All comics by B8

 

by B8
4-19-03
This is so akward...
Later guys.
Excuse me, sir...
Yes? What do you want?
Can I bum a smoke from... uh, your body?
This is why I hate going out in public.

 

by B8
4-19-03
Watchmen, starring Gabe and the Squirrel as Dr. Manghattan and Ozymandius.
Hey, Manhattan; I save the world by destroying it! How's them apples?
Aren't you going to say something god like and detached?
I have a blue wang.

 

by B8
4-19-03
It's time once again for Ask Rorschach!
I have seen this city's true face...
Hey Mr. Rorschach!
Hello Billy.
My mom says that if I eat too much candy, my teeth will rot. Is that true?
My mother was a whore.
I gotta find someone else to give me advice.

 

by B8
4-19-03
Fresh from the Artic, here's Rorschach!
Fooled Manhattan with fake death. Tears were convincing. Must make it to right wing news magazine offices before he figures out plan.
Hey Mr. Rorschach!
I have no time to impart my wisdom to you, Billy. I must tell the world about Adrian Vedit's secret.
Is that blue guy behind you going to help?
What blue guy?

 

by B8
4-19-03
Rorschach, you cannot tell people what Veidt did. I was very serious when I said that earlier.
Words fall on deaf ears. Veidt killed many. Must expose truth.
I didn't want to have to do this...
One forced teleportation later...
Manhattan despicable. Penguin giving me disturbing thoughts.
Come here big boy!

 

by B8
4-19-03
You ain't nothin' but a hound dog...
Hey Manhattan, your powers have made you detatched from humanity and unable to hold a tune!
Any other hecklers in the audience?

 

by B8
4-19-03
I got yer Fight Club right here, pretty boy!
This is out of control. Can't I enjoy a quiet walk in a field without someone trying to pick a fight with me?
Aw man, I'm sorry. I didn't think of it like that. I didn't mean to invade your privacy. I'll leave you alone.
Ha ha! Got you fucker! Now, put up your fists. No one interrupts Tyler Durden's "Tyler" time and gets away with it!

 

by B8
4-19-03
Hey yew! Stop playin' yer music so loud! I'm tryin' to get some sleep!
Chill out, dude. It's a free country! I can crank my amps up as loud as I want!
That's it. If you don't turn that crap down now, I'm gonna have to challenge you to a duel.
No way, man! That's crazy!
Draw, sucker.
What am I going to do?

 

by B8
4-19-03
The rocker has been challenged to a duel by a disgruntled cowboy, but he has no gun. How can he defend himself?
Say your prayers, sucker!
Prayers? Wait... that gives me an idea...
Jesus, I need your help! How can I defend myself from this cowboy?
There is only one thing you can do, my son. Turn your amps up to 11!
Jesus, you rock!
I don't hear that nearly enough.

 

by B8
4-19-03
After praying to Jesus, the rocker has learned what he must do to stop the cowboy.
I hope you're at peace with yer maker, 'cuz you're about to meet him!
I am at peace. Because Jesus has shown me what I have to do to keep riffing.
Izzat so? Well, two can play that game!
Jesus, why are you helpin' that rocker instead of me?
Cowboy! I was just talking about you!

 

by B8
4-19-03
Jesus, why have you forsaken me!
Stop being melodramatic. I haven't done any such thing!
Really?
Yes! I love you like I love all of my children!
Does that mean yer gonna help me kill that lousy rocker?
Well, about that. I tend to give divine inspiration on a first come, first serve basis. I'm afraid you're on your own there. But I do love you!

 

by B8
4-19-03
Lousy Jesus... well, I don't need no "divine inspiration" to smoke yew, rocker boy!
I'm gonna rock for the lord!
Huh... I feel funny... turn it down! TURN IT DOWN!
Too late for that! You can't stop the rock now!
No!
Solid!

