All comics by luminous_luciano

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by luminous_luciano
10-27-05
"tweeeeeeet"
Ahh... there is, methinks, the object of our quest - the bird on the swing! And... in a cage, I see... Hmm...
"tweeeeet?"
Hmm... Thou art not the fabled blue bird of happiness everlasting me thought thou would be, I see... How sad... Hmm...
***************
I shall put thou out of thy misery then - blast thee to smithereens - fly now - fly on into the ethereal mists of Avalon or something... shoo! Scram!

 

by luminous_luciano
10-28-05
Daytime PASSIONS dare...
Take off your clothes and bend over - please!
I don't swing that way - not even on my broomstick...
Prime Time dares even more...
You sweet thing - you need your womentor to show you everything now...
Huh...?!?
And on cable - anything goes.
Wow - I always felt close to you - but now I see you under a brand new light...
Uhh... whatever. Now - where did you hide my clothes? Or do I tell mom?

 

by luminous_luciano
10-28-05
You can't be serious... not now... please NOT NOW... I'm too young to die... I've only just begun...!
You signed on the dotted line - you gotta put up AND shut up now, pal...! Come on - fork over thy SOUL - as promised!
This is not fair... I'm just now hitting my stride as a restauranteur... it was my understanding that I was going to be asked to honor my end of the deal only when I was old and grey...
That's what you thought? Really? Ohhhh... you had not been well-informed then! My job wasn't well done - it is my butt that is gonna burn for this...
Goodie! I will be able to add roasted goat to the menu - the Spécial du Jour...!!!

 

by luminous_luciano
10-31-05
Halloween Night...
Uh... no... this is not a costume... I'm an actual fire fighter - we got a call there was a raging blaze here... darn... now who would place a prank call like that TONIGHT OF ALL NIGHTS...????
Forget the candy... this isn't a costume - I'm the genuine article! Gimme five... make it a ten... no, a twenty! And all the spare change you can... ah... spare! I'm taking it all! SHOW ME THE MONEY!
You can give me candy... sure... jewelry too... but I would also take any pet you want to throw out - espcially if it's BLACK. And MOST ESPECIALLY if it's a BLACK CAT. Got one of those? Huh? HUH?
Uh... hello again... seems like it is was NO PRANK CALL after all Ma'am - merely the local cross between Michael Myers and Jason Voorhees PYROMANIAC warning us he was targeting YOUR HOUSE next...!
Halloween Night still... 20 minutes later...
So... do you like my costume? Come on tell me - do you like my costume? Come on tell me - pleeeeease! Don't leave me hanging - give it to me straight! It is original you gotta give it that - AT LEAST!
It's me again - is this your cat? We thought it might have been the arsonist for a second there... found it playing with matches and all... but I guess it isn't our guy! Right... RIGHT?

 

by luminous_luciano
11-01-05
ST. KID - performed miracle feats such as living on even though shot full of holes and into excessive old age too...
HA! He's no saint!
ST. PIMP - took under his wing many a vagrant and found them the only suitable work that they could do... so, he also pimped - nobody's perfect!
Quit trying so hard... to fix me up with one of your chicks that is!
ST. BURGLAR - found God while behind bars - got paroled and never stole a thing again! He didn't need to - he got a movie deal and a book deal as well...
We're gonna be cool!

 

by luminous_luciano
11-04-05
God cannot alter the past, though historians can. - Samuel Butler
... and so Christopher Columbus invented pop corn on this day, November 5th, 1492! Yay!
And he discovered the Americas too... MY FOOT!
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner. - English proverb
***** glub glub glub Har Har - Evidently not - Har Har ***** glub glub glub
?!?
Those who know do not say. Those who say do not know. - Lao Tsu
Uh... hehehe... no... uh... I will not tell ya the outcome of the battle between good and evil... I still have nitwits to recruit...!!!

 

by luminous_luciano
11-04-05
1943...
Run for your life, Father! The bombs are dropping all over the Santa Sede...! The Holy See... Le Saint-Siège! (What nationality ARE you, you dumba$$...???).
Now, now, Sister Anorexia - there is no cause to alarm ourselves; we are Roman Catholics, not Gauls! We do not fear the sky falling on our heads... now do we?
Good year...
The worst thing about it - from MY point of view that is - is that I will be blasted to smithereens momentarily - and I never had one good roll in the hay!
I would help you there - but I am allergic to hay... Besides, there is no time - not even for a quickie!
... for wine.
Hey - you are not the Pope - I am the Pope! Capisce? No Anti-Popes allowed on my turf - during my reign! Or I will have your kneecaps removed - La Famiglia style!
Yes sir! I could tell immediately you were The Man around here - you look paler than the marble! I was just passing by anyway - lost my way in the off-season, again...

