All comics by IB_XC

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by IB_XC
10-17-03
But we are already in the Stone Age.
Well zen we will slap you back to ze dinosaurs!
Mr. Hussein isn't going to like this...
Troops will be here in two days to disassemble the plant.
So long suckers!

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
Mr Hussein will perish for this, I better run away like the rest of our army...oh CRAP!
Mr. Samir, you didn't uphold the facade of the "bread factory."
But Mr. Hussein, there aren't any bread factories in Iraq.
I don't care. Dispose of him, Mr. Bin Killin.
Okay boss. *toss*

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
The Americans are getting close, too close. We must brepetend like we have weapons of mass destruction so they will take us out then find out that we...
I'm not dead, I just have a third arm, if someone could take me to a hospital I think I'll be okay!
Take care of that.
Right away, Boss. BANG!
Ow! Oh well that took care of my third --
BANG!

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
As I was saying, they will find out we don't have weapons of mass instruction.
You mean destruction, Boss.
Shut up. They will then get mad at their president and start an internal revolution, hahahahahaha!!!
Okay, I get it Boss...
Oh, an internal revolution. As opposed to what, jackass, an external one? I believe that's called a war.
Ah, shut up.

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
Act II: Twelve years later, a press conference at the White House...
We would like...to take the people's attention...away from our failure... to capture Bin Laden. So...we will...make up some BS...about Iraq. Then we will...
Hurry up, are you retarded?!
Now see...it's people like this... who threaten...our road map for peace. As I was saying...we will then...wage an overly expensive war with Iraq...
Then we will...make a bunch...of tax cuts...which will totally...destroy our economy...and also put us...in deep debt.

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
That doesn't sound like a good idea, Mr. President.
What are you talking about, Powell, it's a great idea. Besides, I'll just say it was Rumsfeld's idea.
Yeah! Wahoo! Let's shoot Iraq to the moon! Yeah!
Now see...there's the spirit...I would like...the American people...to have.
WAR! WAHOO!
Daddy's gonna be so proud!

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
Baghdad
Let's get those Americans!
Yeah!
*raises gun*
*raises gun*
No! *drops gun*
We surrender, just please don't shoot us! *cowers on ground*

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
Have you fired a shot at all during this war?
No, they all surrender.
Oh well, better than being killed.
Yeah, I'd say so.

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
Hail Saddam!!!
*raises gun*
Screw Saddam, tell him to fight his own war! Run away, run away!
...
Alright, I guess that guy won't be joining you too. Come on, let's get you to the base.
Anything you say, good and merciful American!!

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
They never found Saddam.
Really?
Yes, and things worked out just as he predicted.
There was a revolution and that was the downfall of the US?
Yep.
That sucks. Oh well. *shrug*

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
Adapation of a play by John Thornton
(pretend this room is dark and covered with papers)
I'm from Canada, eh? Do you know why they call it Canada? You don't? C, eh? N, eh? D, eh? Oh that's great stuff. So did you hear about the hockey championships?
I'm supposed to meet a man in a dark room covered with papers. What a loser, he works in a dark room covered in papers. So you seen him, eh?

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
Uh, hello! I'm right here and I'm not a loser. I'm Jack Daniels. Besides, who in the whiskeys are you, walking into my office uninvited. How rude!
I'm the stereotypical Canadian, eh?
No, but what's your name?
Hmm, that's a good question. All my stereotypical Canadian friends call me Narrator, eh? I guess that's kind of a cowinkydunk.
You know I am an award-winning Broadway writer. I don't have time for a narrator, my pieces don't need narrators, and I'm not having auditions. I would appreciate it if you left.
Gee golly lumberjacks, how rude! According to the script you haven't written a Broadway play in a while. It says you've aged eight years. I have been assigned to put your writer's block in the drink.

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
Your career has fallen farther than a dress on prom night, eh?
I don't need your comments on my name or my career, and besides in high school I didn't go to prom. I was voted most likely to be a loser, but I succeeded and wrote many plays.
And now you are a loser, eh?
So why again are you here?
Hate is not cool.
Hate, discrimination, violence, they're all not cool, eh?
What are you talking about?!

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
Uh, excuse me, it's "aboot." And the script says end scene. Bee are bee!
Scene II
Apparently the writers haven't copied Scene II yet so I am going to sing. I am a lumberjack and I'm OK. I sleep all night and I work all day.
A squirrel hands him the script!
And now for you French Canadians. Je suis un bougerone et je suis bien. Je travaille toute le jour et je dormi toute le soir. We're going streaking!
Eeep eep eep eeep peep eep shick eeep chiic eep chic chip eep eap ttppe. AHHHHH acorn!!!

