Okay, you eager little beavers. This is the last match, last round, to determine the winner of the Comic Cup. This will be a three-way match between the surviving contenders, which are:

[list]
[*][b]graykane
[*]BigEvilDan
[*]kaufman[/b][/list]

[u]William Spankspeare Match[/u]
BigEvilDan vs graykane vs kaufman

[list][*]Three-way cup match, one winner.
[*]Your job is to create a series of comics, up to ten at the MOST, in a Shakespearian manner.
[*]Antiquated, Olde English-type language is preferred, but subject matter can be ANYTHING.
[*]Series MUST have a tragic (but funny) ending.
[*]EVERY comic must be funny. Please do not use the fact that you can make ten comics to make several comics that are set-ups for the punchline of another. Each comic must stand on its own as a funny comic.
[*]The catch is that EVERY character you use must be Spankling. The only deviation I'll allow is the use of something from the props character group, but Spankling must be in EVERY panel. He plays every role, male and/or female. Since he's been in every round so far I only see it fitting that he be the main character(s).
[*]I will allow photoshopped comics. It is not necessary, and if anyone has a problem hosting their comics I can have them hosted for you. It is not required or necessarily desirable to use altered comics, but given the fact that there's no Spankling character with a wig and make-up on (which really comes as a suprise to me) I'll allow photoshopping.
[*]People will vote on the best set of comics, and this will be the match that decides the best of the best.
[*]You guys have until Wednesday the 23rd of February to complete this task, but I can extend it if any of you are having issues..[/list]

This shit better be funny, poignant, and ugly or all three of you will go down as the worst strippers in the history of the Comic Cup....matches....that I've presided over.

GET TO IT!

---
The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

[b]William Spankspeare proudly presents:

The Four Gentlemen of Liverpool

Dramatis Personae:[/b]

[i]Pepper: A fan
Lucy: A fan
John: A visionary
Paul: An entertainer
Richard: A drummer
George: A mystic
Wilhelm: A Show Nazi
Julia: A young fan
Eleanor: A young fan
Mr. Kite: A concerned parent
Rocky: A young fan
Neilson: A tv watcher
Samantha: A witch
Sabrina: A witch
Yoko: A self-proclaimed artist
Mark: An assassin
Rosenkrantz: A television executive
Guildenstern: A television executive[/i]

Act I: Liverpool, 1958
Act II: Hamburg, 1961
Act I: New York, 1964
Act I: San Francisco, 1966
Act I: London, 1968
Act I: London, 1970
Act I: New York, 1980
Act I: London, 2001
Act I: Jacksonville, 2005
Act I: Inside a Yellow Submarine, 2010

Four Gentlemen of Liverpool: Act I: Coming Together by kaufman 2-17-05

Herein lies a tale of John and Paul, and George and Richard, they had it all. Top of the charts. top of the world, until their doom upon them hurled. We meet them now that fateful day, two young teens who want to play. Verily thou lookest loverly with thine top of mopness. Aye, and I can say the same about you. Perchance seekest thou a troubador of the sinistral orientation, who can reach the lowest of the low? With a smidgen of assistance from my friends get I low, alas, yon Stuart diveth for our deep notes. Prithee drivest Stuart off yon sutte cliff, for from here on out thou shalt let it be, all thine bass are belong to me.

Act II: Being for the Benefit of Musikheit by kaufman 2-18-05

The nights grow long, Temperatures do wane. We cross the Channel To hone our playin'. This club in Hamburg Shall thus effect... Now is the winter of our discotheque! So shake it up, urchin, Twist and shout, No one can silence us 'Til this long night is out. Art thou quite sure? I fear we may be infected by a Teutonic plague, a nasty rat bite may end our loud night. Fearest not, for if we play, God wins. Laws, even, are nary enow to bring our set to a ... * end show*

Act III: They Love Us, Aye, Aye, Aye by kaufman 2-19-05

An entrance ne'er more so grand o/` She was three less than a score, Must needs I speak no more, And her visage held incomparable delight. For aught might I wit' other maidens flit, For she'd come thither upright. Beatlemania sweeps the land To sleep with Paul, perchance so dreamy. Ay, his hair's to rub. Boy, you look like a naughty girl, you've let your hair grow down. Wot?

