So, mmyers and I worked on this little project for a couple of months. Let us know what you think, me hearties.

The Adventures of Career Girl 1 by MikeyG 8-05-04

Shiriqua Jones was a mild-mannered but still oppressed young black woman in search of opportunity. It's tough being a mild-mannered but still oppressed young black woman. Until the day she was bitten by a radioactive Nerd! Oh no a radioactive nerd. I am biting you now! Their gravitonic turbinatrons fused and Shiriqua became... CAREER GIRL!!!

The Adventures of Career Girl (2) by mmyers 8-05-04

My heart is racing with power as radioactive nerdiness courses through my veins. What should I do with all of this new found power? I know! I'll start by helping the children, for they are our future, teach them well, let them lead the way. First stop, the local school system. Career Girl AWAY!! Principal Ivey, what's wrong? I though I heard you scream. I just had a terrible feeling, Mrs Tasselbrook, as if thousands of voices cried out and then were...no...wait...it was gas. Damn gas station fish tacos.

The Adventures of Career Girl (3) by MikeyG 8-06-04

Hello, citizen! I am here to apply for a teaching position, and show the children all the beauty they possess inside! And give them a sense of pride? Let me tell Mr. Ivey you're here. Mr. Ivey, there's a young black woman outside who appears to have been bitten by a radioactive nerd. I hope she doesn't want a job. I filled my Affirmative Action requirements last year when we hired that retarded Guatemalan janitor. Sir, we DO have a teacher's position we desperately need filled. Fine. Send her in, but put some paper towels down on the chair first. I don't want fried chicken grease all over the vinyl.

The Adventures of Career Girl (4) by mmyers 8-13-04

Citizen Principle Ivey, I want to teach at your school and expand children's minds. I want to build the future from the-- Woe, woe, woe, Beyonce' Nolan Ryan. We only have one job opening. Why do you think you're qualified? Answer now! I-- Too late! Let's try another. Your mother is falling off a cliff and a busload of orphans are about to drowned in a swimming pool. Who do you save? Well-- Too late! They're dead! You have problems dealing with high pressure situations! Also I get the impression that you hate orphans, and although I understand wanting to euthanize them, it ain't legal!

The Adventures of Career Girl (5) by MikeyG 8-13-04

Mr. Ivey, is there not an application for me to fill out, or must I hit you with my Cosmic Resum-ray? Listen here, Chaka Khan, I don't know how you "roll" in the "hood", but around here I'm the law. Just call it "Hangin' With Mr. Ivey". Sir, I respectfully request that you allow me to interview for this position. Well, as long as you don't get up on my desk and booty-dance in my face if you catch me drumming my fingers. Sir, please refrain from culturally stereotyping me lest I zap you. You got it, Missy Elliot. I just waxed the vinyl on the chair though, so you may want to take the 'fro pick out of your pocket when you sit down.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

The Adventures of Career Girl (6) by mmyers 8-16-04

Fine, have an application. Happy? You can fill it out in the courtyard. I have some parent-teacher research I need to do on milfhunter.com and I have to be alone. I think you'll be very pleased with my application when I'm through, Principle Ivey. I'll sit on this bench and complete my application in record time. Question 1... Help, help, somebody help! My sister and I being culturally stereotyped! Somebody help us!!! Oh no! What do I do? If I leave to help these poor girls, I risk not getting the job, yet I can't allow any racial stereotyping. Please, please, we'd love it long time if someone would help us!

The Adventures of Career Girl (7) by MikeyG 8-16-04

What seems to be the problem, young Asian girl? You just rook and risten. me so honee sucky sucky fie dorra What? Who's responsible for this? Arr of da membas of Stlipcleata dot com!

The Adventures of Career Girl (8) by mmyers 8-18-04

Excuse me, I just talked to two small asian girls and they blamed you for their exploitation and cartoon slavery. Is this true? Well, yeah, I guess. I give people the forum to say whatever they feel like saying. Unfortunately, often they feel like saying "suckie, suckie, five dollah." Well, 'Brad', then you must face the cold stare of a strong Woman of Color. *eye beams* You and your cronies will never exploit these girls again. T-t-this i-isn't c-cold. I'm fr-from C-C-Canada. I've taken care of it, little Asian-American girl. You shall never be exploited again. Harrerujah!

