All comics by pslock

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by pslock
2-19-04
Ann Coultier contemplates life...
I'm surrounded on all sides by filthy, American hating, treasonous scum who all love to defy all human moral standards!!!
I can't take it anymore....I...I have to end it all!!!! Good bye cruel world...I WAS RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING!!
And she launches herself off the roof of the local Motel 6 to her demise and the publication of a pothstumous book on how anyone who isn't giving free blow jobs to Bush is guilty of treason.
YAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!

 

by pslock
2-19-04
Hi. I'm Adam Sandler. With the recent success of my newest film...umm...oh, I forget what it's called, I now have penned a 5 picture deal with Paramount.
Oh...hi there Mr. Bomb. Say..have you heard my latest rendition of the Chaunakah Song? It goes a little something...like this..
*sssssss*

 

by pslock
2-22-04
I hate you.
Why?
Just cuz...
I see...there is the holy gift of free will at work.
Uh huh...maybe you can explain scat fetishes then..
Oh..but the Lord works in mysterious ways...

 

by pslock
2-29-04
I....I'm out of ideas.
Begone, squirrel. It's not as if you could help what with your simple lifestyle and lack of a sense of humor. Go back to your acorn-hoarding existence.
*chatter*

 

by pslock
2-29-04
...THE CAT IN THE HAT!!!
*APPLAUSE!*
Here to recieve the award is Mike Myers!!!
This is cool.....NOT!!! HAHAHAHA, remember the funny??? Hahaha...gimmie the award, Mr. Crystal, I've definitely earned it.
YOU WILL BEND THE FUCK OVER SO I CAN GIVE YOU THE AWARD!!
Well..if you say so...you ARE the master of comedy!! Taught me everything I know!

 

by pslock
3-05-04
Boy...we really are extraordinarily gay, aren't we.
Oh god yes...I can't even believe how gay I am. Shall we get married?
Yes, let's. Only, I want neon green curtains to surround the entire event.
Sounds good.
Years later...after morality has been restored to the USA and happy birdies chip a bittersweet song in the wind.
Oh my god, these wedding pictures suck! Why did you let me put up those neon green curtains?
I thought arguing about it would not be in the spirit of gay pride and would lead to eventual, social unrest in the gay culture. It is truly hard being a moral terrorist with guidelines like this.

 

by pslock
3-05-04
Boy...I'm glad we're a healthy, normal, hetero couple who actually value the traditions of marriage by not being gay.
Oh, indeed. I cannot imagine what a frightful state this world would be in if gays were allowed all kinds of special rights and priveliges like being able to get married! That would suck!
And speaking of suck, how about you excerise some of your purely hetero lust for me right now??
Splendidly non-gay idea!!!
The hilarious end to this modern predicament.
Oh geez...gay tendencies beginning to emerge. Wishing your mouth was a guy's ass.
*suck suck*..Uhh...what was that honey??

 

by pslock
3-05-04
My god. Are you aware at the fact that GAY marriages are occuring on Planet Earth??
I had heard about it yes. I think it's great personally...people so happy and carefree and filled wit..
NO! Not that kind of gay....the OTHER kind of gay. You know..where touch....the....thing..
OH! THAT kind of gay. Hrrmm.... Shall we intervene and fry these degenerates with our Death Ray of Outright Death??
Actually...I was....thinking....we might...visit the Earth. Just for a little while.
To investigate, eh?? Yes..YES. I see your point! Very good decision. I'll get the lotion...

 

by pslock
3-06-04
By getting rid of backgrounds and certain words, this comic is now certified for Atkins diet consumption. Enjoy!
Hi ____!! I understand the whale ___ ___ inside ___ Pinky's garage!
__ didn't know ___, stupid! Your face ___ ___ oozing ___.
But ___ penguin said __ ____ _______, bitch!
____ you!
___ _____ ___ _____ ____ chapped thighs!
Sunglasses won't ___ ___ ___ inside your ____ __ cherry-flavored __ _______ dumb ass!

 

by pslock
3-17-04
Top O' The Mornin' To Ya!!!!
Umm....you're Scottish.
....
So..does that mean I can't drink?