Act IV: Christ, You Know You Ain't Hefty by kaufman 2-18-05

Scandalous, scandalous, Lennon speaks out, "Bigger than Jesus, sans fragment of doubt!" Certes, we are, Jesus is just a scrawny threereasons character to a big cross nail'd. I'd show you, but our rules would be fail'd. Double, double, boil and bubble, Beatles fall into deep trouble. Blasphemy doth get them cursed. Aught can do to get reversed. The voice of John hath seal'd their fate, the end begins in sixty-eight ...

Act V: In My Wife by kaufman 2-18-05

Gather ye round, and meet my new wife. Remains she with me, the rest of my life. She is my woman, I am her man, I tell you in sooth, She's no flash in Japan. Hi boys, how art thou doing? My name is Yoko. Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Act VI: Goodbye, Goodbye! by kaufman 2-19-05

Save for the Cornhuskers, all things must pass. I shant stay here, I move my ass. (exit) Playing with you three don't come easy, If I were to stay, I would become queasy. (exit) Imagine all these people playing on their own, You might say I'm a quitter, but I'm not the only one. (exit) We're so sorry, Albert Hall, But those holes we made, we can't fix at all. (exit)

Act VII: Here Comes the Gun by kaufman 2-17-05

Prithee greetings, thou lookest like a friendly chap, man. Aye, appearances deceive, for thou art a marked chap, man? Dost thou aim lead at my frail entrails. Nay, shoot with legumes, not metal lance, all I am saying is give peas a chance. (dies) Consumed am I with demons, for what have I done? Slay the one I most admired, yet thus must I. Woe upon us, one and one and one make three, and all four together never more shall be. Yon assassin be fortunate to abide in this enlightened age of eighty-aught. Behold the fine home for the criminally insane, pity its next tenant cometh anon.

Act VIII: Getting Deader by kaufman 2-18-05

How now, cancer ravages my cells? Nirvana ahead of me now swells. Strong am I now, eschew medication, I'm fine with lysergic-strength meditation. Come to the inner light at last. Mortal coil slippeth fast. O' sweet Lord, 'Tis time to go. Here comes your son, For you to ... Moh.

ACT IX: The Well-Dressed Was Paul by kaufman 2-17-05

The Eagles and Patriots divide points fourteen, they've all left the field, now I make a scene... o/` Hark, O' Jude, Makest it not fell. Unhappy minstrel, Makest him well. Take memory of her entry in thine heart, Commence thine art Of making well. Hark, O' Jude, Fearest nary. Thou art createn To yon wench marry ... A tragic fate most undeserved. Mine eyes hath abomination observed. A wardrobe malfunction we can tolerate not. Pull the plug quickly, Paul's career goes ZOT!

Act X: Good Mourning by kaufman 2-19-05

Outlasted them all, but query what cost, All I've found now hath now been lost. From rolling over Beethoven to rolling over Bach, Now I roll over an octopus' garden, career in hock. ..................................................... (exit) Never more heard, Never more seen, Nothing but me and my submarine, pockets emptied, save for the holes, God bless our pitiful rubber souls.

---
ken.kaufman@gmail.com

That is a lot of Act 1s.

---
Batman created by Bob Kane

Stupid lazy sleepytime copy/paste.

Well, you can figure it out ... do the math!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

William Shakespeare proudly presents

PRINCE ALBERT VIII

Dramatis Personae

King George -- The King
Prince Albert VIII -- The King's brother
prop fight -- bucking hams
and frozen Brad as Himself

Prince Albert VIII, Act I, scene 1 by graykane 2-21-05

Hark. The crevasse moons me, tempts me with half his cheek, screams, "Prince Albert the Eighth, approach and claim thy throne!" Tis in my blood to reign as much tis in my brother's anus to rain blood. The fat around that anus hath taken its rightful seat upon this cushy kingdom but I shall take my rightful seat upon his seat and make my brother reach around should he want to grasp the King's staff. Yum.

