All comics by tocaracaria

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by tocaracaria
2-01-03
Jake the moron kills himself because the T.V. told him to.
T.V. tells me to hurt myself..... So I must.
Kill yourself!
Jake dies and a catholic priest comes by to "pay his respects".
Someone please call an ambulence....... Anybody?
Yay! They can't sew me for touching a little DEAD boy!
Kids, if you don't want a catholic priest to harrass your dead body, don't do drugs!
Remember, kids! Crack kills, but ciggerettes don't!
And they're not illegal!

 

by tocaracaria
2-01-03
Jake the Moron went to Mexico! (Don't drink the water, Jake!)
They told me not to drink the water.... I wonder why?
I TOLD YOU NOT TO DRINK THE WATER, MORON!!!!
Ah, crap. I don't feel so good.....
Santa stops by to give all the Mexican children clean water, but finds Jake instead.
How do I always end up dead...... AND in a garbage can??
What the hell am I doing here? HOHOHO! Kid, you don't look so good...

 

by tocaracaria
2-01-03
Jake the Moron decides to take an IQ test.... This should be interesting.
Okay, okay... WWW.IQ.com... Loading.... Loading..... Loaded!
WELCOME TO WWW.IQ.COM. LET'S BEGIN.
Jake can't get past the first question!! Let's just skip to three days later.
Crap, what's 2+2???
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS KID?
Three days later: Jake finally finishes the Quiz!
OH! In your face Einstine! I got a 3! Whoohoo!
HOLY CRAP!! MORON OVERLOAD! MORON OVERLOAD! SOMEONE JUST SAID SOMETHING STUPID!

 

by tocaracaria
2-01-03
Jake the Moron does what Bush couldn't...
Hey, it's that Osama yo mama dude!
AH! How did you find my secret hideout cave?!
Uh, oh, looks like the CIA found Osama too! Jake, you'd better get outta there!
What hideout? I was just looking for the bathroom...
Is it me or did things just get darker... Hey, where did the sun go?
Wow, Jake does it again!
Not the trash again!
Oh, crap, they blew up my cave AND my arm fell off!

 

by tocaracaria
2-01-03
Jake's computer is broken... Uh, Jake, that's not how you fix a computer!!
I fix computer. It broken.
OH, CRAP! MAYDAY! MAYDAY!
No, folks, let's not stop him, this will be quite humorous!
Don't worry computer, I fix you good!
GET AWAY FROM ME OR SO HELP ME!! NARRATOR! PLEASE STOP HIM!!!!!
See, told ya.
Dang, that didn't work out too well...
OH, THANK YOU, STUPIDITY!

 

by tocaracaria
2-01-03
Jake the Moron gets a letter from his nephew!
"Dear Uncle Jake, I am your nephew..." I have a nephew!
OH, CRAP, THERE'S MORE THAN ONE OF THEM OUT THERE!
Oh, this should be great.... Huh huh...
"I am coming over to your house next week so be ready!" He's coming over to my house next week? I'd better get ready!
OH, DOUBEL CRAP! HE'S COMING OVER HERE!!!!
To be continued...
"I like Cheese cake, so get lots of it!" I wonder if he like carrot cake... I'll get some just in case.
IF ONLY I COULD UNPLUG MYSELF...

 

by tocaracaria
2-01-03
Jake the Moron goes to karaoke bar.
Look at Jake, I is on a stage! Let's sing!
Kill me now...
I think about me and you, I do, I think about us day and night, it's only right, to think about the girl you love, and hold her tight, so happy togetheeeeeerrrrrrrr!!
I'm sure Sarah feels a lot better now, Jake...
This song was dedicated to Sarah, who's having a bad day!

 

by tocaracaria
2-01-03
Hm, how interesting...
Who the hell are you?
Shoo, I'm your nephew, home boy.
Could this get any funnier?
Uh... Who's your dad?
Man, I don't know! I think he was some rich, white punk from Texas.
I think we need to find this kids pops, Jake.
But my sis is white, too! How could this be?
How could what be? I don't get it!

