All comics by Broly

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by Broly
7-01-02
Didja hear about how Bert and Ernie were removed from Sesame Street for being gay?
That's a preposterous rumor. They weren't gay in the least.
Oh yes it was. The evidence was on the show constantly.
What kind of evidence?
For example, on this one show, the two were taking turns buttramming each other.
Now that you mention it, that was a bit suspicious.

 

by Broly
7-07-02
Would you be so kind as to order a pizza for us? I'll chip in.
Oh yeah? Maybe I'll order the pizza, but maybe...
I'LL ORDER THE PIZZA!
Whoa, you sure put me in my place there.
Don't I know it. Don't I!

 

by Broly
7-07-02
Up for a vigorous game of Firearms?
Alright.
Now, I know Firearms doesn't have as much impact as that Barbie game you play on your PC.
I don't play any Barbie game, all I play is Microsoft Golf!
Sure, "Microsoft Golf", whatever you say tutu boy.

 

by Broly
7-12-02
Have any plans for today?
You bet your sweet bippy. I'm going to visit the local unnamed zoo and chuck rocks and bears.
That doesn't sound very healthy.
Thanks for the heads up, Doctor Phil!
Must you constantly denounce the wisdom of Doctor Phil?
Only when I... denounced, uh... your mom!

 

by Broly
7-12-02
Time for a good ol' fashioned crank call!
Knock knock.
Uh, who's there?
Frida Kahlo, renowned latina artist! *hang up*
Oh yeah, I'm the man.

 

by Broly
7-16-02
I remembered your birthday and got you a present.
That's mighty kind of you.
It's a mug that says "World's Greatest Asshole" on it.
You shouldn't have.
I know, you're overcome with joy.
No, really, you shouldn't have.

 

by Broly
7-19-02
I'm planning to get a new Xbox game.
Assuming the damned thing doesn't freeze, what're you getting?
It's a game based on espionage, infiltration, and magic cheese that drives my aunt Wilma to Louisana to buy her shoes.
Pardon?
See, the secret power buckets can only hold more shrimp if the influx of banana is less than five.
Lousy Arsenal Gear screwing around again. Where's my M9...

 

by Broly
7-24-02
Fearing the worst, Alfonz plans to investigate a possible rebirth of the notorious Arsenal Gear. He discusses the matters with
Sir, I've become suspicious that Arsenal Gear has become reconstructed.
Why would you think so? Did something unusual happen?
For one thing, Billy was jabbering like an idiot.
Like I said, did something unusual happen?
His idiotic yapping didn't allow me a chance to degradate him.
Good Lord, that is astounding! I'll send a chopper your way.

 

by Broly
7-26-02
Hey there, kiddo. I'll be the new bus driver for your yet to be named school. I'll be taking you to school from now on.
Taking me to... TAKING ME TO SCHOOL?!
Uh...
I'll show you! I've improved my fadeaway, I'll crossover you from here to Philly, I've got hops like your momma has chin rolls!
Basketball freaks.

 

by Broly
8-06-02
With the steady whirr of a helicopter in the background, Al sets off to defeat a reborn evil.
So, you're the new chopper guy.
That I am there. Funny thing is, my name happens to be Guy, ha! Gotta love that there poetic justice, eh.
I don't think I should be assigned a chopper in this condition.
You mean how I'm drunk?
No, I mean how you're Canadian.
Hey now, we're good at hockey, and we make maple syrup, now then that there howdy hoser eh.

 

by Broly
8-07-02
Ok, I've been inserted into the enemy territory. time to move through covertly, attain some explosives, and take out some bad guys.
Yo, dude.
Hell, a guard! Take it easy, turn around slowly, aim for the neck...
Man, I've been lugging around this C4 all day, it's really heavy, could you be a bro and help me out? That'd be shibby.
Guards were alot sharper back in the day.

 

by Broly
8-09-02
Charlton Heston has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer symptoms.
Gracious, how I weep so.
I heard he didn't take the news very well.
So did I.
I heard he was flailing his arms about, shouting "Get the hell off me you damn dirty apes!"
Blast him, stealing lines from Robert Conrad.

 

by Broly
8-11-02
I've acquired explosives and am preparing to assault the assumed base of operations of the new Metal Gear.
Gotcha. Go forth and terminate. With extreme prejudice!
Must it be extreme? How about slightly mild.
Ok, ok. Just don't forget the hollandaise sauce.
By the way, since when has Nike been sponsoring our operations?
Ever since you crashed a few helicopters into children-infested playgrounds, we've needed to make alot of settlements.

