All comics by gumboron

Profile

 

by gumboron
8-23-09
The young shy Little Rita finds herself in deep do do.
Avast me lil' Rita Lassie... yo comin' with me to the Quarterdeck.
Oh no... How do I get out of this?
Little Rita desperately calls for help.
Can anyone please help me?
I'm giving you superpowers Rita... use it wisely. You will be the most powerful Wench on land and sea.
Little Rita Becomes "Wild Rita ~ The Pirate Wench". The story begins.
Hey Picaroon! I'm not yer lil' Rita... I'm now "Wild Rita"... Take this you Bilge Rat!
W... T... F ?!!!?

 

by gumboron
8-24-09
Dodi G. DelRio talks about her job.
In my job I've traveled to Madrid, Rome, Paris and all over the world!
Wow, that's really impressive.
Dodi G. continues her boasting.
I've also met a lot of important people... Senators, Writers, Movie Stars too!
Dodi, your mom must be really proud of you.
Some folks are just hard to wow...
She Thinks She's A Big Shot!

 

by gumboron
8-26-09
Lil' Rita returns to her dorm room and tries to explain to her roommate what had happened to her.
Jamie, Something fantastic happened to me today.
You got our tickets to the Jimmy Buffett Concert?
Lil' Rita tries to explain her new super powers.
No, something more important. I think I'm like the Hulk, only with a prettier complexion.
There's something more important than getting our Jimmy Buffett tickets!?!
Lil' Rita becomes experated.
Listen Lil' Rita, I was depending on you getting us our tickets.
But I got stopped by this Pirate and then, and then... Jamie don't make me angry. You won't like me when I'm angry!!!

 

by gumboron
8-27-09
Pirate Jack reports to Captain Billy Smite.
Arrr... She had the strength of an elephant and the speed of a tiger. She whooped me bad!
Blimey... Ye says she has super powers? Where this Wench be from... Spain, France... a Viking maybe?
Every Hero has an Arch-Enemy and Captain Smite is as Dastardly as they be.
American... me tinks cuz when she whooped me I saw Stars... and Stripes. Just guessing tho... didn't see no Birth Certificate.
Rapscallion she be.
And thus the Captain plans his dastardly deeds.
Scupper that! No Birth Certificate she not be legal resident. We can exploit that! Now, what say we "Splice the Mainbrace"?
Is this how you fight a Wench?

 

by gumboron
8-27-09
Rita gets a new job!
So what's new Lil' Rita?
I just spoke with Jimmy's people. With my new super powers I'll be Head of Security at his concerts plus his personal bodyguard.
Rita continues to swagger about her new job.
So I won't be needing Jimmy Buffett tickets now. I'll be up close and personal!
WooHoo... that does include me too right? I wanna be up close and personal with Jimmy.
Jamie Gets Excited!
Jamie... just what is it with your fixation on Jimmy Buffett?
Cuz, he's got a School Boys Heart. Plus, he goes for Younger Women. That's like us!

 

by gumboron
8-27-09
Rita Meets An Old Friend.
Lil' Rita, have you met Mr. Buffett yet?
No, not yet... but I did meet this "Gumbo Ron" dude.
Rita Talks To The Hippy Chick.
Oh yeah, what's he like?
He's kinda weird... he collects Wenches!
To Be Continued...
Whoa... that is weird. Were you able to snub him?
Uh... no. Actually, I am now one of his "official" Wenches!!!

 

by gumboron
8-27-09
Rita Meets Her Old Boyfriend Dexter.
Hi Lil' Rita... I heard about your super powers and I've followed the Strip. So why are you never "Wild Rita"?
Cuz, I promised to use my super powers wisely. All good heros know that.
Geeky Dexter Gets A Bit Pushy.
Yeah, but I heard you haven't done any crime fighting or nothing.Just beat up some loser pirate.
There is a time and a place for everything.
Rita Expresses Herself...
Dexter, I will only use my super powers to fight evil... and sometimes someone you think is evil really has a big heart and is actually a good person inside.
You mean, sorta like Mickey Rourke.

