All comics by fpd

Profile

 

by fpd
3-20-02
*ring*, *ring*
Hello.
Anthony, this is Maria. I was wondering if you and Susan would be interested in a menage a trois.
That would be a bit tricky, Maria. I mean Susan would never go for it.
Put her on the phone and let me ask her myself.
Well okay. ... [raise pitch] This is Susan speaking. What do you want?

 

by fpd
3-20-02
Hey Anthony, why don't I ever see you using the urinal? Are you a sissy or something?
I'm just modest, Gus. I don't like people seeing my, you know.
Oh yeah, I bet it's really small. Mine's like a baguette.
Hey, that Maria is one hot babe, isn't she?
I hear she's all hot for you, Anthony. Have you done it with her? What's she like?
I, uh, have to get back to work. No time to chat.

 

by fpd
3-20-02
"You all SUCK!" by Mack. Replies: 0
You people are idiots. It is so RUDE not to reply to my posts. You're RACIST! You hate me because I'm the only black poster in this forum!
BK, I know that you're also Barbarino. Your many hateful and abusive messages are unwelcome on this board. -- Erica the Moderator.
You NAZI BITCH, Erica! You can't CENSOR ME! I was also Mack, Briquette, Sally7, and many others. I will come back under several other aliases.
"I am a total dork and a loser!" by Erica.
Ha, ha! I hope Erica learns her lesson when she reads the post I forged from her. Let that teach her not to CENSOR MY FREE SPEECH!!!

 

by fpd
3-20-02
Wow, I've never been with an astronaut before.
I'll take you to the moon and back, baby.
Hee-haw! Hee-haw!
Eugene!!! Get in here right now!
I just didn't think she was your type, master.
Eugene, I know you're a gay genie, but you have to understand that I'll never swing that way. Change her back now! That's an order!

 

by fpd
3-23-02
Bunny O'Naturel, have you killed 007?
You didn't tell me how dreamy and handsome he was. When he looked at me with those deep, penetrating eyes, I just couldn't do it.
Fzzzzzzzzzz pop pop pop pooop zzzzzzzp
Goodbye, Bunny. No one may defy S.P.E.C.T.R.E. and live.
Oh no, this is the last panel, and I have no one to sleep with.
Tobor will sleep with you, Mr. Bond.

 

by fpd
3-24-02
Bok bok bok bok
My life sucks, because I don't have a girlfriend.
Hey chum, don't be a schmuck. Get a mail-order bride.
Aren't you supposed to be older?
Older? No, I don't think so. I am your mail-order daughter. I am so happy you brought me to America to live with you.
I can't do anything right, can I? There's only one thing left to do.
You're right. So don't try to kill yourself. You'd just botch it up.

 

by fpd
4-03-02
In a world where the women are gay, and the men aren't happy about it ...
Your bewitching charms make me feel so exhiliratingly gay, Maura.
I am all giddy with gay delight to hear you say that, Sappho.
Unless they can join a menage a trois.
It fills my heart with gaity to know there is only room for two girls here.
Yeah, ha ha, there's no place for a third person.
It's all girl-on-girl action in "Sappho's Island," coming soon to the back room in a video store near you.
Maura, would you like to lick up some pudding?
Thank goodness that's not what I thought it was. I'd love to lick up some pudding.

 

by fpd
4-03-02
In a world known to three-year olds across America ...
Mr. Noodle's brother Mr. Noodle, do you know where Elmo has gone?
I believe that he and my brother Mr. Noodle have gone on an outing together, Dorothy.
Some changes are about to be made.
Ha, ha, ha! The whole world shall become Elmo's world, Mr. Noodle.
Yes, Elmo, first it was the children, and now it's the world.
It's "Elmo's World -- The Motion Picture," brought to you by the numbers 13 and 666.
I'm just not buying this whole "Elmo is the anti-christ" angle. What is the Children's Television Network coming to?