 

by Broly
8-25-02
They say the combat situation in the Middle East is going smoothly, but you have to wonder exactly how truthful newscasters are to the public.
Totally. Just like when I was back in 'Nam.
Not only were you too young to have been in 'Nam, I doubt they would accept you due to your large cranium and psychoses.
Well, Mr. smartypants, I was really tall for my age. And another thing, back in 'Nam, we needed them soldiers crazy!
Honestly, does the lying ever end?
I'll stop lying when you stop being a ho bitch.

 

by Broly
8-29-02
Fire in the hole!
Holy freakin' Jesus!
Yes?

 

by Broly
9-05-02
So, you're the one behind all the checanery!
Damn straight, ya buggy-eyed punk.
But why Jesus, why? You were always so good, wholesome, chockful of vitamins.
I hate how Dad always constantly gushes about you and your loser friend. I'm not some goody two-shoes like everyone thinks.
You must've been up there hallucinating for some time now, 'cause from this vantage point you're assuredly shoeless.
It's a figure of... listen, I died for the sins of the entire human race, gimme some credit.

 

by Broly
9-10-02
You're behind the madness, you power hungry angelic-deity type something or other!
Yeah, what are you gonna do about it doughboy?
An epic and exhaustive battle!
Let's get it on!
Note: Due to playing Starcraft alot, today's battle ain't happening. Alfonz wins, Jesus loses, hooray.
Looks like you get the short end of the stick, Jesus. But not that huge-ass stick you're nailed to.
Funny. I'd laugh if I hadn't suffocated long ago FOR YOUR SINS.

 

by Broly
9-12-02
Who the hell moved my chair?
What do you mean?
My chair, somebody moved it, and considering there are no butlers in the immediate vicinity, I'm assuming you did.
Since when have you owned a chair? I've never seen one around.
Maybe you'd see it if you hadn't stolen it, pinko spy!

 

by Broly
9-15-02
Man how I hate Tom Brokaw.
What's your deal with him?
Existing!
That isn't altogether fair judgement of him.
I'm plenty fair. I just hate him for existing on my dimensional plane, is all.
How generous of you.

 

by Broly
9-29-02
Oh mah Gawhd!
Well I'll be!
Loh'dy be!
Oh no you di'int!
African-American Mama Talk Contest
Billy, you so crazeh.
Sweet mama ha' mercy!

 

by Broly
9-29-02
What's your favorite Starcraft race? The Terran?
Nah. I like that one, y'know, the one that attacks people.
Uh, you mean Zerg? Or Protoss?
No no no, none of those. You really limit options on decisions you know.
As far as I know...
As far as you know, shmas far as you know, who's the one that devours great works of literature daily here? Me!

 

by Broly
9-30-02
I was watching La Femme Nikita the other day...
La what Ni what what?
It's that show, it's on USA. It stars that woman that's supposed to be hot but she's ugly.
Oh yeah, that show. What about it?
It sucks.
Astutely mentioned.

 

by Broly
10-09-02
I've been searching vehemently for roms the past few days to play on my snes emulator, but I just can't find any.
Those're easy to find, I find 'em on the Internet plenty often.
Really? You know of any updated rom sites I could get games from?
Oooh, roms! I thought you said moms.
... I am so not even going to approach that statement, it's not even funny.
See, I always tell you you'll never make it in stand-up, I told you!

 

by Broly
10-18-02
Mr. T is a funny man.
Funny haha, or funny I'm going to go smoke some hasheesh?
How does that second option factor in?
I'll be shitted if I know, but no washed-up 80's action star will keep me away from my ganja!

 

by Broly
10-22-02
What's the deal with spiders? They take over the garage, and assault you in hordes as you attempt to prepare to move.
Perhaps they're obsessed with rectangular-shaped objects. Or they don't want the homeowner to ever leave... ALIVE!
Actually, spiders just like dank and secluded places.
Killjoy.

 

by Broly
10-22-02
Have you ever been to Wisconsin?
No.
False!
But I...
False, incorrect, I win!
From now on, I get first turn in "I win".

 

by Broly
10-27-02
Remember the poignant question of whether God is dead or not that was all the rage during the mid-20th century?
Nope.
Neither do i.
Sweet. In honor of this wonderful bonding moment, let us leave the final panel blank.
No.
Dammit.

