All comics by Broly

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by Broly
10-29-01
Hey baby, wanna fool around?
Perhaps these internet rapscallions will stop pestering me if I dissuade them.
So, describe yourself for me.
*types* I am a rash-laden 75 year old man from Botswana.
Ooo, sexy!
These people just never quit.

 

by Broly
10-30-01
At the local costume store.
Alright, let's check out what kind of costumes they have here.
Roger that.
Haha, you look like a fruit.
Shutup, my costume is far better than yours. And this codpiece certainly is comfy.

 

by Broly
10-30-01
Here we are at the first house. Try to act natural.
Natural? I don't know the meaning of the word!
No, really, I don't. I didn't have much of a college education.
Shut up and ring the doorbell before I take your treat-or-treating turn.
Like hell you will!

 

by Broly
10-31-01
Yeah, what the hell do you want?
Trick or Treat, you greasy scum!
Fuck you.
So, when do I get my candy?
I implied that you're getting non with "Fuck you".
Ok, now you're pissing me off.

 

by Broly
10-31-01
Listen, you're not getting any candy, jerkoff.
Oh, but I am.
Over my dead body.
...
Why are you looking at me like that?
You have no idea how beautifully you just set me up.

 

by Broly
11-02-01
Man, look at all the candy you got at the first house!
Good haul, huh? And the bag which is containing it is conven...
Ok, enough with the conveniantly located off screen gag. Even I'm not trying to whore that for all it's worth.
Gotcha. Anyhow, now it's my turn. And the way he's giving out candy, I should get a whole lot!
Um, I doubt he'll be good for getting much candy...
Why's that? Hey, you have a stereo in there... and a tv. What'd you do?
Just knocked him unconscious and looted his place. Don't worry, he's still alive. If by alive you mean dead.

 

by Broly
11-02-01
Let's move on to this new house. I'll be real generous and let you go first.
You're such a prince.
Howdy thar!
Uh, hi. Trick or treat.
So, y'all be wantin' to snack on some candy and satiate y'all's sweet tooth, don'cha son!
Satiate? what kind of a cowboy are you?

 

by Broly
11-03-01
Let's just dispense with the stereotypical stupidity and get down to the candy-giving, shall we?
Certainly, li'l buckaroo! *hands over candy*
What the Abe Vigoda is this garbage?! Trail Mix, chunks of leather, matted clumps of rat hair!
You should be grateful, I gave you extra prairie dog droppings.
Halloween sucks.

 

by Broly
11-05-01
So, you're the li'l blue fellers chum?
Yes, yes I am.
And I reckon you want some candy, too?
I'm not here for the ambience, Slim.
Sorry, but you can't get any candy. On account that you look like a fruit.
You're one to talk, Village Person.

 

by Broly
11-07-01
I've decided the Halloween! strip has been running long enough and that it should come to an end.
Christ, you only waited until the second week of November.
No kidding.
Thanks for the criticism. So, how was you two's hauls?
I got a rock, and a floss dispenser.
I got a brick of pig excrement and a book by Ayn Rand. It's difficult to tell them apart.
Allow me to reiterate how I hate Halloween.
And allow me to reiterate how comfortable and fashionable this codpiece is!

 

by Broly
11-10-01
How about those fund-raising celebrities.
Tell me about it. Those deceitful assholes.
But they're raising important funds for those affected by the tragedies.
Ah, but only a small percentage of the money raised has actually gone to those in need.
You're never going to forgive Alec Baldwin for Battlefield Earth, are you?
Forgive him? He's lucky I'm not suing him for the rubbish I had to sit through.

 

by Broly
11-14-01
*fizzlecrackbreak*
Damnation! My TV broke down.
You don't have a TV.
By mine, I mean yours. And by broke down, I mean I smashed it with a sledgehammer.

 

by Broly
11-17-01
Holy flying fish feces! Harry Potter is out!
You're being sarcastic, right?
Of course not. I love Harry Potter.
Fair enough. But I can't see it with you because I'm producing a more entertaining piece of literature.
Really? How's it coming?
Give me a few more minutes to shit it out.