 

by fpd
11-16-03
Intelligence: (Mom: 3) (Carrie: 17)
Aaah! What are you doing with those dice ... and those figurines?
We're playing Devils & Dildos, mom. It's just a wholesome, harmless roleplaying game.
Intelligence: (Mom: 3) (Carrie: 17)
You can't play that! It's the first step toward gambling and idol worship!
Nonsense, mom. Look, I just rolled a 20, which means my spell has worked on you.
Intelligence: (Mom: 4) (Carrie: 17)
Devils & Dildos is just the funnest game in the world. Do what thou wilt, girls.
We sure will, mom. Thanks for not freaking out like other parents do.

 

by fpd
11-16-03
Race: (Sinderella: Nymph)
Okay, while on your way back from the dungeon, your character Sinderella meets Randolph the wizard.
I wonder what mission he has for me this time.
Class: (Sinderella: Magic-User)
This magic dildo corrupts all who use it. You must destroy it before it falls into the wrong hands.
Have no fear, Randolph. If the mighty Sinderella can't destroy it, no one can.
Level: (Sinderella: 2, Witch)
It was forged by Vulcan for a cheating Venus. To destroy it, shove it up a succubus's hot muffin.
But that's so gay! Couldn't it be an incubus instead?

 

by fpd
11-16-03
XP: (Sinderella: 1200)
While on your way through the labyrinth, you come across a creepy monster.
Is it a succubus?
XP: (Sinderella: 1200)
My precious! Give me my precious!
Bloody, hell! She's using her own arm as a dildo! I hurl a fireball at this creep. I roll a 16. Success!
XP: (Sinderella: 1400)
Aargh!
Ha, ha, ha! You are no match for the mighty Sinderella, you creepazoid!

 

by fpd
11-16-03
XP: (Sinderella: 1400)
You have finally reached the lair of the succubus.
I pull out the dildo to stuff up her muffin.
XP: (Sinderella: 1400)
Halt! No one may pass the pussy of the succubus!
No, no one, not even her pussy, will stop me from plunging this dildo up the succubus's muffin!
XP: (Sinderella: 6900)
Ha! I dare you to try it, little wench! Show me that you're as bold as your brave words!
I roll an 18! What wonderful success! My experience points have shot up now.

 

by fpd
1-21-04
This is going to be the best strip ever!
Yeah, it will win the contest for sure!
All those people are expecting me to be funny. What will I say?
Go on Keiko, say something.
Sucky, sucky, five dollah.
Keiko, don't choke under pressure. Say something funny before we get to the third panel.

 

by fpd
1-21-04
Hey, baby, how about a date?
Gag me with a spoon, Johnny Smog. I prefer real men.
I'll have you know I'm a superhero. A member of the Furshlugginer Four!
Oh yeah, which one?
*** Flame On! *** I'm the Flaming Homo, baby!
Ha ha ha, little brother! That girl is now out of sight, just like me, the Outta-Sight Chick!

 

by fpd
1-21-04
You're so ugly, Sue, they should call you the Unsightly Girl, not the Outta-Sight Chick.
Your name is so lame, Human Faggot would be an improvement.
Sue, Johnny, we're the Furshlugginer Four. Act like superheros.
You're right, Greed, honey. We'll act like superheros.
Face the fury of the Outta-Sight Chick, Flaming Homo!
Hey, I didn't mean you should act like Marvel superheros!

 

by fpd
1-21-04
There's my true love, Johnny Smog. I'll shapeshift into that girl I've seen him with.
Hey, Hotstuff!
Oh, hi Sue, what's going on?
I want to get hot and heavy with you. Right here, right now.
Besides being such an unsightly girl, Sue, you're my sister! You're really creeping me out.

 

by fpd
1-22-04
Great Neptune! You are one outta-sight chick!
That's who I am. Don't wear the name out.
I was complimenting your beauty. But it is all the more fitting that you are such a great superhero.
Oh yeah? You need the Furshlugginer Four's help with something?
I am Nemo, the Submarine Hero guy!
Yeah, that's what I came in here for. I'd like four subs to go.

 

by fpd
1-22-04
Oh Malicia, I'm no longer the handsome man I used to be. What do you still see in me?
Love is blind, Ben. And more to the point, so am I.
Is that why your hair is pink?
Did I mix my paint up with my shampoo again?
Why do you paint when you're blind?
I thought you would be more supportive of me, Ben.

