you're all pansies. give me your lunch money

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what if nigger meant kite

quote:

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I'm 5'9 - 226 lbs and the worst I've ever gotten my asskicked is by a little guy. It's paradoxical until you realize there are much bigger guys than me who have asked "who is that little guy" (referencing me).

Long story short, my wife is 4'11 and so I'm petrified.

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She's pretty funny. Not hilarious, but funny, which pisses me off because I clearly marked the Hilarious box on the order form.

You still owe me $200 for the knuckle x-rays, fucker.

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What others say about boorite!

I wore a Hawaiian shirt to a theme party on Sunday. I would have confessed this earlier, but I only just admitted it to myself.

Definitely, Boorite. I guess I had it comin, bangin' your mom and all.

I have a really lame green Hawaiian shirt that I wear to work sometimes because I hate my job and it's my own tiny little rebellion.

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I has a flavor!

lolo crackpanther banged my mom :-(

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What others say about boorite!

crackpanther bangs cougarscrack?

Did you already own the aformentioned Hawaiian shirt, or did you purchase one specificaly for said them party?

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Poop.

Did you already own the aformentioned Hawaiian shirt, or did you purchase one specificaly for said them party?

I own specifically bought said Hawaiian shirt five years ago for a different Hawaiian themed event. I think this is the third time I've worn it. The second time I wore it with camoflage pants at a white trash theme party.

i hurt small people in a pit tonight.

i felt pity for approximately 6 seconds.

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Kill Whitey.

crackpanther bangs cougarscrack?

John Cougar Meloncrack

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What others say about boorite!

i never lost a fight even agains guys bigger then me

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whats up i am sebra 139

me either. you must be tough....

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Kill Whitey.

I recently noticed my husband and I were dressed in matching shirts and similarly colored jeans. I'm frightened the matching purple jogging suits are next.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

I masturbate at one of my jobs....constantly.

I masturbated to woodworking projects today.

I masterbated to webcam footage boorite showed me of ivy masterbating to woodworking projects.

I'm allergic to garlic. Fortunately, I also think it's revolting so I don't miss much. Unfortunately, packaged food and food in restaurants don't say if garlic is involved and I've gotten very sick because of it. Which is why I'm still awake at 4am and wish I could kill myself because the pain is so bad.

The next person to tell me I "just haven't had it the right way/their way" will get their balls knocked back into David Hasselhof's next week.

I think I just heard crabby say, "just haven't had it the right way/his way".

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

1) I like it when boorite calls me a clackity-jacked cell phone fucker.

2) I lust for a co-worker of mine. Everyday.

Hey, me too!

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I has a flavor!

quote:

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I have two confessions I'd like to get off my chest at this time. They are as follows:

1. GWYNETH PALTROW LIVES IN MY ASSHOLE.

Gwyneth Paltrow lives in my asshole. Sometimes she pops her head out and says "Is Shakespeare still in love?" and I say "Yes...with you, darling." She laughs girlishly and goes back in. For a few moments I get that "have-to-go-to-the-bathroom-real-bad" feeling, but it goes away as soon as she settles down.

2. I WENT TO SEE MY NEIGHBORS' NEW BABY ONE NIGHT, AND...

I took one of those little Fisher-Price piece of shit toys as a gift, but when they opened the door they barely noticed it. They were prancing around like a couple of idiots, gushing about the new baby and how wonderful it was. Well, when they showed it to me I couldn't help wondering what the fuck their major malfunction was.

First off, the damn thing was pretty much the ugliest little fucking toad I ever saw in my life. Second, it smelled like shit -- and not that almost-tolerable grown-up shit smell, but pure, blood-curdling baby shit. And lastly, it was screaming its fucking head off nonstop, setting every nerve in my body on edge.

We had drinks in the livingroom later, and I excused myself to use the bathroom. I passed the baby's room and went in there instead. It was still bawling its fucking head off, driving me out of my mind. So I pulled my pants off and climbed onto the crib, positioning myself right over the baby with my legs wide apart. With a tingle of anticipation, I felt my bowels begin to move. Presently a large, foot-long turd emerged from my asshole, dangled suspensefully for a moment, and then plopped right on the baby's forehead with a dull, firm *splat*. That really set it off, but its cries were humorous and satisfying to me at this point. I waited till its mouth was wide open and then launched the second turd right on target, shutting the little critter up with a muffled gurgling sound. Then I looked up to see the proud parents standing at the door, not quite so proud now -- more like utterly mortified and stricken with a paralyzing horror. With a cute little smile I put my finger under my chin and said, "Aww, look. Baby's first shitface."

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I would pay good money to have sex with boorite but I blew it all on mandingo.