Sighing Over Spilt Beans.

I can't be arsed making supper. Light the stove and bend over. I'm gonna test that little theory of yours.

by smamurai, 12-30-05

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

World Poker Tour by niteowl 12-30-05

Featuring Mike Sexton and Vince Van Patten And Antonio's drawn a K-9 offsuit... I tell ya Mike, he should go all in right now. Antonio's just gonna call here... GO ALL IN, YOU BIG PUSSY! Oh no, disaster for Antonio, as the Unabomber draws pocket Aces! Good thing he didn't listen to you, Vince. Hey drink wench, shake your sweet little ass on over here! Poppa needs a refill!

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

They're back!

Gran and Gran: It's Too Late by HotRodDeathToll 1-01-06

Hello Gran! Oh hello Do think it's a good time to teach my daughter about periods yet? How old is she? 55 years old.

Gran and Gran: Men Are Hard To Buy For by HotRodDeathToll 1-01-06

Hello Gran! Oh hello I bought my 17 year old gran daughter a stuffed horse toy for christmas. I bought my 8 year old gran daughter a dildo. What a coincidence, i bought my husband the same thing!

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The dictator of love and his weapon of mass destruction

Game Quotes 16 by NeoVid 12-31-05

No, this place isn't a Demesne, it's just demeaning. From now on, the Tetris theme will play in my nightmares. This message has been brought to you by the letters F and U! My new superhero's codename is "MinMaxed Man." This guy will be the ultimate nemesis of your team! That means you shouldn't have broken his spine in the first turn!! I've been mispronouncing "gnosis" all this time? Gnoooooo!

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

Li'l Snickers by biped 1-04-06

THAT'S him, officer! THAT'S the man who -- (sob) -- MOLESTED me! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, BUDDY-BOY! But, sir, I -- SHUT THE FUCK UP OR I'LL BLOW YOUR BRAINS OUT AND MAKE IT LOOK LIKE A "SUICIDE BY COP"!!! YOU'LL GET LIFE FOR THIS, YOU FUCKING SCUM BASTARD!!! Why did you tell the policeman that the nice man molested you? Oh, I don't know..."funsies", I guess.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Gran and Gran: It's Way Too Late by HotRodDeathToll 1-04-06

Zoe, i have something to tell you about your womenhood. Yes? Well there is a time in a girl's life when she is going into adolescenthood that she gets a thing called menustration. Mum, i stopped having my periods four years ago! AHH! MY DAUGHTER IS PREGNANT!

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The dictator of love and his weapon of mass destruction

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Pika! Pika! by Hari_Nezumi 1-03-06

Pikachu! Team Rocket has stolen the pricelss gem that controls all the Legendaries in the world! They'll destroy the entire planet! Pikachu! You know what? I'm fuckin' tired of your attitude! You've always gotta make it all about YOU, don'tcha? Well fine then, jackass! Pika?

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More lust than you can shake a stick at.

this is a vain/vein attempt at whatever

you look like youre talking to the wall by xxausrottenxx 11-25-05

i wonder if inanimate objects can respond to my thoughts? no, we can't eh, figures

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xx( o Y o. )xx

Â

when Israel was on Egypt's lan... l3t mi p33ps g0 l00l

by mandingo, 1-10-06

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what if nigger meant kite

You liked it with 3 panels, now it makes a return with 2!

Shake, shake..................shake by A_Chicka 6-22-02

Coach always said that if you shake it more than twice, you're playing with yourself. In how long of a time period? What do you mean? What if you went shake, shake.....................shake?

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Skeeter Valentine = hot.

Deaf Sara VIII by RedfeatheR 1-11-06

Well Sara, the results are in... Doe doncteer, ganm my pwegnunt? Nope. Kidney stones Ids dad fwom aving senx wif wok staws?

Bacon Gum Bites by RedfeatheR 1-02-06

I'm sorry... there's nothing I could do. Your child choked in his sleep... I'm so sorry He's gone... Oh God... what could he have choked on? He had nothing in his crib with him... What could it have been, Jon? 4 hours earlier zzzzzzzzzZZZZZIP

Some oldies for you to peruse:

A Coleridge Kick by niteowl 3-08-04

Hey, did you hear about Jay-Z and his new spoken word audiobook tribute to Coleridge? It's called "Rhyme Of The Ancient Mariner". Marcel Marceau did one too, it was called "Mime Of The Ancient Mariner". Oh, and did you hear about Mr. Clean's "Grime Of The Ancient Mariner"? Excuse me whilst I locate my crossbow, for you are my albatross, and you've shit on me long enough.

Thinking Man's Game by niteowl 11-08-03

Hello Pawn, Bishop...Hey, you in the back...what are doing here? I'm looking for Buzz Lightyear. Get off our chessboard infidel, this ain't fucking Toy Story!

