Contest rules and regulations: Contestants must make a comic featuring characters on a serious drug binge. Hallucinogens, amphetamines, prescription painkillers, whatever humans could possibly inject, drink, smoke or insert rectally is permissible. Where you take it from there is up to you! Chronicle a crazy, hazy roadtrip; sermonize about the evils of illegal narcotics via a well-crafted morality play; make an autobiographical coming-of-age story- whatever, it's up to you (but I've mentioned that already). Contestants may enter more than once, series of reasonable length and photoshopping are allowed.

One (1) Grand Prize Winner will receive: Teh Win.
Two (2) First PLace Winners Will Receive: [b]My Enduring Love.
All (All) Last Place Winners Will Receive: [b] Spam From Classmates.com!

[br]Only one free sample of my poetry per household. You must have a computer to enter. Residents of Canada and Australia are encouraged to enter.

[u]Bonus Points will be awarded for use of any of the following:
Sci-fi references
Homages to Burroughs
Esoteria
Conversations between Boorite and Kajun[/u]

Judging will be on or around the 31st.

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Ham-fisted ham fisting.

False Advertising by choadwarrior 1-19-05

Can I get my money back on my meal? What did you order? The pot pie. What was wrong with it? Dude, I didn't get high at all.

Boorite and Kajun Take Extasy by possums 1-20-05

So then I says, "Hey man, pants are a total option where I come from!" God, what a bitch. Same with me and underpants. Hell, some people I know actually have problems with me goin' free-ballin' now and again! Really...? Has anyone ever told you how sexy you look when you grin like a fool? Some have, but none like you. Soon... UH.... UNH!!! SING!! SING FOR ME!! Uhhh... "aaaand Iiiiiii---eeee-IIiiii.... will always looove yooooouuu....."

CC 273: Weed Wacker by Rabid_Weasle 1-20-05

Son, have you seen my weed wacker? OMG! You said weed! LEWL! And so he beat the shit out of him!

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Poop.

CC 273: Kids Just Wanna Get Drunk by biped 1-20-05

You're NOT going out with Skutch tonight, young man! You're staying HOME and smoking DOPE and watching "2001" with your mother and me! NO! I wanna go out and get DRUNK with SKUTCH! FU'NG PARENTS!!! THEY SHUUD ALL BE FU'NG SLAUGHTERED LIKE PIGS, HNNNGH!!! SNORT!!! You SAID it, Skutch! Boy, you're the COOLEST! Ohhh, man...hey, where's what's-his-fuck? You know, the... fucking...uh, kid? I don't know, but I DO know that HAL ain't gonna open them fucking pod bay doors!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

CC 273: Running out of Time by BigFrank105 1-21-05

Uh, hello. I'm President George Bush. I'm talk to here with drugs you about.

CC 273: One Fine Day in Hell by kaufman 1-21-05

Lester, I want you to find out who Prozacked the brimstone supply. Right away, boss.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 273: The Trouble with Traffickers by kaufman 1-21-05

Yo, Mike! I think there's something wrong with this Star Trek tape. Listen to the Vulcan. CAAAAPTAAAIIN, THAAAT IIS MOOOOOST ILLLLOOOGICAAAAL. Oh, no, there isn't any problem. In order to comply with the Americans with Disabilities Act, they let a couple of wheelchair-bound Trekkies write this episode. As it turned out, those geeks got really stoned when they wrote it, and they thought it would be hilarious if Leonard Nimoy spoke in the deepest voice he could manage. Ah, so the sound that I'm hearing is only the sound of the low Spock of high wheeled boys?

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Mandatory drug-oriented cartoon involving random switches by Scyess 2-23-01

I'm depressed, Jim. Have a cookie, Jon. Feelin' okay, Jon? I feel fine, Jim. You don't look so good though, Jim. Did you have one? Are you kidding, Jon? I wouldn't touch that shit for a blowjob and a stack of pancakes.

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"Old" is the old new.

Awkward by JrnymnNate 1-21-05

I've never done any kind of drug. What about that time I put a roofie in your drink on our first date? You put a roofie in my drink on our first date?

yeah i know mine doesn't qualify

PS. wow Kaufman, that is esoteric. I thought it was a Traffic reference then I realized it was Burroughs

CC273: 50% of Asians lack this enzyme by quodlibet 1-21-05

*burp* Hey there big boy! Wanna.... ...Fuck? Eat poutine? Drink some more? Oh, lookithere. Poor girl passed out. I better take her home. And that's why I like Asian girls. As they lack aldehyde dehydrogenase to metabolize ethanol, they're cheap drunks. Whoa.

