I'm terribly sorry for being so late! There were production delays, and my stars decided to hate each other and wouldn't appear on camera together. Then the director walked off, and the writer wouldn't work with the new director... A nightmare for any Executive producer, really. I was at the end of my rope, but I couldn't tie the noose properly, so it broke and I'm alive.

[hr]

It's been said that there are no more original ideas in the universe. What's worse, Hollywood has taken the best of them and re-used them until they're no better than horse manure.

Where am I going with this? I have no idea. I just found out I had to do this a few minutes ago, so bear with me.

Your mission is to play Hollywood by doing one of the following:

[list]
[*]Re-make a classic strip. (This has been done with Cowboy Physics, so that one's off limits. I'm too lazy to look up the thread, too, so don't ask me.) Stand-alone comics only for source material, please.
[*]Adapt a classic piece of literature into a stripcreator comic. Ah, hell. Contemporary fiction too. Be sure to let us know in your post which story you're referencing, because some of us (me) are too stupid to get it otherwise.
[*]Adapt a movie into a comic. (Yeah, yeah, been done -- bite me!)
[*]Create a sequel to one of your comics. Please include the comic in question for point of reference. Stand-alone comics only for source material, please.
[/list]

Here's the catch: You must do this the Hollywood way. Big names, big explosions, and most importantly, you must cheapen your source material to the point where it's no longer special! (No, I don't quite know what that means, either.)

Series are welcome. Archived comics -- except as noted above -- are not.

Any questions? God, I hope not. I'm already confused enough.

(Strips will be judged early Friday evening or Late Friday night, depending on whether or not I think about it when I get home from work.)

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This is not my empire.

I hope this isn't against the rules, but I chose to remake one of MY comics. It's my first one, so it is very special even though it sucks ass. But that's what Hollywood's for! Now, with a little spit and polish, it is a thousand times funnier! ....Right?

The Old:

The Story with a moral (includes graphic gore and violence!) by areallystupidguy 1-14-03

The Story With a moral. What a freak! I heard that! Eat Stinger, jerkbag! This sucks! Now i've got a big bleeding hole in my head. Again! Adios, Amigos! And so, we learn that making fun of people is bad, especially when they can beat you up! Wow! this is the first time one of these crazy online comics have actually had a moral! Let's hope it's the last time too.

The New:

A Story with a Moral (the remake) by areallystupidguy 11-11-03

starring some B-Movie actor! gasp! the robot! so freakishly deformed! i must reach the main reactor or the earth is doomed! *beeep* eat my spiky missle weapon, pitiful earth creature! ARGH! THE PAIN! if i can only....reach the lever... THERE! NOOOOO! BUT YOU WILL DIE TOO! it is the sacrifice I must make... TO SAVE THE EARTH! *cries*

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It's grime time.

I chose to make a sequel to my comic. The original comic was:

You wonder WHY Mikey's braindead? by fzh 7-15-03

MIKEY! We got a letter from the school about something! Probably something you did wrong, You're on restirction for another decade! Now go to your jail cell young man! This says that the parking spaces in the school parking lot were widened. Oh Well, as long as I'm here I can do something involving my imagination.... Three Weeks later.... Durrrrrrrrrrrrrr

The three part sequel is:

You wonder WHY Mikey's braindead? 2 the X-treme!!! by fzh 11-11-03

Mikey is replaced by a famous star. The movie starts with an overly dramatic jail break scene. OH NO! I am trapped! By my accursed father! I must escape! I shall trick the gaurds and then beat them to a fine pulp! Hey! Look, a Duck! Huh? Where? Blarg! Now, for my escape!

You wonder WHY Mikey's braindead? 2 the X-treme!!! by fzh 11-11-03

Needlessly violent beating up of guards. Take that! That hurts! Mikey's dad, portrayed as a psycho robot of death, is developed as pure evil. Kick the cat while it's not looking... Sexy female costar, eventually leads to a gratuitous sex scene Nice bulge. Why thank you, and may I add that you have some nice tits?