Prince Albert VIII, I.2 by graykane 2-21-05

Brother Albert, rumor hath made it such, no longer know I where to place my butt. My lord, children learn these things in school. The name of the apparatus is "chair," or in my lord's case, due to the recent death of our father the King, the same letters may be pronounced "throne." In writing, thou would hath my throne declared merely a chair? My lord, my loyal heart will proclaim "throne" of whatever thou rubbest against thy bum. Ah, Brother Albert, against all rumors thy loyal tongue performs wonders. Yes, they do say that about my tongue, don't they.

Prince Albert VIII, I.3 by graykane 2-21-05

My lord, for thy coronation I hath composed a play. Brother Albert, thy play with words is well reknown. I would feel honored to see thy words congealed into action on the stage. Speaking of congealing, I hath to taketh a dump. Toot thy shoot for thyself today, my brother. Morrow eve the trumpets sound for me. Toot Toot ::thwerp::

Prince Albert VIII, II.1 by graykane 2-21-05

Ladies and Gentlemen, for my brother's coronation I hath composed a play entitled "Farenheit 911." Tis a doc-u-play about the relationship between our enemy & my brother, whom you wish to crown King. Throweth me in irons? I must be ahead of my time. Four hundred years from now, such a theatrical performance would surely changeth the royal subjects' minds before they crowneth an ignorant man King. Or maybe not.

Prince Albert VIII, II.2 by graykane 2-22-05

Hark. The moon remains not yet full, which is to say "unfull," which is to say "empty." An empty cavity reigns over this kingdom. I wish to climb inside the moon. Maybe I wish to climb inside a womb? To find the part of me that in blind touch I had left behind there but continue to unfeelingly see as I would experience a mirror? Nah. Maybe I just need to get laid.

[Click to view comic: 'Prince Albert VIII, II.3']
[Click to view comic: 'Prince Albert VIII, III.1']
[Click to view comic: 'Prince Albert VIII, III.2']
[Click to view comic: 'Prince Albert VIII, III.3']

[b]THE EXECUTION TAKES PLACE.
HOWEVER, KING GEORGE DISCOVERS THAT HE MUST MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO HIS SUBJECTS.[/b]
[Click to view comic: 'Prince Albert VIII, the denouement']

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i want to piss on you

Does anyone know why it did that? It did it in the preview too, but I figured the preview might not hold more than a certain size. I'll post the rest below.

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i want to piss on you

Prince Albert VIII, II.3 by graykane 2-22-05

Brother Albert, must I perpetually visit thee in irons? My entire life I hath seen thee in irons. I kind of like it. Albeit thou hath chosen merely inappropriate excuses to get the guards to manhandle thee, today thou hath chosen to ruin my coronation. First thou ruined my high school ballet, then my coronation! Art thou still mad about that? I want thy head! All thou had to do was ask. I do whip it out for everyone.

Prince Albert VIII, III.1 by graykane 2-22-05

By being born a few seconds earlier, my brother genetically inherits the throne, but genetically I hath the royal jewels. Perhaps I shouldn't hath suggested wearing my brother's crown as a cock ring. Still, I never thought I'd be tunneling for my life. Now I know how the gerbils feel. Keep digging, boys. Daddy needs motivation.

Prince Albert VIII, III.2 by graykane 2-22-05

Yum, Buckingham Forest. I like the name. And these must be a couple of hams bucking right now. I should taketh a job with National Geographic. They maketh the best porn.

Prince Albert VIII, III.3 by graykane 2-22-05

My lord and brother the King, what brings thee to Buckingham? I thought thou didn't liketh beastiality. The only beast I come for is thee, Prince Albert. I've never made thee cum. Ooooh, thou hath all these icy dildos extending from thine stiff body!

[b]THE EXECUTION TAKES PLACE.
HOWEVER, KING GEORGE DISCOVERS
THAT HE MUST MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT
TO HIS SUBJECTS.[/b]

Prince Albert VIII, the denouement by graykane 2-22-05

Because I know my brother's stamina, I hereby decree that no royal subject shall enter the cemetery under the penalty of rape by zombie. This cemetery is a field of dreams. If you jerk it, it will puss.

