All comics by pslock

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by pslock
12-23-03
Alright...here's the deal. We have to go down into that cave, fight about 500 monsters then take out their leader. I'm pretty sure I can do it alone, but I need your help just incase.
Sure...but I'm only level 5.
What?? Goddamnnit!! I thought you were level 8!! Now we have to level up somewhere!!
Sorry. Well...we could go over into that field...there's some bunny rabbits over there.
Bring it , motherfuckers.
Yeah...I've got chunks of you adventurers in my stool.

 

by pslock
12-24-03
Ahh...Christmas...a time for family.
But you hate your family.
That's true. But, if I consider spending time with myself as time with my family, it all works out in the end.
I see. So....can I hang out or...
Actually, no. Like I said...time with "family."
So you're NOT buying me the $200 import game I want?

 

by pslock
12-24-03
MUUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Your Minster of Required Fear was correct in his assessment. There will indeed be a terror attack. One at the very heart of your society!!!
I, Osama Bin Laden, have captured your precious national Xmas tree and will now hold it for ransom!! Your government are the only ones who can save your Xmas now, but will they? Lying dogs!
TAGLINE: THIS XMAS, THE TERROR LEVEL GOES GREEN!!!!
You have no hope of saving your tree unless your government somehow managed to unleash a Bruckheimer-esque team of heroes upon me as a last ditch effort to save the Earth!

 

by pslock
12-25-03
In the interest of making this Xmas wholesome for everyone, I vow to not have my comic characters swearing up a storm all the time.
Of course..that's just for today. After that, I go blue again. HOOHA!!

 

by pslock
12-26-03
Ed Bradley interviews Michael Jackson, in an exclusive exclusiveness that is solely exclusive to this station. Need we say more?
Uh..yeah...you do need to say more. Like, since when did supposed "paragon of journalism", 60 Minutes, suddenly turn into "MJ's special free defense team??"
I don't quite understand.
Why the hell don't you guys put someone who LEGITIMATELY is being railroaded by the justice system on television so they can tell their story. Like, say, Mumia Abu-Jamal or Leonard Peltier?
Yeah, but think of the talk show monologue fodder we'll create for WEEKS afterward! I mean, we're an important part of the television economy!
Dude, I heard a Monica Lewinsky joke on TV today...believe me, they've got ENOUGH material to work with for the next century.

 

by pslock
12-26-03
RUGRATZ: IN NEWARK!!
Boy..I sure am a precocious little girl who is curious about the world she lives in, but also a bitch! FUNNAY!!!
I SURE WISH I COULD TALK CUZ THEN I COULD MAKE HILARITY ENSUE BUT FOR NOW I WILL BE SATISFIED AS COMIC RELIEF!!
Here's my kid brother...I'll steal stuff from him so that I can be a bitch more...FUNNAY!!
MUSICAL NUMBER ENSUES
5 HOURS LATER!!!
MARKETING ENSUES
VOMITING ENSUES

 

by pslock
12-27-03
I suddenly have the urge to reduce my prices on electronics to absolutely, incredibly low levels.

 

by pslock
12-29-03
*KARATE CHOP!!*
Arrrgghh!!!!!!
ack..
And I haven't even had my morning coffee yet.

 

by pslock
12-29-03
REMEMBER THIS MOMENT! LOL!!
OMG! UR MARRYING WHO???
MY BROTHER!! LOL!!!! *canned laughter from drugged audience*
DRAMATICAL!!
OMG!! MY CAT IS DIEING! SAVE HIM DR.
I WILL HAVE TO FIND HOPE DEEP WITHIN ME AGAIN TO DO SO AND ALSO ADMIT I'M GAY TO PEOPLE!
HEART SMASHINGLY STUFF!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN I GIVE YOU....GREAT WHITE!!!
YAY!!!

 

by pslock
12-29-03
I HAVE JUST LEARNED THAT IT IS MY TASK TO EVALUATE YOUR USEFULNESS IN THIS LAB ON A SCALE OF 2.3 TO 55.67
YOU'LL GIVE ME A GOOD RATING, RIGHT? I MEAN, I AM YOUR FRIEND, RIGHT?
FRIENDSHIP DOES NOT COMPUTE AT THIS INTERVAL. MY PROCESS OF ANALYSIS SHOWS YOU SERVE NO PURPOSE IN THIS INSTALLATION WHATSOEVER EXCEPT FOR MAKING COFFEE.
DAMN.
BUT IT'S DAMN GOOD COFFEE..
YES!

 

by pslock
12-30-03
....
Sir???
!!!!
SIR???
Huh?? Oh yeah..you wanted something. Umm..the answer is no.
BUT, BUT....NOT FAIR..ME NEEDY STUFF!!! I..I...BLAAAARRRG!! BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH...etc..