You wonder WHY Mikey's braindead? 2 the X-treme!!! by fzh 11-11-03

Ending battle I see you have arived, Mikey. I have come to get revenge for you locking me in my room! Mikey......I am your FATHER!!!! NNNNNOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Hey, wait, I already knew that! Overly Explosive Defeat Oww! Now you learn that putting your child on restriction never pays!

Here's my latest comic and the alternate ending only available on the dvd version:

Bon Apetit by AccentuateNegative 11-09-03

Can I get you anything else? I need some more wasabi. Yeah--me too. Here you go--a buttload of wasabi. (The waiter really said that.) His butt could handle more wasabi than that. Suddenly, I don't want any.

Bon Apetite--Alternate Ending by AccentuateNegative 11-11-03

Can I get you anything else? I need some more wasabi. Yeah--me too. Here you go--a buttload of wasabi. Wasabi is about the last thing I would want up my butt. Oh, look who's picky all of a sudden.

This is Hollywood's take on Death of a Salesman.

CC 220: Death of a Salesman by Rabid_Weasle 11-11-03

Starring: Vin Disel as Willy Loman I'm a New England man! I live for this New England shit! With Tara Reid as Linda Loman C'mon baby, I may be worth more dead than alive. But right now I'm gonna make you feel like a whole lotta cash! Coming Summer 2004! A man is not a piece of fruit! But now you're a piece of toast!

---
Poop.

I chose to make a sequel...and then I couldn't stop making 'em, kinda like the Police Academy movies.

I made the original only 4 days ago though...hopefully that's not cause for disqualification.

The original :

The Start Of Deer Hunting Season by niteowl 11-08-03

Bye honey, have a good time. See you Sunday night. I'll miss you. I'll miss you too. Bye dear. Later... Chippendale's? Ooh, I was gonna suggest that, Lisa!AND...we can hit the clubs afterwards, hit on the young studs and get free drinks! Awesome! Julie, Michelle, and Tina are all coming with too. Remember last year? Oh my God, those guys we partied with were so hot! Meanwhile... I feel bad for her, sitting around the house all weekend with nothing to do.

And the follow-ups :

The Start Of Deer Hunting Season (2) by niteowl 11-11-03

After spending 11 hours in the forest, it becomes apparent that Mac is now hopelessly lost! Oh, the humanity! Will I ever see my family again? My friends? I wish I was home. ROWRRRRRRRRR! SHIT. What the hell was that? Then panic sets in. Hello? Is anybody out there? Ok, I'm not really a hunter. I'm just uh...see? No guns here! HELP!

The Start Of Deer Hunting Season (3) by niteowl 11-11-03

Jesus, I'm hungry. There's no animals around to kill. What am I gonna do? Am I going to have to eat my own leg to survive??? I hope not, that's kinda gross. And kinda like a bad horror flick...Wait, what's that up ahead? FINALLY! Don't ask for directions, you'll look like a moron. Don't ask for directions... Hello there! Are you lost?

The Start Of Deer Hunting Season (4) by niteowl 11-11-03

Hi there. Uh, yes I am lost. Can you help me? Why sure, just follow me! Wow thanks. Boy, am I glad I met you. So am I. And so are my friends. Just what exactly did Mac see? Is he done for? Did he really go #2 in his pants? All these questions and more will be answered in the next comic! Oh. My. God. OH MY GOD! AGHHHH! GET HIM BOYS!

The Start Of Deer Hunting Season (5) by niteowl 11-11-03

Yes, Mac dropped off the Cosby Kids at the pool. Uh, not that his pants are a toilet bowl or anything... OH SHIT! HELP! THAT'S HIM, ONE OF THEM HUNTER FREAKS! Ewww, what's that smell? Hey, now's no time for jokes! Sorry. LET'S GET THAT BASTARD! YEAH!

[Click to view comic: 'The Start Of Deer Hunting Season (6)']
[Click to view comic: 'The Start Of Deer Hunting Season (7)']

---
Think classy, you'll be classy.

Wow, it was all a dream. Or was it!

---
Poop.

Old:

Saucy by Kaddar 10-26-02

So, do you like BBQ sauce? GRANNY!

New:

SAUCY: IN A WORLD, WHERE BIRDS ARE NOT SAFE... ONE CAT.. by KaddarComps 11-12-03

So, do you like BBQ sauce?

