

 

by DestroyAllTacos
2-06-03
I am bisexual, I will buy any sexual thing.
I am trisexual, I will test anything sexual.
I am a necrophiliac... I like to have the sex with the dead people.

 

by DestroyAllTacos
2-06-03
MUHAHAHA! I have taken this little asian girl who is not at all just there because the guy writing the comic didn't feel like changing from default character hostage! Now to call the president!
(this is inside the whitehouse, I just can't get the speech boxes to look that way)
Wait... so you're saying you want all of America to see your film, otherwise you will shoot an adorable default asian girl character?
Well, we don't cooperate with rapping terrorist kangaroos, but if you think it'll distract the american people while I fight a war for petty revenge and oil, we've got a deal!

 

by DestroyAllTacos
2-06-03
Due to the content of the previous strip, destroyalltacos' internet comic license has been suspended by National Security.
As a replacement, we now bring you the happy fun patriotic comic of patriotism.
23 skid... I mean um, HOORAY FOR AMERICA!!!

 

by DestroyAllTacos
2-06-03
So you see, the Golgi apparatus is a series of sacs that store nutrients for the cells...
IS IT WORTH IT? LET ME WORK IT, I PUT MY THING DOWN FLIP IT AND REVERSE IT! ES YERF SEKKA DEKKA DUCABNAW! ES YERF SEKKA DEKKA DUCABNAW!
the ribosomes and the endoplasmic riticulum something something blah blah blah.
YOU GOT A BIG (ELEPHANT NOISE) LET ME SEARCH IT! TO FIND OUT HOW HARD I GOTTA WORK YA! ES YERF SEKKA DEKKA DUCABNAW! ES YERF SEKKA DEKKA DUCABNAW!
an hour and 15 minutes later...
Alright, now remember the first exam is this monday. Class dismissed!
WHY YA ACT DUMB LIKE ERRRR, DUMB! SAY YOU ACT DUMB LIKE URRRR DUMB! EVERY DRUMMER BOY GO BARUMPAPBUMPBUM! GIVE SOME SOME SOME-A THIS IN A BUN!

 

by DestroyAllTacos
2-18-03
In the year 2013, Jerry Bruckenheimer takes over the world. All movies are re-editted to include rapping kangaroos.
Captain Willard (Martin Sheen), receives orders to seek out a renegade military outpost led by a mysterious rapping kangaroo (Brando) during the Vietnam War.
A man (Jack Nicholson) sent to a mental hospital finds the head rapping kangaroo (Louise Fletcher) a lot more dangerous than the other patients.
Mankind finds a mysterious, obviously artificial, artifact buried on the moon and, with the intelligent computer HAL, sets off on a quest. Also, there's a rapping kangaroo.

 

by DestroyAllTacos
2-18-03
(this hasn't happened yet, but it could)
As McLuhan said, the universality of the media has formed a "global villiage".
ZOO DO DO RAW, RAW FAW!
The media have a huge effect on politics and informing social change. Blah blah blah blah ideological messages blah blah codes, conventions and characteristics.
DIDDLY DO BA LA BA FWEEEEEE!
Alright, that's about all the time we have. be sure to pass in your discussion questions for tommorow.
POPPITY POPPITY POPPITY POPPITY!!!

 

by DestroyAllTacos
3-03-03
I've decided before I die, I'll edit my livejournal to make my life seem much cooler than it really was.
What the hell are you talking about?
You know, rewrite my livejournal, so when future historians discover the ruins of livejournal, they'll discover mine and I'll be so awesome they'll make me a historical figure.
Um, I'm sure even at the fall of the internet empire, there'll be plenty of information confirming that you are in fact a 9th grader with a perscription for acne medication who can't pass english.
Eh, you're right, it is kind of a stupid idea...
Yes! now time to go online and start writing the memoirs of Jen Miller, dragon slaying ninja pirate millionaire!

 

by DestroyAllTacos
3-03-03
So, you want to become part of my elite crime fighting squad, eh? What exactly are your powers?
I'm The Amazing Taco Eating Man. I have the ability to eat any and all tacos.
I... see. And what practical uses would this power have? Would you be able to thwart evildoers once and for all with this taco-eating ability?
Um... that depends... Are the evil-doers made out of tacos?
This is going to be a long day...
So, do I get the job?

