All comics by ahrange

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by ahrange
1-23-03
All the hedgehogs need is love, sweet love
It's the one thing the world needs more of
That was the joke, folks.

 

by ahrange
1-23-03
Just a typical day. . .
At McDonalds, we love to see you smile doo doo doo doo doo. . .And now back to the five minute-I mean 5:00 news
When
Today, President Bush ordered more troops shipped to Kuwait for possible war with Iraq.
Sue them George Lucas, sue them!
DIDN'T THIS ALREADY HAPPEN???

 

by ahrange
1-23-03
I won't lie to you guys, America is in terrible shape. Bad economy, el presidente up there, poverty, ignorance, discrimination, obesity, Fox, etc., etc.
And do you know why it's in such bad shape?
It's because they canceled Sifl and Olly!

 

by ahrange
1-23-03
See, the thing is I know squirrels are evil. But no one believes me. They just think "A squirrel! Aww, it's so cute!", unaware of the evil that lurks within.
¡La revolución siempre! I shall kill you humans with Gondora, Ax of Might and Strength!
Dude! You have to see this squirrel! It's so cute!
See? See? They never believe me!
Crazy chick. Oh look, a squirrel! How cute!

 

by ahrange
1-23-03
You have to admit, there is nothing cooler than a pirate.
Except. . .
A pirate with a goat!

 

by ahrange
1-23-03
I can't take it anymore!
Every time I turn the TV on, it's there, blaring in all its ugliness, and it never ends! They just keep coming in a neverending cycle of pain and repitition!
Is Premium Blend that bad?
Yes!

 

by ahrange
1-24-03
Jesus and I are having a conversation.
Yo, Jesus! What's up?
Nothing. Just hangin'.
*Cough*
To be continued. . .
That was a really bad joke.
Yeah.

 

by ahrange
1-24-03
The conversation continues
Hey Jesus, I heard they found your brother's tomb.
Oh yeah?
Well. . .
Doesn't you having a brother kind of contradict the whole Virgin thing?
Oh you better believe this is going to continue
DON'T YOU TALK SMACK ABOUT MY MOM, BITCH!

 

by ahrange
1-24-03
This could get ugly
But-
BUT NOTHING!
Look! Look!
I was just going to say that your mom cheated on Joseph to have you. I mean c'mon man, your mom's a slut.
Hey, isn't that the Easter bunny? In SPANDEX???
Fool, you cannot divert me!
It's not gonna work.
Damn.

 

by ahrange
1-24-03
Ehh, I give up on this!
So Jesus, is it true that you were a mediocre carpenter and that's why you switched to religion?
Did Paul tell you that?
That bastard was always jealous.

 

by ahrange
1-24-03
So Jesus, I always wanted to know: if you're the son of god and also god, then that means god created himself-so why is masturbation a sin?
Umm. . .
Oh my god, I killed Jesus!
Well done?

 

by ahrange
1-24-03
So you killed Jesus.
Yeah.
And I never got to ask what bunnies and chicks and eggs have to do with Easter.
END!
You know, in some countries they would have stoned you to death by now.
I'm afraid of the marshmallow peeps.

 

by ahrange
1-25-03
You are the worst imitation of a cartoon character that I have ever seen.
You know what you are? You're a POSER!
So are you.

 

by ahrange
1-25-03
Talking with the remains of Jack Kerouac
I am digging you, Meredith.
And I dug you up.
Ha ha. Ha. Ha.
Ha ha. Ha. Ha.

 

by ahrange
1-26-03
Yes I know this strip had no point, but how can you resist using the shifty eyes? Sorry for wasting your time.

 

by ahrange
1-26-03
Hello, I'm Melilot Chubb-Baggins, and this is my lover-I mean, good friend Rosie-Posie Chubb. We're here to throw the French Fry Pen into the cracks of Mount Destruction.
Do we have to?
Yes, Rosie-Posie! For it is the only way for us to save Upper Middle Earth from the evil. . . Bauron. Yes, Bauron.
NOOOO!!! My preciousss!

 

by ahrange
1-26-03
What the-a hippie condemning drugs? You hypocrite!
Hmm?
By supporting the right-wing anti-drug movement, you're supporting the conservative Republican middle-class view-everything you as a hippie are supposed to be against. You make me sick!
But-

 

by ahrange
1-26-03
Pedophile priest, you suck!
Well actually-
I'm sending you to Pedophiles Anonymous!
Later at Pedophiles Anonymous
Hey, are you new?