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
Jack Daniels was a famous writer of hip Broadway plays such as Rats, East Side Story, and Lion Queen. However, over the past eight years, he has entered into a slump of sorts.
His Broadway shows have been complete flops time and time again. Some of these plays gone wrong include the Plumber's Bummer, See Spot Walk, and What Did Tennessee.
But now his inspiration has arrived to write a Broadway play that will be in the hearts of Americans forever. That inspiration...is me.
Ewwwwww, a nut.

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
Well that was the first odd thing I've seen today.
Jack Daniels, I'm going to make you a star!
Again.

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
Why the hell did you bring me to this damn cold cabin in the Yukon?
Language, please. We're in Canada, you need to say it in French too.
Anyway, the Yukon is a good place to focus your good energy towards what you need to complete, in this case, a new hip Broadway play.
Jack Daniels, you need to get your mind straight. You need to flush from your head the distractions of the New York nightlife. You need to...focus.

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
How am I going to be able to focus if this cabin is so cold?!
The cold will help you to clear your mind. You will not be able to think of anything other than your next play.
*knock knock*
I wonder who that could be. I mean, we are in the middle of nowhere.
Maybe it's the frickin' abominable snowman!
Shut up, Jack. This is no time for joking.

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
Why hello, abominable snowman.
Ahhhhhhhh, it is the abominable snowman. Holy...
Eeeeeeeep! Nut!
I heard you were having trouble working on your next play. By the way, I just loved Rats and Lion Queen. Brilliant, just brilliant.
You talk?

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
Makes scaring people hard if you can't say "Boo!" but I am going to make you a special case. Tell me something Jack, did you like the ideas for the plays you have been writing?
It always seemed that that there was such a passion for your early pieces. Now it seems as if you have been writing for the pure sake of writing.
What is that supposed to mean?!
Just write about what you love, Jack Daniels... write about what you love...

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
*yawn* Woah, that was weird. A narrator named narrator, an abominable snowman who gave decent advice on writing plays, and a talking squirrel?
Heyyy Jack!
Ahhhhhhhhhh, what are you doing here!?
Jack...the play is still going. I've been thinking of a place to go to help you think. Did you have a nice sleep? You seemed to be dreaming.
I dreamed about an abominable snowman who told me to write about what I love.
So...what do you love?

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
The only thing I love right now is whiskey...
WHISKEY!!

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
Extra extra extra! Read all about it! Jack Daniels is back on top! New hit Broadway play Whiskey, tonight on Broadway!
Listen to hit songs "My Mama Doesn't Miss Me, She Wants Whiskey," "The Whiskey to My Heart," and "We All Scream for Whiskey." Extra, come and see! Jack Daniels back on top!
I'll take one.
Me too.
Ewwww! ACORN!

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
This play is actually original. It's called "Ryan the Nerd."
Ryan what?
Ryan sits alone in his room reading Spider Man comics when his buddy Taylor comes in.
Hahaha...
Yo Ryan!
Taylor, bud, 'sup?
Aww not too much, I just came up with a wicked D&D scenario!

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
A new scenario, eh? Did you remember to encorporate Spider Man into this one?
Ryan!
No, I mean...D&D’s cool and all, I love it, but wouldn’t it be cool to have Spider Man in?
Hmm...I’ll tell you what. I’ll put Spider Man into my next D&D campaign as a playable character if you give me your Black Lotus...
How could he not remember that?
Black Lotus?
Tch. The Magic card, dude.

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
Oh. Yeah sure, it’s over there in that glass case. Just lift it, it broke from the base a long time ago.
All your base....hahaha!
LMAO
LMAO
So anyway that Black Lotus thing isn’t worth anything, is it?
No, not really. (Just around $500 on a bad day.)

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
It sure would be awesome to meet Spider Man.
Well yeah...but Superman is really better, you know.
No way man!
Way. He isn’t called Superman for nothing.
In comes a flirtatious Japera...
Hey Ryan...
Hey Japera.

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
Ryan, when are you going to stop spending your money on all this stuff...D&D, comic books...and start spending some on...me?
Woah! Get a room, you two!
Japera you know I love my Magic cards, and my comics, my D&D, and --
More than me?
Suddenly a football crashes through the window!
I just realized you guys technically have a room...and I'm in it.
Hey dipsticks and dimwits, how about you give me my ball back? Or do I need to roll a 200-sided die to do that?! Hahahaha!

