All comics by Namgubed

Profile

 

by Namgubed
2-22-06
( Starring William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy ... )
To... BE ! -- orNOTtobeTHAT. IS. theQUEStion. whether'tis NObler! inthemind to SUFfertheSLINGS and ARrows ofoutRAGEousFORtune... or. to. TAKEUPARMS... againstaSEA-of-troublesandbyopPOSingEND them?
To - DHIehh - to... SLEEP, nomore. AndbyaSLEEP to say we... END! the HEARTache andthe THOU-sand-NAT-ural-SHOCKS thatfleshis heir to... 'tisaconsummation deVOUTlytobewished. To diieehh... to slee
( DeForest Kelly, and Phoebe Cates as Lt. Saavik )
To - SLEEP-per-CHANCE-to-DREAM. AY, THERE'StheRUB! For-IN-that-SLEEP-of-DEATH what... DREAMS! maycomewhenwehave... SHUFfledOFF this...MORtalCOIL mustgiveusPAUSE. THERE'S thereSPECT that gives caLAM
-ity so.long.life. ForwhowouldBEAR-- the WHIPS and SCORNS of TIME: theoppressor'sWRONG, the... proud man's conTUMEly, the PANGS! ...ofdespisedlove,the - LAW'SdeLAY, the INsolenceofOFficeandthe SPU
...that patientmeritoftheunworthy TAKES! ...when HEhimSELF-- mighthisQUIetusMAKE withaPHAserseton "LIQuefy"...
Detecting a very strong cured pork signal in this vicinity ... and gremlins, too.

 

by Namgubed
2-24-06
?
Tiger! Tiger! burning bright In the forests of the night, What immortal hand or eye Could frame thy fearful symmetry?
It was that Kaddar guy, I guess ... shoot, man, get a life, already!

 

by Namgubed
3-01-06
Meanwhile, in a sleepy suburb of Cleveland ...
Help, 911! My pet elephant is choking on my pet cat after I filled the litter box with peanut shells!!
O ... K, this better not be a crank call, buddy, there are laws, you know.
Fluffy's lodged in there pretty good; looks like we're going to need to perform the Heimlich maneuver on him.
** GAG, CHOKE **
How the heck do you do the Heimlich on an elephant?
With axes. Very sharp axes.

 

by Namgubed
3-01-06
** HACK, SLASH, BLOOD **
** CHOP, WHACK, GA-SPLORCH **
Great, we saved Fluffy, but Jumbo is bleeding to death from that laryngotomy!
Well, there's only one way we can save your elephant now.
With a highly skilled and specialized veterinary doctor?
No, dark alchemy!

 

by Namgubed
3-01-06
Hi, I'm Big Al Elric, the Half-Mental Alchemist. Don't worry, we'll get your elephant fixed up in a jiffy!
Fine, but why are you wearing that suit of armor?
Actually, I AM a suit of armor - but that's another story. Now I've drawn the circle and have my incantation ready, so all I need is a small mammal.
Will this cat do?
"That'll do nicely. A-la-ka-ZAM!!"
KER-TRANS-FORM
Hey, wait just a minute ... !

 

by Namgubed
3-01-06
Behold! A completely healthy cat / elephant hybrid chimera!
Good lord, haven't you heard the 1980's hit single, "You Shouldn't Splice Cat and Elephant DNA" by Supertramp?
What do we call this unholy monstrosity ... an elepheline? Cattlephant? Catchyderm?
Decepticat? Cellophane? Kofi Annan?
... Cthulhu?
That'll do nicely, puny mortal. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a world to conquer, what with being reborn and all.

 

by Namgubed
3-01-06
Great. Now how do we stop my pet Cthulhu from taking over the world? With rosary beads and a reverse incantation?
No ... with axes. Very sharp axes. On hallowed groound.
Sure enough, one epic supernatural bloodbath and phantasmagoric retransformation later ...
That didn't turn out the way it was supposed to.
I know. So, what do we do now?
Wait... I've got it! We can bury your elephant in this pet cemetary --
Look, why don't you just go down to the pet store and get me a replacement?

 

by Namgubed
3-01-06
Later that day, at the pet store ...
Well, we're fresh out of elephants, but I do have this very nice emu. Beautiful plumage, the Tazmanian Blue.
I'll take it!
You moron, not only is this thing dead, it's been stuffed and mounted! I hope you kept the receipt!
Inescapably ...
I would like to register a complaint concerning this emu I bought not half an hour ago from this very boutique!
Ah, yes, the Tazmanian Blue. Beautiful plumage! What's wrong with it?