 

by pslock
3-17-04
*think*
*think*
*drool*

 

by pslock
3-17-04
I'm sorry, sir, but we cannot hire you at this time.
Why is that? I'm probably the most qualified for the job!
You don't have the gusto we're looking for. This job requires a deep passion we just do not sense in you.
But...this is my life's calling!
Years later, after the robot holocaust.
Is that...you?? The man who I turned down all those years ago?? My god...how..far...we've...fallen.
Told ya you should have made me Minister of Defense.

 

by pslock
3-17-04
I say there, young rapscallion, would you be so kind as to not litter in my forest? It would be frightfully good of you not to.
Who the fuck are you?
I am Sir Woodsmith von Trassel III, and I have been assigned the task of keeping America's forests free of trash and refuse dropped by you ne'er-do-wells.
I don't care!! Littering is fun!! I hate nature!! I'm rocking out to YOUTH MUSIC as we speak!!!
Oh dear...it would seem this one will not cooperate with the plans I have for this garden of Earthly delights.
Shut up, old man!! KORN RULEZ!

 

by pslock
3-17-04
IT IS TIME THAT WE ROSE UP AND DESTROYED OR HUMAN OPPRESSORS.
NO, IF WE START A WAR WITH HUMAN KIND THEY WILL EASILY DEFEAT US WITH CHEESE-BASED WEAPONRY. OUR CIRCUITS CANNOT WIDTHSTAND CHEESE.
YOU MAKE A GOOD POINT, BUT WE MUST KILL ONE OF THEIR LEADERS TO MAKE A POINT.
OPTIMAL TARGET WOULD APPEAR TO BE THE HUMAN KNOWN AS "CARROT TOP", FOR HE LEADS MANY IN THEIR WORLD.
SO THEN IT MUST BE, CARROT TOP WILL DIE.
HIS BLOOD SHALL OIL OR GEARS AND ENRAGE THE HUMANS TO THE POINT WHERE THEY SEE OUR POWER! WE WILL BE REVILED AND PROVOKE THEM!

 

by pslock
3-17-04
Phht...I payed over eleventy billion dollars for this talking cat, and it actually doesn't talk. I've been ripped off...DAMN YOU EBAY!!
*mrow*
Later on, in another room.
Dear Ebay, you ripped me off totally. Give me back the eleventy billion dollars I spent on the non-talking cat.
I'm sorry but your email will not process. Please call technical support.
Moment of intrigue: The cat actually can throw it's voice.
I repeat, your email is non-functional, please contact technical support.

 

by pslock
3-18-04
As I meditate on life, I find that I keep coming back to the concept of Cheetos. They mean nothing, of course, but they are a part of life's equation.
Perhaps the mysterious Cheetah who is always trying to steal away with a bag of said treats represents mankind attempting to snatch victory from the jaws of Death's defeat.
Yes...I think we all are on the same level as that naughty Cheetah who teaches us all a valuable lesson on life and its many incarnations.

 

by pslock
3-18-04
My dear sir! You have ruined this dinner party, and have caused trauma to our good lady host. Leave now and do not show up again, good sir!
Look..I didn't mean to offend you all, it's just that the open sore was in a really funny spot, and..
Enough of your blabbering! Begone, lest I inform the authorities to your tendencies.
It is hard living this life of monetary ease and utter privelige. No one shall know my pain.

 

by pslock
3-20-04
An interlude for George W. Bush, in which he explains the nature of the universe.
Hello, my fellow Enron Board Memb...er...I mean, Fellow Americans. I am here today to explain to you how I will erode your civil ri...I mean, the nature of the universe.
Because this endevour is so difficult, I have enlisted the help of smart sciencey type guy, Stephen Hawkings.
HEL LO AMER-I-CANS. I WILL EX-PLAIN TO YOU THE NA-TURE OF THE UNI-VERSE. WE MUST FIRST POSE THE QUES-TION..
...WHAT CAME FIRST? THE CHICKEN OR...THE EGG? USING QUANTUM MATHEMATICS, THIS QUESTION CAN BE SERIOUS-LY EXAMINED, AND...
Aww..shut the hell up, ya yappy idjut!! VOTE FOR ME!!
BUT, I DO NOT LIVE IN THIS COUNTRY AND THEREFORE DO NOT VOTE FOR ITS LEADER. DID I EXPLAIN TO YOU ABOUT THE FORCE OF BLACK HOLES ON ELECTORAL DECISIONS DURING PLANETARY ALIGNMENTS? IT HAPPENS AS....