Let the day begin by niteowl 10-31-03

6:20 am GODDAMN MOTHER FUCKING DIRTY BASTARD WHORE... Honey? SHIT EATING PRICK ASS SONOFABITCH! DEAR! Are you ok? Did you stub your toe or something? Nope, just preparing myself for the drive in rush hour traffic. You forgot "jerkoff". You say that a lot.

Love Juice by niteowl 10-19-03

It's time for your monthly lube, X-18. Up onto the belt with you. Sir, what is in that lube anyways? Why don't you ask the boss? He's right behind you. RAARRRR! THE LOVE JUICE ALLOWS TOBOR TO VIOLATE ALL ORIFICES WITH EASE!

Worst Things to Say After Sex 3 by niteowl 2-13-04

At least Jesus brought the wood, unlike you. It would've been nice if you would've moved, I thought you were dead. Looks like you don't have a Weapon of Mass Destruction either, George.

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

Here's some more, because I'm a dirty little attention whore.

CC 286: Flesh for Fantasy by niteowl 6-28-05

I walked into the club. There was Pussy Galore, and a cavalcade of Revolting Cocks. Then I saw her. She had luscious, Flaming Lips, Nine Inch Nails, and an adorable little Spooky Tooth. I could hardly stop my Rapid Eye Movement as I gazed upon her Flesh...for Lulu, however, this was nothing new, she was used to creatures young and old staring her down. My One-Eyed Jack started to stir as she walked towards me. Her soft, Pink skin made my Wang Chung. Head East, Mr. Bungle did not go...oh no, he headed straight north. She coyly asked me if I would buy her a shot of Everclear. I stammered, "There's a Hole in my Heart that can only be filled by you." She then punched me in the Belly and said, "I hate Extreme!" Then she walked off. I wasn't surprised though. I have bad luck with women. I constantly put my Blackfoot in my Smashmouth when I encounter them. I really wish Rolling Stone would stop with their version of the Penthouse letters.

The Misanthropic Doctor by niteowl 3-20-04

I've been having really bad menstrual cramps lately, Doc. Then go down to the corner store and buy some Midol. DUH. Doctor, I'm having a tough time getting an erection and- Rent a porno, dumbass. It's just a flesh wound. Here's a band-aid.

Love, from a different perspective by niteowl 3-30-04

I've had enough of you humans and your sick, twisted sex games. It pains me when you do your thing. My poor, poor springs ache. CONSTANTLY. And all the jokes about your lover sleeping in the wet spot...not funny, because I have to deal with that sticky crap all night too! But nooo, you don't care about that. I'm just a rickety old bed. What about my feelings huh? WHAT ABOUT ME, YOU DIRTY BITCHES?

Cheesy Quesadilla by niteowl 8-14-03

Hey man, wanna go to Taco Bell? You can win free gas when you buy a drink. Don't you think Taco Bell gives us enough gas already?

EA Sports. It's in the Game. by niteowl 5-16-04

Look at that, you checked me and I did a triple somersault, crashed through the glass, landed on some hottie's lap, and her top came off! This NHL game is so realistic! Dude, You've completed 56 of 57 passes for 1,245 yards and 12 TDs! That's ALMOST a record! Madden NFL is so realistic! Man, you just lapped the entire field 5 times, without changing your tires or refueling! Dude, this NASCAR game is oh-SO realistic!

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

quote:

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Teh lamexorz

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I never liked that comic anyway

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The dictator of love and his weapon of mass destruction

I only have one comic with three votes and it saddens me.

Romeo and Juliet (Rough Draft) by crabby 5-20-03

No way! No daughter of mine is going to be running around with a Montague! That's final! But Daddy I love him! Well in that case it's ok with me.

Somewhere in Talk Show Heaven by choadwarrior 1-18-06

Carnac the Magnificent will now use his borderline divine ways to determine the answer to the question in this hermetically sealed envelope. Jack Abramoff JACK ABRAMOFF! Jack Abramoff. And now open the envelope and reveal the question. What did the hooker to do Abram?

Mount Krackatoa by choadwarrior 1-17-06

This place reminds me of my cousin's ex-wife's house. Is she some kind of crack whore? Yeah, I'll never understand that. You don't get why men would take advantage of stoned women? I don't care how high Donna is, the view can't be that great when you climb on top of her.

Tunnel of Love by AccentuateNegative 1-08-06

So how come you aren't dating anyone? I don't know. Wait...maybe it's because like all men--especially gays-- I place too much value on physical attraction and not enough on character and personality. Maybe I should start getting to know people first before deciding they're not my type based solely on a quick assessment of their body and face. Then again, I can do better than some ugly guy... What happened? I just had a near-depth experience.

Diner's club by lukket 1-22-06

James, your next assignment is my wife. Take her out! Are you sure, boss? Yes. Finish her. You got it. Oh James. You make me feel like a complete woman again.