 

by gumboron
8-30-09
Captain Smite begins his evil deeds.
Arrr... I've fixed it so da Wild Wench Rita will not be a problem to me mates no more!
Glad to hear that Captain.
Imigration and Customs Enforcement comes for Rita.
I'm Agent Sanders. You've been reported being here illegally and we're gonna send you back to Greenland.
Greenland !?!!!
Rita finds herself in deep do do again.
But I'm an American!
That's what they all say.

 

by gumboron
9-04-09
Dexter Asks About Lil' Rita...
Jamie, I haven't seen Lil' Rita in days. Where's she been... out fighting crime?
No, they took her away.
Dexter can't believe what he's hearing.
What are you talking about Jamie?
ICE took her. Somewhere like Maricopa County and living in a tent.
To Be Continues...
I think she should use her superpowers and become Wild Rita. Kick butt and take names!!!
I'm starting to think she sucks at this Superhero stuff.

 

by gumboron
9-06-09
Cable News Flash...
This Just In... Wild Rita has escaped from the Maricopa County Tent City Prison!
I knew she'd have to use her super Wench powers sooner or later.
Continued News Flash...
Sheriff Arapaho says his men were simple overwhelmed and physically traumatized.
Yeah like he means she kicked their butts!
The News Continues - Fair And Balanced...
This Just In... The President has just granted Wild Rita full and complete amnesty and says she now has all the rights of a U.S. citizen.
But she's already a U.S. citizen. She was born in Milwaukee!

 

by gumboron
9-06-09
More News - You Can Trust...
Following the President's granting of amnesty to Wild Rita his approval ratings have increased by ten points.
But why won't she come out of hiding. She must think this is a trick. Nobody seems to trust the government anymore.
More News - You Can Count On...
This Just In... Former President Bill Clinton has offered to rescue Wild Rita and return her to a normal life.
WooHoo! He'll rescue her... he's da man!
More News - We Can't Make This Stuff Up...
We've just confirmed that the President has given approval for Bill Clinton to rescue Wild Rita... pending final approval from the Secretary of State.
Ugh Oh.

 

by gumboron
9-11-09
Rita Returns From Tent City Prison.
Lil' Rita, it's so good that you are back safe and sound.
Jamie, you won't believe what I've been through.
Jamie Tries To Comfort Rita...
I heard about it on all the Cable News channels. Everyone says you'll be able to adjust once you get some professional counseling.
It was a horrible experience. One that I hope I never have to relive.
To Be Continued...
You're referring to being arrested and being incarcerated in the Tent City Prison?
No... being rescued by Bill Clinton.

 

by gumboron
9-14-09
Rita Is Contacted By Jimmy's People.
Hey Lil' Rita, I been lookin' all over for you. Jamie said that Jimmy Buffett's people called and left a message for you.
Really, I hope it's for me to provide security at his concert.
Lil' Rita Gets Some Bad News...
Ugh, actually they said that due to your recent notoriety and fame they no longer want you working Security.
Darn... I guess Jimmy thinks I'll be a distraction.
Lil' Rita Gets Some Good News...
No, what they said is that he wants you on the stage... with him. They need to know if you'll accept.
WooHoo! Are you kidding... I get to be a Coral Reefer?!!!?

 

by gumboron
9-18-09
Lil' Rita Comes Upon An Accident...
What's going on here? This is my friend Deidra's appartment.
Some girl is hurt real bad. Her boyfriend says she fell down the steps.
Lil' Rita Becomes Suspicious...
Oh my, how'd she manage to do that.
Don't know. Some people said they heard a lot of screaming shortly before the accident though.
Lil' Rita Is Becoming Very Angry...
Something tells me that "Little Rita Is Going Wild Tonight!"
They can't prove nuthin' and Deidra's too afraid of me to ever tell em what I did to her.

 

by gumboron
9-21-09
Deidra's scumbag boyfriend heads home after Deidra is taken to the hospital.
Being as the cops want to question me about Deidra I'll take this shortcut home thru this alley.
A Very Angry Wild Rita Prepares To Get Revenge For Her Friend Deidra.
Hey, haven't I seen you somewhere before? Want to go for a drink?
You'll soon find out who I am and when I'm done with you you won't be able to drink.
Wild Rita Begins To Make Mincemeat Of The Cowardly Scumbag.
This one's for my friend Deidra!
Somebody, please help me!!!

