CC 170: Man vs. Machine by BigEvilDan 2-15-03

STAPLOR, I need to bind these two pages together. Do you have the ring? Ring? You need a ring if STAPLOR is going to marry these pages. Screw this. I'm going to get a stapler. Fine, if you want your documents living in sin!

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

That comic is totally going to win.

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Dad was flammable

Damn you, Firefly!

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

This strip is against the rules. by Papier_Cliche 2-15-03

OH MY GOD! THERE YOU ARE! DO YOU HAVE A STAPLER ON YOU?!? Huh? Well, yes, but... NO TIME FOR CHAT! I NEED TO BORROW IT! NOW! NOW! NOW! Yes, but... RRRAAARRR! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MAN, JUST SHUT UP AND STAPLE MY ASS SHUT! PLEASE, OH GOD, STAPLE IT SHUT! But I'm out of staples, dude.

But I had to make it anyway.

we have a winner

quote:

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Stay away from jokes about other SC strippers and forum in-jokes such as TOBOR, wirthling sucking, Cowboy Physics, etc. They're old, they're tired, and many of them weren't funny to begin with. So even though they're technically allowed by the rules, I will not find them funny. So you will lose.

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That last panel was too kinky for my taste.

But otherwise, it's really not that bad.

CC170: Office Despot by lara7 2-16-03

..So somewhere after the 10th dose, I realized that all we need to take out Saddam is a stapler, some Uranium-235, a bungee cord, and apple butter. Okay, aside from the fact that you're having a conversation with a dinosaur in a top hat, you don't see the problem with your logic? No, man, it's a perfect plan: he's dead, none of the Iraqi people are hurt, and then they can get the food and medicine they need. Think about it, man; why isn't this going to work? Oh. crap. The staplers in the Middle East are metric. Bingo.

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When they invent BookFace, I'm -there-.

Buffy the Volcano Slayer by kaufman 2-16-03

Hello, Buffy, I just wanted you to know that I've set the volcano next to your house to erupt in 90 seconds, and there's nothing you can do to stop it. Mwahahahaha! That's what you think, Siegfried. Transformo-bot and I will be able to save the day! You called for me? Yes, Transformo-bot. I need you to transfrm into a giant stapler so that we can staple the volcano ... RUMBLE-RUMBLE.... shut.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

how do you do that click to view comic link?

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call me cole,chevy,tobias or hawk

wiil work for staples

that's my comics name

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call me cole,chevy,tobias or hawk

will work for staples by tobiasthehawk 2-16-03

excuse me can i have a stapler? dude what for? well you see i have a very spific diet i can only eat staples. dude no. did i mentin that i turn into a monster if i don't eat.yummy.works every time here take it. take it.

hows that?

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call me cole,chevy,tobias or hawk

CC 170 : Back To The Future Part 4 by niteowl 2-16-03

Marty, go get that stapler will you? We will bring that with us to knock out Bif and get back the DeLorean. But Doc, wouldn't it be better to use that secret weapon of yours...? No no Marty! The consequences would be disasterous! We need that stapler! C'mon Doc...What's a stapler going to do? Screw it, I'm going to go unleash the beast. MARTY! NO! YOU CAN'T! Oh, great scott... You know, if you bend me so my sharp end is sticking out, and stab him in the throat...Voila, no more make like a tree and get outta here jokes!

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

CC 170: Not the kind of Office Supplies we had in mind... by jes_lawson 2-17-03

Hello, can I speak to Mr. Wong of Shadow Dragon Magic Stationery please? This is Wong! How I help? It's Roger from the Ploob Corporation, I think you and I have a different definition of "Office Supplies!" Told you I did! "Mystic Staple Gun bargain at $1500 dorrar!" But you no buy! Fluck you buddy! Shit! SUPPLIES!

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

It's not that I don't know the difference between the two, it's that I can't spell. *hits self with dictionary* I feel shame.

Anyway, since I haven't completed my torture quota for the day, I present to you the rest of my crappy series. If anything is spelled wrong, I blame Spellcheck.

Drug Awareness Week, Part IV by ahrange 2-14-03

Sure you think it's great, the partying, the drugs, the wild uninhibited sex. But one day you'll wake up with a major hangover and see all the empty staple boxes on the floor and think "Hey, maybe I do have a problem." Nahhh.

Drug Awareness Week, Part V by ahrange 2-14-03

So what I'm trying to say here kids is don't make the same mistakes I did. Every day I regret becoming a stapler addict. That is, when I'm not stoned. Like right now.

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Even Bob Hope is more punk than me.

Okay, It's time to pick the next poor schlep who has to run one of these things. You entered -- you asked for it. But first, the runners-up!

First of all, the Pretty Good Entry but Wrong Contest award goes to Zegota for The Pagan Winter.

The Oh, a Comic Purposely Breaking All My Fine Print Rules, How Absolutely Hilarious, I Certianly Haven't Seen that in Every Contest I've Ever Run, I Can't Get over the Ironic Humor, it's Just Brilliant, No, Really, I Mean It award goes to crabby for A great honor has been taking away from me and I am hurt. I get chuckles from that joke every time I read it! It never gets old! Hardy-friggin' har har. Oh, and another one for Unknown Eric for Strictly 4 Non-Compliance. I don't know how you guys can stand to be so brilliant.

