All comics by seanator

 

by seanator
6-11-09
One fine day...
So did you hear about Cher's kid?
No, what happened?
Well, apparently Chastity is getting a Bono.

 

by seanator
6-15-09
One fine day...
So dude, how do you stay safe from herpes?
I only have sex with virgins.
How can you be sure they're virgins?
They are twelve.
Well too late dude I already get to them by the time they're eleven.

 

by seanator
6-15-09
One fine day...
Honey... are you okay? You've locked yourself in your room for the past twenty minutes
I've just got inventors block... I really think if I figure this one out I can change the world!
Well, just try not to think so hard, the answer is usually obvious.
Yeah yeah I know... WAIT! I'VE GOT IT! MOM YOU'RE A GENIUS!
Khalid! I've figured it out! We just need to use BOXCUTTERS to hijack the plane! It's PERFECT!

 

by seanator
6-23-09
One fine day...
I hate this bar...

 

by seanator
6-23-09
One fine day...
So I ran some tests and your cholesterol is dangerously high, I'm afraid you need to eat better or take this shot every fucking day.
So I need to take a shot for the rest of my life?
Luckily, no, if you can quit cooking your pancakes in bacon grease, it won't be neccessary...
I see...
What if I just take HALF of a shot daily? Can I still eat my sausage stuffed twinkies?

 

by seanator
6-24-09
One fine day...
JIMMY! WHY ARE ALL THESE SOCKS ON THE FLOOR!
Dad did that, I don't know why you always blame me for EVERYTHING.
Well, whenever a mess get it is made I assume it's you because you create the most chaos.
Do we blame Hitler every time a Jewish person dies just because he killed most of them?

 

by seanator
6-24-09
One fine day...
When you are grabbing the neck make sure you are holding it firmly enough to maintain control without cramping your hands...
Mister? What are you doing in my bedroom?
Now finger A minor, if your fingertips start to bleed a little, just relax. Force isn't as important as you might think.
WAHHHHH I WANNA GO HOOOOME!
Randall let me out of here THIS INSTANT!
You can tell you are rockin' it hard enough if your mom finally comes and tells you to please take it down a notch.

 

by seanator
6-25-09
One fine day...
Larry! My man! How's the face of the company going?
WHAT? Your hair is going grey? This is horrible!
Is there anything I can do for you?
Yes, you can dye it.

 

by seanator
6-25-09
One fine day...
Today the entertainment industry is in deep greiving as one of the most prominent women in entertainment has passed away.
Anyone who was a young lady in the 70's can say they looked up to her and even idolized her.
Oh yeah, Farrah Fawcett died today too.

 

by seanator
6-27-09
One fine day...
Hey man, what are you doing?
I'm trying to upload my "Essential Billy Joel" CD to the computer, but it keeps giving me a "blank disc" error.
At least we know your computer is working.

 

by seanator
6-29-09
One fine day...
Zounds! It seems that a genie doth dwell here! Tell me warlock, have you the power grant any wish?
Sweetie I can make any of your wildest dreams come true.
Then make my kingdom grow two times, nay, three times in size!
Darling, let me do it to that cute little butthole and then we'll talk.
♪I just died in your arms toniiiight♪
A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse!
NEIGH NEIGH! oh yeah baby NEEEEEIGH!

 

by seanator
6-30-09
One fine day...
Well I'm going to need a stool sample, a urine sample, and a semen sample.
You rang dear?
MOM?

 

by seanator
7-01-09
One fine day...
Jesus, this playground is too damn diverse.
Why is that a bad thing?
There are just enough Blacks, Asians, Retards, Mexicans, and Muslims here so that every slur I can come up with will be overheard.
There are Jews here too.
What is your point?

 

by seanator
7-01-09
One fine day...
See? I told you, wall to wall with diversity. It fucking sucks.
I still fail to see why.
Well I cant make any black jokes when they are all around! All I have left are dumb animal jokes.
So black jokes.

 

by seanator
7-01-09
One fine day...
Look! Even the library in this shitty park is way too diverse to have ANY fun.
Why are you letting diversity bother you so much? It has more positives than negatives.
Look at all those Asians over there, studying. Figures.
They aren't asians they have down syndrome.
There's a disease that makes you Asian? That explains everything.

 

by seanator
7-01-09
One fine day...
God damn it. Does every country share a border with this fucking park? It's disgusting.
I am stunned at your immaturity and unwillingness to just embrace other cultures.
You think my logic is flawed?
I think it's wrong.
How can you tell me I'm wrong? You would think with all these goddamn mexicans here the lawns would at least be nice.

 

by seanator
7-01-09
One fine day...
Hey, do you smell that? It smells like uranium.
You don't even know what that smells like, just because it's a cave doesn't mean terrorists have been here.
Yeah those muslim kids just ran out a few minutes ago, It's how they get their power. Sort of like Superman and the sun.
Yeah but thats because of nuclear fission and fusion.
Nucular fissure? ARE YOU IN LEAGUE WITH THE MUSLIMS?
You're a fuckhead. I'm not playing with you anymore.