 

by fpd
1-22-04
Ha, ha, ha! You are done for now, Thingamabob!
Ever since I got these powers, it's been one supervillain after another. Can't a guy get some peace?
You will rue the day you hurt Malicia Meisters, Ben Gay!
Malicia? Is my girlfriend in league with supervillains? I feel so betrayed!
No, she just has one in the family. I'm her father, the Puppet Meister! Could I just ask you to be more supportive of her painting?
But she's blind! How can she paint when she can't see a darned thing?

 

by fpd
1-22-04
Hey Greed, I met a subhero today. What's that?
As you know, superheros are heros with superpowers. A subhero is a hero with subpowers.
What's a subpower?
Gee, Sue, I have some really important scientific work I have to back to.
Hey, if Mr. Furshlugginer doesn't want the Outta-Sight Chick around, I know someone who does.
What the furshlugginer was she talking about? Well, as long as she thinks I know, the day is saved.

 

by fpd
1-23-04
Greed says a subhero is a hero with subpowers. What's a subpower?
No, I'm not a subhero. I'm a superhero known as the Submarine Hero Guy.
Were you exposed to comic rays like us?
No, my father was a mutant/alien hybrid, and my mother was an Atlantean/siren hybrid.
And what are your superpowers?
I can sweep you off your feet right up to the clouds above, then plunge you down to the seething depths of passion.

 

by fpd
1-23-04
The countdown for the gamete bomb test has begun, Dr. Boner.
Oh no! That beautiful boy I have a jones for is out on the test range!
Dr. Bruce Boner runs out and pushes the boy to safety when all of a sudden ...
The bomb's gamete radiation turns him into a big green bulk of heaping manliness.
Rarrh! Bulk bash!

 

by fpd
1-23-04
Thanks for helping to save the day, Bulk. Say, how are things going with your group, the Offenders?
Nemo not have time for Bulk now that he's dating Outta-Sight Chick.
Say what?! The Outta-Sight Chick is Mr. Furshlugginer's girlfriend.
Nemo say she the one for him. Bulk don't know what he see in her. She is puny woman, not big manly man like you.
Um, I think I see the Furshlugginer Four signal. Be seeing you, Bulk.
Bah, stupid Thingamabob probably likes puny she-things too.

 

by fpd
1-23-04
Say, Greed, you won't believe what the Bulk told me today. He says that Sue is dating the Submarine Hero Guy.
That truly is unbelievable. Sue prefers the brainy, intellectual type.
Why? Because she's so brainy herself?
No, because opposites attract.
Is that why she's always reading romance novels about brainy, intellectual guys who ignore women?
I get your point, Thingamabob. I won't lose Sue without a fight. The Furshlugginer Four is going to war with the Offenders.

 

by fpd
1-23-04
Dr. Stephen Strangelove was once a gynecologist who cared only for money.
Please, Doctor, I have difficulty reaching orgasm. You must help me.
You should see a psychiatrist if you think I'll examine an uninsured chick who is making minimum wage.
Then one day he had a mind-shattering accident. He accidently mixed acid and pot.
Whoa, this is tripping! Chicks are like so groovy, and money is so meaningless.
Dr. Strangelove quit his job and studied with the ancient shaman Don Juan, to become Master of the Mescaline Arts.
Remember, Stephen, all the wonder of the universe can be found in a single groovy chick.
I have learned such wisdom from you, great master.

 

by fpd
1-24-04
Fellow Offenders, the Furshlugginer Four are planning an attack on us. We must prepare ourselves.
That can't be. The Outta-Sight Chick is my honey.
She is the source of this conflict. She is Helen. Nemo is Paris. Greed Gizzards is Menelaus.
Bulk confused. Paris is city. Bulk bash men who lay us! Then Bulk bang them real good!
Do you have a better metaphor than the Trojan War, Strangelove? The Trojans lost.
Okay, you're Tony. She's Maria. We're the Jets, and the Furshlugginer Four are the Sharks.

 

by fpd
1-24-04
It's time to get clobbering! Let me give that another try. It's time to get tough. It's a tough time. Whatever.
The Furshlugginer Four rules! The Offenders are a bunch of poopie heads!
Prepare to meet your makers, Offenders. No one moves in on our women and gets away with it.
By the hoary hosts of Hogwarts, just give peace a chance.
Face it, Gizzards! Sue loves me and not you. Be a man and get over it!
Bah, Bulk bash!