Adventures of Career Girl (9) by MikeyG 8-20-04

Hello, oh Secretary of Fate! I have returned to speak with Mr. Ivey. Mr. Ivey is pretty upset that you rushed out on your interview. Mayhap I can convince Mr. Ivey to give me a second chance. Well, maybe I'll send you in. He's been blasting Gospel music since you left in an effort to understand your people. Mr. Ivey, I would like to continue the application process if I may. Praise Jesus and Jehovah, you have RETURNED! Lordy LORDY, can ah get a witness?

The Adventures of Career Girl (10) by mmyers 8-23-04

Principle Ivey, I really feel like I deserve a second chance at this job. Amen and true indeed, sisterrrRRA! Can I get a wit-NESSSS?! Lordy lordy and mercy be-YA! You see, I had to help two small children and that's what this job is all about and why I'd be a perfect candidate for it. Just like Moses rowed the boat to shore-RA, just like David beat that Goliath-tha! Like Michael Landon-NA climbed that STAIRwayyyyyy to Heaven-NA! So to shall Bill Ivey-YA give you a second chance-AH! Wait...what? I'm gonna giveraaAAH you a second chance-AH! But you've got to do me a little favorraAHHH! Lord have mercy! *dance interlude* Good God!

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

Adventures of Career Girl (11) by MikeyG 8-24-04

So, in order for me to get another chance, I have to perform a task for you? Praise-AH the Lord-AH! Yes indeedy-AH! Can I get a Praise-ah Jesus-uh? Praise-ah Jesus-uh? The Lord Almighty has seen fit-ah to send-uh you on a quest-ah for his humble servant-AH, Mista Bill Ivey. Please retrieve-AH a cup of the Juice of the Lord hisself, Ethiopia Harrar Coffee-ah. I hope this is nto a wild goose chase, Principal Ivey. Lordy Lordy, PRAISE Jesus! Jehova hisself blesses you-ah! Oh, and make that light on the cream and heavy on the sugar, sugar.

The Adventures of Career Girl (12) by mmyers 8-27-04

I guess with a name like Air Ethiopia, I should have guessed it wasn't the nicest of airlines. Third world countries aren't known for their air travel. Guess I'll just try to find a place to sit until we get there. Excuse me, is anyone sitting here? Why no, my nubian princess. I'm just a strong black man doing the best he can in a world that doesn't seem to understand, sitting by myself and eating a bean pie. Please sit with me. As salamu oh my God this guy is hot.

The Adventures of Career Girl (13) by MikeyG 9-02-04

My lovely chocolate companion, are you feeling comfortable? You seem to be dumbstruck. I am very comfortable, my African King. Do you have any special powers? Yes, my Mocha goddess, I can spin my penis like a helicopter and fly, as well as lassoing a raging bull with it from 60 yards. My first love is fighting injustice in the workplace, but this man is tearing me away from it! You seem like you're torn over something. You've created an apartheid of my heart.

The Adventures of Career Girl (14) by mmyers 9-10-04

Finally, we made it. Now to find those beans for the cup of coffee and get back to the states and get that job. Yes, my strong nubian sister. Exploring the native regions of our homeland interests me as well. But something else interests me even more so. What's that? Exploring the native regions of your body, my chocolate fantasy. Oh, I don't know---hey, how did we get here? By spinning my penis in a clockwise motion, I create a portal to my Sanctuary of Love. Can I interest you in a cup of coffee, or would you like something STRONGER and BLACKER?

The Adventures of Career Girl (15) by MikeyG 9-14-04

Baby, I'm gonna turn off the lights and get ready. You hang tight, my luscious Devil's Food cupcake. Okay, my Congo prince. Hurry back! Later... Aaaaaaaaah. I'm going to turn on the lights. CLICK Ja, hullo mein Schvartze minxen! Oh my God, I just got totally Boer'd.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

The Adventures of Career Girl (16) by mmyers 9-21-04

Ima guggen to geet some BBQ tatur chips. Who could be responsible for this horrible, desperate act???? Why would anyone do this???? *Click* Who else could be responsible for this trap of tantalizing tickle-aucity, my little chocolate chipmunk? Who else but... The PIMPSTER! Holy civil right-cross! I've been blax-sploited!