 

by seanator
7-01-09
One fine day...
You are grounded mister!
WHY?
Your sister told me you made fun of every minority on the playground except for the retards.
That's not true!
It isn't?
No it isn't I called them Asian.

 

by seanator
7-01-09
One fine day...
Here we are, the mini-golfing course. I'm gonna smoke your ass.
I think not, for I have an ace up my sleeve!
Oh yeah? What is it?
Tiger Woods taught me how to play.
Earlier...
You are fucking horrible.

 

by seanator
7-01-09
One fine day...
This clown convention is a great idea, people don't realize how hard it is being a clown.
Yeah, I hate how everyone suspects us of being murderers and child molesters.
How do you explain the blood on your clown suit?
I say its part of the act.
ah
That way I'm not technically lying.

 

by seanator
7-01-09
One fine day...
What is that enchanting fragrance?
It's a new glade plugin I bought, "Crisp Cotton"
Smells like a cozy cabin nestled on rolling hills of fresh, clean, cotton.
Actually it smells like your great great grandfather's fingertips.

 

One fine day...
It's like we are exactly alike
It's like we are exactly alike
by seanator, 7-02-09

 

by seanator
7-02-09
One fine day...
So, do you support the war?
I think that you'll have a hard time finding someone that supports the obvious blunder of Iraq.
No I meant the war between Megan Fox and Angelina Jolie. It's heating up to be an all out brawl.
I think there are bigger things to be concerned with.
I think they should just kiss and make out.

 

by seanator
7-06-09
One fine day...
So remember that time I said you got me pregnant and I needed 2 thousand dollars to get an abortion?
Yes. You did get one right?
No, I was never pregnant, I just wanted the money.
So in order to get money from me you lied about being pregnant.
Thats abortion extortion!

 

by seanator
7-06-09
One fine day...
Riots break out in China as the political climate finally shows itself, we are reminded of Tien An Men Square years ago.
It really seems like the world is on the verge of change, riots edge toward revolution, first in Iran, now China.
It reminds me of when riots broke out in Los Angeles because a group of tall males put more balls in a net in orlando than orlando did a few weeks ago.

 

by seanator
7-07-09
One fine day...
So I was getting out of the shower, and my naked reflection in the mirror gets me all turned on...
Not the best way to start a story.
Anyway, the sight of me getting turned on in the mirror turns me on, so I masturbate, and the sight of me masturbating turns me on even more. So I finish...
and the cycle repeats?
And then I completely lose interest in myself.
At least we know you are a man.

 

by seanator
7-08-09
One fine day...
Why was six afraid of seven?
Why?
Today's date.

 

by seanator
7-08-09
One fine day...
Okay buddy, I vant to be an actual respectable vampire now. But I'm gonna need your help.
Well first thing's first, the fresca has got to go, from now on you're dining on virgins.
Hold up. I GET VIRGINS? Hot sexy sweaty virgins? vhy didn't anyone tell me this???
Yeah man, why did you think being a vampire was so bad ass?
Later...
OMIGOSH! THIS IS JUST LIKE TWILIGHT! TAKE ME NOW! TAKE ME!!!
I hate my death.

 

by seanator
7-08-09
One fine day...
What are you waiting for mysterious vampire man? Take me now so that I may become a creature of the night!
Look. I was supposed to find hot virgin blood. I'm obviously at the wrong place.
Am I still a virgin if my uncle fingered me once? It was only once!
Oh jesus...
Why are you still holding your cape up? Your identity is safe with me.
It's mostly so I can block your heavy breathing and the smell of yeast infection.

 

by seanator
7-08-09
One fine day...
WAIT MR. VAMPIRE! PLEASE STAY! DON'T MORPH AND FLY AWAY!
I'm afraid it's time to make my exit.
1 hour later...
Wait! Don't go! I'll change I swear!
Could there have been more Morrisey posters?
1 hour later...
WAAAIT!
How the hell does she manage to stay whiter than me?

 

by seanator
7-08-09
One fine day...
So... How'd it go?
Don't even ask. Even though I'm dead I still managed to get a chill down my spine.
Don't even sweat it dude. I've got the perfect chick for you. She may not be a virgin, but she is a stone cold fox.
Alright fine. I can go for that.
Why the virgins anyway?
It has something to do with my uncle breaking out with genital varts on his face. His FACE.

 

by seanator
7-08-09
One fine day...
SCORE! She doesn't even know I'm right behind her... Gotta time my attack perfectly...
Drat! She's valked into the bathroom, no doubt to admire her perfect figure in the mirror. I've come too far to turn back now! TIME TO STRIKE!
AHHH! HELP! A SLICE OF BACON SNUCK UP ON ME! ...HE JUST BURST INTO TEARS!

 

by seanator
7-08-09
One fine day...
Brad, I give up. I don't vant to be a vampire anymore.
Wait just a minute dude, there's someone here I'd like you to meet.
So who the hell are you? Aren't you the guy from Twilight?
My name is Edward Cullen, I watch girls I fall in love with while they sleep, I am waiting until marriage to have sex, I sparkle in the sun instead of die, and all girls under 14 and over 40 love me.
You sir, are the VORST vampire in the world.