 

by pslock
12-30-03
You see, if I'm elected president I'll make sure that the horrid bone tax is removed and you'll be free to own your bones without government intrusion.
....
There's no bone tax. But that was a nice try...
Wait!! Ok...vote for me and there's tummy rubs in it for you!!
Hmm...Im intrigued now. But there's the little matter of WHO will be performing said rubs. I believe that pretty girl at the pet store just got an opened up schedule..

 

by pslock
1-01-04
DON'T GO OUTDOORS! THERE MAY BE TERROR!
Umm...Ok...I'll just get onli...
NO! TERROR CAN STRIKE ANYWHERE!!! DON'T GET ONLINE EITHER!!
Ok..I'll just read my boo...
*NO!! A TERRORIST MAY STRIKE YOU AS YOU READ OR, WORSE YET, PUT UNAMERICAN IDEAS INTO YOUR HEAD!!!*
REMEMBER: DO AS YOU WOULD NORMALLY DO. DO NOT PANIC!
Umm....

 

by pslock
1-03-04
My comic today has been cancelled due to threat of terrorism. As unlikely as it may seem, terrorists may indeed somehhow hijack my comic and make destructive use of it.
It's too bad, really, because my comic was actually really funny. Gut-bustingly so. Probably the funniest comic you'd have read all day. Seriously.
What? I'm serious! Really! Hilarious!

 

by pslock
1-03-04
I vow to end oceanic pollution if elected in 2004.
In other words, humans won't come in the water?
Cute.

 

by pslock
1-04-04
A vote for me is a vote for TRUE change! It will send a message that we want to return to older values, older traditions, and older, more reliable ways of getting things done.
A return to the ways of our ancestors!
Well....MY ancestors anyway.

 

by pslock
1-04-04
I'm Tommy Vercetti and I'm gonna take over this here town!! I'm gonna....hey..wait...are you Haitian by any chance?
Why yes, I am.
I have this intense admiration for your people and your culture. In fact, your culture has now inspired me to give up my life of crime and pursue one of religious fulfillment.
Yes...that is how we Haitians always live. Never ever getting involved in any crime syndicates or violent activities. *
(* Fact not actually verified.)
You know, I think this is the start ofa beautiful friendship.
Indeed.

 

by pslock
1-05-04
You have intruded in my natural domain. Prepare to face the consequences.
Oh? And what would those be?
I will mismanage your money in a slightly-risky stock option.
How uncivilized...
But it ended as such...
Squirrel season!
Duck season!

 

by pslock
1-05-04
Dude, today's army is TOTALLY not what you think it is. It's not about destroying individuality and shit like that. It's about making you into a thinking soldier.
I am an Army Of One. It's all up to me. I can make my own decisions in tense situations and be the final authority for myself and my country.
Of course, since I'm gay, I'm actually leaving the military.

 

by pslock
1-05-04
Ok MJ...I've managed to kill virtually everyone standing in your way, so I think our defense that you were upset over the religious differences you were having with Bubbles might fly now.
Nevermind, Chad. I've enlisted the Nation of Islam to help me...I don't need you anymore.
Excuse me?
You heard him, Chad my boy. He's in the hands of Allah now, so piss off!
This could get ugly. *cocks shotgun*
Maybe. *readies kung fu*

 

by pslock
1-06-04
GROW BIGGER BOOBS WHILE GETTING YOUR SELF OUT OF DEBT!! REFINANCE YOR PENIS!! SINGLES ARE LOOKING FOR YOUR STOCK TIPS!!
I'm taking all this down for posterity. Never know when someone like the FBI will need it.
Are you threatening me?
No....I'm just saying.
Oh..well, in that case..I'm just saying. You COULD use penis pills. I mean..it wouldn't hurt.
Mmmhmm...just keep it up.

 

by pslock
1-07-04
Teach me about the sex, I am willingness.
I am fully happyness.
NOT WORK SAFE!!!
My panties falling offwards!
It is naughty!

 

by pslock
1-07-04
In the beginning
I'm Adam
I'm Eve.
JESUS IS BORN!
I, being a wise man, will bestow gifts upon this holy child who hath brought peace to the world.
WTF?
I am washing my hands.
*dying*

 

by pslock
1-09-04
*sniff* *sniff*
Ahh, yes. The dove. It cries.
I'm not crying. I only have allergies. Oh, and I'm not a dove.
Bastard. You tricked me!
I did it...because I love you.
*sniff* *sniff*

 

by pslock
1-09-04
C'mon..you know you want to do it... Go ahead...pinch the stewardesses bottom!!
Arrgh.. NOOO! GET OUT OF MY MIND!!!
Not until you tell them both who I REALLY am!
NOO!! ARR...wait..huh? What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Nevermind...look just gropw her breasts or something, geez.
Now you're crossing lines.