 

by fpd
1-25-04
Things are going as planned, Dr. Dummkopf. As we speak, the Furshlugginer Four go into battle against the Offenders.
Excellent work, Harlequin. Your ability to stir romantic fantasies has brought on the doom of my worst enemy, Greed Gizzards!
And those superdupes, the Offenders, will be out of our hair too.
Yeah, yeah, whatever. The main thing is that Gizzards will get his comeuppance.
But the Offenders are a great threat to our plans to conquer the world through subliminal romance novels.
Ha, ha, ha! The Offenders will wipe the floor with Gizzards, or he will become an outlaw for killing them. Either way, I am the victor!

 

by fpd
1-26-04
Oh harder, harder! Faster, faster! Oh yes! Yes!
You're not supposed to be enjoying this. I'm beating the crap out of you.
Oh yes, pound Bulk's crap! Let Bulk feel your manly thingamabob pounding inside!
Are you out of your ever-lovin' mind?
Puny Boner think too much. Bulk have the balls. Aren't you even a bit bi-curious?
Hell No! I became a superhero for the dames!

 

by fpd
1-26-04
In your face, Nemo! Can't take the heat, can you?
I don't care for the tar-laden smoke either. Follow me if you can, Flaming Homo!
Unlike you, the Flaming Homo isn't a craven pussy who runs from a fight.
You're not too brilliant either.
No fair! No fair! The water put my flame out!
Do you give up now? Or shall I beat you up for good measure?

 

by fpd
1-27-04
We interrupt Oprah to bring you a breaking news story.
Residents of Manhattan are used to seeing superheros battle supervillains.
But today, two superhero groups, the Offenders and the Furshlugginer Four, are battling each other.
All three Offenders and three of the Furshlugginer Four have been spotted in mortal combat with each other.
It is assumed that the Outta-Sight Chick is simply invisible.
Oh fudge!

 

by fpd
1-27-04
The battle between Bulk and Thingamabob is looking grim.
These two mountains of muscle are an equal match for each other.
Hold on. The Bulk has turned back into Dr. Boner. Thingamabob has the upper hand. Could this be the end for the Bulk?
For an on-the-spot perspective, we now turn to field correspondent Dan Danielson.
I am here with renowned supervillain the Owl. Mr. Owl, what is your take on this situation?
Truly a banner day for supervillainy, Dan. Soon only the Revengers, the Mutant League, the Justice Squad, and the Teen Warriors will oppose us.

 

by fpd
1-27-04
I'm Dan Danielson, reporting live from the battle between the super titans. I'm here with the Flaming Homo's girlfriend.
I'm not his girlfriend. He just asked me out once.
I think everyone at home would like an answer to this question. What is he like in the sack?
I never slept with him. I never even dated him. I turned down the geek.
This is astounding! Does the Flaming Homo have some dark secret hidden in his closet? Why would anyone turn down a date from a superhero?
Superpowers or not, Johnny Smog is still a dweeb. And I don't smoke.

 

by fpd
1-27-04
Science vs. magic. Reason vs. Irrationality. That is what this has come down to, Strangelove.
By the hairy whores of hogwash, let this foolishness be lifted from your eyes.
I want Sue. She's the love of my life, and I don't want to lose her. That's what this is all about. When I heard Nemo was dating her, I just went crazy.
Love is surrender. You must surrender if you can.
Thanks, Doc. I love Sue, but I realize now that I can't force her to love me. All I can do is show her I love her, and hope she loves me back.
That's all any of us can do, Greed. Love is a magic that can't be forced or manipulated.

 

by fpd
1-27-04
Oh, Johnny, is this what Nemo has done to you? That brute!
It's not what you think, Sue.
What did I ever see in you? What kind of monster are you that you would go cripple my own brother?
Like he said, it's not what it looks like.
Look, Sue. I'm okay. The wheelchair was just something Strangelove had left over from his medical practice.
Honestly, Sue. How could I face you if I let myself hurt your brother?