 

by Namgubed
3-01-06
Six omitted panels of rehashed Monty Python material larer ...
What a senseless waste of human life.
Sorry, there's nothing more I can do about your elephant, but at least your cat is back to normal.
Yeah, but he'll be awfully lonely without Jumbo ...
The End ... or IS it?
GRRROOAAARRR ... F-F-FFFLLUUUFF-F-FFYYYYY...
Boy, I missed you too, Jumbo! ... Say, have you lost weight?

 

by Namgubed
3-03-06
Meanwhile, back in the 6th grade...
Each group will write a play based on a popular fairy tale, and then act it out for the rest of the class in the auditorium.
We've picked "The Shoemaker and the Elves."
There are no girls in your group, so you'll have to play the shoemaker's wife.
You're gay, aren't you?
Now that you have money, honey, can I buy a new dress? No ?!?! ...Well, you can KISS MY GRITS!
Oh boy, an "Alice" reference. YOU SUCK!!

 

by Namgubed
3-06-06
Meanwhile, during relay race at a Boy Scout camp-o-ree ...
WHEE ...!!
Ha ha! Lookit that guy, he runs like a RETARDED SQUID !!
??
DUDE ! That's not cool. He has CEREBRAL PALSY !
... shit.
Apology accepted, douchebag!

 

by Namgubed
3-06-06
Meanwhile, after returning from Desert Storm ...
Just wait 'til my friends see me in these wacky Saudi Arabian clothes! *snicker*
Dude, you look like a total faggot.
What I actually said :
... God bless you, too.
What I SHOULD have said, dammit! :
Well, I have to dress up like THIS to look like a total faggot. What's YOUR excuse?
PWN3D!!1!1

 

by Namgubed
3-07-06
♫ ... who's gonna bang with Rosie - when Rosie goes away? ♫ Rosie had a chicken, she also had a duck, she set them on a table - to see if they would -
♫ BANG, bang, Rosie, Rosie bangs all day, who's gonna bang with Rosie ... ♫
Ha ha ha! Now sing it with all the cuss words!

 

by Namgubed
3-09-06
Meanwhile, at the Tulsa International Airport Budgetâ„¢ Car Rental desk ...
I'm sorry, but you need a valid driver's license to rent a car.
But this IS *ahem* valid!
No, obviously, someone changed the zero in 1990 to a six with a black marker. If you'd like, I can call the DMV and verify it.
Uh, that won't be necessary.
Well, you can try to fool somebody else with this expired license, but it won't fly here!
Gosh, I admire you.

 

by Namgubed
3-21-06
Guess what, Bobby, guess what?
What, you little turd?
Our Girl Scout troop sold enough cookies to earn us all a trip to Penis, France!
Ha, ha! You mean Paris, France, you stupid moron!
What did I say? (chuckle)
Penis!

 

by Namgubed
3-21-06
It's just as I suspected, Billy.
So doctor, why do I get real angry when I have to take a painful dump?
Billy, I'm afraid you've got an advanced case of 'rrhoid rage.

 

by Namgubed
3-28-06
Hey, Joey, did you hear about that guy in Afghanistan who they were going to kill for converting from Islam to Christianity, but all the human rights folks and the UN said, you can't do that because -
Well, I ...
your new charter has religious tolerance, but the clerics want strict Islamic law, then some countries said they'd grant him amnesty, but the court wanted to find him mentally unfit to stand trial -
But they ... uh - OOGA-BOOGA FLUFFERNUTTER!
- so they could let him off the hook without creating an international incident, but the gray area isn't gone, and it's a cop-out to plead insanity instead of facing difficult- WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?
Penis!

 

by Namgubed
3-28-06
♫ bump ba-dum dum dum ♫
Pe ...
... nis ...
Penis!
Penis!

 

by Namgubed
4-23-06
For Whom The Bell Tolls
Please insert 50¢ to complete your call to 911. Thank you for using Southeast Bell.
The Sun Also Rises
I heard Sun Microsystems' stock just went up 3%!
Yeah, but only because the rest of NASDAQ went up 18%.
A Fare Well To Arms
I hear Shiva's arms aren't covered by the union.
They just say that because they're pussies.

 

by Namgubed
4-29-06
52 card pickup?
>sigh< - might as well ...