 

by ahrange
1-26-03
This is Emily
I first began to question religion when I heard that Jeffrey Dahmer was baptized in prison.
Je pense réellement dans le Chinois mais Babelfish ne traduira pas mes pensées en caractères chinois
I even asked the priest: He killed all those people but he's going to heaven?
Where's my wife?
He took Jesus into his heart and shoved the rest into his freezer!
I like pie.

 

by ahrange
1-27-03
This is Colin.
Hey! Why am I the giant angry paperclip?
BECAUSE I SAID SO!
Wench.

 

by ahrange
1-27-03
No, you're the wench.
See, this is why women are inferior to men-
I'VE HAD IT WITH ALL YOUR SEXIST CRAP!
And that's when I beat him to death with the Great American Spoon.

 

by ahrange
1-27-03
Right, like you could ever beat me with the spoon.
Well, considering I have arms and you don't. . .
I have arms! They're just hidden.
Sure.
Since I'm a paperclip, couldn't I just unbend myself into some big powerful form?
I suppose we'll never know.

 

by ahrange
1-27-03
Kelda's here again.
Yo bitch!
Now, Kelda won't admit it, but she has a secret weakness.
Pssh
I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE-
Augh!

 

by ahrange
1-27-03
Monday
Where's Emily?
I ate her.
Tuesday
Where's Leigh?
I ate her.
Wednesday
Where's Cooney?
I ate her but she tasted bad so I regurgitated her in the back room.

 

by ahrange
1-27-03
My math teacher sucks.
So knife her!
Dude, that's your solution for everything!
So? Are you saying it's a bad solution?

 

by ahrange
1-27-03
Satan and I are in the halls
Meredith, before you insult someone, walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
Whoo! Free shoes!

 

by ahrange
1-27-03
Kelda is complaining about the character I've chosen to represent her.
You're damn right I am.
So she is insisting she be this character instead.
I is hobomaster!
It is MY comic strip, you know
I say, face the giant eraser of death, bitch!
Damn you! You are evil!

 

by ahrange
1-27-03
Laura, you have to help me! Erin's got a hold of my arm like she does every other week and she won't let go!
What am I supposed to do about it? I'm in England.
Use your Luara the Gay Nun powers to free me!
I thought we weren't going to talk about that again. You're on your own.
No, Laura, come back!
Meow?
Let go Erin!

 

by ahrange
1-27-03
Chicken meets girl. Girl meets chicken. *sappy music plays* Da da da da da da da da
*sappy tone* Hiiiiiiiiiii
*sappy tone* Hiiiiiiiiiii
A deep and complex relationship develops between the two
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammels, so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Make love to me Chicken Man!
And they made love until the sun came up, and then the house exploded because it was made of liquid nitrogen.

 

by ahrange
1-27-03
I think I'm going to join P.O.D. so I can be in a Christian rock band and name my kid heaven backwards.
Or maybe Good Charlotte so I can be punk and be on TRL?
Or both. Christian punk.
And the heavenly voices went Ahhhhh
Jewish ska.

 

by ahrange
1-27-03
I'm here with my ex-husband Death. Hey Death, what's up?
Eh, nothing much. Just whacking people off with my scythe.
You know, a little whack whack here and a whack whack there, here a whack, there a whack, everywhere a whack whack.
Have you been smoking crack again?
Maybe. *shifty eyes*

 

by ahrange
1-28-03
Stripper bunny, you rock my worrrlddddddddd!!!
What?
And then a big toe appeared out of Wisconsin and stomped them into the ground and all that was left were the birds going "Poo-tee-weet?"
Screw you!

 

by ahrange
1-28-03
Baby you're all that I want, when you're lying here in my arms
It isn't too hard to see we're in heaven
And there was a great smoting. I mean smiting. Yes, smiting.
I'll deal with you later, word-mangler!
Oh the pain. . .I need a poptart.

 

by ahrange
1-28-03
On Late Night With Conan O'Brien
Keep laughing, maybe it'll shut him up.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha h-*laugh track breaks*
When really
Kill me now, please, someone!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha h-*laugh track breaks*
You're under arrest for the murder of Conan O'Brien. . .
But he wanted me to! He wanted me to!

 

by ahrange
1-28-03
*dialing*
Hello?
TORI SPELLING, WHY WON'T YOU DIE?!

 

by ahrange
1-28-03
Hello, I'm The Hood, Meredith's superhero alter-ego.
The Hood saves the world so people can continue buying their supersized buckets of chicken and drinks.
But is The Hood appreciated? No! Why, just recently The Hood was playing in traffic and was hit in the head with a chicken bucket!
You know what The Hood did then? The Hood brought total annihilation onto the whole intersection and then went and saved a raccoon that would've been run over had The Hood not destroyed all the cars.
The Hood: Saving one person by killing ten.