 

by gumboron
9-25-09
Lil' Rita Meets Jamie At The Hospital To Visit Deidra.
Hi Jamie... Any news on how Deidra is doing?
The Doc says she's doing fine... But, did you hear what happened to her scumbag boyfriend?
Jamie Just Wants To Talk About The Scumbag.
Actually I don't care about that jerk. I only want to know if Deidra will make a complete recovery... both physically and mentally.
I think she will. But I hear that the scumbag won't.
Lil' Rita Finds Out Just How Much Damage She Has Done.
Ok, I'll bite... just how bad off is he?
They think he fell from his 2nd story appartment window into the alley. He has serious brain damage. He thinks he's Pee Wee Herman!

 

by gumboron
10-01-09
Lil' Rita Is Excited About Her Upcoming Performance With Jimmy Buffett.
Lil' Rita... What ya doing?
I'm practicing the songs I'll be doing with Jimmy.
Jamie Is Happy For Lil' Rita But...
I soooooo envy you. What songs will you be doing?
Pencil Thin Mustache, Take Your 15 Year Old Drunken Girlfriend Home and Why Don't We Get Drunk And Screw.
Jamie Thinks Lil' Rita Is Being Ridiculed.
Lil' Rita... that's terrible. It's demeaning, insulting and just in very poor taste!
Which song?

 

by gumboron
10-05-09
Lil' Rita Has Good News For Jamie About Singing With Jimmy Buffett.
So I hear that Jimmy's people contacted you.
Right, they've changed the songs I was gonna do with Jimmy.
Jamie Feels Much Better For Lil' Rita Now.
Wonderful... those songs would have belittled you.
You're right about that. So now Jimmy wrote a follow-up song to his big hit "Come Monday". He wants me to do that one with him.
Somehow Jamie Doesn't See This As Good News.
Yippee... What's the name of the song?
"Hump Wednesday"

 

by gumboron
10-15-09
The Word Is Out About Lil' Rita's Special Powers.
I heard about you on the news. I need your help. Some man had sex with my 13 year old daughter.
That's terrible but you don't need me. The police will lock him away for good.
Some Are Now Wanting Lil' Rita To Usurp The Law.
Don't think so. Hollywood folks are saying... "but it's not like rape-rape".
Gosh, that's kinda like not knowing what the definition of is, is!!!
What To Do? ... Should Rita "Go Wild" Or Let Our Justice Work.
Yeah, they think he should be punished by sending him to France. Will you help me?
I'm sorry but I can't become a vigilante. ............ What's his address though?

 

by gumboron
10-20-09
News Flash From The PHox News Channel...
This just in... the man accused of having sex with a 13 year old girl has just been found ... badly injured.
I wonder if Wild Rita had anything to do with that.
The News Continues... PHair And Balanced...
It is still uncertain what caused his massive injuries. Authorities think he may have fallen off his roof while making repairs.
I wonder if Wild Rita had anything to do with that.
PHox News You Can Depend On...
The man is believed to have severe brain damage. He keeps singing the "Mmm, Mmm, Mmm Barack Hussein Obama" song.
Mmm, Mmm, Mmm

 

by gumboron
10-25-09
Lil' Rita Meets Jamie At The Library.
Hi Jamie... what ya reading?
It's Mao Tse Tung's "Little Red Book".
Lil' Rita Is Not Pleased With Jamie's reading assignment.
Oh my god! Why? Mao was a monster, responsible for murdering millions.
But professor Donn said he is her favorite political philosopher.
But Jamie Just Wants To Make A Good Grade.
Again Jamie... the man was a liar, womaniser, drug baron and responsible for killing about 70 million... of his own people!
Yeah but professor Donn explained that he only did that for the GOOD of the people.

 

by gumboron
10-26-09
Wild Rita Just Wants To Chill And Be Lil' Rita For Awhile.
Hey Lil' Rita, what's that song playing?
It's "Rita's Going Wild" by John Friday.
So She's Been Listening To Sandbar Radio Non-Stop...
I like it. Was that song written about you?
No. It was already written... before I got my "super powers". I'm just trying to live up to it.
Is Lil' Rita Living The Life That Jimmy Only Wrote About, Or What?
So is that why you're performing on stage with Jimmy Buffett?
Yeah but only if he does the "Rita's Going Wild" song.