 

by DestroyAllTacos
3-03-03
So, do I get the job?
You already asked that in the last comic...Look, I'm going to be frank here... You have the most useless super-power ever.
Unless there's an invasion of vicious man-eating tacos, there's just no way you're getting into my crime fighting squad...
Wait a second, aren't you that superhero whose main cause is protecting people from salmonella?
Look, I'll have you know undercooked chicken is a very serious matter! You may laugh now, but wait until the day you wake up with abdominal cramps and nausea!

 

by DestroyAllTacos
3-04-03
And for our top city, mass panic hit the city of whereever this comic takes place this afternoon...
My god, if I hadn't been holding interviews for my crime fighting league for so long, I could have stopped this. Oh, the irony!
Thousands of citizens were brutally assaulted by unknown assasins, and entire neighborhoods fled the area.
In what appears to be a remarkable case of mass hysteria, all major victims thus far claim to have been viciously attacked by roving packs of tacos...
Damn, I knew I should have hired that guy.

 

by DestroyAllTacos
7-13-03
(no really, they do.)
Selling Has Not At All Come As A Result Easy!
Advertising Has In No Way Appear So Relaxed!!
check this out for your schlong
Don't forget the family hewtwmv
Remove Hidden Files On Your Computer
yours can be to your knee

 

by DestroyAllTacos
7-13-03
Look, Legally Blonde 2 has been big money, and it is clearly impossible to underestimate theatergoers' intelligence. We need a 3rd sequel as soon as possible.
Oh, that's no problem, I have some great ideas already!
Like what?
Well, I was thinking we could emphasize the heartwarming thing more and maybe even get a chance for an oscar. So my idea is this: Reese Witherspoon's character will tragically lose her eyesight.
It shall be called Legally Blonde 3: Legally Bli- Oh... Ok, scratch that...

 

by DestroyAllTacos
8-09-03
must... not... get... song... stuck.. in... head...
EVERYBODY, MOVE YOUR FEET AND FEEL UNITED, WHOA-OH!
DON'T DON'T DON'T DON'T STOP THE BEAT, I C-C-CAN'T CAN'T CAN'T CONTROL MY FEET, A P-P-PEOPLE IN THE STREETS, A-COME ON EVERBODY AND MOVE YOUR FEET!
Centuries later...
SING SING SING SING SING MY SONG, AND YOU YOU YOU YOU SING ALONG...
wow, I guess you really CAN'T stop the beat...

 

by DestroyAllTacos
8-09-03
Paying homage to a site-wide private joke without actually doing so.
huh???
TEKCOR WANT CORNHOLE!
Attempting to make a generic Jerkcity strip and failing.
HULAAGAGAGAGLAGAG!!!!!!!
UM SOMETHING ABOUT DICKS!
Revealing the secrets of the universe.
And so, the meaing of life is-
Hey, do I smell tacos???

 

by DestroyAllTacos
8-14-03
Is there a problem, Officer?
A witness down the hill told me you just savagely ripped a bear's front limbs off. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to get in the car...
But I was merely going to cut off my own arms and replace them with those of the bear. This is a violation of my second amendment rights! I am outraged!
What does anything have to do with the second amendment here? You were performing cruelty to animals.
It's right there in the constitution, man! I have the right to bear-arms!
It's going to be one of those days again, I know it...

 

by DestroyAllTacos
10-10-03
I'm Rowdy Roddy Piper. The world is run by hideous aliens who can only be seen for what they really are with these special sunglasses I found. I want you, my only friend, to join me, put these on.
Look, I may be a kid who looks in no way like the character he's supposed to represent save for the fact that I'm black, but I know you're a crazy motherfucker. Hell no!
I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT YOU!!!
Some time later...
PUT ON THE GLASSES!!! PUT... ON... THE GLASSES!!!!
Holy shit, I just went to the bathroom, got a snack, created an eternal motion device, and read War And Peace, and they're still fighting about the damn sunglasses.