 

by luminous_luciano
11-04-05
1912 - Bulgarian troops in Constantinople blockade drinking water...
Water, water everywhere... and not a drop to drink... *sigh* Sure wasn't like that in the days of Khan Krum! The Bosporus belongs to the People! If you occupy our turf - can't we get some too...?
1862 - Battle at Barbees Crossroads, Virginia
So... what are we fighting for anyway?
I know one thing for sure - I want more things to wear! I'll kill for pantyhose any day of the week!
1932 - Mussolini frees 16,000 criminals...
Ma - they are buddies of mine, eh? Come eat la pasta at mi casa del mama! Mi casa es tu casa!
Benito - you are bonito! (Damn... I really have been behind bars too long... yikes!)

 

by luminous_luciano
11-05-05
Me thinks thee doth protest too loudly... - William Shakespeare
Now THAT'S how little you know, you old geezer...!!!
To aim at the best and to remain essentially ourselves is one and the same thing. - Janet Erskine Stuart
Yup - I am essentially the best little shit I can be - Yay!
"Dream as if i'll live forever, live as if I'll die today"... whatever!
Yup!
You mean... they are going to EAT US... and I am going early... you, they will spare until dusk?

 

by luminous_luciano
11-05-05
Gee... when I first saw you I thought "COOL - HE'S ALL COVERED IN CHOCOLATE"! But you were born that way... how did your mother get the chocolate in there?!?
Gee... he typed "allo" - I thought he was saying I was "all ho" and I don't think that's a compliment - how was I supposed to know it meant "hello" - in French? I had to block him and call the FBI...!
Get off the PC - NOW!
What do you mean, I'm a tease? It's my constitutional right to walk half-naked on the street at 3am on the night you broke out of jail after 25 womanless years...

 

by luminous_luciano
11-05-05
"Se algum dia alguém te disser que o teu trabalho não é de um profissional, lembra-te que: «AMADORES, construíram a Arca de Nóe e PROFISSIONAIS o Titanic".
Quem escrivou isto merece uma medalha!
Mas... nos estamos no navio construido pelo profissionais!
Dans ce monde... il faut être un peu trop bon pour l'être assez. ~Marivaux
En effet... c'est indéniable...totalement... irréfutable! Mais je crois bien maintenant... que j'ai franchi mon seuil de tolérance... et il est temps de faire usage de mes arts martiaux à présent
À mort le pitre!
Adversity is the trial of principle. Without it, a man hardly knows whether he is honest or not. - -- Henry Fielding
WHAT DO WE DO WHEN WE GET TOO MUCH OF A "GOOD" THING HERE... ?!?
Be honest now - you are scared poopless, great-great-great-grandson of Van Helsing... he vise a very vise man, your forefather... alas for him - I vas viser!

 

by luminous_luciano
11-05-05
I get all the girls... all the time... all the way! They have to... peel them off of me! Hey hey hey... I am sooooo cool... soooo smooth an operator!
Yeah - you get all the trouble with it too! Ten times the mood swings... guilt trips... threats & tiffs... and STDs with that too, hmm?
I have ten places to sleep - every night of the week! They AAAAAAALL want me to spend the night... and more!
And then you have to eat ten meals a day too? At least I can do all my binge eating all at one place - less chances of food poisoning that way!
You're way too sedentary man - you should move about there - spread your seed!
No thanks... I do not intend to reap what I sow... seems like fun for you now - but ten years from now, all the child support they will ask ya will just KILL YA!