 

by Broly
11-18-01
Do you mind proofreading this paper of mine?
I'm sure my enormous intellect isn't needed to deduce how crappy your paper is.
Wow, fancy words. You must've spent alot of time in violin camp to think up that one.
Well, you're a big... stupid guy... with...
That one really hurt. I liked violin camp.

 

by Broly
11-19-01
Looks like there's a hefty bounty on Osama bin Laden's head.
Wow, really? I'm-a go snag 'em and get rich!
Oh come on, you make it sound so simple to go out into the mountainous regions of...
Whatever. See you later!
45 minutes later
That's incredible! So, you just went out there, punched him, and brought him back to collect the reward!?
Yeah, pretty much. Wasn't as difficult as I first thought it would be.

 

by Broly
11-21-01
Hooray, Thanksgiving is upon us!
Oh boy, Thanksgiving! Unbearable quantities of food...
Repetitive television specials...
Endless family squabbling...
At least Christmas is right around the corner.
Oh boy, Christmas! Competing with your neighbor's decorating...

 

by Broly
11-26-01
I was playing this new RPG...
RPG as in video game that has scintillating puzzles, magic, and intriguing characters...
Yeah, those! Fun huh?
... to make up for your complete abscence of a life.
Well, yeah. So, I was having trouble with the wizard...

 

by Broly
11-30-01
Guess what today is!
The day of my bi-weekly high-powered enema?
...Aw hell, it is. But also, the day that we start our exciting Christmas shopping romp!
Hooray!
I'm going to be shopping for family and friends! How about you?
I haven't decided who I'll be shopping for, but it sure as hell won't be you if you don't get started with that enema.

 

by Broly
12-02-01
Is that the Gamecube you're playing there?
Yep.
Boy, they must be trying pretty hard to break their stereotype of only producing kiddie games.
I'll say.
I knew they wanted to make a slightly more mature game than most people expected from them, but this "Mario Bros. Orgy-mania" goes a bit too far.
"Mamma Mia! That's-a good rimjob!"

 

by Broly
12-04-01
I've got a hankering for a Hot Pocket.
Those are good.
They sure are. And they require cooking to be eaten...
Your point is?
... Say, do you know where I put my clobbering hammer?
Fine, I'll turn on the oven. Lazy bastard.

 

by Broly
12-05-01
I sure do love screwing around with Ebay by making crazy auctions.
"Thank you for bidding seven thousand dollars on used earmuffs."
This stuff cracks me...
"ALERT! New Ebay Policy: to prevent people from screwing with Ebay, all bids will be verified and addresses thoroughly checked."
This sounds bad.
"A squad of hired goons has been sent to your house to bash the bejeezus out of you. Have a nice day."

 

by Broly
12-05-01
If any large thugs drop by today, I'm out on vacation.
Thugs? What are you talking about?
*ding dong*
Hmm, the doorbell.
I wonder who tha... Alfonz?

 

by Broly
12-08-01
Theo! Long time no see.
No talk, only suffer!
Al must've been talking about you.
Yes, ever since I have become an employee of Ebay, I have derived much pleasure from tormenting those who stand in our way!
Good for you.
Yes. Plus, they have a comfortable pension plan. And donuts!

 

by Broly
12-12-01
Say, do you have any favorite cartoons?
As a matter of fact, I do. I'm rather partial to Max Steel.
Oh, I've seen that show. My favorite villain is this French guy that has a grotesque skull for a head.
Eww...
I know, sickening huh?
I agree. Yuck, French.

 

by Broly
12-16-01
You know, I've been contemplating wearing pants. What do you think?
I've only been telling you to cover your shame for months now.
So, denim, cotton, leather?
Whatever it is, as long as it covers you. Your nudity makes the baby Jesus weep.
Hmm, nah, nevermind. I think I'll remain pantsless. Aah, freedom.
Is it really that cold it here?

 

by Broly
12-16-01
Christmas is almost here!
Indeed! My loins are all a-tingle.
As I've noticed... It's so exciting! The love, joy, comraderie that only the dearest of friends and family can sha...
FUCK THAT, GIMME PRESENTS BITCH!
Right to the point, eh Alfonz?
Haha, you said point. Boi-yoi-yoing!