 

by gumboron
10-27-09
Dexter Is Ecstatic About His New Discovery Of Trop-Rock Music.
Dexter, what are you doing on our computer?
I'm listening to Sandbar Radio and also logged in to the LandSharkRocks.com Battle Of The Bands.
Dexter Votes For His New Favorite Trop-Rock Artist...
What's that about?
Big contest. Just voted for John Friday...look at his video doing "Rita's Going Wild"!
Dexter Votes... Again!
WooHoo! Vote for me too!!!
Already did.

 

by gumboron
10-30-09
Dexter Continues His Quest To Become The Quintessential Trop-Rock Music Fan.
Hey Dexter, is that Sandbar Radio you're listening to?
No but another good trop-rock one tho... called Permanent Vacation Radio.
Dexter Wants To Join The M.A.F.I.A.
What's that you're working on?
It's my application to become a member of the Margarita MAFIA.
Dexter Daydreams Of Becoming The Best Trop-Rock Music Fan Ever!
Oh yeah, I've Heard Of Them. Musicians Artists and Fans In Alliance
Fans in alliance... that now includes me!

 

by gumboron
11-02-09
Lil' Rita Learns Of Dexter's Great Escape.
Jamie, I haven't seen or heard from Dexter all day. Wonder what he's up to?
He Left this morning for MOTM in Key West.
Lil' Rita Learns Of Dexter's travel plans.
He's going on the cheap. Driving down on his motor scooter. Says he's gonna drive non-stop.
But his scooter only goes about 45... top speed.
Will Dexter Make It To Key West???
It's gonna take him around 30 hours to get there. How can he possibly plan on doing that non-stop?
He took a case of Red Bull.

 

by gumboron
11-06-09
Lil' Rita Logs Into Facebook...
Jamie... Dexter posted on Facebook. He's having a great time in KW. Has met Brent Burns, Bob Karwin, Loren Davidson, John Frinzi, Tiki Thom, John Friday and many others!
Lil' Rita Continues To Read Dexter's Facebook Posting...
Says he's been getting their CDs with autographs. Wow! ... I'm not believing this.......
Looks Like Dexter Will Be Changing His Major.
Says he's gonna become a Trop-Rock DJ.

 

by gumboron
11-09-09
Lil' Rita Learns Of A Horrible Person.
Lil' Rita... my neighbor is fighting his dogs. Think your friend, Wild Rita, might want to check this out?
People fighting their dogs... what's that all about?
Lil' Rita Can't Resist The Need To Get Involved.
What's worse is that when a dog loses a fight he throws it in a cage and doesn't give it food or water for several days.
I'm having a hard time processing this.
Now Lil' Rita Has To Decide If She'll Become Wild Rita.
What do ya think? Do you need any more information?
No, ......................... but is the cage big enough to hold a person?

 

by gumboron
11-13-09
PHox News Alert...
A man trapped in an animal cage has just been found dangling by a rope beneath the Doris Day Causeway.
Oh boy, I bet I know how he got there.
PHox News Reporting...
EMS is now attempting to provide first aid. They report it appears he hasn't had food or water in several days.
Sounds like Wild Rita's been busy.
PHox News...Hot Chicks Live...
EMS advise the man has many injuries and also severe brain damage................. he thinks he plays for the NFL............................this is Molly Fine reporting...PHox News Live.
He'll fit right in.

 

by gumboron
11-16-09
Professor Fess Welcomes Dexter To Trop-Rock College... DJ 101.
When you complete my course you'll get your three credits but more important you'll be prepared to start DJing with the best of them. Any questions?
Define "the best of them"?
Dexter's Question Seems To Have Caught The Professor By Surprise.
Well, uh... well let's seen now... uh well there's uh.... well you know what I mean don't ya Dexter.
Sorry professor but actually, I don't.
Not Sure If Dexter Is Off To A Good Start But, To Be Continued...
Are you talking about DK the DJ? Or the Curmudgeon? Or Big Ed, Captain Jim, JimmyPirate, RonV, JamesT? And, oh yeah, the MAFIA Award winning DJ Jeff Allen?
Hey, I said the best of them... not the Living Legends.