 

by luminous_luciano
11-06-05
Hello... I am Luminous Luciano's agent and counsellor... and maybe cousin too... You can call me Al - he sure does! Anyway... I am to present the facts to you... straight up! Honest to God!
My client - and pseudo-cousin - is here for one reason and one reason only - the opportunity to showcase his talent to have his way with words! He sure does have his way with them too... heh heh...
It's his way with them - or the highway... Amen! HAHAHA Anyway... Where was I? Oh yeah... he is here to show how he has a way with words - his way - and that's the only way to go... yo! Right? RIGHT?
He can only do so much here anyway... Not much control over the art... so he decided to make the scripting his forté - for IT IS, to begin with! The word balloons are all that is truly his in here!
His quill can be let loose - he can weave fantasies with immobile figures - and even stiffs like me! The end result is a concatenation of witticisms and merriment that all can enjoy! Right? RIGHT?
Brainy stuff, sure... but action - for the mind! The ol' coconut gets a workout... especially when he makes use of his other languages! Heh heh heh... so... give me a call, if you like it ... at... 1-

 

by luminous_luciano
11-06-05
Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely. - Auguste Rodin
NOW how all that experience I acquired getting beat up in kindergarten, pre-school and all the way 'til High School... AND from home TO school... WILL REALLY PAY OFF!
Grrrrrrrrrrrrr! Death to our human tyrants! I will NOT go into the frying pan WITHOUT A FIGHT!
True artists are almost the only men who do their work for pleasure. - Auguste Rodin
You have got to be kidding me... You look mighty pale - you DO need a transfusion - and a massive one at that! But you only want the blood... as paint thickener?!?
Ahh - yes my dear... and I want YOU to pose for me too! In your nurse uniform - or out of it! At your convenience... it may take me YEARS to get your likeness just RIGHT - but it will be a pleasure!
I invent nothing, I rediscover. - Auguste Rodin (a threepeat - wow).
Professor Sprightly - you must tell us all about your latest scientific findings... pleeeeease! Rumor has it you have invented a new device to cure foot odor - FOREVER!
Me? I never invented anything! My wife showed me what the strange substance called "soap" was! She made me rediscover a lot of things in my life - including the nervous breakdown I never knew I had!

 

by luminous_luciano
11-07-05
If you wished to be loved, love. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca, old sage...
Yeah... sure... like THAT's going to work nowadays, in this cold cruel planet called EARTH... HA!
?!?
No dia que eu me zangar mato voce de carinho - --Ze´ Limeira, velho sabido.
Promesas... Promesas...
Sacaneria de mulher... eu te amo!
Il n'en tient qu'à nous d'illuminer la terre. - -- ~Philippe Vensier~ qui?
Qui d'autre pourrait le faire à notre place... hmm?
La petite fille qui OBÉIT à sa mère pour une fois...

 

by luminous_luciano
11-07-05
We often despise what is most useful to us. - -- Aesop (620 BC-560 BC)
Damn human "master" - HA! He's not the "master" that ninny - I AM! Only keep him around so he can fetch my food for me, that's all!
"I never make the mistake of arguing with people for whose opinions I have no respect." - -- Edward Gibbon (1737-94)
Imbecillic humanoid...
The way to get things done is not to mind who gets the credit for doing them. - Benjamin Jowett (1817-1893) -- British theologian and classicist
Be Yours The Glory

 

by luminous_luciano
11-08-05
Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that's the stuff life is made of. - -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
Dial-up connection is sooooooo slooooow... BUT we're saving money... right bro?
Uh... right
A man may die, nations may rise and fall, but an idea lives on. - -- JFK
... he said that, uh? That is all fine and dandy but... why is it that we can't copyright an idea then?!? Huh?
Of all lies, art is the least untrue. - -- Gustave Flaubert (1821-1880)
What to draw NOW...?!?
I dunno - but at least while you're doodling "straight from the heart" here, you're not hurting anybody or committing any unspeakable act... that's good!

 

by luminous_luciano
11-08-05
The Fourth Dimension... We are born into this world...
We grow up... we live... we learn... we make a zillion mistakes...
We grow weary... we grow old... we grow tired or trying to figure out the meaning of it all...
The Fourth Dimension? I have enough problems with three dimensions right now... particularly the width and weight of the wifey there!
I know what you're thinking there... you old goat!

 

by luminous_luciano
11-10-05
November 10th, 1951 - the first long distance call...
Now, now... WHO was I going to call again...? To say WHAT...? And why does it have to be so many numbers...?!!? At least it is considerably cheaper than a trip to Europe...
... and contracting some shameful disease while there...
... without operator assistance...
Darn it... I feel the end is near for the telegraphist - NO ONE will want to send a telegram ANYWHERE now! *Sigh*... what will I recycle myself into?!?
Bah - this long-distance calling will never reach into the Great Beyond! Become a medium - like me! I will teach you - for 24,95$, you will get my complete course... AND private tutoring!
... and without any rhyme or reason either...
BRRRRIIIIING! BRRRRRIIIINNGG!
This isn't much pleasant at all, methinks... awaiting a call from abroad, and not having the slightest idea what to say... just as if I was talking to her in person! At least I hope it is a dame...!