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If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.

These are exaggerations, of course. Unfortunately they're only very mild exaggerations.

Code Brown: 3am ER Consult to Medicine by quodlibet 1-21-05

A typical night on call in the Emergency Department. You are asked to assess an elderly lady in distress. What medications are you on for your Super Serious Condition? Well, dear, there's a red pill, a green pill, two little white pills, and a bunch of other pills. Know any names? Have a list of your twenty medications? No, of course not! You must know what they are. Sadly, having seen six other people like this since 5pm, you probably know what they are. Two laxatives, a water pill, a cholesterol pill, a blood pressure pill, two puffers, a blood thinner, and a sleeping pill. Why, yes!

Code Brown: 11pm ER Consult to Medicine by quodlibet 1-21-05

A typical night in the Emergency Department. An unconscious gentleman is wheeled in, breathing but otherwise unrousable. Hi there! We've been watching this guy for twelve hours and he still hasn't come out of it. It might be his meds. I just got to sleep. You couldn't have called me five hours ago? Oh no. But I'm going home now, and it would be irresponsible of me to not tell you about him. You don't have a medication list? Nah. I'm an ER doc. You're medicine -- that's your job. They're in that bulging garbage bag right over there.

Code Brown: 1am ER Consult to Medicine by quodlibet 1-21-05

I had about sixty anti-anxiety pills today. Why did you take so many? I don't know -- I was so worried about everything -- housework, schoolwork, work work, my family, my unborn baby -- Keep going.... And the first two didn't calm me down, so I kept taking them until I finished the bottle. Now I'm worried -- maybe I took too many.

Code Brown: The Aspirin Overdose by quodlibet 1-21-05

I'm afraid that I might have OD'd on aspirins, doc. Oh really? How much did you take? Well, doc, I had this MASSIVE headache -- it's just KILLING me -- No fucking way. So I took two aspirins. Am I gonna die? Did I take too much? No. You didn't take enough.

Code Brown: Pain Control Strategies by quodlibet 1-21-05

In order to obtain optimal pain control after the operation, we'll be inserting some suppositories. RRRRRAAAAARRRRR! Where? Rectally. RRRRRAAAAARRRRR! How many? More is better! Uh...just two. RRRRRAAAAARRRRR! More is better! Reduce pain from rectal trauma of pills! RRRAAAAARRRRR!

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If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.

CC 273: Repeat 62,000,000 times by habnem 1-22-05

2 November, 2004 Heh heh... It says "Bush." *CHECK!* Heh heh... It says "Bush." *CHECK!* Heh heh... It says "Bush." *CHECK!* Heh heh... It says "Bush." *CHECK!* Friends don't let friends vote stoned. Heh heh... It says "Bush." *CHECK!* Heh heh... It says "Bush." *CHECK!*

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- christ@myself.com - fuck a cat, kill yourself - my alter ego has five stars

Snap out while lit by RedfeatheR 1-22-05

That sounds tamer than I recall. I had the opposite problem- always yapping and trying to share even when it wasn't welcomed. I suppose that's what my problem was with Kelly: I always thought we needed to share everything, and she couldn't...or wouldn't Hey guys, he's having one of those "I'm in the Real World" trips again cuh.. hu.....kuh

Snap out while lit II by RedfeatheR 1-22-05

Geez it's friggin cold Merry Christmas! Nintendo! cuh.. hu.....kuh Dan? Hey Dan. wooooah Dan come in Danny boy.*snap**snap* Wakey wakey. HEY DANO! Damn that Mescaline!

Ed's Knife's Edge II by RedfeatheR 1-22-05

At least I have you my only friend

Serotonin, dopamine, and noradrenalin are each made from a single amino acid serotonin from tryptophan, and dopamine / noradrenalin from either phenylalanine or tyrosine. Hence they are called "monoamine" (MA) neurotransmitters. Since the 1950's various types of drugs have been used by doctors and psychiatrists to enhance brain monoamine neurotransmitter function. The first medical antidepressant (since retired due to toxic side effects) was iproniazid, a monoamine oxidase inhibitor (MAOI). MAO enzymes are present inside neurons, as well as other cells including the liver, where they serve to break down monoamine neurotransmitters.