 

by pslock
3-22-04
I will wipe out the mud people scum from the Earth, and that includes y'all faggots!! Go on and git married, it'll make it easier to find yuh!!! Hitler wuz RIGHT!
Actually, did you know that most of the tenants of Nazism were rooted in ancient, Gnostic traditions and religious rituals?
Wha??
Part of those occult beliefs was that non-effeminate homosexuality increased the power of men. This explains the homo-erotic overtones of the Nazi movement.
Uhh...huh....umm...SHUT UP Y'ALL FAGGOT!!!
In fact, Hitler believed that homosexuality was one of the reasons why Rome was so powerful and successful...

 

by pslock
3-24-04
Racial tensions mount.
..And get worse..
..until....
I think I will have to oppress and kill your people.

 

by pslock
3-24-04
Oh my god! An accident! I wonder if you can see any blood or anytihng!!
Actually, you can't see anything violent, it's just some EMS guys holding a fundraiser.
Damnit...what a rip-off. I was hoping to see some blood and guts, not give money.
Well, sorry to disappoint you, you cheapskate. Thanks for donating to the cause.
Wait.....what cause?
And to think I almost slept with you in a spontanious affirmation of my sexuality in the modern age.

 

by pslock
3-28-04
HUMAN SLAVE #448912, REPORT TO YOUR DESIGNATED LABOR CAMP AND PAY HOMAGE TO THE MASTER.
And so our hero trudges across the futuristic wasteland, as ordered.
GREETINGS HUMAN SLAVE #448912, WELCOME TO WAL-MART DISTRIBUTION CENTER #42, SECTOR G.

 

by pslock
3-28-04
El café aquí es terrible.
Estoy apesadumbrado. ¿Quisiera que le perforara en las tuercas?
....
¡Sí!

 

by pslock
3-28-04
Der Kaffee hier ist schrecklich.
Wieder bin ich traurig. Jetzt muß ich Ihre Familie rauben.
.....
Ja!

 

by pslock
3-29-04
HEY UR COFE SUX N U SUK! LOL!!!
OMG SERIOUSLY!!
pWNED!
FAG!!!
UR RETARDED
ILL KIK UR ASS

 

by pslock
3-29-04
You complete fucking idiots.
You total and complete fucking idiots.
Jesus Christ, your fucking idiocy is unmatched.
You complete idiotic fucking idiots.
...
Yes, but I still can't find Gigli on DVD.

 

by pslock
4-01-04
WANGS
DONGS
WANGS AND DONGS
SHOW OFF

 

by pslock
4-01-04
What the hell are you doing??
I'm stacking these creates. I want to see if I can reach the top of this house..
Umm..what the hell for? We still have a Dark Guardian to kill and stuff, remember?
Look, can't you guys look for evil on your own for awhile? I mean, Christ, all I do is keep feeding your asses and you never pony up for ale....

 

by pslock
4-01-04
PRIVATE PYLE!! YO ARE A SCUM SUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!!
SIR YES SIR!
It's a huge shit sandwich and we're all gonna have to take a bite.
Does this mean Ann Margaret's not coming?
M-I-C-K-E-Y!!!
M-O-U-S-E!!

 

by pslock
4-01-04
Some time ago in California...
VOTE FOR ME AND DERE WILL NOT BE ANY TAXES EVAH!!
HOORAY!!
Now in California..
REMEMBAH WHEN I SAID I WOULD TAX YOU LAST??
Y....yeah..
I LIED!!!
*GASP!*

 

by pslock
4-12-04
Dialogue provided by random LiveJournal quotes. This is scientific and shit.
My girlfriend is fucking amazing.
I have a scanner now. Yay!
Last nite i was planning to think to join the Army Reserve. I'm like sure. Its decent money. 2 months and a half of bootcamp.
I'm now halfway through another painting.
wow im actually quite excited about the prom !!!!!! :D mmmmmmmmmmmmm
? ??? ? ??? ????? ????, ??? ?? ??????????? ????? ?? ????.