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i want to piss on you

Romeo and Julian

Dramatis Personae

A bunch of guys in leather.

Romeo and Julian - Act I by BigEvilDan 2-22-05

Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo? I'm down here, Julian! You know, that kind of talk is really killing the mood.

Romeo and Julian - Act II by BigEvilDan 2-22-05

Lord Montague, I have a request to make of you. Thou art a fine, upstanding young man and a dear friend of my son Romeo. You need do naught but ask. I wish to marry your son. I humbly beseech thee to go fucketh thyself. But Lord Montague-- I suggest you leave before I beseech mine foot up thy ass.

Romeo and Julian - Act III by BigEvilDan 2-22-05

Friar Laurence, I am troubled. Tell me, Julian. Is it your lover Romeo? His father refuseth to let us wed because we are both gentlemen. How terrible! I know a physician that may have a solution to your problem. If this is about the length of my member, I have already recieved thy electronic mailing.

Romeo and Julian - Act IV by BigEvilDan 2-22-05

My dear Romeo, I bring good tidings. I have met with a doctor who turned me into a woman. We can now be married! Alas! I too have sacrificed my manhood to Friar Laurence's unlicensed doctor. I fear we are both lesbians. Oh, had we only known this before we underwent this painful and dangerous procedure! I pray there was no infection of any-- **THUD**

Romeo and Julian - Act V by BigEvilDan 2-22-05

Alas poor Romeo and Julian. Their deaths could have been avoided had you only been willing to accept their gay marriage. What the fucketh art thou talking about? I could not allow them to wed for they were both my sons. Dost thou mean that you and the Lady Capulet...? Indeed. Look upon her. How could one resist such a beautiful specimen? Tee hee.

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

Bravo. You've all put in EXCELLENT entries. That was awesome. Give yourselves a pat on the back. Now, everyone must vote.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

TOOT TOOT! GRAYKANE

BigEvilDan had the lowest percentage of non-Spankling characters, with zero.

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AFROMANS MOVE

damn, I had forgotten this thing was running.

um....kaufman

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

All good, but I go Kaufman.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

kaufman

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

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Shame on Us for All We Have Done. May God Have Mercy on Our Dirty Little Hearts.

I'm voting in the final round, because I can.

BigEvilDan

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

dan

---
Batman created by Bob Kane

King Kaufman

---
Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

When I read the brief I was pissed off 'cos it's nearly midnight and 30 comics flavoured with Shake is not my cup of tea.
But what do you know, they were brilliant.
For consistancy, effort and genius I really should be voting for Kaufers, but Graykane made me laugh the most even though I didn't like all of them. As a standalone I liked BigEvilDan's act iv best.

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

kenny k

All right, for people who obviously have no idea what the Comic Cup is, unless you have been in this contest, you cannot vote in it.

That includes you, BigFrank. No voting. It also fucks me up when I go to do the tally and I have to consciously stop myself from counting your vote. Now, I need the rest of the people who were in this competition to vote.

Several of these people are not really on the site anymore, but I am going to list all those who have not voted. If you want this contest to have a winner, people, I suggest you get on these layabouts and prod them to put their votes in as well.

[list][b]
[*]attitudechicka
[*]graykane
[*]shark_energy
[*]boinky33
[*]BigEvilDan
[*]niteowl
[*]habnem
[*]not_Scyess
[*]Rabid_Weasle
[*]kaufman
[*]Ewwwww
[*]kramer_vs_kramer
[*]UnknownEric
[*]xxausrottenxx
[*]flickguy
[*]cowtipper
[*]kevin_keegans_perm
[*]umfumdisi
[*]areallystupidguy
[*]andydougan
[*]laughinginyourface[/b][/list]

shark_energy, laughinginyourface, and kevin_keegans_perm are never on. andydougan, kramer_vs_kramer, and cowtipper don't seem to be around that often either. The rest are around, so help me kick these fuckers into gear.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

kaufman

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

DanEvilBig

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Poop.

So... kane, kauffy, and danny can vote for themselves? That's cool.