 

by B8
4-19-03
I can't believe that society was destroyed by that dumb ass rocker.
Not how you'd expect it happen, is it?
I'm so sorry! I just did what Jesus told me to do!
The End.
I didn't tell you to keep the reverb on!

 

by B8
4-19-03
I'm not locked up in here with you. You're locked up in here with me.
Stop saying that or I'll cut you!
Hrrm.
Stop saying that too!
Three hours later...
Guard! Rorschach is being creepy again!

 

by B8
4-19-03
It's a bird, it's a plane, it's not Superman but it's the next best thing... It's Supremo!
Ah, just another heroic posing, sky hovering day. Wait, what's that I hear? Is it a call for help!
Why it just might be!
Help me Supremo! I'm bein' attacked by an alien's torso!

 

by B8
4-20-03
Last time, Supremo heard a call for help! It was his friend, the Space Pimp, being attacked by an alien's upper body! Can the Man of the Day after Tomorrow get to his friend in time?
What I want to know is if you can end all this damn exposition and get on with the plot!
Space Pimp is in trouble. I need to get to his space station to help! But I get there in time?
Wait, what's he doing moving over here?
That's enough from the peanut gallery!
A spot of heat vision later...
Stupid super hearing!
The Fourth Wall is safe once again, but Space Pimp is still in danger! I must go! But... how can I fly all the way to the Space Stationin time?

 

by B8
4-20-03
Last episode, Supremo killed the MST3K cast but failed to reach Space Pimp, who is still being menaced by a grey alien! Will he finally get his derivative ass up there, or will he drag it out more?
Supremo, you jive turkey, get your cracker ass up here! I ain't savin' myself here! And the sucker's got a ray gun now! Not even my Space Slappin' can combat that.
Meanwhile, Supremo is still just hovering there.
Hey Supremo, need a lift to Space Pimp's pad? We're going that way!
That'll do the trick! (Beats flying up there to bail that sucker out!)
Supremo finally arrives at the Space Station, and after triumphantly entering the bridge (getting in four really cool fights along the way, I assure you), he discovers...
All right, you nasty grey alien... hey where'd the alien go?
He got bored waiting for your ass and took off! You believe that shit?

 

by B8
4-20-03
So, you're telling me after standing there stairing at you for awhile, he just left? How antic-climatic!
Well, he did ask me somethin' a couple times...
Wait, he talked to you? What did he say?
Do I look like I understand alien jive? Hell no! Besides, what could an E.T. want from a pimp like me?
Meanwhile, on the moon...
The lengths an alien has to go to in search of a good male prostitute.
Com'ere, big boy!

 

by B8
4-20-03
Tyler Durden has friends in high places.
Hey, Grimmy! How goes the reaping?
Eh, it's a living.
But he also a man of the people.
Gabe! Still ass-plastered to that bench, I see. Where's the squirrel?
We're not talking right now...
Tyler Durden is the man. But he's not beyond an akward moment with an ex or two...
Hey, lookin' good... Carla?
Remember me Mr. Duality! Mr "I'll call you right after the revolution is over with!"

 

by B8
4-21-03
Hey baby. Name's Gabe. Wanna see my wang. It's got serious growth potential!
No.
What did I say?

 

by B8
4-21-03
It's my first day at a new school. I'm so nervous! What can I do to make a good first impression.
What was it that dad told me he learned about this sort of thing in prison?
That's it! Pick a fight with the biggest person there!
Hi. I'm Jerry! Want some of my sandwhich?

 

by B8
4-21-03
Why would I want your sandwhich, tubbo? Did you put something in there? You want a piece of me?
Huh? No, I was just...
Bring it on, chunky!
I don't want to fight you! I was just trying to be nice! Really!
Put up your dukes, paunch!
Man, this new chick is so weird...

 

by B8
4-21-03
Hey Nicotine addiction!
Yo, Anorexia!
Isn't it kind of redundant, holding the convention of death in a graveyard? Talk about being on the face of it!
Eh, it's better than trying to rent out a convention center.
Haven't I seen you before?
Uh, no.