 

by Broly
12-17-01
Are you planning to invite any family over for the holidays?
Uh...
ten years earlier, give or take
Clean your room and do your homework, you lazy shit!
Leave me alone so I can listen to my fucking music you horrid old skank!
... I think I'd rather not invite any family over for the holidays.

 

by Broly
12-18-01
Say, you wouldn't happen to know who took a dump in the sink, would you?
Hmm, nope, I don't think so.
Alright. Then perhaps you have an idea about who wrote "Alfonz roolz!" with the aforementioned poo in the sink?
Can't say that I have.
I have the strangest feeling that you're lying to me.
Wow, that is strange. I think I'll go back to eating bran and defecating on your possessions now.

 

by Broly
12-18-01
In the spirit of Christmas, Billy and Al are going to sing some carols for everyone. Hit it!
Up on the housetop, reindeer pause.
Down comes good ol' Santa... line?
Uh, Claus. Just try something else.
Ok. Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer.
Had a very shiny... line?
Oh for God's sake, just try to keep it simple.
Deck the halls with boughs of holly.
Fa la la la la, la la la... line?

 

by Broly
12-22-01
Ho ho ho, do we have all the gifts ready?
Yes, sir. Now about the matter of my pay...
Pay? Ho ho ho, I don't think so!
We elves have unionized, you cannot oppress us any longer! We demand fair wages!
Firing all those pesky elves and hiring illegal immigrants for a fraction of the cost was the best idea I've ever had.
5 dollah sucky sucky?

 

by Broly
12-23-01
... And for the good boys and girls, various toys, depending on their personal preference.
How about bad boys and girls? Should we stick to coal?
Hmm, nah. I think we'll make a switch this year. Proximity-activated mines for the naughty children.
Damn Santa, you're really giving it to the bad kids this year, huh?
Just giving the little brats what they deserve. Frickin' punks.
You are so different than what I've heard.

 

by Broly
12-24-01
Oh crap! Donder has been subpoenaed for possession of illegal narcotics!
Oh nos!
Haha, nos. Erhem, anyway. We need to find someone, someone that is psychotic enough to take the job.
Yes, psychotic. And cannibalistic wouldn't hurt either.
AAAACHO!
Gesundheit.

 

by Broly
12-24-01
Hello there, son. I need your assistance with my slei...
HOLY SHIT, JERRY GARCIA, I THOUGHT YOU DIED, MAN!
Uh, no, I'm Sa...
Dude, I love your music! Will you sign my retina?
Note to self: when hiring immigrants, go for Mexicans next time.
I have a jar reserved just for you in my hall of celebrities.

 

by Broly
12-27-01
Listen, kid, I'm really Santa Claus. And I need your help to guide my sleigh since one of my reindeer is in court.
Really, which one?
Donder. The poor guy got involved with illegal drugs, can you believe that?
That is surprising, yes...
You wouldn't happen to know who did it, would you?
Ye... no.

 

by Broly
12-27-01
So, if you're going to be part of my reindeer team, you'll need this equipment here to hitch up to the sleigh.
Uh, is all this really necessary?
Why yes, of course! We have all the important items. Hitch, reins, all that.
Those I understand, but what's with the nails and burning hot spokes?
Oh, we don't need those. They're just for my perverse pleasure to watch you writh in agony whilst flying over the night sky.
Works for me.

 

by Broly
12-27-01
I can't believe I got suspended from school.
For what, being too big a pansy?
No, they said I brought an object to school that could potentially be used as a weapon.
What kind of object?
A gun.
Damn, those school people are strict.

 

by Broly
12-29-01
Weee, I'm flying. I own!
Yes, now about landings...
Eh, I can handle it.
Well, ok. Just be careful.
Several seconds later.
Did you happen to see how the beloved figurehead of goodwill and cheer, Santa Claus, crashed into a building and became critically injured?
Whatever it was, it certainly didn't involve me.