 

by Broly
10-31-02
Wee, time to trick-or-treat!
I'll catch up to you. Have fun, you rat bastard.
Hey there, aged woman creature. How about candyfying me?
Certainly, young buck. I'll even throw in razors, syringes, and assorted medical waste by-products.
Pardon?
Uh... I mean... I'll even throw in razors, syringes, assorted medical waste by-products, AND used condoms.

 

by Broly
12-29-02
It's been a long time since last we've talked boys and girls.
And ever longer since we had the talk about the birds and the bees. And how they have sex.
As you can see, we haven't lost our edgy humor and cunning idiocy.
You can thank a well-honed flint rock for my extreme edge.
You'll be seeing more of us in the future, so don't fear and have a happy holiday.
Yeah, so don't be able to be unblockable save for artifact and/or black creatures.

 

by Broly
5-30-03
Hey, why aren't comics made of us anymore?
Are we not "in"? Has the target demographic changed? Have the youths of today been led astray by that wily Carson Daly yet again?
Doesn't this count as a comic, and perhaps as a sign that there are still plans for us?
Don't you dare kick me off my moral soapbox, I pay for it by the hour.

 

by Broly
5-30-03
This one time, at band camp, I took this flute...
Uh oh.
class. It was a very uplifting and endearing experience. I learned a musical instrument, made friends, and overall improved my social and vocational skills.
Wow, I'm surprised. That was an uplifting story, thank you for sharing.
Then I crammed the flute up my vagina and played "My Country 'Tis of Thee" in front of the entire Carnegie Hall Philharmonic.
And right on cue, the downspiral into debauchery.

 

by Broly
6-01-03
I hear the original Beatles will be getting back together for a reunion tour.
That's doubtful, Paul is involved with a new band, Ringo is occupied with a semi-solo career, and the other two members are dead.
Damned Grim Reaper, always driving a wedge between unfortunate rock and roll bands.
Meanwhile, in Hell
Death just want to be loved. Death sad...

 

by Broly
6-16-03
Feel like playing basketball?
Do I ever!
Great! I'll go get the...
No, really, do I ever?
Well, not usually. I thought maybe you'd change your mind.
Right, change my mind, I suppose next you'll be wanting me to change my horrendously soiled underwear, pfft.

 

by Broly
7-04-03
So, it's Independence Day, how do you plan to celebrate?
I'm going to wolf down a disturbing number of hot dogs in one sitting. Just like that Japanese guy in that one contest!
Oh, you mean the hot dog eating contest.
Or him, either works for me.
78 hot dogs later...
Hey, you alright? You seem to be freaking out.
No, I'm fine actually, it's just how you painted the brick wall that creates the illusion of me having a psychotic, over-hot dogged episode.

 

by Broly
7-04-03
I'm off to go perform stunts that I've seen on Jackass, see you around.
Wait, you really shouldn't do those. They're dangerous, and the Jackass people made a disclaimer saying so. A disclaimer!
Hmm, I do love disclaimers, but on the other hand I despise you with a fiery passion that consumes my very soul.
Ok, but you'll be sorry!
4 and a half hours later
Welp, I perfored every single stunt I've ever viewed on Jackass and I feel absolutely fine.
Maybe it's me, but I could've sworn your knees were bent the other way before you started.

 

by Broly
7-05-03
Can you believe it? It's been one whole year.
One whole year since what?
1987.
Actually, it's been 16 years since 1987.
FUCKING REGIS.

 

by Broly
7-13-03
I can't believe Kobe Bryant would do such a thing.
What, is he clubbing baby seals?
No, that's you. Kobe's been charged with rape. I doubt he would do such a thing, he's a very morale and spiritual person.
True. We all know that NBA players are a monogomous lot. Never using their fame for carnal pleasures with youthful fans.
This space intentionally left blank so you can savor the sarcasm. Come, savor with me. Wafting wafting, there it is, delicious!

 

by Broly
7-13-03
Yes, finally, my creation is complete! I have irradiated a fly along with my DNA to form a human-sized fly of hispanic origin!
At least I can't get swatted anymore.
And the point of this experiment was to create a superhero to save the world as well as market you as a toy. You shall be called...
Oh no, oh hell no, you had better not even...
THE SPANISH FLY!
I am so going to spit acid on you and ingest your face.