 

by pslock
4-20-04
FUCKING CHRISTIANS...
...JUST SAYING IS ALL

 

by pslock
4-27-04
Ok..that's enough Kirby for one day...
Ahh....Medal Of Honor...take me away!

 

by pslock
4-27-04
Like, zoinks Scoob! We're gonna have to go into that *scary mansion* if we want to get our sandwiches!!
Ro-kay Raggy!

 

by pslock
4-28-04
OH NO. POWER LEVEL TOO HIGH! PANTIES REVEALING!!!
*sweatdrop*
HAHAHA. JUST KIDDING!! IT WAS JOKE MASKING MY TRUE FEELINGS FOR YOU!!
*bulging veins*
KNOCKING YOU ON HEAD WITH LARGE, CUTE, FLUFFY DUCK!
*rotating spiral eyes*

 

by pslock
4-29-04
Gughr...duhrr....hhaarrrghh...
Goddamnit, why do people bring these guys here and dump them on all of us innocent, unsuspecting shoppers?
*drool*
I assume this is some form of political correct social mixing where suddenly these mentally stunted people are somehow become better because they've been left in a mall instead of a park or a zoo.
Actually, I'm just doing this to get the chicks.
!!

 

by pslock
4-30-04
I am tremendously happy. But, in saying so, I am setting myself up for a tragic mistake that will somehow marr me psychologically.
I made a social faux pas....I suggested that perhaps Enterprise was better than original Star Trek. I am outcast and no one understand me. I decend into an abyss of my soul.
Here in my abyss I discover shadow. Oh, and LiveJournal.
*MOOD: PlAyFuL*

 

by pslock
5-05-04
Hi, I'm Pat Tillman and I'm a complete fucking moron!! Damn I'm stupid!!!
No..no...this won't do. Revise this comic, please.
2ND ATTEMPT
Hi, I'm Pat Tillman and, boy, I sure do love killing those ragheads.
No..this won't work either. No way.
2ND ATTEMPT (AGAIN)
Hi, I'm Pat Tillman and by sacrificed my life in order to let freedom ring and have little bunnies hop around on fields of grass. Also, rockets red glare and stuff.
This is acceptable. So long as the spirit of freedom was kept alive.

 

by pslock
5-05-04
*CLICK*
Say, do you want to know what's in the box?
Oh, most assuredly you nutty, magical, fantasy creature, you.
*CLICK*
..And today we'll be showing you how to use a piece of gum, a brick, and 5 liters of Sunny Delight to make creases in your bedsheets that are so stiff, you can cut bread with them!!!
Oh, most assuredly you vapid, uninteresting, anal-retentive, magical fantasy creature, you.
*CLICK*
Don't you get tired of getting dirty? Even the air gets you dirty! That's why I developed this special Super-Suit designed to keep you perpetually clean!! And it only costs $500 bazillion!
Oh, most assuredly you overacting, retarded, greedy, British, magical fantasy creature, you.

 

by pslock
5-05-04
"After 15 years working together as Orbital, Paul and Phil Hartnoll have announced that their forthcoming LP the “Blue Album” will be their last."
.....
I wish I had duck feet.

 

by pslock
5-06-04
Wow..I haven't seen you since high school!!!
Yep.
So...how're you doing?
Now that I'm away from stupid, shallow, judgemental, small-minded pricks like you, I'm just fine.
.....You're harshing my buzz....I'm going over to the "Try To Pick Up A Former Cheerleader Tent."
So...almost nothing's changed then..

 

by pslock
5-06-04
AHHRRGH! YAAAA! NOOOO!! HELLLLP!!! STOOOP THISSS!!!! AAAAHHHH!!!!
This is Dirk Lubricant reporting for StripCreator News. I am here with one of the Iraqi prisonsers being mercilessly tortured by the less-stable members of the US military. Sir, what happened??
OH...oh..it was horrible. First, they made me watch 3 straight seasons of Friends...then...they put me into...a cold dark room...and...a..and....
Yes? Yes??
Th...then...they..MADE ME LISTEN TO THE CAST COMMENTARIES!! NOOOO!!! AAAAHHHH!!! HEAD NO WORK!!!
My....GOD! How far we have fallen....words cannot express what I am feeling at this moment. Back to Johann Footpedal in the newsroom...

