RCCOLAMAN
You don't have to cannibalize me survive. There are better vegetarian alternatives:
I'll have you know that a few years back when I first heard about this, I was excited. One of my goals in life is to one day taste human flesh. Not out of some sick fetish or worrying psychological issue. I want to try it out of genuine culinary curiosity. I've heard all the lies: It tastes like spam, it tastes like chicken, it's bland, blah blah blah. The truth is, we Westerners are somewhat limited in our meat palatte. What do we usually eat? Cow, chicken, pig, turkey, chicken, duck, Kangaroo, sheep, alpaca (fuck you, I want the meat, not the Goddamn wool). What squicks most people though? Eating things that eat what we eat. Sure, we'll eat an apple. We'll eat a rabbit. But will we eat a dangerous carnivore? Not usually. Sure, in the US and aborad there are exceptions. In the south, from southwest to southeast, some carnivores are on the menu. Texans enjoy the delight that is rattlesnake ("It tastes like chicken!"), in Louisiana it's not uncommon to find Alligator on the menu, and all over the "civilized" world, you find people eating shark. But far from staples, these are delicacies and often very rarely found on the menu. They are "dangerous" and "foreign" to our palates. But even the whackos who enjoy such chicken-like food as gators become horrified sheep when you mention that you want to taste the flesh of the animal that eats all these other animals. Now, don't get me wrong. I
would certainly have moral objections to a human being killed for my meal. I'm not envisioning some sort Soylent Green restaurant here. If I were to someday find such a meal, I'd want it to be someone who passed from natural causes.
But there's the catch. The majority of cannibalism stems from primitive, insular tribes. To eat someone's flesh is a great honor, and to earn that honor, you must be considered a man of that tribe. I'm already 27, well past the age where I should have gone through the trials to become a man. And unlike our American Indian friends, becoming a man in these tribes is far from awesome and fun. Many American Indian tribes go on hunts and go through silly ceremonies to induct you into manhood. South American cannibals shove your hand into a sack containing hundreds of fucking bullet ants. One of the worst pains a human being can experience without either creating life or dying is the path to manhood. I don't think I'm quite willing to go through all that just to nosh on some long pork.
On the other hand, I've heard that there are some small smell restaurants in Cambodia that serve just that: long pork. Problem is, I don't want it all prettied up and covered in sauces and noodles. I guess I could order some long pork a la mode. Whatever the case, taking a bite out of human flesh, to me, is the ultimate trump card in a vegetarian debate. "You wouldn't eat dog!" "No, but I've eaten people".
Now, don't get me wrong. I have no problem with people who choose not to eat meat. I especially have no problem with ovo-lacto vegetarians, especially if they're pro-choice (think about it). I, myself, am lactose intolerant. I didn't drink enough milk growing up and stopped producing lactase. I still try to get lactose-free milk, and have very little gastrointestinal difficulty with milk products like cheese and butter, but I can certainly understand avoiding it altogether. What I can't deal with is P.E.T.A. idiots who get all up their own asses about animal rights. I'm all for humane slaughter and proper treatment of dogs and cats. Michael Vick sickens me, and his sentence makes me feel as though a gross injustice has been done. On the other hand, I enjoy a tasty hamburger without the soy and don't really have a problem with keeping animals as pets.
Anyway, enough ranting. I want to eat people. And not in a sexual "Ron Jeremy" way. Nor in a sexual "Jeffery Dahmer" way. Though, admittedly, I do like eating people in the former way. Wink wink, nudge nudge.
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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.