 

by tocaracaria
2-01-03
Jake helps his nephew find his pops.
Let's find your pops, little Jack!
Okay, my Origanal Uncle.
......Turn around, Moron...
He was from Texas.... and white..... and now he doesn't live in Texas.... And now he's famous you say?
Yeah.
What the hell, that looks nothing like Pres. Bush..... I mean, To Be Continued!
Who, are you?
Hi, I'm Pres. Bush, and that little playah is my son; Jack Bush.

 

by tocaracaria
2-01-03
Let's check up on our little friend and his nephew...
Wow, Your pops is the president of the United States of America!
Yeah, let's sue him for child support!
...Oh, crap...
Hmm, well, need a lawyer!
I got's a good lawyer!
This is most deffinatly a to be continued!
WE'RE SUEING THE PRESIDENT!!!!!
YAY!!!!!!

 

by tocaracaria
2-01-03
Jake and Jack decide to represent themselves in court..... Lord help us.....
"Mr. President" is it or is it not true that you are stupid?
WHAT??? You can't say that! He can't say that! Arrest him!
How does Jake manage to get himself in trouble all the time?
Hey! What happened to my freedoms??
They went out the window when you called the president stupid!
Here we go again!
This sucks...
I dissagree..... Heehee.....

 

by tocaracaria
2-02-03
It's time for Jack to go home to Texas.
Well, i supose you're gonna leave now.
Yeah, by Uncle Jake!
.... .... ....
.... .... ....
This could be the worse Jake comic yet...
Uh, bye...
Yeah, bye...

 

by tocaracaria
2-02-03
Wow, Jake, it's that rude brit, Simon from American Idel!
Wow, you're that dude from American Idel.... Uh, Shannon? Sean? Silly?
Simon, it's Simon. Don't make yourself look any stupider, please.
Jake! Don't do it! He's British!!
Wanna hear me sing?
I have a feeling that your horrible, go ahead.
Here it comes people, Simons put down!
And IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII will alwaaaaaaaaays love yoooooooooooooooUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!
If we weren't in public I'd put myself out of my missery........ by killing you.

 

by tocaracaria
2-02-03
Why, oh, why is Jake at an animal farm??
Oo, a chicken!
Bacock?
I don't see where this is going...
Oo, a goat!
Baaaaa?
I do believe that the Jake comics have hit an all time low...
Oo, a..... a...... a whore?
I love you ALL night long!

 

by tocaracaria
2-04-03
Jake started his own band. He's the singer.
1, 2, 3, 4! This is a song! Lalala! This is a song, rock on! Whoohoo! Praty hardy!
A dude on the guitar and some drunk playing the bottle.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH! A SONG!!!!
Yep, sir, a song.
A guy playing the keyboard and, hey, look, it's Jack!
Look out N*SYNC!
Oh, yeah, a song! We are so cool! Yep! Oh, yeah, uh, huh, you know it!

 

by tocaracaria
2-04-03
Looks like Jake is at the Grand Canyon! A well deserved vacation!
Hey, cool, it's a really grand canyon! I rode up here on that donkey!
*Donkey sounds*
Watch your step, Jake! Oh, no!
AHHHHHH!!!!! I'm falling!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Donkey laugh*
Look, everyone! It's cpt. Obvious!
Don't worry, everyone! I fell in this garbage can! Ah, crap, the garbage can is back!
Arrrgh! You be in a garbage can!

 

by tocaracaria
2-04-03
AH! Jake has a nail in his head!
I put a nail in my head, owie.
ARRRRRRGH! Ye be havin' a nail in ye head!
Cool, I got a letter!
ARRRRRRGH! Ye got's a letter!
That Cpt. Obvious is getting annoying... real fast.
Let me think...
ARRRRRRGH! Ye be thinkin' matie!

 

by tocaracaria
2-04-03
Jake's gonna cross the street!
I'm crossing the street!
Dude, look out for that....!
OH, CRAP!
...car...
This should be real good...
Where am I?
Heaven, sonny, now get in line!!

 

by tocaracaria
2-04-03
If you're just tuning in, go back to the last strip, moron!
How long is this gonna take?
I've been here for three hours.
*Yawn*
Hmmm.... Hmm.... Hmm...
Oh, I know this one! Hmm.... Hmm.... Hmmmmm....
To be continued....
Wow, shinny gates! And a silver lake! AND GOLDEN STREETS??? Whoohoo!
Whoohoo! I'm in!

