Santa Auditions by Beeko180 4-24-10

Ok, what we're looking for is a fat jolly fart who can make kids laugh and smile. Is this a comment on my weight? Lord No. We're just looking for someone fat. Who eats cookies and milk and gives out presents to good boys and girls. What should I do to naughty boys and girls? Sit on them.

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You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll

Unimaginative Ending Comics by biped 4-26-10

Hi! I'm Bertha Flumperslump. I've got a ten o'clock appointment, and-- "Bertha Flumperslump"? What a stupid-sounding name. Where's my ten o'clock? She left. I guess because I said she had a stupid-sounding name.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Why Was The Asian Guy Assaulted? by Beeko180 4-25-10

So all day I've been hearing that lame "why did the chicken cross the road?" joke. If I hear it one more time I'm going to go nuts. So what did you do today? I asked my chicken why he crossed the road. He replied-

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You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll

Mr. Tobacco by Beeko180 4-26-10

Sir, this is the tenth time a child has suffocated to death in your class. It won't happen again officer. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me? I sincerely apologise.

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You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll

Suspicious Minds by Beeko180 7-03-09

Hey guy, do you think- Can't talk now. Why not? I've been tracking this guy down for months. Seems he's been using my computer without my permission. I'm going to bust him in. That's uuuh.... That's the pc tech.

Relationships

Honey, when I said you needed to change, this isn't what I had in mind.

by Beeko180, 7-06-09

 

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You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll

next to godliness by NickNumber 4-28-10

Hey Jesus, what do you think about Catholics? Well my child, they make me feel kind of dirty. Dirty? Yes. During services, a bunch of them will kiss the crucifix without wiping it off or anything. I guess that is sort of unsanitary. It's a clear case of cross contamination.

d'etat by ekramona 6-11-08

Today was the worst, I lost power in my office... Why? Was there a coup?? Come on... I NEVER get to make coup jokes!!

The Right Thing to Do by ekramona 8-16-07

Many people know Wilford Brimley for his work in film and television... but did you know he is also a blacksmith AND an anti-cockfighting activist?? It's the right thing to do Gee Mr. Brimley, that's swell! Is there anything you can't do??? Yeah... produce insulin.

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I am a delicate fucking flower. https://beacons.ai/jesskent

A Breakthrough

One fine day... Great news! The doctor said I'm not OCD, Knock on wood, Knock on wood, touch doorbell, wash hands

by seanator, 8-05-08

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I am a delicate fucking flower. https://beacons.ai/jesskent

Sally's New Responsibility by biped 5-04-10

"And remember... only YOU can prevent forest fires." Mommy, is it true that only I can prevent forest fires? Hmm? Oh, ha ha...it sure is, sweetie. Only YOU can prevent forest fires. SALLY!!! SALLY HONEY!!! PLEASE COME HOME. SWEETIE!!! SMOKEY DIDN'T MEAN IT LITERALLY, PUMPKIN!!!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Intelligence Down the Drain by Beeko180 5-06-10

Snakes are cool. Do you mean snakes are cool as in "cold-blooded creatures" or Snakes are cool as in "Snakes are the current socially popular issue"? What is that god awful smell? I farted.

Doctor Comic by Beeko180 5-07-10

Congratulations, you now have a healthy baby boy. But my wife told me she gave birth to a girl. What happened back there? Where to begin...

Doctor Comic 2 by Beeko180 5-07-10

Congratulations, you now have a healthy baby boy. But my wife told me she gave birth to a girl. What happened back there? No switchies backsies sir.

Fill The Hole in Your Heart With Cholesterol by Beeko180 5-07-10

I'm afraid you are morbidly obese.

In the Emergency Room by Beeko180 5-07-10

Doctor what is wrong with you lately? You just threw a patient's liver across the ER. Get the hell out of my ER or I'll knife you.

 

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You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll

Fucking Windows by choadwarrior 5-12-10

SHIT COCK BALLS GODDAMN PRICK TITTY FUCKING ASSRAMMING PUSSY CUNT SMEGMA FISTING GANGBANG DONKEY PUNCH BUKAKKE SLUT CUM SHOT FELCHER! My cursor stopped working.

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I am a delicate fucking flower. https://beacons.ai/jesskent

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (40) by Beeko180 4-10-10

I feel so violated...

 

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (50) by Beeko180 4-10-10

After it stopped raining, Noah waited 7 days. He set free a bird, it came back, he changed birds and it also came back. He waited another 7 days, and tried again. A leaf?? Chirp. That's all you could find? A stupid leaf? I ask you to bring back something that could tell us wether there is dry ground, and you bring me a leaf?! You stupid bird! You are of no use to me whatsoever. I should kill you and divide your body amongst the members of my family! Jerk. He ate my brother.

