Hoya hoya hoya, Constantino Goya! It's good to win. Oh... MAN is it good to win. Yeah. I'll be dancing out of my asshole soon, and that's ugly. Dern ugly. *cough*

Anyway, welcome to BTC 12. Last time I hosted one o' these things, I had pretty freeform rules. No more. This is going to be a more textbook BTC. Here's your template:

BTC 12 Template by possums 7-24-04

...and that is how America came to be.

Go nuts with this! I'm giving points for creativity and humor.

But most importantly...

HAVE A FUN!!!!

I'll judge sometime next Friday or Saturday... Sunday at the latest.

BTC 12: We'll Name Him After That Nice Mr. Vespucci by biped 7-24-04

Hi! I'm Europe! Hi! I'm the "New World"! Let's fuck! ...and that is how America came to be.

BTC 12: Reverse-O Comics by biped 7-24-04

Read it backwards! "Home tutoring", my Aunt Fanny. That's fascinating, Mr. Peevey...but was it necessary to demonstrate it by fucking me in the ass? ...and that is how America came to be.

---
Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

YO

Hypocricy? by yourdogsmom17 7-24-04

1781 Fuck you, England! Thank god France helped us win this war because YOU SUCK BALLS 200ish years later... Fuck you, France!!! Thank god England is backing us up in this war! That's right, France is EVIL! FREEDOM FRIES!!! ...and that is how America came to be.

-URDOGSMOM

BTC 12: Straight to the Point by Gabu 7-24-04

FUCK YOU ...and that is how America came to be.

---
Blue is the color of victory.

BTC 12: The Big Bang was even better by Zegota 7-25-04

Hey God, why the sad face? I got stomach cramps. Cramps? Yeah, you keep an eye on Adam and Eve for a sec? I gotta go lay a big one. ...and that is how America came to be.

---
And you know what Hell is, folks. It's Andy Gibb, singing 'Shadowdancing' for aeons and aeons...

BTC 12: Narrative Ninny by Gabu 7-25-04

Once upon a time, there was this guy and he was pretty cool but other people were like, "No, you suck" so they nailed him to a cross. fux0r Then there were some guys who were like, "Hey, that wasn't very nice" and then they did some stuff and some other stuff happened. But Jesus was gay. No he wasn't. ...and that is how America came to be.

---
Blue is the color of victory.

Im 100% American. I love America. I just don't like some of the things politicians have done in the name of America.

BTC 12 Template : How America Came To Be Pt.1 by Kr0n1c 7-25-04

America in the begining (pretend the little asian girl is a Native American chief) Hi Im new here. Can you welcome me to your land by giving me food in the winter so I don't die and teach me to live off the land? Later I'll repay you by killing off your people and breaking treaties. Sounds great! Don't forget forcing christianity on me and trying to tax my casinos! A little later. Is it cool if we kidnap you, take you over seas and force you to work till you die. In a couple hundred years will give you some rights except in the south. I thought you would never ask. I don't know when this happened but it did, except the 'open fist exploding heart' thing. Hey have I got a deal for you! How about working in inhumane conditions busting your ass on the railroads! Will even under pay you! The only thing is you can't ride the railroad back when your done. Can I use my 'open fist exploding heart ' technique?

BTC 12 Template : How America Came To Be Pt.2 by Kr0n1c 7-25-04

The 80s.. the 70s to I think... no wait just the 80s... aww fuckit. Hey Im gonna give you these weapons to fight the russians and Iran. Im not giving then to you because I care I just don't like the godless russians. Make sure you use them on your own people! Enjoy! Yes! Score! Thank you my western friend. Please come again. Now! Yippppie! I come again. Good news! Im gonna free your people by bombing the shit out of them! How about that? And it has nothing to do with oil! I swear! *sniff* America I love you *sniff* set me free! ...and that is how America came to be. Thats rad!

---
Get Your War On

Uh, normally I wouldn't let a two-part BTC entry fly, but yours was pretty good, so I'll let it pass. It would have passed with flying colors if the ninja used the "Five-Palm Exploding Heart" technique, ala Kill Bill.

BTC 12: The evolution of the American by fzh 7-25-04

First there were some cavemen, then soe Indians or something.... Ooo oo. ugh unga! Oh Vishnu! Then some vikings came, and then some Spanish guys... Bork Bork Bork! OLE! ...and that is how America came to be.

sorry about mispelling "some"

I <3 Kill Bill

---
possible savior probable SEX MACHINE

BTC 12: A bad pun by fzh 7-25-04

Once upon a time, in a kingdom far away, a princess was born.... What a beautiful baby I have created. I shall name her America! However, unbeknownst to the king, a great evil power was lurking in the shadows.... Lackey, in order to rule the country, I need to be married into the royal family! Bring me the Princess! ...and that is how America came to bee.

World V2 by EvilZak 7-25-04

"Once, there was an online role playing game." Trading three corn ear for buffalo bow. Buffalo bow isn't worth three corn ear you newbie! "Then hackers took over the server and ran a first person shooter on it." I'm going to get a fourth ship and call it "The PWN"! Oh my god! Squanto's using a wallhacker! Faggot! ...and that is how America came to be.