Ed DIDN'T take his drugs... so...yeah, it counts

So I says, "Well, them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!"

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- christ@myself.com - fuck a cat, kill yourself - my alter ego has five stars

Cowboy Medicine by lukket 1-23-05

Another day at the ranch... So I says, "Serotonin, dopamine, and noradrenalin aren't each made from a single amino acid serotonin from tryptophan, and dopamine / noradrenalin from either phenylalanine or tyrosine by themselves." Ha, ha! What the fuck are you talking about?

Sorry to ReadfeatheR and habnem....

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troelsea at gmail dot com

drugs are not the best answer :D by godhatesme 8-07-04

steve smokes crack smack and rubbing alcohol boy sure was a lot of drugs that i have taken smokers delight now i am tripping and i think i am a clown steve pays a terrible price oh no did i overdose yes you did and now you are coming with me

BTC 20: Rudolph the Red-Skinned reindeer by seattlesque 11-09-04

You were doin' crack with Santa, and he lost it?!?! Oh, come on...like you couldn't handle him... I don't think you understand. The guy's an animal. He ripped off my antlers, kicked me in the nuts fifteen times, threw me in the ice fields and left me there to die. I could send that tub of lard to the I.C.U. in a heartbeat, and I can't even move. Is that so? Well, I'd like to see you try! I stand corrected. Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it.

The Controversial Drug Transaction part 2 by Poopachuse 1-21-01

Should I buy some? Yes you do, man! Here, you can have some for free. Alright, so what do I do with it? Put it under your tongue and let the saliva glands handle the rest, man. Woah, who needs three dimensions? ¥öü å|®îgHt måñ? å ñåî| î§ îñ ¥öü® HËåÐ.

Reno by Josh123 3-02-04

MUST HAVE CIG! Try and get me! MUST SMOKE! You're gonna smoke all right. HAHAHA! THE END! OWW! That's what you get for doing me, bitch!

Lefty and Stan - On the Job 2 by billifred 8-09-04

Wednesday 1:43pm I can't take this job, man. I'm gonna get my act together, get my GED, go to a community college, then go to a real college, and then become a doctor. ... Seriously... heh-heh... yeah... Wanna break out the bong? heh-heh... yeah...

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

when amanda smokes a cigarette... by ThisIsAmanda 1-05-03

amanda needs a cigarette hmm i really need a cigarette... here! take me! keith says no! heh...heh...hey keith im gonna go outside and have a cigarette... no! i will not stand for that! keith is mad i hope she gets cancer.

Oh the stupidity by VidGamrJ 5-26-01

Drugs Whaddup dawg? Yo, you uh, need any blow? Hey man! I was about to ask you the same thing... By the way, I know I've seen you before... The White House Well of course I do...I look like you dip shit. Well since you don't need any of my fine white shit, you wanna see something cool? Oh, ok, yeah I see... Uh huh. Sure, let me see what you got. And aliens eating you dick... What the fuck is this all about anyways? Whaaaaa! Whoooo! Boo! Grrr! I'll eat you! Come here you little tasty butt fucker! Grr! Ahhhh! Come here! Whoa! I'm trippin balls! Sweet! Hey man, what are you doing? Oh... Heh, need some blow eh? Me too heh heh. Hey don't bite! NOOO you bit it off! You bastard!!!

The Atkins by SnazzyChazzy24 3-08-04

The Masked Stranger and Cullen meet. What are you drinking, Cullen? Smernof. I'm going on the Atkins diet, and Smernof has zero carbs. Y'know what else has zero carbs? No, what? Heroin

Magic Words by SnazzyChazzy24 3-08-04

Chet's making a deal. Wow, you gave me so much pot! Aren't you forgeting somethin', Bitch? Uh... Thank you. That's right, always use your please and thank you's.

you support terrorists by marcin 4-12-03

Marijuana ruined my life. When I smoked marijuana I did nothing but dance, sleep, eat, watch cartoons and have unprotected pre-marital sex nightly. The green fairy is gone though, and look at me now.