Adventures of Career Girl (17) by MikeyG 9-29-04

Sweet thang, The Pimpsta done come to turn yo' proud black ass OUT! My only hope is to utilize the powers of feminism to create an impenetrable bubble of hostile lesbianism! ZAP! So, you luscious coffee concubine, are you ready to be a lady of my night? I will never succumb to your caucasoid-influenced patriarchal oppression! CRUMBLE'D!!!! Ah gots a bikini made out of diamonds, a yacht on loan from P. Diddy, and the world's biggest box o' chocolates that say diffr'nt, sugah. Pseudolesbian Aura Shield structural integrity compromised!

The Adventures of Career Girl (18) by mmyers 10-01-04

Yo ass is getting tricked out, bi-otchh! From the pernicious pimposity of the Pimpster! Succumb to my salacious succulence. I'm being blinded by his bling and distorted by his dissertation...and now I'm being allured by his alliteration. Must fight back. Give in, baby, to the power of the Pimpster. 'cause as soon as you capitulate, then we shall commiserate and the world will be on my dinner plate, and be no longer able to player hate. His pimp powers are going crazy. He's permiating the populace with his pimpaliciousness. I've got to do something. Meanwhile... Are you still expecting the coffee concoction to be conveyed? Because, if not, I can go to the store, to get some more, of the cool coffee beverage that you're craving for. Has the world gone crazy? Why is everybody talking like some dumb ass on Def Poetry Jam? Is Bill Ivey the only sane person left?

Adventures of Career Girl (19) by MikeyG 10-06-04

The conumdrum, captain, I confess, is that my conservative core is quite compressed. I'm hampered by my hankering for hookerish hactivities. I haven't seen anything this crazy since Don King spoke at my college pep rally. What the hell is going on? Meanwhile... His pimptastic powers are preposterously potent! Can't...even... think... properly... My midnight mama, your moxy is meritable, but in the end my mojo will make you mine. Let me just lasciviously line up my luscious lapel, here. RRRRRRRRRRIP! His powers come from his costume! If I can just rip them off....JESSE JACKSON???? Nooooo!

The Adventures of Career Girl (20) by mmyers 10-07-04

Jessie Jackson?! Why? Why would you do this? It seems that you have facilitated the falling of my facade, so I'll inform you with my formulation if you can fathom it. "In 1984, while addressing a school, telling them it's cool and to obey the golden rule, I had to give a blood transfusion to a young nerd boy." Can I call you my 'blood' now? No. Are you saying what I think you're saying? Of telling a lie, Jesssie Jackson wouldn't bother, even watching an episode of Welcome Back, Kotter, I have to admit, I am your father.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

The Adventures of Career Girl (21) by MikeyG 10-12-04

You're my dad, the Pimpster, AND Jesse Jackson? Make sure my meaning don't get blurred, I transfused blood into a nerd, the same nerd done bit you, I heard. So, then you created me! I'm responsible for you, my dear, It's 'cuz of me that you are here, I assure you there's nothing to fear, so long as you give up your fine, black rear! BOW-CHICKA-WOW-WOW That's disgusting! You're my father! Listen, girl, to my theme song, my blood's in you, don't get me wrong, this meeting's fated, and we ain't related, so move that ass, let's GET IT ON!

The adventures of Career Girl (22) by mmyers 10-20-04

I'm afraid you've forced me into a corner, Jessie Jackson, and that leaves me no choice but...to Read yo ass, ghetto-bitch style! Uh-oh... [head swivel] Let me telllll you somethin', ain't nooooo body gonna telllll me what to do. Muthafucka better get a muthafuckin' clue and not telllll me how to live. [/neck swivel] Brain...frying...the colors...the beautiful, beautiful colors... Sorry I had to do that...oop. I fried him. Guess I used too much attitude. *sniff* Smells like coffee. *sizzle* *hizzle* *fizzle*

The Adventures of Career Girl (23) by MikeyG 11-12-04

Later... Mr. Ivey, the young woman applying for the job has returned. I hope she's got that coffee. My colon's been reticent for a week and I feel as bloated as a rotting corpse in the desert. Coffee jogs your GI system? Not as much as a hefty helping of baked beans in buttercream, but maybe just enough to slap that pucker-sucker into obedience. Should I send her in? I was going to say "yes", but a twitching in my nether regions tells me its either finally time to dunk some fudge cookies in the clear milk or the Enzyte's working.