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
They yell down at John down below.
John, this has got to be the third time this week you’ve done that!
Yeah John, why don’t you leave poor Ryan alone?
Japera? What are you doing with that loser?! Hey baby, how about you come on over to my house and we get funky? *pelvic thrusts*
<3
Ugh. That’s a fouler thought than a troll horde marching through the Great Swamp!
...yeah, or something like that. Anyway John, Ryan happens to be a very sweet and loveable man.

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
Man? Is that the word for it? I’ve caught fish with bigger muscles than that chump.
You may have bigger muscles than Ryan, but he’s got one that’s much bigger...and that is his heart!
Well that’s not at all cliché. *rolls eyes*
Tch. Whatever, Nerderella. You just keep on having fun with that cheeseweasel.

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
Back at Alex's house...
Dammit, nothing to do again today. I’d go over to Richard’s and hang out with Jason and all if mom and dad didn’t have to go to that stupid party.
Life sucks without a car...or a driver’s license, for that matter. I wish Meg could come over or something. Well I guess I could go to the game tonight.
Our team is awful but it should be fun to see the Davisland Dawg Bones beat down on them. I’d still need a ride...

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
I suppose I could get a ride with Bryson, he’s on the team. Riding with him really isn’t that bad...if you don’t mind going 100 mph in an ‘89 Volvo.
Let’s just hope tonight isn’t the night that piece of junk gives out.
Hey, Bryson, it’s Alex...yeah, not much...you’re still going to the game tonight, right? ...Okay, cool, do you think you could give me a ride?...Alright, thanks man. I owe you one. See ya.

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
Pretend these are bleachers...
Woo hoo! Let's go Mud Hens!!
Muldowneyville Mud Hens...what a stupid name.
Aww cheer up honey. It’s the people that count, not the names.
Tell than to John...
What’s with you today, Ryan? Cheer up a bit, eh?
It's nothing.

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
Come on honey, what’s the matter?
Really, it's nothing.
Alright then, if you say so...hey, the Mud Hens are leading the Davisland Dawg Bones 10-3! Yay!
Alright team, we’re doing good but we can’t let our guard down. The Dawg Bones are a hardcore team and you never know when they might go get their score on.

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
Hold tight, linemen, and...you, Edward, get ready for some passes. Great. Let’s put ‘er in, guys.
One, two, three, MUD HENS!!!
Pretty exciting game, eh guys? ...Uh...that’s okay. I didn’t want an answer anyway.
...
Dammit guys, hate is not cool!!!

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
"And number 87 Edward Lindquist is down and out."
Ooh!
Ooh!
Okay, Edward is out. We’re going on the defensive. We can play one man short, we’ll last ‘em out. It’s our time, folks. Let’s kick some Dawg Bone hide!
Oh no! A touchdown and an extra point! One minute left on the clock, we’ll never make it!
Losing 11-10 in the last minute, what a shame...

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
Suddenly Ryan dashes onto the field!
AHH I CAN'T STOP IGNORING MY DESTINY! THE TEAM NEEDS ME! I'M COMING!!!
Don’t quit your day job, Ryan...oh wait, you work at that Spencer’s Soup Shack place.
Hey, what’s wrong with Spencer’s Soup Shack? I know the owner’s a jackass...man I hate that Spencer, but the soup is awesome.
Oh Ryan...you're so brave!
We really have to rise to the ocassion now, guys...wait a minute, Cheeseweasel?! What are you doing here?
You can’t catch a real ball just by rolling a die, you stupid nerd.

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
Guys, this is my destiny. I was born to get out here and help y’all win this game!
So were you practicing with that football? Forget it. Just go up and be a lineman.
If it's what my team needs. My life for the Mud Hens!
Someone's been playing too much Warcraft III...
The entire Mud Hen team was tackled except for Ryan and John.
It was all coming down to this play, and only Ryan was there to catch.

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
Cheeseweasel! Catch!!! *toss*
Woah! *catch* Wow...wow, I caught the ball!!
I love you Ryan!
*yawn* I'm off to get some snacks.