---
AFROMANS MOVE

BTC 12: Uncle Joe Isn't Fun Anymore by biped 7-25-04

I...I pooped in my pants this morning...I'm still wearing them...it, uh, feels sorta funny...but sorta good, too...especially when I sit down, or when I lift my knees up and down... Mommy... ...and now I'm urinating in my pants... the warmth feels comforting, and the urine is reactivating the smell of my poop, combining to create a new and richer aroma... which I really, really like... Mommy, I'm scared... ...and that is how America came to be.

BTC 12: How The Educational System Failed Joey by biped 7-25-04

...and that is how Antarctica came to be. Antarctica? What the fuck? You were supposed to teach me about America! America? Hmm...well, when you come right down to it...I guess they're not really all THAT different... ...and that is how America came to be.

---
Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

BTC 12: THIS COMIC SUCKS by Gabu 7-25-04

ENGLAND SUCKS INJUNS SUCK ...and that is how America came to be.

---
Blue is the color of victory.

'Cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain by qwertyuio 7-26-04

Hi I'm Dewey Bunnell. Pleased to meet you, I'm Dan Peek. Hey I'm Gerry Beckley. You guys wanna be in a folk-rock group with me? Sure we would. ...and that is how America came to be.

---
I think it's time I had a talk with my kids. I'll just tell 'em what my daddy told me: YOU AIN'T NEVER GONNA AMOUNT TO NOTHIN'

BTC 12: George Washington's Hangover Suprise by Rabid_Weasle 7-26-04

Oh man... I can't believe I drank the whole bottle... I can't even remember what I did last night... What the hell is this in my kitchen... ...and that is how America came to be.

---
Poop.

BTC 12 by areallystupidguy 7-29-04

dude, check out these weird little plants i found! what do you think they could be? who cares? i'm out of cigs, so lets smoke 'em! DUUUUUUUDE! DUUUUUUUDE! DUDE! ...and that is how America came to be.

---
It's grime time.

Here's another one. I went against the rules a teensy bit on it, but hopefully we can all ignore that.

BTC 12: The Birth Of A Twat by areallystupidguy 7-29-04

DUDE, I HAVE TO TAKE A HUGE FUCKING DUMP! uh, i think there's a bathroom right over there. *sounds of people screaming* SHIT, IT'S OCCUPIED! I guess i'll just have to do it RIGHT HERE ON THE SIDEWALK! HOOOWAAAARRRRG! DUDE! SICK! ...and that is how AmericaInAction came to be.

---
It's grime time.

I'm going to be out of town with limited to no internet access, so judging will likely be next Tuesday or Wednesday. Besides, I haven't seen a laugh-out-loud entry yet (though I have seen very solid entries from EvilZak, qwertyuio, and areallystupidguy), so keep em coming.

BTC 12: Hamlet, Interrupted by Gabu 7-31-04

Hamlet, Act III, Scene I.Enter HAMLET. To be, or- THIS PLAY FUCKING SUCKS ...and that is how America came to be.

---
Blue is the color of victory.

FTC40 + BTC12. Why not? by Injokester 8-02-04

MMMMMMMM AH! Oh my god, I can't believe you just took a crap in Satan's underwear drawer! Relax. Satan and I always play practical jokes on eachother. Besides, how could he possibly top this one? I don't know ... Satan's pretty crafty ... Some time after... ...and that is how America came to be.

Who says you can't kill two birds with one stone?

---
Dinosaurs had eggs bro, the chicken came way later.

Injokester, while the concept of combining FTC and BTC has been used before, I like how that turned out.

JUDGING TIME!!

As usual, I'm going to use totally random pictures as verification of totally random awards. Basically, if you got one, I enjoyed your comic one way or another.

DA TROOF!!! Award Goes to fzh for The Evolution of the Modern American. Because it's so true. He also gets points for a fantastic Swedish Chef reference. I love that fucking muppet.

The Best Ridiculing of a n00b Award Goes to areallystupidguy for The Birth of a Cunt. It's the best twist of the rules I've seen since that guy glorped the alien back in FTC 28. The guy who made that comic was a genius.

Most Creative Yet Required Absolutely No Work at All: Injokester for FTC 40 + BTC12: Why Not? Though the outcome was pretty funny, the effort was missing. Nice rack, though.

Believe it or not, this is not from Exploding Dog. I'm serious.

And lastly, the Grand Prize, host of the next BTC, and future owner of an unsigned picture of Bob Saget goes to...

EVIL ZAK! for World V2, which caught me totally off guard. I laughed until I cried.

I thought most of the entries were good, but these ones were the ones that I found to be the funniest.

Now, take it away, you monogamous invertibrate!

(btw, Zak, I'm sorry about the picture not being signed. I couldn't contact the stupid hack by email OR snail mail OR death threats, so you'll just have to do with the unsigned picture)

Rock on. I will take this award, and use it for the power of good and might. Yo.

---
It's grime time.