 

by fpd
1-28-04
The new superhero group, the Evanescent Five, is no longer with us. Mr. Evanescent could strech his limbs any length. But he couldn't unstretch himself. He lost muscle tone and died of a heart attack.
The Human Combustion has died of spontaneous human combustion. The Snowman was too close to the conflagration and melted.
The Vanishing Girl has vanished. And who can forget the Forgettable It? It had the power to obscure any memory of him or her.
Did you say the Evanescent Five? Don't you mean the Evanescent Four?
Yes, from channel 3 news, we will miss you, Mr. Evanescent, Human Combustion, Snowman, and Vanishing Girl.

 

by fpd
1-28-04
Oh, Greed! You're okay!
You must think I'm a real jerk right now, Sue.
It was so romantic that you fought the Offenders for me!
Really? You're not mad?
I'm mad too. It was stupid and reckless, but so romantic. Just find other ways to be romantic, okay?
I'll try, Sue. Have I ever told you how ironic your power is? You're the last thing I want to lose sight of.

 

by fpd
1-28-04
You blithering buffoon, Harlequin! You failed to destroy Greed Gizzards!
How could we know they would act with love and compassion? What do we supervillains know of such things?
You're going to die for your incompetance, fool!
Wait! How would you like to seduce Sue away from Gizzards? That would hurt him a lot, and I can help you.
Thanks for reading to me, Sue. I used to love reading before I went blind.
No problem, Malicia. I just got the latest Harlequin romance, "The Man Behind the Iron Mask."

 

by fpd
1-29-04
Dan Danielson with the Flaming Homo at FF headquarters. What is your response to the rumors that you're a homosexual?
What?! This is the first I've heard of these rumors. Why would anyone think I'm gay?
Well, your name means a homosexual who openly flaunts his homosexuality.
No, no, no. It means a homo sapien who is on fire. Just like the original Flaming Homo from World War II.
That Flaming Homo was a robot, not a homo sapien. If you're not gay, would you ever think of changing your name?
Human Fag might be a good one, because I look sort of like a cigarette.

 

by fpd
1-29-04
When the Japs invaded Pearl Harbor, Roger Stevens was so filled with patriotism, he tried to join the U.S. army.
I believe in freedom so much, I want to do what I can to fight the Japs, Nazis, and Fascists.
You're not in good enough shape to join the army, Mr. Stevens, but there is a way you can help the war effort.
You're just the sort of patriot we need for the first test of our overman serum. If it doesn't kill or incapacitate you, it will turn you into a super fighting man.
I'm so happy to do whatever I can to serve the land of the free and the home of the brave.
It worked, but Nazis bombed the lab, destroying the remaining serum. Roger Stevens became the hero American Idol.
Japs, Krauts, and Wops, beware! American Idol will stop you all!
Along with his kid sidekick, Buddy!

 

by fpd
1-30-04
For the glory of Hirohito, you will die American.
Oh yeah!? Take that and that and that, you buck-toothed, squinty-eyed Jap!
And now for the kill. This is for Pearl Harbor!
Hold on, son. Heros don't kill. No matter how vile, inhuman, and unamerican the enemy may be, we must value the sanctity of his life. To do any less would be to stoop to his level.
Holy Purple Mountain Majesties, American Idol! He just did himself in!
People who don't cherish life don't cherish freedom, Buddy. That's why it's so important that we win this war, that we stop the marauding Japanese menace once and for all.

 

by fpd
1-30-04
When Alan Turing lost a special friend to syphilis, he built an anatomically correct robot and copied his dead friend's brain patterns into its positronic brain.
Tobor cuddle!
Sure thing, Tobor, and then we can do some cornholing.
Because of his expertise in robotics, American Cigarettes hired him to build a robotic mascot. He based its positronic brain patterns on his own.
Enjoy the rich, flavorful taste of American brand cigarettes.
Oh yes, American cigarettes are so refreshing and so satisfying.
But when the robots learned of Nazi atrocities against homosexuals, they were so outraged, they both signed up for active superhero duty with the Intruders.
Fellow fags, take heart! The Flaming Homo will save you from the Nazis!
And his sidekick Tobor will cornhole Nazi butt!