 

by tocaracaria
2-06-03
Jake's still trying to get into heaven.
Am I in heaven yet?
Let's see..... Hm, ok, ok..... Yeah, it seems that you were a good guy.... But did you love Jesus??
Who?
Yeah, know, cool guy, died for your sins, water into wine, etc. etc.?
NO, JAKE, DON'T DO IT!!!!
Oo, that reminds me of a joke!
.... ....

 

by tocaracaria
2-06-03
Jake finally got into heaven!
Cool, I'm in heaven.
Hi, welcome to heaven.
Hey, how do I get one of those cool halos?
Uh, God doesn't just pass them out, you have to earn them.
Jake finally got into heaven!
.....So, where would that be now?
I gotta go talk to saint Peter about how this guy got in here...

 

by tocaracaria
2-06-03
I, the Narrator, am here to apologize to all the Jake the Moron Comic readers. Lately the Comics have been getting stupider and stupider and something tells me that they aren't gonna get any non-
Stupider. Though there are many Jake the Moron Comics, and I have spent many minutes working on them, I feel that the Jake comics took an all time low after Jake started his own band.
If you have any complants(besides my horrible spelling) please email me at tocaracaira@graffiti.net. That is all.

 

by tocaracaria
2-06-03
Jake has a talk with God.
So, God, how's life?
Ya know, answering prayers, Fishing in a lake of silver, the usual.
Super cool, God.... Hey, I'm kinda bored up here, no offense, great place you got here, but I'd wanna go back down to Earth to take care of buisness.
Oh, sure, even Jesus likes to go down there every once and awhile to heal people and stuff.
Look out earth, Jake is coming back!
Ok, so is there a rocket back to earth or what?
A rocket?? What was I thinking when I made you?

 

by tocaracaria
2-07-03
Jake tells a cowboy a bad joke....
So I say to the guy, 'that's no chicken, it's a turkey!'.......
Partner, that was the lamest joke ever.
Huh, huh, he's a cowboy...
It wasn't as bad as your 'horse donkey and pig' joke.
Hey, now, partner, that was down right funny!
What in the......
Okay, okay, paper, rocks, sissors to determin who's was better!
.....Okay, just DON'T pick rock...... (heehee)

 

by tocaracaria
2-07-03
Jake just bumped into a woman on the street.
Oops, sorry, ma'am, didn't mean to bump into you!
That's okay. Hey your kinda cute...... ya know, for a stick dude.
(Psst, psst, Jake, use that pick up line I told you!)
Oh, right! Hey, baby, the only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name.
It's Jacklyn!
Nice, jake!
.... .... .... .... .... .... Oh, I'm Jake!
Cute, but dumb, I think I should keep this one!

 

by tocaracaria
2-07-03
Jake goes to a nice resturant with his new "friend" Jacklyn
What a fancy resturant!
Yeah, thanks again for asking me out, you seem like such a nice guy!
Yeah, and you seem really easy!
WHAT???
I think that Jake just screwed himself... again...
...........My Brother-in-law is the president!
....

 

by tocaracaria
2-07-03
Jake tries to figure out what went wrong.
So, aparently, "easy" doesn't mean "cool", who'd known?
.....TRY EVERYONE!
Go, Jake!
I'm gonna see her again tonight.
DOES SHE KNOW?
Oh, that's Jake!
I think so.... Wait, what does "when hell freezes over" mean in woman?
OH, THAT'S JAKE!

 

by tocaracaria
2-07-03
Hey, isn't that that old lady from heaven?
I'm getting my EDG!
You mean GED, sonny.
That IS the old lady from heaven!
Maybe I'll get one of those too.
I just want a highschool education/highschool level education.
zZzZzZzZz..... wha? Huh? oh, the end....
I just wanna place that I can go to the restroom for free, my landlord started charging me after the little accident last time.
That was a little TOO much information. Like TMI to the xXXtreme.

 

by tocaracaria
2-07-03
Jake is about to get his GED!!!
Okay, last question....
WHAT'S THE SQUARE ROOT OF 2000?
Jake has been guessing the whole test.....
Crap...... Maybe I should just guess...
.... .... ....
Lucky doesn't even begin to describe that!
..........44.72135955?
.......LUCKY GUESS........