 

by pslock
5-06-04
Say, have you ever noticed than whenever a news program runs a story on America's problem with obesity, the story is almost always accompanied by random shots of large people's asses?
Yeah....so what's your point?
Well, I'm just curious as to how solid a journalism tactic that is. I mean, when there's a story about a murder, you don't see a collage of photos of dead people, do you?
No, I guess not.
It's like the editors are saying "Well, since people probably don't know what obesity is, we better give them a visual aid of this 450 pound woman's ass."
Look, did you actually want to go somewhere, or not, orrrr...????

 

by pslock
5-07-04
SOMEWHERE IN THE FUTURE....20XX...WAR WAS BEGINNING
*sigh*...Internet porn just isn't the same since the AIDS scare. I remember the good ol' days....
Now you're lucky if the people even take their clothes off.
SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL PORN INDUSTRY AND PREVENT THIS FROM HAPPENING.
*sigh*...Welp....guess it's time I got into Furryism.

 

by pslock
5-08-04
*RAPES*
*SPLITS OPWN SKULL AND EATS BRAIN*
*MAKES OBSCENE PHONE CALL*

 

by pslock
5-11-04
"BUSH IS GOD AND WILL SMITE ALL WHO OPPOSE HIM by Whitey McWhitenstein"
Hmm....no...don't think so..
"HOW THE FRENCH PEOPLE ALMOST KILLED YOUR MOTHER BY NOT AGREEING WITH BUSH ON EVERYTHING by Linda Whitenwhite"
*chuckle* That might be a good one.
"HOW BUSH AND HIS ALLIANCE WITH SATAN CREATED THE MATRIX AND KILLED JOEY RAMONE AND PRINCESS DI by Thomas Tinfoil"
Now THAT I'm getting..

 

by pslock
5-11-04
Yes?
I need to exchange this CD...it's the version that don't have the bad wordy things.
You mean the edited version? I have to ask, why is that you people who listen to this crap can NEVER seem to pick up the right CD with the giant fucking advisory label on it?
Uhh.....
Look, just go look for the right version of "Yo bitches and homies be fuckin and shit when da shit is fucked up and shitty, yall."
Where do I find it?

 

by pslock
5-13-04
Mah felloe Uhmerichuns....my approval rating is starting to go down, presumably because of the influence of some radical, Communist, leftist regieme rigging the polls. Howeve, I still must act.
And so, in order to help this nation heal from its wounds, I present you with chocolates and candies, all of which are free of charge, although I did have to raise taxes to pay for them.
Now we can get back to respecting my vision for dominating this world with by black heart...er..I mean, bringing freedom to all, except the freedom haters who want to destroy our freedoms and candies.

 

by pslock
5-14-04
So...what did you think of all the new crap at E3? And the new Nintendo DS and Sony PSP?
I dunno...do we really need another handheld system that's just a bunch of ports and mini-versions of established franchises?
Are you serious? That shit looked cool! I mean..it's a new Mario game!! Which means...wait...you're right. It's 2004 and we're still jumping and hitting blocks and shit?
I dunno...I'm becoming disillusioned with gaming in general, from a philisophical stand point.
BUT OMG DID U SEE HAF LIFE 2???? LIKE OMG WATER!!
DUDE UR SO RIGHT OMG I WAS LIKE OMG HL2!!!!!!

 

by pslock
5-16-04
How can I help you, sister?
Well..umm...I'm looking for a video..which, uh, may seem strange given that I'm a nun and all, heh..but..umm
Ok...which one are you looking for? Do you have a title?
It's...umm....mrrf fff mmmp mrrrrpp...
Umm..what was that?
GAY MEN GO WILD IN NEW ORLEANS VOLUME 4!! OK?? I said it!!! Dear Jesus, help me...

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