 

by B8
4-21-03
Hello, and welcome to Fight Night, ladies and gentlemen. I'm your host, Maura! With me, as always, is my broadcast partner Gabe!
Thanks Maura. Tonight, we're going to see some great matchups, including the fight everyone's talking about, Pirate vs. Cowboy II.
That's right! In the first fight, the Pirate barely squeeked out a victory against the scrappy cowboy! Can the buccaneer do it again, or is it the ranch hand's turn to shine?
Here's what they had to say about the fight in these taped interviews.
That dirty pirate's goin' down! All I need is five minutes, some whiskey, and branding iron, and he'll be cryin' for his dirty stinkin' pirate mama, who was most likely not much of a lady!
Yar! That scurvy cowboy talks a good game, but he's nothing but a lilly livered bilgerat when it's time to seperate the rogues from the swabbies! I only need one good eye to see he's lacking sack!

 

by B8
4-21-03
Looks like the fight's about to begin, Gabe! Let's go to the action!
I'm gonna tame ya like a horse, bitch!
Aw, you ain't got the stones!
It's a war of words right now, Maura, but it will soon be a war of fists.
Wanna come over here and say that?
I don't see what's stoppin' me!
10 Minutes later: I thought you said it would become a war of fists SOON, Gabe.
Yew heard me; I insinuated amorous goings on between you and fish!
Aw, go buck a bronco, you chap wearing Mary?

 

by B8
4-24-03
30 minutes later...
Yer mother!
No, yours!
At the broadcast table...
Oh my god, this is a disaster! They'll take all our careers down with them!
I left the house for this?
Guys, you're back on!
Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah. Hope you're enjoying the, um, arguing!

 

by B8
4-24-03
This is ridiculous, Gabe! They still aren't fighting! Wait, who is that entering the arena?
Hey, what are yew doin' here? Yer not supposed to be part of the fight, you bastard!
Don't turn your filthy back on me when I'm insulting your mother, cowpoke.
It's... my god! It's him! And hey, they're finally fighting!
Hey, is this the place where they were having the open mic night?
I'll show you to have bad manners in a smack talk session, ya yokel!
Looks like you're about to get your money's worth, fight fans!
And some bitchin' guitar riffs, too.

 

by B8
4-24-03
Oh my god...
For those of you joining us late, you missed one bloody spectacle.
The pirate won the second scuffle with the cowboy, making it a death match in the process.
That's the last of the fightin' yokel. He gave me a tough match, but in the end, he was a douchebag. Yar.
For those of you joining us late, you missed one bloody spectacle.
Then things got really nasty.
Hey, that's uncool! You got guts on my amp!
Oh, and what are you going to do about it, you marry? You think you're hard enough to take the pirate when the cowpoke couldn't? Bring it, long hair!

 

by B8
5-15-03
The Rocker, his amp stained with the Cowboy's innards, challenged the Pirate to a duel.
This is your last chance! Promise to pay for cleaning up my amp or I'll have to do something drastic!
Like what? Getting a haircut?
No. More drastic. On a scale of one to ten, it would be an eleven...
Ye don't dare. Remember what happened the last time ye cranked it up to eleven?
... No.
Damn pot head...

 

by B8
5-15-03
Things were getting tense. The Rocker was threatening to crank his amps up to 11 again, reducing the world to ruins. Again.
Be reasonable man! Ye don't want to blow up the world with yer shreadin' again!
Audiences that were bored by all the taunting in the earlier fight were rivited to their seats, watching a potentially cataclysmic scenario unfold.
You can end all this by paying for amp clean up!
I got an idea! Why don't I call in a friend to mediate the conflict.
Me old friend, the killer robot!
Yo! Who needs a killin', Pirate?

 

by B8
5-15-03
I got friends too!
Who? More skinny losers with long hair?
Yo, rocker. These suckers need a slapping?
No. This guy's more slick than that!
Bring it, Pimp!
Consider it brough, Robo-Cracker!