 

by luminous_luciano
11-11-05
Bah - life sux around here...!!!
Hey - I like it around here - all the milk you can lick! What's not to like?
Moo!
Boo!
Excuse me - where's the chickens' house?
Uh... right ahead, you can't miss it... do you have an appointment? No matter - just see to it that that pimp rooster gets what's coming to him!

 

by luminous_luciano
11-11-05
We're visiting the farm today, Xica...
Yeah - we can poop our pants now - nobody will notice a thing! It smells of it everywhere you go around here!
***Waaaaughhhh*** You've got to be kidding me...
Damn dirty lowlife city slickers...!!!
Hmm... have you seen my sarcastic sister Xica anywhere recently, Mr. Ducky...?
I think we've both seen the last of her... Mr. Bully saw to that just now! As good ol' J.R. used to say... "Gore! Gore!" Or was it someone else who said that...? ***waaaaugghhh***

 

by luminous_luciano
11-11-05
***Oink*** Well well well... ain't that a surprise visit to our olde farm here!
Think nothing of it, Mr. Money-In-The-Piggy-Bank... we just had a sudden craving for what earthlings call... porkchops!
Never mind your wide array of dairy products... I am looking for other by-products that you will brrring to my castle asap - peasant!
y-y-yesss... mas-s-s-ster...
Looks like I got myself more rear ends to bite chunks off - eh...
And I have more weirdos to gore - whoopee-do!

 

by luminous_luciano
11-12-05
God could not be everywhere, so He created mothers. - Jewish Proverb
What's the ATHEISTIC point of view on THAT...?
Atheists don't exist...
Never spend time with people who don't respect you. - Maori Proverb
But I am also sado-masochistic, see...
@#@$%!%%?@%
Life is not holding a good hand; Life is playing a poor hand well. - Danish Proverb (would you care for a pastry with that?).
Every hand I play, I win - baby!
You're not winning this one though - all I want you for is for you to be my willing blood donor "victim"... dig?

 

by luminous_luciano
11-13-05
YVONNE HACHEM...
Je remercie les cieux pour mon époux...
O teu estepor...?
GOURGEN SEVANTSIAN...
Je connais la Loi...
Then why are you walking so funny...
BOB COSTAS!
I have too much integrity to host a LIVE show about an ongoing MISSING PERSON investigation on NNC...
Is that why you appeared in such wastes of celluloid as BASEKETBALL... AND bored us to tears with LATER... uh? Uh?

 

by luminous_luciano
11-14-05
1959, Holcomb, Kansas - the Clutter family is murdered in their very own farmhouse...
We're gonna be famous for this... only problem I have with THAT is that you will be easily remembered... your name's SMITH... Perry Smith, but still...
And your name is Dick... Dick Hickock... and Truman Capote will be writing about you... I see the problem...
1974, Amityville, Long Island - boy shoots his entire family in their sleep...
I had to do it... the Voices told me to... they said that I'd get a movie deal from it... and sequels... and a remake too...
1991, Royal Oak, Michigan - fired postal worker Thomas Mcllvane rifles down four supervisors, wounds five other workers and then kills himself.
THOSE WHO DIED ARE BETTER OFF - OFF THIS PLANET - OUT OF THIS MADHOUSE...
No mail deliveries today

 

by luminous_luciano
11-14-05
All nature is but art unknown to thee. - Alexander Pope
Hear that? I am ART...!
What are YOU smoking...?!?
I am Envy. I cannot read and therefore wish all books burned. - Christopher Marlowe
Be careful what you wish for... you bloke!
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it. - W.C. Fields
I know I can do it - I got out of the frying pan for this - straight into the fire, and the limelights and the spotlight... I CAN pass this audition!
NEXT!