 

by DestroyAllTacos
10-10-03
Behold, I am the mighty wizard Punckty'wal!
Dude, I know it's just you, Kevin. Shouldn't you be heading to that generic geek convention you've been talking about all week?
Also, why the hell are you carrying my toilet plunger around?
This is not a toilet plunger, it is my magic wand. I discovered it on a perilous journey and it wields tremendous power.
You discovered it on a journey to my bathroom and it wields tremendous toilet unclogging power. I'd better get that thing back when you return from geekcom 2003, nerd.

 

by DestroyAllTacos
10-10-03
Good day, fair maiden, I am Punckty'wal the might wizard. And who might you be?
My name's... Um, is that a plunger???
Um-Is-That-A-Plunger, what a beauteous name! Are you heading to the geekcon, fair Um-Is-That-A-Plunger?
Uh, no, I'm heading to uh... Iowa. Yeah, Iowa. Also, this isn't a costume, I have a rare genetic disease that caused me to grow adorable cat ears at an early age. Well, gotta go!
Phew, that was close. What a dork!

 

by DestroyAllTacos
10-10-03
Hello, good sir, I am the one called Puncky'wal, the mighty wizard. Perhaps you have heard tales of my adventures.
Welcome to geekcon, Punckty'wal, you're just in time! Please mingle in the parlor a while!
Look, I hate to be a bother, but, um, where are the girls?
You're kidding, right? Well, maybe one or two will show up later. We do have a LAN party going downstairs and plenty of doritos and mountain dew code red though.
Alright!!!!!

 

by DestroyAllTacos
10-10-03
Greetings, I am Puncky'wal, the mighty wizard.
I am Maria Tyler of the Moorlands.
(Adventures of some kind occur)
Oh, Maria Tyler of The Moorlands, I wish this moment would never end!
me too, Puncky'wal, me too.
Dude, um, Azryharkar, Omnipotent Lord Of The Universe complained about your toilet plunger being unsanitary, I'm afraid you're kicked out.
Shit.

 

by DestroyAllTacos
10-10-03
I am sorry, but I must leave this place. I wish you well, sweet, sweet Maria Tyler Of The Moorlands.
Wait, before you go, at least let me write down my screenname! We must meet again!
A few weeks later...
Maria Tyler Of The Moorlands?
Punkty'wal?
Man, that must have been a really good costume...
Man, that must have been a really good costume...

 

by DestroyAllTacos
10-13-03
Eugene, You have been invited to a wild evening
Have Her Suck zxhmfvr
Brandy, Special invite from a dream date
in G.R.A.N.N.I.E'S Sphincter
maleenlargementproduct4
You've heard of1 abs of steel, well Im Di ck of steel1

 

by DestroyAllTacos
10-14-03
Yes, my latest creation is finally complete! Cringe in terror before the fearsome and powerful Mr. T. Rex!!
I PITY THE FOO!!!
Um, Dr. Metacarpus, I'm afraid I don't understand. How exactly is a Mr. T-quoting dinosaur going to help you take over the world?
Oh, he's not. But he will come in handy. You see, whenever a strip seems like it's going to have no punchline whatsoever, he'll just exclaim one of his trademark catchphrases, and bam! instant comedy!
I AIN'T FLYIN' ON NO PLANE HANNIBAL!!!

 

by DestroyAllTacos
10-14-03
We've got terrible news! Jimmy Walker Hadrosaur escaped!!!
Oh no, not Jimmy Walker Hadrosaur the failed Mr. T Rex prototype I ultimately discarded because his name wasn't anywhere near as clever?
The same!
They're probably fighting each other and tearing up the city as we speak! We must put a stop to this!
I PITY THE FOO!
DYNOMITE!!!!!!!!!

 

by DestroyAllTacos
10-14-03
But Mr. T Rex and Jimmy Walker Hadrosaur did not want to fight each other, although somehow they did destroy the city anyway...
<3
<3
They had been misunderstood all their lives, and had finally found love.
I'M GONNA KILL THAT CRAZY MURDOCK!!!
DYNOMITE!!
That was so heartwarming, in an incredibly screwed up kind of way...
23 SKIDDOO!!

Showing page 2.

« Previous Next »