 

by B8
8-18-03
Meanwhile, back in the booth...
Are they still trash talking each other?
You'd think they'd have done something by now.
So... you want to get out of here?
Hey, I don't like this any more than you do, but it's our job to sit cover this fight for the people, as long as it takes!
I'll show you my boobs...
Let's go.

 

by B8
8-18-03
Aboard the USS Stereotype, Space Pimps ponders his next course of action
First mate cracker who don't bathe! Is that planet over there charted territory?
That's like the Earth, man!
Don't get smart with me or I'll pop ya upside the head! Now, what about that grey thing over there?
That's the moon!
The moon, eh? Sounds like a prime spot for some bitches! Let's go!
I really shouldn't have signed up for this ship when I was stoned.

 

by B8
8-18-03
The teleportation room
Yo, angsty teen age girl! One beam down for this Pimp and his crew, if you please!
:Sigh!: I guess. Like anyone cares.
My scouting party better damn well, underage honey!
Dude, you can't go to the moon like that!
What? I'm a butcher. This our standard outfit.
Get you little ass workin' that machine over there, little girl, or I'll have you busted down to angsty teen second in command!
Whatever...

 

by B8
8-18-03
We be teleportin', biotch!
The South shall come again. On the moon!
Panel read left to right, by the way.
Affirmative Action!
Wait, how in the hell did you get in my scouting party?

 

by B8
8-18-03
Tension mounts on the moon.
What the hell is that Confederate Honky doing in my scouting party, First Mate Dirty Cracker?
Well, like, we thought we might need someone who made war, not love, in case we found some hostile aliens or something.
Shee-it. What are the chances of that?
On another part of the moon...
Okay, next humans we see, we act hostile towards!
Agreed! Especially since they make me dress like this to get a job!

 

by B8
8-18-03
Captain Stylish Negro, there are some hostile aliens coming towards us! What are your orders?
I order you to charge head long into battle! We'll follow your honorable lead, brave honky!
Yes siruh! Die Space Yankees!
Oh, this guy is so getting his ass kicked now!
Aren't we going to lend the General some help, Captain.
Hell no. Let that damned bigoted cracker and the aliens settle their shit. I'm here for bitches!

 

by B8
8-18-03
For the freedom to own people as property, I challenge you Space Yankees to a duel!
You and what army, hick?
The one behind me, ya blobby green carpet bagger!
Uh, I hate to break this to you, but there is no one behind you except my army, which has blocked your chances of escape.
There is no escape, human! Surrender or die like a dog!
Well I'll be. Whatever could I have done to alienate a hippy and a black man.

 

by B8
8-19-03
In his bedroom, Strike laments his distaste over the Comm Board.
Man, the Comm Board sure is making me depressed. Even my cute dog on a ball can't make me feel better.
Suddenly, inspriation strikes! (No pun intended.)
Driving this nail through my head gave me an idea! I'll ask what would happen if I were to get banned! Surely that will make the Comm Board folks love me, right dog on ball?
What are you asking me for, mate? I'm a dog, after all.

 

by B8
8-19-03
Strike walks the streets of London following his post.
Well, it's done. I've asked what would happen if I was banned. Now, to wait for the admiration to roll in. I feel dizzy...
Taxi!
Meanwhile, CBR members react to this figurative bombshell.
That thread sure makes you think, huh T'Omm?
It sure does, howyadoin. About how much I want a swig of some of that hooch!
However, not all is one liners and pecs...
That Strike is a threat to my posting power! I must find a way to steal his thunder, or people may stop paying attention to my threads for a few minutes!

 

by B8
8-19-03
I know what I'll do! I'll get myself banned! That will put that limey in his place!
Everyone will love me again, just like the last time I was banned!
Let's go, Mewy!