 

by pslock
1-09-04
The darkness is loud in its silence. I cannot widthstand it any longer.
The silence deafens with the darkness. Deafness and darkness.
The deafness is dark. I cannot see through this dark silence.
Will my dark soul hear through the deafness of silence?
ALRIGHT SHUT THE HELL UP! YOU CAN COME BACK TO HEAVEN NOW, YA BIG BABIES..
....
....

 

by pslock
1-09-04
Mars is awesome. But it could do with some hot guys and night clubs.
Shut up you horrible homosexual stereotype, your are a blight on your people.
What "people?" I was born in New Jersey. I wish I was sucking on something like that creature you've got there if you know what I mean.
Go back to the gutter from which you sprang you gay astronaut stereotype. I'm telling on youl.
OMG UR SO GAY!
LOL I KNOW! CYBER?

 

by pslock
1-09-04
Sorry, but you can't get cash back on this since you paid with a check that hasn't cleared.
NO! DO AS I SAY OR I WILL MAKE EMPTY THREATS AND WHINE ALOT!
Sorry. No money for you.
You ruined my entire day, if not my entire week. My children will now starve to death because of you.
If just one child of a fucktard like you starves to death, than I'm doing my job right.

 

by pslock
1-10-04
RINGS RINGS EVERYWHERE.
AND NOT A COCK TO PUT THEM ON.

 

by pslock
1-10-04
WE MUST MAKE FOR HELMS DEEP BEFORE WE'RE ALL FUCKED.
NOT THAT THAT'S NECESSARILY A BAD THING.
IN THIS CASE IT WOULD BE THOUGH. I MEAN, COME ON, URUK-HAI?

 

by pslock
1-10-04
BRING ME A STEADY SUPPLY OF ELVEN MAIDENS FOR I AM NOW KING AND WILL WANTONLY ENJOY THEIR PLEASURES.
DESTROY THE DAMN RING ALREADY.
FOR FRODO.

 

by pslock
1-11-04
You see, here we've developed a cel-phone that's about the size of a postage stamp. And that's the deluxe model.
Why would you even do something like that?
Wha?? ALERT SECURITY!!! This one asks QUESTIONS!!
Huh?
Uhh..I was just commenting...
I KNOW what you were doin', sonny, and we don't take kindly to thinkers here at the CES. Now lemme report this via my fiber-net, imitation paper, disposable PDA system with electric light pen.

 

by pslock
1-11-04
SEARCH: geology information
RESULTS: HOT TEENS IN LOCKER ROOMS DOING STUFF THAT ISN'T SUPPOSED TO BE DONE!!
*sigh* SEARCH: great american authors
RESULTS: F. Scott Fitzgerald......BACK FROM THE DEAD AND FUCKING!!!
Ever get the feeling your being cheated?

 

by pslock
1-11-04
*cocks gun to head*
*FIRES*
It's OK. Just tell his parents you were too busy getting high.
Actually, they're the ones who sold me the....HEEYYY!

 

by pslock
1-13-04
How the internet works.
*clackity* My dear, your beauty is unparalleled in this world. Why, I shudder just thinking of your gorgeous details and long to see you again...
A strange gremlin somewhere transforms the data...
*SO R U HOT CUZ HOT CHIKS RULE AND ID DO U IF U WERE*
Well, I never!

 

by pslock
1-13-04
*slurp* *slurp*
*smack* *lick*
There..I finished a whole, triple-scoop ice cream cone without spilling a DROP!

 

by pslock
1-14-04
MEEP
Your foreign ways disturb me greatly. I think I will have to hate you and then form a union of people also opposed to your race.
MEEP
Don't try and talk your way out of it. Face it, youre days are numbered.
Later that century..
So, to conclude our history lesson: HUMANS WERE TEH SUXX0R!
Shall we dine tonight in Penguin City on the coast on Penguinmerica?

 

by pslock
1-14-04
THE FIRST RULE OF DEUCE CLUB IS YOU GIVE ME FREE HANDJOBS.
THE SECOND RULE OF DEUCE CLUB IS....NOW I'M REPEATING MYSELF.
HIS NAME WAS ROBERT PAULSON.

