All comics by Spectre_General

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by Spectre_General
4-15-04
What the hell ARE you?

 

by Spectre_General
4-16-04
That's not so bad.
According to this report, Bush has admitted to some mistakes and says he'll do his best to fix them.
The incredible credibility of 'merica must not be misunder- estimated again.
Therefore as president, I am appointing Senator Yum Yums here as head of unmisunderestimation.
Then again...
His words are in my head. they must be destroyed.

 

by Spectre_General
4-16-04
On the set of "The Passion"
I don't remember the bible talking about all that blood...
It's in "John." Now act really goy so we don't piss off the Jews.
Are you sure he's an actor?
And we're rolling... Cue blood spurting... okay, and enter Satan...
His blood will be on me and on my children!... and on my pants... and on my dog...
Throw yourself from this cliff and I'll give you eternal life!

 

by Spectre_General
4-16-04
When encountering a zombies of any kind, always extend your hands in front of you, palms in, in a "Rock out" crossed with a "Why God?" position...

ZOMBIES!!!
Procede to shout "ZOMBIES!!!" in a falsetto voice. Falling to your knees adds extra emphasis, but is considered optional.

ZOMBIES!!!
Then you must kill it. Show no mercy. Your hand must strike the first blow.

ZOMBIES!!!
cripes.

 

by Spectre_General
4-19-04
...The geometry of the city was abnormal, non-Euclidean, and redolent of dimensions apart from ours...
... The aperture was black with a darkness almost material. Everyone listened, and everyone was listening still when its gelatinous green immensity lumbered slobberingly into sight...
...God! What wonder Wilcox raved with fever in that telepathic instant? The Thing of the idols, Great Cthulhu was loose again, ravening for delight...
Aren't you a little too short to be called "Great"?
Bleh!

 

by Spectre_General
4-19-04
The stars were right again, and Great Cthulhu was loose, ravening for delight...
Where the heck can a guy raven for delight in a town like this?
Hey kid, wanna buy a napkin?
What? Hey, I'm The Thing of the Idols, the green, sticky spawn of the stars, Great Cthulhu of the Corpse-city of R'lyeh.
Aren't you a little short for a name that long?
... okay, one more short joke and I'm gonna feeler the crap out of somebody's knees.
You're gonna have to use the word "cyclopean" a lot more if you wanna even smell lovecraftean.

 

by Spectre_General
4-19-04
Hamlet -stop- Methinks saw Father yesternight -stop- Please advise. Hmm... well, to be or not to be...
...whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outragous fortune, or take up arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing, end them...
To die, to sleep no more. And by a sleep to say we end the heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to; 'tis a consummation devoutly to be wished...
I wish he'd hurry up and kill his Dad.
Hal woulda handed his Dad his ass by now.

 

by Spectre_General
4-19-04
Hey Cthulhu, How's the weather down there!
Overcast.

 

by Spectre_General
4-19-04
I, George Dubya Bush am the first 'Merican on Mars. It's a unmissrecredulous honor I tell you.
My first act as President of the moon is to take all the cheese and send it down to those poor starvin' rich 'Merican's back home on the good ol' US of Earth.
It's MARS you dumb Kxnart!
Hey, I didn't vote for him.

 

by Spectre_General
4-19-04
And if elected President, you can count on harsher penalties for parole violators and corporate criminals, as I will be eating them personally.
Your honor, I object to my opponent's platform on the grounds that his is the horror from the stars.
Wha... you can't object, this is a debate.
I believe you have misidentipated the situation.
Okay... If elected I will personally eat this stupid little monkey guy on national TV.
If you can mark an X, then you can mark a Dubya!

 

by Spectre_General
4-20-04
There is a policeman inside all our heads! He must be destroyed!
I got him!
Figurative language! Figurative!

 

by Spectre_General
4-20-04
This piracy thing has gone too far!
Damn straight.
What the virtual world needs is a champion, a dispenser of digital do-rightery.
True Dat.
I shall become... a hockey player!
Jah Screwed.

 

by Spectre_General
4-20-04
The Masked Goalie begins his war on piracy...
The city sleeps safe in the bosom of hearty justice...
Yet evil lurks within the pap of all who reap what others sew.
Their goal? Free movies, games and music. And all that stands between these pirates and their goal...
...is the Goalie!!!