 

by Broly
12-31-01
... And by performing that heroic act, I saved Christmas.
So, by ramming into a building, near fatally wounding Santa Claus, and by ensuring that no children anywhere received any gifts, you saved Christmas?
Yeah.
Sounds more like you destroyed Christmas.
Sounds like it, but I saved Christmas nonetheless. Now get back to making clothes for Kathie Lee in a sweatshop for pennies weekly!

 

by Broly
1-01-02
Hooray, New Year's, my favorite time of year!
Let me guess, you're going to get drunk off your ass.
No I'm not. I'm a responsible person. In fact, I'm just going to have a glass of egg nog.
Wow, I didn't expect that. It's good that you're not going overboard with alcohol this year.
Glass of egg nog with a couple bottles of rum mixed in! Bwahahaha!
I'll get the vomit pail.

 

by Broly
1-01-02
Ok, you've had alot to drink, so I'm just going to give you a few firecrackers.
Gimmesh the boomschtick, mcgee!
Eat my roman candle, punk!
*KERBOOM*
I think we better run like hell.
I think I'm deserving of some major props for being able to nail such a small child with a firework. Especially when so drunk.

 

by Broly
1-03-02
It's been one good week for me. I brutally harmed Santa Claus, then I got mad 'faced and shot a firework at a small child.
I was shocked at how flammable the little tyke was.
So was I.
Look on the bright side, at least both Santa and the kid lived.
... You just ruined my holiday.
And no holiday is complete without being ruined. Jolly Kwanzaa everyone!

 

by Broly
1-04-02
What do you say to a game of Parcheesi?
I love Parcheesi!
Wonderful!
Say, do you happen to have the game Parcheesi? Because I sure as hell don't.

 

by Broly
1-05-02
It snowed today!
Yes, it did. Let's go make a snowman. NOW!
This is one realistic snowman, wouldn't you say, Billy?
Billy?
*buuurp*

 

by Broly
1-07-02
I just had the most delicious tuna fish sandwich.
Tuna! You savage scoundrel, how could you?
Jeez, what's your malfunction?
I'll tell you what, you carnivorous monster. You eat defenseless living things!
What the hell are you talking about? You ate a rack of lamb, a pound of pork, and a side of beef just this morning.
That's not related to this conversation in any way. You palindromic misanthrope!

 

by Broly
1-10-02
I'm going to McDonald's, want anything?
A Big Mac would be great, thanks for offering.
Just give me some cash and I'm ready to go.
Alright, here ya go. See you soon.
20 minutes later, Alfonz returns
Hey, where's the food?
Apparently it's "illegal" to "sexually harrass" drive thru workers. Stupid flatfoots.

 

by Broly
1-10-02
Would you mind picking up my Great Aunt Wilma from the airport in an hour?
Sure, I'd be happy to.
One hour later
Weren't you supposed to do something for me about now?
Criminy, I almost forgot!
The football game's on.
"Oh, and all the players on the field have just been struck by ball lightning, what an unfortunate and catastrophic event. Let's go to instant replay!"

 

by Broly
1-10-02
Wow, am I ever suffering from extreme constipation.
I have a friend that'll fix your problem right quick.
What is he, a proctologist?
You could say that.
Elsewhere
CORNHOLE SENSE, TINGLING!

 

by Broly
1-13-02
Alright, kiddies! Today, we're going to learn sign language!
Yippee!
Shut yer yap! Now, can you tell me what... *flip* this means?
Oo, I've seen drivers use that sign language when passing each other! Is that their way of saying hello?
Hit the nail right on the head, kid.

 

by Broly
1-13-02
"Dear Mr. Zanzibar, since tax rebates are given alphabetically, you may never receive yours." ~U.S. Gov
"Dear Mr. Alfonz, since tax rebates are given inverse alphabetically, you may never receive yours." ~U.S. Gov
Dear Mr. Pimp, since tax rebates are given... er, since your name is... ah fuck it, you're not getting jack from us." ~U.S. Gov

 

by Broly
1-15-02
There's nothing quite as entertaining as watching a football game and eating pretzels. Yessiree...
Ha! You thought I would stoop so low as to choke on the pretzel and make fun of how... *coughchokegaspfaint*

Showing page 4.

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