 

by tocaracaria
2-07-03
Jake is about to get his score.....
Okay, I'm all done!
COUNTING UP TOTAL SCORE...............
.........Waiting.......
YOU GOT 1 OUT OF 200 QUESTIONS RIGHT, CONGRADULATIONS, YOU NOW HAVE A HIGHSCHOOL DEPLOMA KINDA THING.
God bless America!
I'm so smart! I is the most smartest!

 

by tocaracaria
2-09-03
Jake is trying out for a play.
Okay, okay, this is 'sad Jake'...... Oh the sorrow! How sad am I!
Now he's doing 'thoughtful Jake'.... (True acting)
Hmm, I am thinking... Thinking am I.
And last but not least, Jake in the garbage can!
Oh, how, oh, how, oh, how did i get in a garbage can?? Thank you! I hope i get the part!

 

by tocaracaria
2-09-03
Jake is about to get some good news!
Who could that be?
*Ring Ring*
....?
Hello? Really? Super cool!
Hold on while I act happy.......... yay...
Whoohoo! I got the lead in the play! We're doing 'The Music Man'!

 

by tocaracaria
2-09-03
Looks like Simon from American Idel is the director of the play.
Ooooooooh, 73 trupet running orchristra!
No, no, no! You've got it all wrong!
Well, would you like to do it then??
I would, but you're stupid.
Will Jake survive Simons put downs? Find out next time on.... Jake the Moron!
I am glue and you are rubber, what ever you say bounces off of Jack and sticks to Cpt. Obvious.
What? Who? ...Moron...

 

by tocaracaria
2-09-03
Jake made a few changes in the play.
I'm from Gary, IN.
GARY INDIANA! GARY INDIANA! GARY INDIANA! GARY INDIANAAAAAA!
Just some minor changes.
Hi, Marian the Librarian!
Oh, Music Man dude! You're so sexy!
The end!
My scam is up! I want to stay, but I must leave.... Oh, well, bye!
He took the last trian outta here! With all our money!

 

by tocaracaria
2-09-03
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I have taken over the Jake the Moron Comics! I was tired of hearing that stupid moron! Now we shall have some real laughs!!
.... .... .... .... .... .... ....
So, there's a donkey, horse, and a pig......

 

by tocaracaria
2-10-03
Jake has a nice talk to his computer.
So I'm sittin' in a garbage can the other day and Jesus himself came to my rescue!
THAT'S UH, GREAT. ARE YOU SURE IT WAS JESUS?
Uh, well, he did miricles, but... he looked like a pimp.
JESUS IS NO PIMP! SOMETHING IS WRONG HERE!
Kentucky?
Could it be because 'GodsBestFriend' does extremly blasphmyic comics??????
YEAH, WHAT IS UP WITH THAT 'GODSBESTFRIEND' FELLOW? I BET HE'S SOME LONG HAIRED HIPPY WITH GLASSES THAT LIVES IN KENTUCKY OR SOMEWHERE.

 

by tocaracaria
2-10-03
Jake is going on vacation, he's going camping!
Hm, now which one of these goes to my camping place?
Arrrrrg, may it be the one labled, 'Jake's camping place'?
The plane Jake was on is going down!
Hey, why is everyone ducking and why is the roof of the plane missing, and why is the plane going down?
Arg! We be goin' down, matie!
To be continued!
Crap, well, we're stranded here. We shall have some crazy adventures!
Ay, tis be promising!

 

by tocaracaria
2-10-03
Jake is stranded on a desert/forested island with cpt. Obvious.
Well, we're here, might as well try to find shelter and food!
I be findin' the shelter, ye be finding the food!
Oooo, a pig, that would make a good hamburger!
Ay, hamburger is made of Cow, matie!
............uh, To be continued.
Then why do they call it HAMburger?
Because The hamburger was first created in Hamburg, Germany, duh!

 

by tocaracaria
2-11-03
Jake is still stranded on that deser/forseted isle.
Wow, this is the worst pig-burger I've ever eaten!
Uh, that be a letter ye be eatin', matie!
Jake is still stranded on that deser/forseted isle.
Hey, this letter says that there is a boat on coast, let's go see.
Ay, but how did a letter be knowing that?
To be continued.
Well, we're floating our way home!
Arg, do ye be up fer a game of ping-pong when we be gettin' back, matie?