 

by Namgubed
7-22-06
Marty! You've got to go Back to the Future ©, and stop the JFK assassination! We can't leave the Kennedy lineage to Ted or Maria!
My gosh, you're right, Doc! What should I do?
This cruiser is outfitted with my new Fux Capacitor© ! Go back to the summer of '63 and head to Dallas.
Fux Capacitor ©, '63, Dallas, OK, what do I do then?
... Improvise.
Fux ©.

 

by Namgubed
7-24-06
Meanwhile, back in Dallas, Marty improvises a plan ...
Hello, Mr. President, and welcome to Marty's Presidential Coiffure Emporium! What can we do for you today?
I've got to be in a big parade, so I'll need a light trim, and plenty of hair spray.
Just a little bit off the top ... **BZZZZZZT**
Aaiiee! What did you do to my beautiful hair? The parade is in less than an hour, and I've got a reverse mohawk. Fix it now!
Sorry about that, Mr. President! Here, use this hairpiece -- it's the Shatner Turbo 3000, featuring Ultrahold with Kevlar ©!
OK, fine. Man this thing is as heavy as a steel helmet!

 

by Namgubed
7-24-06
Later, at about 11 mph ...
Great crowd today, my dear!
Jackie likey new car smell!
Shots are fired!
**PING** **PING** Ouch!
Ricochet Rabbit?
The crowd gasps in disbelief!
So there WERE two gunmen!
Ah! Those bullets bounced right off the President's head! What hair spray does he use?

 

by Namgubed
7-24-06
This week in Dallas - Who shot JFK?
I saw the whole thing, Officer! Shots were fired from that theater, and yonder grassy knoll!
Thanks, alert citizen! This is Adam 12 requesting backup! Car 54, where are you?
The bullet bounced back and hit Oswald in the head! How ironic.
What do you mean, ironic? These bullets are made of lead!
Vice President Johnson!? Why did you do it?
Do you have any idea how intoxicating that kind of power is? And I would've gotten away with it, if it weren't for that meddling kid!

 

by Namgubed
7-24-06
Meanwhile, Back to the Future © ...
Well done, Marty! JFK served out his second term, and established Moon Base Alpha!
The President was so glad I saved his life that he told me all about Area 51!
So there really are space aliens? Incredible!
Turns out they come every 50 years to gather seafood off the Mexican coast.
"So I hope you don't mind if I took the car for a side trip to Zihuatanejo with a few red snappers ..."
Hasta luego, y grácias por todos los mariscos!

 

by Namgubed
10-05-06
The introduction ...
Hey, Duffy! How's it going?
Just fi-- wait a minute ... Toucan Tom, is that YOU?
The elaborate set-up ...
You bet! I'm surprised you recognized me after my beak reduction - sex change operation. Incidentally, I changed my name to Cher.
Well, you know there's always been a special place for you in my heart ... so whadda you say we go back to my place --
The disappointing punchline.
Gosh, I never knew you cared, Duffy! This is all so very sudden - I don't know if I should ...
Precious and few are the moments, wee Toucan Cher!

 

by Namgubed
12-06-06
Happy B-day great grandma. Did you make a wish?
Sure did, sonny boy! I wished for the sweet release of death from this life of arthritic pain and incontinence!
Wish I could help you, Grammy, but you know there are laws against -- hey, the ghost of Clark Gable is peeping at you through that bedroom window!
What? Where?
Well, she did blow out all her candles.

 

Is Godot here yet? Is Godot here yet? Is Godot here yet? Is Godot here yet? Is Godot here yet? ...
by Namgubed, 12-19-06

 

I'm James Bond, bitch! Who's up for watching the World Series of Poker on ESPN?
Why don't we just pummel your nuts, and start a long list of expired Bond babes?
by Namgubed, 12-19-06

 

Peter Gallagher's new eyebrows make Brooke Shields' new eyebrows look like Whoopi Goldberg's new eyebrows!
by Namgubed, 1-09-07

 

by Namgubed
7-03-07
No, my little man, you won't need any worms to play "Go Fish"
... but your rotting corpse will need them after you lose.

 

by Namgubed
7-03-07
Whoever made this keyboard didn't know how to spell the alphabet.
Boom chicka wah wow ...
But I know YOU do, Jeffy - with your tongue!

 

by Namgubed
7-05-07
Your company makes two kinds of products. I bought the one that said "All Natural Flavors"
Great!
Not really... the ingredient list includes something called "methyl salicylate." That's not a natural flavor, is it?
It's completely natural for us to manufacture that flavoring.
So what the hell's the other flavor?
Sodomy Sauce.