 

by seanator
7-09-09
One fine day...
So doc, is the cancer all gone now?
Um... I don't know how to say this.. but I accidentally put MORE cancer in you. You literally have seconds to live.
FUCKER! I'LL KILL YOU!

 

by seanator
7-09-09
One fine day...
Melvin, you've been working a ton extra lately, what gives?
I have to pay for my wife's breast reduction surgery, apparently its cosmetic.
But Melvin, your wife has the sweetest most heaving bosoms around! Why would you want her to get a reduction?
So she can see the stove.

 

by seanator
7-10-09
One fine day...
Dude, I had the worst road trip of my life the other day.
Why? What happened?
AHHH! WHY WOULD YOU HAMMER A NAIL INTO THE BACK OF MY HEAD?!? GIVE ME THAT THING YOU MORON, I CAN'T TRUST YOU WITH IT ANYMORE!
And it was only after I killed him that I learned that he drives with a goddamn stick shift!

 

by seanator
7-12-09
One fine day...
That was one successful robbery!
And how!
It was awesome when you threw their oldest son out of the window!
Not as cool as when you tipped the dresser over on the sister!
I had to lock the Dad up in the closet though, he's got one tough skull on him.
Wanna split it?

 

by seanator
7-13-09
One fine day...
Billy Mays here and boy do I have an exciting product for you! The Artery Snake!
The Artery Snake works hard to clean out those capillaries, air out those arteries, and vaccum out those veins from life threatening plaque that accumulates in your blood stream...
But that's not all, order now and we'll throw in a second Artery Snake FREE! Now you and a friend have a "Get out of jail free" card from cardiac arrest!
And there's STILL more! Act now on this offer, and get a complementary InvisoHelm! Concussions will be a thing of the past with this baby!

 

by seanator
7-15-09
One fine day...
For the last time. I'll go to the beach, but I'm not swimming!
Just bring your trunks just in case.
Why? I just don't feel like swimming.
Well bring them, that way you have the option.
When I hang out with my gay friends I don't bring a condom just so "I have the option"

 

by seanator
7-15-09
One fine day...
So what's happening?
Well, I just sort of feel useless, a lot has been going on lately and I'm just real uncertain.
Well you need to man up. It's a dog eat dog world out there, and you're the dog.
The... the second one.

 

by seanator
7-22-09
One fine day...
Dude. I miss Michael Jackson.
...
I mean, the one thing my entire household had in common was we all loved Michael Jackson. He was a genius. It's just like Elvis dying!
I sure hope he found peace in his afterlife.
I'm sure he's swimming in an ocean of twelve year old balls in heaven.

 

by seanator
7-24-09
Every time he wipes his ass the toilet paper stays clean
His bathroom floor gets warmer at night; so does the toilet seat.
Entire arcades switch to free play in his presence.
All highscores in all arcades are held by him.
His neice testified in court that she raped him. He is, the most Interesting Man in the World.
I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I always drink Tres Equis.

 

by seanator
8-03-09
One fine day...
Do you have a list of things to do before you die?
Yes of course
Well, let's hear it.
Okay, *ahem* number one: don't suck Seanator's dick.
Do you think that's gonna be that hard?
Yes, and throbbing.

 

by seanator
8-03-09
One fine day...
Okay, I'll be th- WHAT?
So doc, do I have any hemorrhoids?
Well yes you do, but you didn't need to get naked and spread them just yet. I'm just the nurse.
Oh... I'll get my pants.
Don't

 

by seanator
8-05-09
One fine day...
The older I get, the more I realize how stupid the general population is.
really.
Yeah. Definitely.
Have you ever heard that if you look for intelligence in people you will find it, but if you look for stupidity in people you only find it in yourself.
No, that sounds like something a stupid person would say.
Thanks buddy.

 

by seanator
8-22-09
One fine day...
Finally, a machine that can read into the afterlife! Let's check in on recently executed child molester and cannibal Irwin Irwin
He's...in heaven?
You heard it folks! Apparently EVERYONE get's into heaven! No matter what!
My parents are so murdered.
Does anybody want to suck my nipples? They'll only be lactating for a while on the account of my abortion.

 

by seanator
8-28-09
One fine day...
So I just picked up some awesome weed. Area 51 kush!
Area 51 kush?
Yeah man, the guy told me when you smoke it you feel like a space alien.
and do you?
Sort of... you feel like a space alien that's super high.

 

by seanator
9-01-09
One fine day...
Well at least you showed up.
Where the hell is Johnny?
Oh, he's having twitter sex with his girlfriend.
Oh okay... WHAT?
@JohnnyJ89 (o)(o)
@Lilgurl 8=D~~

 

by seanator
9-09-09
One fine day...
You need to cut back on your video game playing.
...
In fact... I think you are addicted to video games. Yes, you are definitely addicted.
What? No I'm not!
The mere fact that you say you aren't addicted to video games tells me you are addicted to video games.

 

by seanator
9-09-09
One fine day...
DOOM!
What?
DOOM! Today is the day that Satan shall rise and destroy us all!
Stop standing on your head, its 9/9/09 you moron.

Showing page 7.

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