Old:

Salaad.... by Kaddar 10-31-02

Please don't hurt me! Salaaaad.... I'm sorry, what? I'm a vegetarian zombie.

New #1:

COMPETATIVE COMIC TWO TWENTY! "Salad #2! BROTHER OF SALAD! by KaddarComps 11-12-03

brefgb.... Gah! A zombie! bebgf I'm sorry, what? Beef... fuck.

New #2:

The battle you've been waiting for.. JAY'S SON VERSUS ZOMBIE by KaddarComps 11-12-03

Brains! What? Your Brains are showing. Oops! Forgot my wig!

old:

I'm not lazy, just... busy. by Kaddar 1-06-03

Kaddar, you completely missed getting a chance to make a funny comic to bring us into the new year! Let's play a little game. The game is called "What's better." What's better? Timesplitters 2 all night tournaments ... or making a comic to bring in the new years?

had to do something with this, now that I've got a character.

CC220: The panalatrix must be seen with your own eyes. by KaddarComps 11-12-03

Kaddar, you completely missed getting a chance to make a funny comic to bring us into the new year! Unfortunately! Yet it was I who realized that this world is a mere virtual construct to mask us from the real world! .... during the new years "In fact, here's how my new year's went!" Uploading data to you now.... Finished. Whoa. I know kung fu!... and I'm not asian... incredible! I am the Cartoonist of the panalatrix. I drew you in my likeness for reasons which you, a simple algorithmic intergral, cannot understand.. Nothing worse than a cartoonist who knows math..

Rear Window 2000 by kramer_vs_kramer 11-12-03

Gosh! That woman across the street is getting murdered! Ahem! Pop quiz, hotshot! There's a bomb on your wheelchair. If you go beneath 55 kilometres per hour, it'll go off! What do you do, hotshot? What do you do?

Jason vs Communism by kramer_vs_kramer 11-12-03

Jason, the president called. He wants to put you to work in Iraq, fighting off the communists for the good of the USA. We trust you'll put your murderizing skills to good use in order to protect democracy, freedom and the pursuit of the American dream. Yes. Just let me remove my mask and these disgusting rags.

Cast in order of appearance: Sean Connery, Tom Cruise, Christopher Lloyd, Keanu Reeves, Ted Williams, John Wayne.

CC 220: Stripcreator and the Holy Grail by kaufman 11-12-03

STOP! Whoever crosseth the bridge of death must answer me these questions three ere the other side he see. What is your name? I am Brad, King of Stripcreator. What is your quest? I seek the Holy Grail. What makes time die? Why, beer does.

CC 220: Stripcreator and the Holy Grail (2) by kaufman 11-12-03

What is your name? Dr. Pedantic. What is your quest? I seek the Holy Grail. What is the capital of Assyria? Given that they were an ancient agrarian society, it would be absurd to think their capital would consist of anything other than oats and AIIIIIIIEEE!

CC 220: Stripcreator and the Holy Grail (3) by kaufman 11-12-03

What is your name? I AM TOBOR, THE RED ROBOT! What is your quest? TOBOR SEEK CORNHOLEY GRAIL!!! What is the average buttcheek dilation of an unladen swallow? RAAAR!!!

CC 220: Stripcreator and the Holy Grail (4) by kaufman 11-12-03

What is your name? _______________ What is your quest? ____________ What is NOT another name for pocket billiards? wirthling _______________ I seek the Holy Grail. ______________ Pool. Whoooosh!!! Oh, you said "not". Bang!

CC 220: Stripcreator and the Holy Grail (5) by kaufman 11-12-03

What is your name? _______________ What is your quest? ____________ Why don't rotor turbines generate gravitons by themselves? Cowboy 2 _______________ I seek the Holy Grail. ______________ What the fuck are you talking about? Huh? Well, I don't know. AIIIIEEEEEE!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Unknown Eric: Adapting "classic literature" to the computer screen since 1975.

CC220: The Gospels (Abridged For Your Pleasure) by UnknownEric 11-12-03

You shall love your neighbor as yourself. Let anyone among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone. Shit.