 

by gumboron
11-24-09
Dexter's Got DJ College Homework...
Hey Dexter... what you doing on our computer?
DJ Homework... Lil' Rita said I could use it.
Jamie's Not Too Impressed With Dexter's Priorities.
But why aren't you using your laptop?
I hocked it for a used Numark NS7 DJ Turntable Controller with Serato ITCH Software.
Dexter Wants To Show Off His New Terminology.
What the heck is that?
Nothin' you'd understand... that's professional DJ talk baby!

 

by gumboron
12-04-09
Lil' Rita Flashback... 1992
Ladies and gentlemen, here he is... the hottest sensation of the year!
Oh my... he's so cute. I wish he was my daddy.
Lil Rita Rethinks Her Wish...
Wow... the girls are going wild and he hasn't even started singing yet!!!
Well maybe not. I'd always just be following in his footsteps... never get to become my own person.
It's Apparent That Lil' Rita Will Not Grow Up To Become a Gypsy Fortune Teller...
But don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart, I just don't think he'd understand, cuz if you tell my heart, my achy breaky heart... he might blow up and kill this man... Ooooo
Plus he's gonna be just a one hit wonder... nobody's gonna even know who he is ten years from now.

 

by gumboron
1-03-10
Lil' Rita Flashback... "The Clinton Years."
This just in from The Drudge Report... Seems that President Clinton has been enjoying the Oval Office a bit too much.
Oh I hope he's not working too hard. He is just the perfect president!
The News Continues...
According to our sources it appears the President has been involved with a 22 year old intern performing oral sex while in the Oval Office.
What in the world are they talking about.
Lil' Rita's Learning More Than She Expected From The President.
Hey mom... what does oral sex mean?
Well... uh,uh,uh... let's see now... oh yeah... that means when two people are talking about it.

 

by gumboron
1-17-10
Lil' Rita Flashbacks... Jimmy Buffett's New Fan...It's 1994 And Fruitcakes Rule...
Jimmy Buffett's 1994 "Fruitcakes Tour" Has Begun.
Mommie, he's the one that does Margaritaville!
Lil' Rita Wants To Go To The Concert...
His "Fruitcakes Tour" Is Expected To Be A Hugh Success As "Fruitcakes" Puts Jimmy Back In The Billboard Top 10!
Can we go mommie, I love Jimmy Buffett?!?
Lil' Rita's mom is not so enthusiastic... but way wrong!
Jimmy's Cult Followers, Called "Parrotheads", Will Be At His Concerts By The Thousands!
It's ridiculous Lil' Rita... five years from now nobody will even know who he is.

 

by gumboron
3-20-10
Lil' Rita Learns About "Bookbag Santa".
Lil' Rita, I was just reading about Bookbag Santa on the net.
What do they do?
Lil' Rita Is Impressed With This Organization.
They collect used school supplies that otherwise would go into the landfill and give them to schools in need... like in Belize.
Jamie, I like that! How can we help?
Looks Like Lil' Rita And Jamie Have Found A Cause They Can Get Involved In.
Let's forward their Bookbagsanta.com website to all our frends.
Great idea Jamie... and look they have a way to send them a donation to help!

 

by gumboron
11-30-10
In keeping with Lil' Rita's wild pirate image she's decided to get some new Trop-Rock stuff.
Hey Jamie, let's go online and order some Trop-Rock stuff.
Sounds cool... what ya got in mind?
Jamie likes this idea and wants to get some cool stuff too.
Well for one, a colorful tee featuring Trop-Rock. Plus how bout our own "Keep On Trockin" coffee mug?
I know a great online store called Critterville Cove Surf Shop.
Jamie Googles... Critterville Surf Shop... then clicks on their web page.
Yeah but can they customize it to include... "Wild Rita ~ The Pirate Wench"?
You kidding me... I just order it. Hey, you want a neat mouse pad too?

Showing page 1.