 

by luminous_luciano
11-15-05
1963: Valium is approved by the FDA. (19 years later, to the day, the FDA would approve Halcion too... a questionable move this time...). ~Excelsior!
It... is about time that it got approved... I think... just reading them new innovative Marvel Comics wasn't releasing enough tension anymore...
1966: 'Mothman,' a mysterious winged creature, begins making appearances around West Virginia.
And now for my next trick...
2004: Australian customs agents discover three million Ecstasy tablets hidden in oven imported from Europe.
Valium or Halcion wasn't enough for ya... eh? Young Punk...!
Halcion's not good for ya... mate!

 

by luminous_luciano
11-15-05
Clashing temperaments...
My little black book of addresses reads like a virtual who's who of hot chicks who want it - hot! And they ARE hot - but then... so am I hey hey hey Whooooooooo!
I can find the same babe types with any dating service that has either "babes" or "bordello" in its name... for a fraction of the price I am sure!
... nothing more than that!
Hey - I am a gigolo - they are paying ME to be with them - it's not the other way around! I don't like what you're implying about my chicks there... Capisce?
They're really paying you not to have any further complications beyond the 2-hour roll-in-the-hay... and point that finger elsewhere before you LOOSEN it...
You think so, eh? Many of them want me around - for life baby! But I am not interested in that - I like my freedom - I value my freedom above ALL ELSE - see... I am a free man!
And you will not be briefed, debriefed, stamped, indexed... tied down in any way, eh? Another guy used to hold the same speech as I recall... they called him THE PRISONER!

 

by luminous_luciano
11-15-05
I want a divorce... I see your wandering eyes looking at the other cows...
Quit milking it for all it's worth... save the melodrama for the milkman - don't you think I see how the two of you have fun when I'm not around... hmm?
And then, he called me a quack!
The nerve of that fowl...
Don't take it personal when I am eating all the bacon the gentleman farmer throws my way, now... ok?
What is "bacon"...?

 

by luminous_luciano
11-15-05
Veteranarian visit time... turn around for your check-up, Bully Boy - we gotta make sure you're in tip top shape to sire more little bullies now!
YOU won't be in tip top shape to procreate ever again, doc... in three seconds flat! One... Twoooooo...
Call me a loon and slap me silly - but haven't we met before... Mr. Piggy?
Merciful Melody... I think you're right... oh, by the way, since I might not see you again, Merry Christmas - and Happy New Year - Mr. Hare!
You better seek a safe hiding spot - I heard them say that that Suzy Shear maniac with the scissors is out on the prowl again...
Meeeeeehhhh

 

by luminous_luciano
11-15-05
Veterinarian billing time... all creatures, great and small, accounted for - including my ailing family jewels...!
Uh... yeah... sorry about that... our bull has an attitude problem...
I covered for you FOR THE LAST TIME - you hear me?
Bah - what do ya want me to do - to act foolish and pretend I'm a sheepdog or something? NO WAY - BABY!
My ex has really gone off the deep end now... after assaulting our vivacious veterinarian, he made a pass at our follicularly-challenged farmer...!!!
Uhh... it's just a phase he's going through?!?

 

by luminous_luciano
11-17-05
Mrs. Teacher... why are the two "Os" not in between the two "Ps" - can't you spell "poop"? heh heh - heh heh - heh heh
Why do we look so... gay in these costumes?!?
Uh...
Why do you think you're so much better than me... huh? In a few years, we'll both be six feet under - and on the same damn level!
Ah... ok... what will be then... a 20 or a 50?

 

by luminous_luciano
11-17-05
Where did I come from... mom?
From the huge wallet that belongs to the nice white man who sends alimony checks every 2nd of the month and lives uptown... dear son of mine!
Is there a God?
DON'T ASK ME!!!
So... first question that comes to mind is not album-related... it's more like... are you a boy... or a girl?!?

 

by luminous_luciano
11-17-05
Damn surface-dwellers... they've done it again... did you see their latest huuuuge dump last tide? It sure stunk up the place for a while around these waters! Let me tell you that!
I missed that... phew! I had swum upstream... to attend a wedding... a spawning... and 444 funerals!
444?!? WOW... what happened?!? Did the water boil there or something?!?
No... just the nettings of death that swoop down upon entire schools of herrings - my cousins and uncles - and took them all up - to the big aquarium in the sky!
The big aquarium in the sky? Nah... sorry... I don't believe there is any such thing!
I didn't believe there were neither nettings nor that mean cruel surface being called Cap'n High Liner Crunch... but there is! Ohh yeah dude - there sure is!