 

by Spectre_General
4-20-04
Meanwhile...
Yarr! We be preparing to download now, yarr! And then by Davey Jones, all that sweet internet booty will be yarrs!
Yo Ho!
Calling Masked Goalie! Unauthorized downloads in progress... Recommend immediate intervention.
Roger that PCBoy. I'm on my way!
Meanwhile...
...arr... This 28k modem be a sorry vessel... arr.
Wait... did you say "internet booty?"

 

by Spectre_General
4-21-04
Our hero speeds to the scene of the crime...
... or at least I would if I had a car... or could appear in any position other than a relaxed slouch.
Hey you! Have you seen any pirates around here? PCB told me they were working shenanigans in these parts.
PCP huh? Figures.
Ye-wha?
Yeah, I thought I saw some pirates over by the docks, ya wacked out Gretzky.

 

by Spectre_General
4-21-04
Our hero approaches the lair of some dastardly pirates...
Alright... here I am at the docks. Those pirates are almost in my grasp... of justice.
The element of surprise is mine. Pirates are a ruthless lot, so I'll have to go in there in disguise.
Hi there you black-hearted..I, uh Hey!
Byarr?

 

by Spectre_General
4-22-04
So, um... hi!
Our hero has infiltrated the Pirate lair by disguising himself as...himself.
Wha.. ARR! You be switchin' yer dialogue for yer inner monologue, arr...
I did?
Arr!
Oh... Well this is awkward.
You stupid landlubber!

 

by Spectre_General
4-22-04
Our hero has just inadvertantly revealed hi--
Shut up!
erp...
I don't be carin' who ye arr, but you'll not be interuptin' me salacious pirating of sweet internet booty. FIRE THE CANNON!
Did you just say interne--
Har har har!

 

by Spectre_General
4-22-04
This just in, wannabe superhero "The Masked Goalie" has been killed in the line of duty whilst investigating an internet piracy ring.
According to his partner and only friend 'PCBoy' the would-be-valiant Goalie's last words were "Tell them I'm really dumb and I smell." As of this recording the validity of these claims is uncertain.
This sucks.
Yeah. Uncertain my ass.

 

by Spectre_General
4-24-04
Hey you're me when I was a kid!
Kid my ass!
Yeah, I was a jerky kid. So this must be a journey through my past on the way to becoming a true hero!
True hero my ass!
Still, sucks that my last words were "I smell" huh?
I smell my ass! Wait...

 

by Spectre_General
4-24-04
Our hero is shown visions from his past...
So what wisdom can you impart, jerkish younger me?
Remember... Daredevil was fine until the movie sucked it up a notch.
Good point. And you?
Remember never to give up! As a hero, you have to fight for what's right... like having slaves!
Gotcha. And...uh... aw crackers, I think this is too far back...

 

by Spectre_General
4-24-04
Having gained wisdom from his past, our hero attempts to return to the living world...
Yeah, easier typed than done. Well, here goes...
It's November 10th now. There is a circulatory system walking through the kitchen...
Bleh!
Get outta my kitchen!
November 14th: A partially muscled skeleton stands by the perimeter fence and screams for thirty seconds before vanishing...
Ahhhhh!!! Frig this stings!
Only partially muscled? You lightweight!

 

by Spectre_General
4-30-04
Meanwhile, back at the pirates...
Yarr! What be we downloadin' today?
Kill Bill two in DiVX.
Avast ye dog of a man, why're ye wastein' arr time? Part One blew mighty narwhale chunks!
Yeah, but this one has Uma Thurman fighting Daryl Hannah.
...arr. Is that so?
It'll be the lankiest fight ever!

 

by Spectre_General
4-30-04
You Beat a Zombies!
What the deuce?
Got beat by the party, 'eh?
I... I guess so. One minute I was walking through the woods... then everything went hazy and I had this weird, nightmare where this guy kept saying the same thing over and over...
Yeah, I know. "SLASH! SLASH! SLASH! SLASH!"
My God, you too?