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
To make a long story short here, Ryan ran to the endzone.
And he made a touchdown, making the score 16-11 Mud Hens with no time left. Then the announcer yelled,
That’s the weirdest thing I’ve seen in my whole three weeks of duty! I don’t think that guy’s even on the team, but we’re going to count it because this play is turning out to be like a bad
*berserk cheering*
*golf clap*
*make out*
*make out*

 

by IB_XC
10-17-03
Ryan’s certainly a strange one.
Hell yeah. And you know what confuses me most about this?
What?
Why would he do something like that during an exhibition?

 

by IB_XC
10-18-03
Epilogue: The gang enjoys some D&D in Ryan's basement.
And as McTaylor Aledrinker comes into the room...
That’s me, right?
Yeah but you really need to think of a more original name than that, man.
Oh, look who’s talking, Mr. Clinton Trollbasher.
ANYWAY...as McTaylor Aledrinker comes into the room, he is suddenly assaulted by a regiment of ogres.
Hey Taylor, I’ve got an Ogre-Slaying Bow with a +4 against ogres...

 

by IB_XC
10-18-03
Japera...that says “Orc-Slaying Bow.” It has a +4 against Orcs.
How could she make that mistake?
Can we just get on with the game?
Hey, who made you DM anyway? Surrounding me with ogres and all...what am I supposed to do?
Why don't you cast Magic Mission?
Japera, I really wish you would read your sheet more closely. The spell is “Magic Missle,” okay?

 

by IB_XC
10-18-03
This is pretty terrible. When will it ever end?!
I know one thing. We’ve all learned a valuable lesson about important values like friendshi --
AHHH!! *hack hack cough cough*
Holy Ukranian transvestites, Batman! Ryan's contracted SARS!
Oh no! He needs mouth-to-mouth!
Wait a mintute...isn’t SARS contagious?

 

by IB_XC
10-18-03
AHHH!! *hack hack cough cough*
AHHH!! *hack hack cough cough*
The uncontrollable SARS brings the two to the ground.
AHHH!! *hack hack cough cough*
AHHH!! *hack hack cough cough*
(They LMAOd a lot when he said that.)
So Alex...you...uh... want to go get a burger or something?
I’m game...no pun intended!

 

by IB_XC
10-18-03
Ryan and Japera got over SARS and went on to get married, of course. They had lots and lots and lots of happy babies.
Their names were Ali, Rose, Hillary, Kathryn, Nathan, Varun, Zaid, Paul, Sagar, Lashawnda, Karina, and last, the baby of the family, the black sheep of the family, Madhusudan.
"Madhusudan was baptized by Pope Hwi I, as Japera and Ryan had become Catholic. Sadly, it only angered the family more when Madhusudan took up witchcraft."
I now baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
AHHHH!!!

 

by IB_XC
10-18-03
"John got a full football scholarship to sunny Rutgers College. Sadly, he was injured permanently in his freshman year during the first day of practice."
Someone help me, dammit!
"John went on to sell tractors and is fairly well-known today in Topeka, Kansas at Honest John’s John Deeres."
I have the finest tractors in the state of Kansas.
Fuck this, I can walk faster than these things.
"Edward died of his injuries incurred in the game. He had lived a long happy life of 47 years. Yes, 47 years. Junior year proved to be immensely difficult for Edward."
Ah Edward...he could hardly ever catch the ball.
R.I.P. Edward Lindquist

 

by IB_XC
10-18-03
"Taylor became an astronaut with the National Aeronautics and Space Administration. He was the first man on Mars but often told people he was the first man on Uranus."
The prettiest planet out there is Uranus!
"People kicked him in the shins for his stupid joke. This forced him into an early retirement when his shins were shattered."
Oof!
Alex found his System of a Down CD about three years later and finally gave it to Ryan. It was then worth four dollars compared to the 6.25 he got for it.
Alex gave himself a pat on the back for turning a profit. He then went on to become the next Shakespeare. Everyone loved him. The end.

 

by IB_XC
10-18-03
This graveyard sure is creepy!
I have something to tell you, friend.
This graveyard is still so creepy! But okay, go ahead.
My sex life is booming! I fucked seven girls last night alone!
...I don't think I want to know why you're telling this to me in a graveyard.
I think the boy's on to me...

 

by IB_XC
10-18-03
Well Larry, I hate to say I told you so, but riding on a haunted airplane was a really, really shitty idea.
Oh Robert, don't be so hard on me. In fact, I wrote a poem about our very situation.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. If only this plane didn't have so much rust.
RARR!!
That poem sucked.

Showing page 4.

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