 

by Broly
7-28-03
That new Pilates workout is awesome.
Yeah? How does it work?
It consists of repetitive, fluent motions that focus on toning the abs, glutes, and lower back. Maybe you should try it out, admiral fatass.
You weigh twice as much as I do, my body's in terrific shape!
Ah, but what kind of shape is your soul in?
Probably a formless, polymorphic mass.

 

by Broly
7-29-03
I can't believe we've been in Iraq for so long. It's costing bundles of money and more importantly many human lives.
Well, what'cha gonna do?
I could go there, seek out and destroy Saddam, then capture or defeat the remaining remnants of his empire.
Well, you did accomplish that Osama thing awhile back.
Yes, or perhaps I'll go watch tennis and eat beef jerky.
Spoilsport.

 

by Broly
8-03-03
Is it wrong if I pay someone to let me take a dump on them?
It's horrificly wrong, yes!
See, that's what I thought.
I told you it should be free, it's not a definitive sexual act.
Listen, I'm getting shat on, I say I deserve 20 bucks.

 

by Broly
8-21-03
What's the deal with those people that want reperations?
I think descendants of slaves deserve something, but all people of black heritage is too broad a scale.
No, I mean those grocery store guys. I set one aisle on fire and they jump all over me, what's with them?
Hmm, they might need reperations for all the repairs they'll be doing.
Ah, I understand. You put it so much better than their lawyers.

 

by Broly
8-21-03
Are you ready for the football?
Football? Is it...
Are you ready for the football!
Whether you mean college or pro...
I SAID ARE YOU READY FOR THE FUCKING FOOTBALL!
Fine, I am! Stupid football.

 

by Broly
8-21-03
Time to check the ol' Inbox.
You've got... a virus.
Hell. This stupid countdown virus, I heard about it in the National Enquirer. All rights reserved.
30... 29... 28...
Hah, fool program, this strip'll end before you can reset my computer. Suck on that!
No, c'mon, just a little while longer! 27 26 25 24 23

 

by Broly
8-21-03
I went to the doctor for my annual check-up, and apparently I had a few "cardiac arrests" in the last week.
Um, isn't that serious? Maybe you should go to the hospital.
Why, I feel perfectly fine, Hollywood personality Jennifer Aniston.
Wow, we better go right now.
Damn, simmer down, baby. There's plenty of lovin' for the three of us.
I could've sworn gramps kept his portable defibrilator around here somewheres...

 

by Broly
8-22-03
Catherine Zeta-Jones' and Michael Douglas' baby is still making news. The elated couple is said to be making plans for another.
Brr, did you just feel a draft?
Yeah, weird. Back to the plans.
So I'm thinking of causing a catastrophic nuclear war, resulting in a dead count reaching the billions.
You just don't care how much work you make for me, do you?

 

by Broly
8-22-03
Oh my God, my contact fell out!
You wear contacts?
Yes I do! It fell out over in the boiler room, I think.
Alright, do you want to help me search?
Yes, "help you search", the cops ought to believe that.

 

by Broly
8-23-03
What's your opinion on buttplugs?
Why? I have no opinion, never used the things, no. Why would you think that? Who've you been talking to?
Noone, just wondering. Why're you acting all defensive, as if you have something to hide. Up your butt, potentially.
Nothing, no reason at all. Do excuse me, I have to leave now. In no way due to this conversation.
Later on, at the red light district...
Bitch! What happened to the "100% privacy" guarantee?
You best not be comin' up here and accusing me. I never narc on nobody 'bout my produc'. Don' go frontin' now.

 

by Broly
8-23-03
I got this great new job as a news anchor!
Oh boy, how many people did you eat to get this job?
Do you mean eat as in devour? Or eat as in eat out, like a sexual favor. Because you'd be asking for two totally different numbers.
Yeah, this is about the time I go cry myself to sleep in the fetal position.
But it's four in the afternoon.
You'd be surprised how quickly you can blackout certain thoughts crying yourself to sleep in the fetal position. You really would.

 

by Broly
8-23-03
Yo, dude.
Hola, asshole.
Right on, you must be the new guy that'll be working weather or taking lunch orders or something. Cool to have you aboard.
Right on, you're a 36 year old, coffee drinking yuppie that scours Ebay every night on his mother's computer for good prices on IKEA merchandise.
Wow, you must watch my webcam. I'll catch ya later, home skillet.
I don't know whether to kill him, or... Wait, I do.

Showing page 6.

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