 

by Spectre_General
5-24-04
Meanwhile, in Spectre_General's House...
... actualy It's my Mom's house. Anyway, I've finished my thesis, picked up my Fiancée from the airport, watched all the Terminator and Matrix movies in two nights and wiped my hard drive...
It's Miller time! And by Miller, I mean Cherry Pepsi.
OOOoooooo! Bloooooouuueeeeooo! Get back to Strip Creator and finish your damn comics! ... eEEeeeeeoooooouuuu!
Oh no! My unanswered muse has sent visions to plague me!
I'm the ghost of Christmas guilt! BLEEEEHHHHHE EEooooooeEEEoooo uUUUU!

 

by Spectre_General
5-24-04
Arr... There be nothin' like the satisfyin' glow of taking the money outer the pockets of well meanin' Hollywood moguls...
We got Van Helsing! Yo Ho!
The jig is up you pilfering Pirates! That's the last movie you'll see without paying! Unless you win a studio-sanctioned contest of course.
Ba-YARRR-HAR-HAR! D'ye really think that just one you can take the lot of me and me hardy crew? FIRE THE CANNON!!!
I disarmed the cannon. Fool me once, shame on me... no wait, you. Fool you once... no...
Arr. All the Van Helsing's in the world can't make up fer this bollocks.

 

by Spectre_General
5-24-04
Arr! I know you think we pirates are a bad sort, but listen here! I think we're doin' the entertainment industry a favor. See the quality of music, movies and all manner o' things has gone down...
Big business sells illconcieved formula work to an increasingly apathetic audience. We go to crappy movies, for example, because we want to be entertained, but there's nothing else being produced.
Pirating changes money from a tool to aquire services to a means of supporting worthwhile artists and their work. Soon the industry will be built on well made films rather than watered down rehashes.
I think you're just a cheep punk.
Ay. 'Tis True.

 

by Spectre_General
5-25-04
You Pirates make up excuses to cover up for the fact that you're breaking the law, and taking money out of the pockets of hard working people, alls they wanna do is work.
It's people's jobs to make the things you're stealing! Who makes movies? David Goldstein makes movies! A humble set painter!
But you don't care, 'cause you can press a few buttons and reap all that benefit. respectcopyrights.org.
Can somebody fire the God damned cannon?

 

by Spectre_General
5-25-04
We've been on this background too long. It's time to end your reign of piracy!
Arr! Ye'll have ta get through me crew of...uh, crew. first. Arr hell, get him!
alright i am giong to RAPE you ass ur so gay i m l33t@ss haxxor!!1
What'd he say?
What be ye expectin'? We're INTERNET pirates for chrissake!

 

by Spectre_General
5-25-04
Well, let's do this, you pirating scum.
your kung-fu is weak your kung-fu is weak your kung-fu is weak your kung-fu is weak...
Meanwhile...
And Cap'in exits stage right...
and I, wha.. Arr! How the hell did ye get away from my scurvy crew?
I didn't "get away from" so much as "vivisection."

 

by Spectre_General
5-25-04
After a strategic position change...
Time's up, piratey. For the heinous crime of internet piracy, you have been sentenced to murder.
Arr... heinous.
Not so fast, Goalie. One press of this button, on this remote, hidden conveniently in my left hand, and this whole ship goes up, bootlegs and all.
Aw crackers.
Though that were a pretty good cover, with the remote 'n all.

 

by Spectre_General
5-25-04
That's right! One move and I turn this ship into a death salad!
Whoa, easy there you black-hearted... uh, friend...
Look, I can see that you're upset, and well you should be. You're talking to a man covered in the blood of your closest friends.
But we both know that you don't want to press that switch. You aren't about to sacrifice the lives of yourself and your partner in crime, are you? Huh? Are you, dumbass?
Rats.

 

by Spectre_General
5-25-04
In the news...
...casualties of the explosion are still being tallied, however police report that many of the bodies recovered had already passed away due to prior wounds...
In the city...
What the heck is that racket?
It appears to be raining Shrek 2.
In the Stratosphere...
Arr... This whole affair shags mighty sea bass.

 

by Spectre_General
5-25-04
The city sleeps, safe in the knowledge that the faceless thousands of the entertainment industry can go about their work earning a fair wage...
Her fierce protector rests for now, aware that the battle is but half won... There are others who would pirate to slake their greed...
But for now, having lost his job whilst saving the city for the past month, our hero returns home to nurse his third and fourth degree burns... ahh... sweet justice...

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