 

by Namgubed
7-05-07
So I finally decided to visit NYC and paint the town red ...
... when I find that drunks and hobos are constantly painting it yellow!

 

by Namgubed
7-05-07
♫Two cups of light brown sugar, and a half dozen pears, with a pinch - of kosher salt ... two tablespoons of corn starch, all mixed in a blender on "crush" - ♫
until it's smooth ... Then gently pour it into a pie shell that's dotted with ex - tra large SweetTarts ... then cover with a top crust and bake for an hour on high - ♫
♫ What have you got? ♫ - Take it away, Norah Jones!
♫ I've ... got ... a ... Crushed D'anjou Sweetie Pie ... ♫

 

by Namgubed
7-06-07
Doctors say participating in a stripcreator comic competition can do horrible things to your body and mind.
We now go to local correspondant Miranda Vera Cruz de la Hoya Cardinal who has all the details. Miranda?
Thank you , John. Apparently, an evil red robot has chosen contestants as his rape victims, transforming their rectums into what can only be described as "Sodomy Sauce", and - what's that? AAAII
In a related story, local correspon-dant Miranda Vera Cruz de la Hoya Cardinal tries her hand at creating comics online - details at 11.
RAAR!

 

Honey, does this outfit make me look fat?
[ Insert famous last words here ]
by Namgubed, 7-18-07

 

I guess that's the last time I'll ask Joe Pesci to do the Lollipop Guild song.
by Namgubed, 7-18-07

 

by Namgubed
7-20-07
Doctor, when I saw the new Transformer movie a couple of days ago, I think they put way too much cheese on my nachos.
Hmm ... yes, go on.
Since then, I haven't had a BM, and I feel all bloated. What's wrong with me, doctor? - uh ... doctor?
KER-TRANS-FORM!
DECEPTICONSTIPATION!!

 

by Namgubed
7-22-07
♫ Summertme - and the livin' is easy ...
♫ Fish are jumpin'
And the cotton is high ... ♫
♫ Well, yo daddy's rich - ♫
Aunt Jemimah's good lookin' ! ♫

 

by Namgubed
7-27-07
What do you see through your telescope tonight, Dr. Blanston?
Sweet Laws o' Newton, Death comes for us all!!
AAAIIEEEE! What is it, asteroids? Is the sun going supernova?
"Uh ... yeah, asteroids."

 

Yo mama is so fat, even Jabba the Hutt says, "Meendeeya do cheeka na ree grancha, ha ha ha!"
by Namgubed, 8-09-07

 

by Namgubed
8-09-07
Oh no! Farmer Bob is at it again!
What, is he redefining animal husbandry, or making crop circles?
No.
Oh, is he trying to create the world's largest Jiffy Pop by building a huge bonfire next to the corn silo?
No, I mean he's splitting his infinitives!
You're starting to really annoy me.

 

by Namgubed
8-20-07
Yes?
Is your household adequately covered by Wolf's Breath Insurance?

 

by Namgubed
8-21-07
You there! Nun! Would you by any chance consider yourself to be ... meek?
Yes! Oh, yes, Lord, I am most certainly meek!
Great! Enjoy your inheritance, then.

 

by Namgubed
8-21-07
Two Sisters saw the Last Judgement had begun,
One masturbated,
Oooh... ai, ai, ai-ai-ai whee-he-heeee-AAAAGGHHH!!
Well, isn't that special.
And then there was nun.
Eat your heart out, Agatha Christie.

 

by Namgubed
9-23-07
I have wonderful news, Sister!
What's that, Father?
When I awoke this morning, I found I had the power cure children of a certain ailment!
Praise be! What ailment is it, Father - cancer, or perhaps multiple sclerosis?
... virginity.
Oh, you.

 

by Namgubed
3-28-09
Sing to the tune of "Leave it to Beaver"
Avuncularity consternation
polychromatic waltz
rectangularity
credulous ineptitude

 

by Namgubed
3-28-09
Sing to the tune of "Leave it to Beaver"
"The Devil's Advocate"
"Mars Attacks"
"The Hunchback of Notre Dame"
"The Bourne Supremacy"
"Taxi Driver"
"Groundhog Day"

 

by Namgubed
3-28-09
...so then we decided to try slathering it in maple syrup and wouldn't you know it, it worked like a charm!
So ... you used company resources to photoshop a beard of gigantic bees on Mt. Rushmore? ... Awesome.

Showing page 7.

« Previous Next »