 

by ahrange
1-29-03
The Hood is in Washington because Meredith realized she hadn't used this background and realized she had to.
So The Hood is here to put Meredith's brilliant plan to take over America into action.
The Hood is tired of being ruled by a president with a lower SAT score than her!

 

by ahrange
1-30-03
This just in: former President Bush has been kidnapped and is being held captive by a hooded figure calling herself "The Hood."
You'll do what The Hood says Dubya, or Daddy gets it!
The President's reaction or why The Hood keeps talking in third person have yet to be disclosed.

 

by ahrange
1-31-03
My fellow Americans, the recent news has filled me with a plethera of feelings. It is obvious that The Hood is a terrorist in the Axis of Evil that is taking over like a giant circle. Of evil.
Any comments to that Ms. The Hood?
The Hood says the man doesn't even know what plethera means! But it doesn't matter as The Hood is now President!
I'm scared, Dick.
Don't touch me.

 

by ahrange
2-01-03
Several weeks later. . .
Well Bob, I must say I was a little skeptical at first, but The Hood is a really good president.
I know, Cindy. The Hood's been in office only a few weeks but she's already brought around peace and reduced poverty, discrimination, and Anna Nicole Smith.
I hear the Nobel committee has their eye on her-
Wait-we've just received an important news bulletin!
It seems former President Bush has suddenly taken a turn for the worst and is on his deathbed!

 

by ahrange
2-02-03
Damn! And just when The Hood had had the Oval Office remade into a trapezoid.
George. . .there's something I have to tell you. I-I'm not your real father. Your real father is- *dies*
What?
But who is my father then?
This better not be leading to where I think it's going. . .

 

by ahrange
2-03-03
Is it. . .Dick Cheney?
Or is it. . .Colin Powell?
Or is it. . .Cartman's mom?
Stop! I will not let you turn my comic into a neverending gag that was annoying the first time everyone saw it!

 

by ahrange
2-04-03
Hot diggity damn! I'm President again!
Not so fast!
The Hood says you put The Hood back in power or Mommy gets it!
And that was when all hope for the country died.
Sorry Mommy.

 

by ahrange
2-05-03
So Dubya's back in power?
Yeah, he said he didn't care if I killed any of the rest of his family. In fact, he encouraged me to. But I did get revenge.
. . .And with my new strategery I like to call Operation Rip-Saddam's-Mustache-Off, the American people will soon be able to order Chinese food again. Any questions?
Mr. President, if there's an Axis of Evil, does that mean there's also a Counter-Axis of Super Evil?
Mr. President? Mr. President? Please come out from under the bed!

 

by ahrange
2-06-03
There's one thing that's been bothering me the whole time though.
What?
How come no one tried to stop you.
Well, the fact that I own an arsonal bigger than the country's probably helped.
Maybe.

 

by ahrange
2-06-03
Updating your journal
Page cannot be displayed.
Augh!
Reading your friends' posts
Page cannot be displayed.
Augh!
Doing anything in any way, shape, or form on Livejournal
Page cannot be displayed.
Augh!

 

by ahrange
2-07-03
Hey, fortune cookie!
Hey kids, I'm a fortune cookie! If you pretend, you can see me! You know, imagination, that thing you used to have before video games took over your brain.
Fortune: You love sports, horses and gambling but not to excess.
This is the worst fortune I have ever gotten.
NOOOOOO!!!

 

by ahrange
2-07-03
This is so depressing.
What is?
After reading it
Yeah, that is a pretty bad fortune.
It proves once again that the gods of karma hate me.
Have you seen my wife?
NO!

 

by ahrange
2-07-03
god this fortune cookie is depressing.
*sigh* There's only one thing to do. . .
Tape it to the Chrysalis wall.

 

by ahrange
2-07-03
A little while ago I talked about the evils of squirrels. today I'm going to talk about their equally evil relatives, the rabid chipmunks
Now, to clear up any confusion as what the difference is between the two, both will be shown so you can see the huge difference between them.
The one on the left is a squirrel and the one on the right is a rabid chipmunk
¡La revolución siempre! I shall kill you humans with Gondora, Ax of Might and Strength!
A volta sempre! I shall kill you humans and eat your soft innards!
Sure, laugh. But you know why there are so many stepmothers in fairy tales? It's because all the mothers were eaten by rapid chipmunks!

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