 

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (63) by Beeko180 4-16-10

Joseph, in my house I am the master. But because you have done so well and happen to be my best slave, I want you to be in charge of everything. Wow, God is surely with me! Where?

 

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (69) by Beeko180 4-16-10

Not long after the Butler and the Baker were thrown in jail did Joseph become their servant. One morning... You and the Baker look troubled. We both had very strange dreams. We are sure they mean something, but we don't know what. Only God knows what dreams mean, but you can tell me your dreams and maybe god will provide their meanings to me for me to share with you. What, do you have free long distance phone calls to heaven or something?

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (74) by Beeko180 4-16-10

Two years later... I keep having these strange dreams. Really? Yeah, in each and every dream seven unhealthy things swallow seven healthy things. It's creepy. What do you think it means? I'm going to be hungry?

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You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll

I'll jump on the self-promotion bandwagon and offer the following few for your voting pleasure:

It's not just for Mafia Wars by ladyjdotnet 5-25-10

I'm in such a great mood! I found a classmate from my old high school on facebook today! I had such a crush on her back then. Is this one of the chicks who turned you down and teased you for being fat? I can forgive her for the cruel things she said when we were young. I'm totally past that. Well, that's wonderful. Perhaps all that teasing was character-building, and you're a better person for it now. Completely. Besides, she's a total uggo now. She has a moustache, and her cankles have cankles! God bless facebook.

Softening the blow by ladyjdotnet 5-16-10

I'm Agent Lidocaine, from the FBI. I have some terrible news for you. Your husband and children were killed in a terrorist attack. I'm so sorry. That is terrible news. I should probably be hysterically wailing right now, but the pain is kind of muted and distant. The FBI is not without empathy. That's why they sent me to deliver the bad news instead of someone else. I'm a numbing agent.

The name is confusing by ladyjdotnet 5-10-10

Welcome to my butcher shop. I'm so glad to find this place! I run a gay vegetarian commune and we totally need your services! Why would vegetarians need my services? Well, we're all afraid to squish spiders, and too prissy to change flat tires... ...so we figured we need someone butcher.

Please also visit the Pay it forward (stumping Toprated.php for others) thread and add other people whose work you've seen and would like to promote.

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I am a delicate fucking flower. https://beacons.ai/jesskent

Maverick by HCRoyall 3-15-10

It's amazing what kind of depraved sex toys they can only advertise after all the normal people are asleep. Have your fetishes started to blend together? Having trouble getting just the right amount of kink in your sex life? Introducing the Sarah Palin inflatable sheep! Covered in soft wool with a wig and glasses just like the real former governor herself! It's even prgrammed with all the hot steamy sound bites you love! I'm a gosh-darned hockey mom! I'm a pit bull with lipstick! Ooohh yeeeaahhh... Why... why can't I stop masturbating to this? Order yours now!

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

RCL no. 2203 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 6-14-10

Okay, Elmer... On the count of three, aim the barrel at my face, pull the trigger, and I'll catch the bullet in my mouth! Pehwets. Pehwets? What the fuck are pehwets? This is a shotgun. Each buhwet has many little pehwets that spway evewy-where when bwasting! I don't know jack about guns nor understand a word you're saying. Just pull the trigger and let's give these kids a show. Got it, asshole? Alright, on three. One... Two... You'll be sahwee! Heh-heh-heh-heh...

Groovy! - Spoiled 1st date (with apologies to mandingo) by edoggydog 7-09-10

Pull my finger! HA! Too slow, asshole! I wasn't even involved in this comic and I still got my ass kicked! Why? WHY?? Because, there isn't a version of the Tyler character that looks like he got his ass kicked...

RCL no. 2255 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 7-13-10

You want to sue who? The Jews, dumbass! Because they betrayed you? Ding! Ding! Ding! Tell him what he's won, Johnny! But, if it weren't for the Jews betraying you, no one would have heard of you, much less imortalized you as the Son of God. Oh, yeah... @%#$!!

RCL no. 2333 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 8-24-10

Wow... I can't believe the murderer actually chopped up the victim's nude body into pieces! Okay, there's the head, most of the torso, both arms and legs, but where is his... OH MY GOD!! WHAT KIND OF SICKO CUTS OFF A MAN'S DICK AND KEEPS IT?? "The victim was a woman, dumbass!" Oh.