 

by fpd
1-30-04
Shortly before World War II, Nemo, a half-breed outcast of Atlantis, had started to attack American factories that dumped pollution into the ocean.
I shall tear apart this robot factory! So swears Nemo!
This unit has been damaged. Systems failing in 1 sec...
Robotics was an emerging technology back then, and Nemo severely crippled America's ability to send armies of robots against the Axis powers.
Without our robots, how will we defend ourselves against the invading Japs?
We are in deep doo doo, President Roosevelt.
But Nemo's activities had made Atlantis known to the surface world, and Mussolini made the tactical error of extending the arm of Italian imperialism under the seas.
As the only Atlantean who can breathe air, Nemo, will you take our fight to Italy?
I shall put an end to Italian fascism and imperialism! So swears Nemo!

 

by fpd
1-31-04
I hope you can forgive my past acts of aggression and accept me as an ally, Mr. President.
Hey, if I can accept a monster like Stalin as an ally, I can accept a raging maniac. Welcome to the Intruders, Nemo.
Yes, welcome Nemo. Together, we shall stop Axis imperialism as only superheros can.
Make that superheros and kid sidekicks.
Wahoo! the Axis powers shall fall before the mighty Intruders!
And Tobor shall spin them on their axes while cornholing them!

 

by fpd
1-31-04
Ha, ha! Our plan to plunge the world into turmoil is working perfectly. Soon I shall kill Hitler and take over Germany.
Excellent, White Skull. Meanwhile, I, Alexei Luther, shall sow the seeds of Japan's downfall.
They are such dupes! They soften up America for us, then we take them both out.
Ha, ha! They don't know what's coming next! When this war is over, we, not our Axis and Ally dupes, shall rule the whole world!
Mr. President, I have designed a super weapon that will end the war with the Japs.
Tell me more, Dr. Luther. We must win this war for the sake of freedom everywhere.

 

by fpd
1-31-04
Ha, ha, ha! We have you now, Americans!
Oh yeah?! Do you think some puny little Jap girls will stop me?
I'm afraid there's nothing we can do, son. True heros don't hit the fairer sex.
If only we had some dames in the Intruders. Then they could take out these dolls for us.
Arrgh! They got me! It's sure been swell to be your sidekick. Until now anyway.
Stupid Americans! Japan shall rule America, and you'll only get to watch anime cartoons on Saturday morning.

 

by fpd
1-31-04
Ha, ha, ha! We've killed Buddy, and you're next, American Idol!
You may kill me, Jap, but you won't kill the spirit of liberty! In the end, truth and justice shall prevail!
Have no fear, the Flaming Homo is here!
Arrgh!
How could you do it, Flaming Homo? What kind of hero would kill little girls?
It's okay, darling. I'm a homosexual.

 

by fpd
1-31-04
American Idol, America is saddened by the death of Buddy. But we've found a new sidekick for you.
I've been rethinking this sidekick thing, sir. It wouldn't be fair to bring another young lad into battle with me.
This new sidekick is no lad. She's a woman known by the codename of Golden Gal.
Golden Gal? Sounds like some old biddy. This war is no place for dames, sir.
Hi, I'm Golden Gal.
Hubba hubba!

 

by fpd
1-31-04
It's time to put my stooge in the Whitehouse. You know what to do.
Yes, Mr. Luther.
No! That goes against everything America stands for! Tell President Truman, I will have no part of this.
Very well. Put him on ice, boys!
Hey, American Idol, I used to think you were an idealistic twit. But now I think you're really cool. Ha, ha, ha!

 

by fpd
2-01-04
American Idol, your mission is to take out Mussolini. The war with Atlantis has weakened Italy, but I want America to get the credit for its defeat.
Sure thing, boss. I won't let you down.
You won't take me alive, American Idol. And I know your silly ideals won't let you kill. So, nyah, nyah, nyah!
I think you have me confused with someone else, Mussolini.
You surprise me, American Idol. I thought you didn't believe in killing people, yet you've killed Mussolini.
The ends sometimes justify the means, Submarine Hero Guy. Think of all the Atlantean lives I've saved today.

Showing page 5.

« Previous Next »