 

by B8
8-19-03
There, my message is posted. It is surely provocative enough to get me banned!
But Paradox and Odin Son did not agree.
T'Omm is gay? Man, the old bug must really be slipping.
Fork, hoss, me in a matador outfit is more provocative than that!
fly is disappointed with the responses, which feeds his manic creativity...
That may not have worked, but my next post will turn heads!

 

by B8
8-20-03
Motivated by his failure, fly returns with the nastiest post ever!
Do you believe this, Desi? fly made a post that was an attack... on everyone at CBR! He said I had sex with women and that I only have a three pack! I have to ban him now!
It cannot be! Oh well, let's make sweet love.
Months later, fly meets up with an old posting pal.
Hee hee, I've done it! I've been banned! What do you think of that, real howyadoin!
I think I liked it better when I had a bottle o' booze, to be honest.
But what of Strike? The answer may shock you...
You're wearing a skirt...
Never mind that, my friend! You've served me well in the first part of my plan: making the board all Hal Jordan, all the time!

 

by B8
8-20-03
Hrrm... e-mail from Nite-Owl about reforming partnership. No time for vigilanti activities. Must post on Ayn Rand forum.
John, you're so... distant. Have your powers made you detatched from humanity?
Yes. That, and internet message boards take up a lot of my time. I'm thinking of starting one on Mars.
The Comedian has learned of my plans. I must murder him. But first, I'll just play this game of Sims...

 

by B8
8-21-03
Man, this is one kick ass party! You believe the decorations? It was so worth going through traffic!
I dunno. Seems like we missed the best of it. That guy over there looks pretty messed up. And it smells like a lot of people haven't been making it to the bathroom...
Yeah. And that guy with his intestines hanging out in the corner's kinda cramping my buzz...
Let's just take as many of these cupcakes as we can and get out of here!
One toss of a grenade into Jon's pocket later...
Put down those cup cake rations and get your ass onto the ground now, maggot!
Oh my god!

 

by B8
8-21-03
Answering a cry for help, Supremo arrives in the park.
What's the problem, little girl?
My pet's stuck in a tree, Supremo!
What is it? A puppy? A kitty? A baby ferret?
No, biggger! It's a kangaroo!
Hmm, I don't know if my insurance covers that...
You can't just leave him there!

 

by B8
8-21-03
All right, all right, geez. I'll fly up there and save your merry masupial mate! But if I fall and break my hip or he has a machine gun, you pay for the operation, okay?
*Giggle* Sure thing, Supermo!
Well, up, up, and up some more!
Fool!
An ascent later...
Great Scott Summers! It's The Terror-Roo! I am so suing that little girl!
So, we meet again Supremo. You'll forgive me if I don't jump for joy...

 

by B8
8-21-03
You mean the little Asian Girl wasn't in league with you?
I must admit, Supremo, I am impressed. How did you find me?
I need to go to the bathroom...
What the hell are you talking about? Is your cape wrapped on too tight? The Terror-Roo works alone!
Now that he's preoccupied with the Terror-Roo, Supremo won't be able to stop us, the Twin Asian Girl Evil Geniuses!
Hahaha! Our superior test scores insure we will take over the world!

 

by B8
8-21-03
Soon, the Cute Little Geniuses arrive at the White House with demands...
Ignorant Hillbilly President! Give us control of your country, or we will do something terrible!
Do not test our villainy!
President Bush: What can a couple of adorable little supervillains do to the most powerful leader on Earth?
Ha ha, We we hoping you would ask.
We challenge you to... the Grammar Rodeo of Death!
President Bush: My god. That's not part of any of our strategeries. I surrender. Unless some super hero could come and save me...
Like that could happen...

 

by B8
8-21-03
The gig is up, little girl! Surrender now, or face grounding... courtesy of the U.S. Government!
Ah! Supremo! How did you escape our fiendish plan?
I asked Terro-Roo to let me go to the bathroom and never came back after he did!
Curses! I'll never out think one as clever as you.
But maybe our Killer Robot can outfight you...

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