 

by pslock
1-15-04
My fellow Americans, we must put a man on the moon!! And after that, a man on Mars!! WE WILL NOT LET TERROR STOP US!!!
Ladies and Gentlemen of the American public, what better man can we send into space than our beloved President himself? I suggest we all vigorously campaign to make Bush the first "Space President."
I'm serious. In fact, forget the moon..let's just blast him to Mars right now! Without delay! For America! For all those who are American! Let's get behind this one!

 

by pslock
1-16-04
Obey my eternal rule as Lord High Grand Emperor of the World Thing!!!
We respectfully decline.
TERRORISM! WHY DO YOU HATE FREEDOM?
Can we go home now?
No, there is a test.
Awwwwww.....

 

by pslock
1-16-04
This is your final warning: Make a comic or be removed from my favorites.
Wait..not a warning...a threat. No..not a threat either. What's the word??
Croissant?
YES!!!

 

by pslock
1-16-04
HRRRRRGGFFFFRRRRRREEEEEE!!!!!
That's the noise my CD-ROM drive makes these days.
It's an experimental noise album collage. Get cultured you swine.

 

by pslock
1-17-04
Cool..I'm making comics...
But we're IN a comic.
Huh? What are you...HEY you're right!! When did you figure this out?
When I couldn't take my clothes off...they're, like, part of my body.
So..do we have cool in-comic powers now where we can manipulate time and space in here so long as we believe in ourselves?
*shrug* I don't think so. I mean..the other day I managed to pat my head and rub my tummy at the same time, but...

 

by pslock
1-17-04
YOU want your religion to work, -I- want your religion to work, but man, the old Jesus has to go.
What? How dare you? He has been our symbol of moral fiber and...
AND he's getting old. We need to spark him up a bit and there's no question that the first thing to do is give him a catchphrase...something the Church can put on shirts!
Oh..you mean like "And lo, I spake and gave forth many lambs to the people so that.."
NO NO NO! Something quick and punchy! And I've already thought of one... "Bring it, fat boys!!!"
That doesn't really connect to our religion though, sir..

 

by pslock
1-17-04
Time for our new run of television commericals.
Wha..? Commercials? I think you've gone too far!
CUE RANDOMLY SELECTED ELECTRONICA SONG!
Hey dude!! Wanna hear somethin' awesome??? I met a radical dude with 'tude, and his name's Jesus!!
Far out!! That's tubular!!
And I brought him with me, man!!!
Bring it, fat boys!!!

 

by pslock
1-17-04
Mr. Slime, I appreciate your attempts to make the Church more palatable to a new generation of people growing up in our modern society, but I must disagree with your method.
Shut up, pops. Ever since we started airing the commercials, selling the t-shirts, and putting out the Xtreme Holy Water beverage, the Church has gained 100,000 converts.
That is a lot, yes, but they are not filled with a true faith in Christ. Besides, Mr. Slime, we initially hired you to fix our WinNT console.
All in good time, my man, but now I'm off to the Bar Crawl For Jesus event I'm sponsoring! Bring it, fat boys!! Hehheheh.
Oh dear....

 

by pslock
1-17-04
Dear God, please tell me how I should proceed. Our ranks are fuller than ever, but the crass and immoral way in which we have obtained a flock disturbs me.
Your concern is understandable, but we must have an Earthly army to combat the devil's forces.
Yes, but..
But nothing....have you seen the new Jesus talk show!! I mean..that one with the fat, lesbian couple wanting to adopt a lemur as their child?? Heh...that was awesome!!!
But...Lord...this is not..
Bring it, fat boys!!!! Heh..I love that one!

 

by pslock
1-17-04
In a world, where faith is a risky business...
Goddamnit, Noah! You're playing with too many lives!! Build the ark NOW! I said so!! I'm the SON OF GOD!!!
THIS MISSION IS TOO IMPORTANT FOR ME TO TRUST YOU!!!
...there comes a time when one man has to put his faith on the line....for justice.
Ahh..I see this temple will serve my moneychanging purpose VERY well indeed...hehheh.
Not if -I- have something to say!!
JIM CARREY. MADONNA. BUDDY HACKETT. BEN AFFLECK. JESUS -- 2004!!
I don't think you all want to CROSS me!!

 

by pslock
1-17-04
This is Antarctica. The land where snow was invented.
Or so I'm told.
Where the fuck is everyone? You'll all miss my informative lectures on the origins of Antarctica! It's the clown suit, isn't it?? YOU GODDAMN RACISTS!!!
meep

 

by pslock
1-17-04
*clackity* Wow..this looks like an interesting link! *click*
"OH YEAH...TEENS IN LOCKER ROOMS SUCKING COCK!!! IN FULL STEREO STREAMING SOUND!!! YESSS!!!"
God damnit....
Umm...what are you doing in there??

Showing page 7.

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