The Adventures of Career Girl (24) by mmyers 11-18-04

Principle Ivey? Ughnn...in here. I'm on the crapper. Don't...oh goodness...hnnn...don't mind me. Come on in. Did you bring the cup of coffee? Um, yes. Be a love, eh? Kneel down and pass it to me under the stall, would ya? Here you go... This should get the old creative juices flowing, if you know what I mean, and by 'creative juices' I mean the old crap factory.

The Adventures of Career Girl (25) by MikeyG 11-30-04

Am I really giving you a cup of coffee in the shitter? Yes, and it's right on time, too. Any more squeezing and I'd have a heart attack. A cup of coffee to help loosen your bowels? Coffee makes my fudge factory pump out brownies faster than Speedy Gonzales on Angel Dust. I travelled halfway 'round the world, nearly fell out of a plane, battled my archnemesis who pimped me out and turned out to be my dad, to bring you a fucking coffee laxative? You make it sound so trivial.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

The Adventures of Career Girl (26) by mmyers 11-30-04

Principle Ivey! Principle Ivey! Come quick! He's busy relieving himself and drinking coffee. Oh dear oh dear! What can we do? There's a race riot going on in the hallway and we have no way of stopping it!! This looks like a job for.... CAREEERRRRRRRR GGGGIIIIRRRRLLLL! What can you do to stop this horrible riot, Career Girl? The thing that always brings blacks and whites together. A dance competition!

The Adventures of Career Girl (28) by mmyers 11-30-04

Take this...and this...and this! Everyone stop fighting right now! Don't you see that nothing is solved when races fight one another? We're all the same. Let me show you. "Watch my machine, kids. If I take this African American boy and I mixed him with this Caucasian girl, they blend together; they work together and meld to make..." Boorite? I'm black.

The Adventures of Career Girl (30) by mmyers 12-01-04

I'm the Super Intendent, and young lady, the way you brought Boorite and...um...that other black kid together, it was inspiring. I want to offer you the job of principle. Allright! I...waitaminute. Are you only offering me this job because of my race or because of my qualifications? Ah I'm just kidding. Who cares how I got the job as long as I'm making a shitload of money! Yeah, yeah!* Right on!* That's my man!* Go Brown Hornet!*

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

The Adventures of Career Girl (31) by MikeyG 12-03-04

Would you like the job? But Mr. Superintendant, Mr. Ivey is the principal. He doesn't have to be. I will not take his job. AUUUGGGGHHH!!!! But I'll take yours, honkey!

The Adventures of Career Girl (32) by mmyers 12-07-04

Kneel before me, you crackety-ass-cracker-crickety-crickety-cracker-ass. Kneel before the awesome power of...Dark Career Phoenix! If you gave me a few minutes to stretch out, this would be a lot easier. Honestly, I'm very flexible. Meanwhile, in Career Girl's mind... Finally I have gained control! Now to ruin the school system for black people with culturally biased tests, one sided historical accounts of slavery, and--- having Martin Luther King as the only African-American person that we ever mention in history books. The school system will be ruined! Actually, we've already done that. I think you're going to have to work harder to screw up the system more.

The Adventures of Career Girl (33) by MikeyG 12-14-04

Do you concede the Superintendency to me? Fine, I need a vacation anyway. My first step as Superintendant Dark Career Phoenix is to fire Bill Ivey! That'll be kind of hard considering he's got tenure. Tenure? Mothafucka I bet you one to tenure dead! Auugggghh!!!!

The Adventures of Career Girl (34) by mmyers 12-28-04

Man, after that dump I feel about ten pounds lighter. I'm gonna check and see if there's anymore chocolate cake in the breakroom. I'll just wash my hands later. PRINCIPAL IVEY! You have been TERMINATED by the power and authority of...Super Intendent Dark Career Phoenix! You wanna do me, huh? Is that it? W-what? You're the superintendent now and to avoid a conflict of interest you're terming me so you can ride on Bill's Bologne Express guilt-free, right? Like the Beatles said, you want a ticket to ride. N-no! I despise you! I'll punish you! You will pay! Y-you...have the most incredible eyes.

The Adventures of Career Girl (35) by MikeyG 12-29-04

You like my eyes, huh? I bet your underfrillys are soaked with ladybrine and your slapcakes have perky little Hershey's kisses on the ends. M-M-Mr. Ivey... I'd bet your cooter fluff is curling and uncurling itself like follicular tentacles and your giggle spot is doing the Watusi. Since you like my eyes so much, here's my special one... mesmerized....can't think... My browneye! Your asshole has totally made me realize my evil ways.