The prestigious It Would Have Been Funnier without the "RRRAAARRR!" in The Third Panel award goes to Papier_Cliche for This strip is against the rules.

And of course the Comics I Liked:
[list]
[*]wirthling's Because I Have Nothing Better To Do
[*]NeoVid's staples of humor
[*]kaufman's Genesplice
[*]mikeweeney's The Twist (Unhappy) Ending
[*]Bargaintuan's In Need of a Stapler
[*]jes_lawson's Dressing to the left (see attatchment)
[*]jes_lawson's Not the kind of Office Supplies we had in mind...
[*]Trippingbillee's I made a funny.
[/list]

Then the Comics I Liked Most:
[list]
[*]Kajun's Stationery Wars, especially #4, 5, and 6.
[*]mikeweeney's Coming soon to a contest near you...
[*]ahrange's Drug Awareness Week, Part II
[*]Trippingbillee's Psychology Lecture.
[*]lara7's Office Despot
[*]Trippingbillee's Marketing IV
[/list]

And finally the Top Six Comics I Actually Considered for Winning:
Trouble in Paradise (The obligatory falling out) by mikeweeney
Max Hackerton, Boy Computer Consultant by itsclark
Kingdom Clone by mmyers

I couldn't decide between these three, which were just awesome:

Real Life. by ArtemisStrong 2-13-03

Magic stapler? Are you here? I... I NEED you! I'm here, you just can't see me.

CC 170: Broken Link by BigEvilDan 2-13-03

Johnson, where's the report you were working on? It's finished, but I can't find a stapler to bind it with. No paperclips either? None. I guess the world will never know about that asteroid we've been tracking. ...and then they went extinct. Sir, if you don't want me stealing office supplies, just say so.

CC 170: Man vs. Machine by BigEvilDan 2-15-03

STAPLOR, I need to bind these two pages together. Do you have the ring? Ring? You need a ring if STAPLOR is going to marry these pages. Screw this. I'm going to get a stapler. Fine, if you want your documents living in sin!

But since 2 are Dan's, it seems only fair to declare
Big Evil Dan is the Winner. Sorry, Artemis, your comic was truly great.

Take it away, Dan.

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"Old" is the old new.

you're all just a bunch of fucking wankers. If I see you in the street, I'm gonna kick you right in the shins, buddy. No joke.

I AM JESUS

Did I at least get any bonus points for writing mine while getting over one of the worst bouts of the flu I've gone through in my life?

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Please remember to spay and neuter your elected representatives.

quote:

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CC 170: Not the kind of Office Supplies we had in mind... by jes_lawson 2-17-03

Hello, can I speak to Mr. Wong of Shadow Dragon Magic Stationery please? This is Wong! How I help? It's Roger from the Ploob Corporation, I think you and I have a different definition of "Office Supplies!" Told you I did! "Mystic Staple Gun bargain at $1500 dorrar!" But you no buy! Fluck you buddy! Shit! SUPPLIES!

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Three mentions! Suck that, everybody who told me I'm sort of funny, but not laugh-out-loud-win-contests-funny!

Aw, shucks.

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Sex Piano.

Because I didnt enter the Comic Competition here's one for you dragon

Jedi Knights of NI by TheGovernor 2-17-03

INT. Jedi Council, Coruscant Master Yoda, Ive come to ask the Council's Permission to train the boy Anakin. He is the chosen one Train the Boy you may Qui Gon, but only if you first build us A SHRUBBERY!!!!  Ni   Ni   Ni   Nu

Like that joke was an Al original. It's older than he is!
I must admit I did consider a "never mind the shrubbery, bring us a stapler" treatment, but it never came together.

But for being such a good sport, I'll give you a special bonus too late entry:

Roger and the Genie by kaufman 2-17-03

That was your first wish for freeing me from the lamp. You now have $1,000,000. Make your second wish. Oh genie, what is money without health? I really wish to know the secret to a healthy diet. Ah, it is simple. For all the talk of vitamins and nutrients, the best way to good health is the daily intake of a well-balanced set of staples. Aha. In that case, for my third wish ... I want a never-emptying stapler.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

quote:

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*tsk* *tsk* *tsk* Stealing jokes from Weird Al's "UHF"? Shame shame shame.
Though, I do use that joke once in a while.

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quote:

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Oh, and another one for Unknown Eric for Strictly 4 Non-Compliance. I don't know how you guys can stand to be so brilliant.

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Well, it's an honor to be dominated. of course, it's a bigger honor to win, which I didn't. I still say "Perversions of Science" was pretty funny too, even though it didn't place.

I had this idea the other day but was too sick to get it in but here you go.

Lisa's diet by mmyers 2-19-03

Wow Lisa, you look great! Thanks, i had my stomach stapled. Is that healthy? My doctor said it was completely fine. But Lisa, when you're not turned profile, I can't see you. It's an unfortunate side effect.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.