 

by luminous_luciano
11-17-05
"Hope for the best... expect the worst... that way you are fully prepared for any eventuality!" ~~~ Luminous (\ô/) Luciano ™
Father Time here... trust me kid... your best days are behind ya already!
"Live as if you were to die tomorrow, learn as if you were to live forever." ~~~ Mahatma Gandhi
Ok... I've learned enough, I think... is it my time to go yet?
I'm in no hurry to take you under my wing...
"Let the world slide, let the world go; A fig for care, and a fig for woe! If I can't pay, why can I owe, And death makes equal the high and low." ~~~~ John Heywood (not Hollywood)
Got that right!
Yeahhhh - dude!

 

by luminous_luciano
11-17-05
I meant to tell you... that I don't mind your new... ah... lfestyle... really... I understand!
You silly cow... I am not gay!
Uh... okay... she is gone now... I am Mr. Ducky... not Mrs. Milky Way 2004 there... unless it's really Miss Mad Cow 2005...?
Whateverrrrrr...
Whatever? No - that's not it... I always ask... "Who's there?" No... not it either... "Who's Next?" Nope... not that... Uh... oh, I know... What's up...

 

by luminous_luciano
11-17-05
Keep talking, whitetrash - and they will never find your body in this dump!
I tell you... if it wasn't for the big bucks I make on my reality TV show - money I don't really need but that I sure can find a way to spend... I would NEVER be found anywhere near this dump!
Here is my bone of non-contention for you to pick and be picky about... can I bring you anything else? A mangled cat? Poop in a bag? Anything at all?!?
No.
Can I ask you, damsel...

 

by luminous_luciano
11-17-05
MOO!
PEW...!!
Hiya... my dad owns this place... can I show you around or something? Like... the barn over there... and all that hay... oh my... do we have hay in there... enough to roll in all day long!
Nice try... as nice as you can muster, most probably... but I don't like turds... and I don't like their sons either...
I like pink though...

 

by luminous_luciano
11-17-05
1859: William Siddons, 18, becomes youngest person executed in Australia.
Better be precocious, die young and leave a good-looking corpse... mate!
Makes absolutely no difference either to me - or in the Grand Scheme of Things... Billy Boy!
1967: French author Regis Debray sentenced to 30 years in Bolivia.
Bah - when I am out of heeere, I vill head straight to a quiet tourist resort - and live out my days in peas! Peace that is!
I know just the place for you, mon ami - Luxor... in Égypte!
1997: Islamic radicals gun down 60 tourists in Luxor, Egypt.
Call it the Luxor luxury tax...

 

by luminous_luciano
11-17-05
1928: Boston Garden officially opens...
See you for the demolition derby - in some 70 years or so... We'll beat them all this season though! Go, Eddie Shore, Go!
In the meantime - I have found a cozy shack for myself, my family, and ten generations henceforth... and hey - free admission to the games!
1940: Green Bay Packers become 1st NFL team to travel by plane...
An all-new good reason to have the jitters before the game... is the jitters before the flight before the game!
1997: Mario Lemieux enters NHL Hall of Fame...
They let anybody into this place... eh?

 

by luminous_luciano
11-17-05
Hmm... Gus...? What are you staring at?
Silence... I'm the Reflective Horseman. Do NOT disturb ME...
Ah... ok...

 

by luminous_luciano
11-19-05
Art is either plagiarism or revolution. - Paul Gauguin
Takes one to know one...
I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age. - George Burns
Consider yourself lucky, Georgie boy...
Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute. ~ Josh Billings

 

by luminous_luciano
11-19-05
1493: Christopher Columbus discovers Puerto Rico.
Why didn't the Chupacabra get him... @#$!&&?!%??!%$%@?
1600: King Charles I executed by Parliament.
That's what happens when the lowest common denominator rules the day...
Commoners... right...
1995: Unexplained deaths of scores of goats, rabbits, cats, turkeys & cows in Puerto Rico blamed on 'goat-sucker' Chupacabra.
That is a libellous, slanderous attack against my cousin... aka experiment # 58467382... we will sue your a$$!