 

by tocaracaria
2-11-03
Jake is now floating his way back home, hope he makes it!
We've been out here awhile......
Arg! I be takin' down the ship to harbor!
Oh, yeah! Land, sweet land!
Hey, this place looks familiar.....
To be continued.
I think I see a McDonald's!
This is the same isle we just left! Ah, crap!

 

by tocaracaria
2-11-03
Jake is close to death!
It's been days and days sense the day our plane crashed and we haven't eaten sense that pig-burger.
Ay, this is true!
Oh, no!
I...... I think I'm dying......
Ay, me..... me too.......
Wow, what a crazy adventure! How did we get out of our certain death, again?
Well, you see, it all started when.....

 

by tocaracaria
2-11-03
Jake is watching T.V.
.... .... ....
What the bloody hell? What the @#$% is this? Shannon! Look what the bloody kids did!
He seems to be watching the Osbornes.
.... .... ....
Oh, my #$%@#* gosh! Why did you do that, you bloody kids!
Huh, huh, ketchup.
I don't get it. I mean, their accents are funny but other than that...
Jack, why the $#*& did you spill bloody ketchup all over me??

 

by tocaracaria
2-11-03
Oh, crap, looks like Jake is talking to Ozzy.
I saw your show the other day, and I don't see why it's so funny...
What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean??
I just don't get what's so funny about ketchup and British accents.
That's it, mother $^#&@^*, You're dead!
Yeah, lucky....
Ozzy threw me into a garbage can.
Dude! I wish Ozzy threw ME in a garbage can!! You're so lucky!

 

by tocaracaria
2-11-03
Jake meets Garrett!!
Who are you?
I'm Garrett, your creator. I created the Jake the Moron comics.
Wow, you're ugly.
Excuse me? You are not very smart. You see I have total control over this comic, now see my wrath!
Wow, that was cool!
Noooooooo!!!
Increase the Peace, people!

 

by tocaracaria
2-11-03
"TocaraCaria" and "GodsBestFriend" have a chat.
Yo, Alex!
Sup, man..... Hey, where's Jake the Moron?
Oh, he got mouthy so I erased him.
Are you gonna bring him back?
Is Jake the Moron gone forever??? Find out next time on: Jake the Moron!!!
Ah, sooner or later.
Coo.

 

by tocaracaria
2-11-03
Garrett Brings back Jake.
Can I come back now?
Uh, ok.
Alright! Now feel MY wrath!!!
.... .... ....
I don't think it worked.
Hey, it didn't work.
'Cause I'M the creator, not you, Moron!

 

by tocaracaria
2-13-03
Jake meets a Witch!
Wow, a real live witch!
.....Yeah.
Your eyebrow is really really ugly.
You offended me. Now I shall punish you.
That's not good...
*Donkey sounds*
Bwahahahahahahaha!

 

by tocaracaria
2-13-03
Garrett is taking auditions for the new Jake.
Okays, okays, I's say my part now, "I is Jake the Idiot.
.......Uh, we're looking for someone a little less..... trashy. NEXT!
I say, ol' chap! Tis me, Jake the Moronic one! Laugh as I say something completely Stupid!
.......Uh, we're looking for someone a little less..... smart. NEXT!
Oh, that cpt. Obvious!
ARG! I be the new Jake! That cpt. Obvious is sooo sexy!
.......Uh, we're looking for someone a little less..... lying. This might take long then expected!

 

by tocaracaria
2-13-03
Garrett is now interviewing another person...
Wow, you look great for the position, there's just one thing......
Yes?
You have this big gap in your work history.... From 1991 to... today.
Oh, yes, I was working at.... Uh.... Well... Oh! I was WORKING at a mental institution, yeah...
Yikes...
.....Hm, well, uh..... *cough* Uh, NEXT?
There is no one else... just you and me.

 

by tocaracaria
2-13-03
Okay, everyone, now it's your turn to participate! I can't figure out who to pick for the final Jake, so there will be 4 comics of potentials.
After all four comics have been posted you, the viewers, can pick which Jake you like best. The nomonees are: White Trash Jake, Jake the Genius, Jake the Obvious, or Mental Jake. Thank you.

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