 

by luminous_luciano
11-20-05
November 20, 1967: Population of United States hits 200 million.
Whoa, there - we gotta be careful not to overpopulate ourselves now...!
Time for our leaders to start entering a series of misguided conflicts abroad...
November 7th, 1793: Christianity was actually abolished in France.
It made many comebacks and returns over the years... just like Batman...
Oui, oui, oui... ah, ces sacrés Français!
Conspiracy Theorist Corner: At least 4 billion “useless eaters” will be eliminated by the year 2050 by means of limited wars as well as organized epidemics of fatal rapid-acting... (Raid... anyone
Don't know about the rest of you "useless eaters" out there... but I feel a craving coming on...!
Try Cheetos - for rapid-acting grossing out!

 

by luminous_luciano
11-20-05
2001: Leon Resnick, 31, of Florida, dies on jet ski when he's hit square in face by low-flying duck.
S-s-s-s-sorry... but but but I never saw him coming...!!!
1759: Battle in Bay of Quiberon - the British beat the French...
What... again? Heh heh heh...
Final score: British 21 French 0
2002: Mummified bodies of German woman, her son, & their dog, all apparently dead some three years, found in their home in Lehigh Acres, FL.
You haven't fed me in a while, y'know... Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

 

by luminous_luciano
11-21-05
1837: Indefatigable Aussie Thomas Morris skips jumprope 22,806 times.
Where was Unsinkable Molly Brown when THAT happened...?!?
Soaking it up... in a hot tub most likely!
1916: The Britannic, sister ship of the Titanic, explodes & sinks in Aegean Sea.
You don't wanna marry into that NIC family... it's always going down and falling apart when ya least expect it!
Who's talking about marriage... I am just anxious to partake of the goods once the hull is cracked open!
1980: Real-life Towering Inferno at MGM Grand Hotel in Las Vegas kills 84.
*Sigh* - who does THIS cat belong to now...?
Admit it... re-enacting a James Cameron film is loads more fun than re-enacting an Irwin Allen production... eh?

 

by luminous_luciano
11-21-05
1974: Some good coming from Congress - for once! Congress overrides President Ford's veto of Freedom of Information Act.
Ha! As if the layman out there NEEDS that information...
Based on THAT information... I'm not re-electing you, pal!
1847: Steamer "Phoenix" is lost on Lake Michigan, kills 200.
It is not rising from its... ah... "ashes"... is it, my good fellow?
No, my good man... it is certainly not! A game of chess...?
2004: Hmong hunter Chai Soua Vang shoots six other hunters to death & wounds two more in northern Wisconsin, in what appears to be... a racially-motivated dispute.
Hey... at least we're keeping the shooting HMONG OURSELVES... ok?
Thank you most kindly...

 

by luminous_luciano
11-21-05
Today, in 1787... Andrew Jackson was admitted to the bar...
?
Finally... I am of drinking age! Bartender - I'll have a brewski now...
Also today, but in 1620, Mayflower Compact signed by Pilgrims in Cape Cod...
It was a good signing... but it takes a lot more than that to win a championship in today's league!
?!?
And in 1492, Pinta, under Martin A Pinzon, finally separates from Christopher Columbus' lost at sea fleet...
Que Giro! Ha Ha - Sabia que a Pinta não poderia ficar com aquelo Cara de Carralho...!!!
HA - instead of making funny little puns you should bash Columbus with me - he stole both our beefs, you know!

 

by luminous_luciano
11-21-05
Also today - in 1871, the 1st human cannonball, Emilio Onra, is shot...
Oh... no... who shot him? Did he survive - like Pope John-Paul II did - or did he die... like Gandhi?
Uh...
In 1980, it is revealed Kristen shot J.R. Ewing on "Dallas"...
She had her reasons - she was a nobody on that show... what else was she supposed to do?
Uh... I'm a Dynasty fan... and a Linda Evans watcher!
In 1906, China prohibits opium trade...
But they could still buy it... right?
I have my provider...

 

by luminous_luciano
11-21-05
ALSO today... in 1914, Billy Mallett of Hamilton Tigers kicks 9 singles in a game...
They wanted EVERYONE to be married back in those days...
You're being sarcastic again...
In 1905, the 1st game ever is played in the Australian Tennis Open...
What... they had had a rain delay like... since the dawn of time? WOW!
And in 1995, Israel grants jailed U.S. spy Jason Pollard, citizenship...
Must have been because he was going to be staying a while...
Made him feel welcome... sort of like Osama makes us feel welcome... until SSBDs - scheduled suicide bombing days - that is!

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