Halloween is coming up. The US elections are coming up. That can only mean one thing:

The theme of this contest is bachelor parties. Specifically, bachelor party concepts that do not involve strippers, since my lame-ass friend who is having one this weekend refuses to have one. So now you can't use or even refer to strippers in your bachelor party comics.

Bachelorette parties are also acceptable.

For bonus points:
Every dialog or narration box must contain at least one word with more than three syllables.

Caveats:
Old comics are fine, but don't flood the contest.
Photoshopped entries are encouraged but won't win.
Stripcreator in-jokes are not encouraged; they also won't win.
Comics involving poor spelling and grammar or internet abbreviations won't win.

Judging sometime before I die.

GO!

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"Old" is the old new.

Shroomy Bachelor Party by mattaotamato 10-17-06

Shrooms are also known as the drug psilocybin. The effects of psilocybin are usually felt shortly after ingesting the drug. Dude, I shouldn't have smoked those shrooms at my Grandma's house for my bachelor party. I am starting to see a church and a priest! William!? Shrooms! God damn you! Perceptual distortions are the usual symptoms. It was just a bachelor party. Whoa. You just like dissed God in his house. You smoked shrooms in my house! Then quickly coming back to reality. Whoa. Grandmother. What are you doing here? You son of a bitch.

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"Common sense is not so common." Voltaire

cake humour by dcomposed 10-18-06

Yo dude wait 'til you see what's in the cake. minutes later Awesome dude I love chocolate.

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Batman created by Bob Kane

Little-too-Literal Red by RedfeatheR 10-18-06

No, FUCK THAT!!! I heard you say specifically... "I want STRIPPERS, Red"

Trouble a booin' in the boo-ivy household by RedfeatheR 10-18-06

Are you excited about tomorrow boorite? Hells jeh!! BACHELOR PARTY!!! I'm inviting Reeeed and mandingoooo and choadyyyy and ima see if niteowl can coooome an--... Bachelor Party? Don't worry crabby's not invited BACHELOR PARTY?!!?!? C..R..A..B..B..Y IS...NOT......IN..VIT...ED!!

A couple goes to friend's bachelor/bachelorette parties by crabby 10-18-06

I'm really not looking forward to Ted's bahelor party tonight. Due to his strict muslim upbringing he has forbid any alcohol or strippers from being consumed. Yeah, I don't know what Lilly has planned. She isn't an uptight miserable muslim fuck like that fiance of hers. I think she's gonna have a stripper. We watched old home videos he had of him and Lilly. They acted out scenes from the Matrix together. How was the bachelorette party? I sucked two different cocks.

New comic 2: The comeback by Humpenstein 10-18-06

One day at the bar... So I says, "Well them high-class strippers ain't gonna penetrate themselves." Ha, ha. What the fuck are you talking about?

RCL no. 1322 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 10-18-06

Did you find anything? This bachelor party is degenerating as we speak! All I see are listings for "stripers"... MOTHERFUCKER! No, wait! This maybe something... Please, elaborate, Butch... Umm... Is the word for those type of women were not allowed to mention in this comic contest spelled with TWO p's?

I was going to put words in the empty narration box, but doing so would ruin the impact of the punchline. Someone suggested I just put "buttsex" in there to get bonus points, but I refuse to stoop to that level of humor.

CC 335: We run with the cool people by v 10-18-06

I heard Andrew's bachelor party was the hottest thing in town. What'dja get? Hookers, paintball, war games? Studio Ghibli marathon. Dude, that's really gay. Hey, it's not like we watched all of Pom Poko. Trust me, that's funny.

I lied.

CC 335: My goodness... by v 10-18-06

My dearest Roger. At thou headed towards yon bachelor party? Indeed I am, good neighbor Jon. Prithee tell, what of yonder activities? Oh my, there be muchly in the way of food, entertainment, and clean, Godly fun. Alas, I was hoping for ye olde knitting circle, but it seems that be too raunchy for the likes of Brother Jacob. There also be buttsex. Hurrah!

Syllables by up4abeer 10-19-06

Is there anything particular you want to do for your bachelor party? I am really unparticular. Unparticular? I don't think that's a word. I think some unmeticulous planning is in order. Stop doing that or I swear I’ll bring a transvestite prostitute to your bachelor party. When did you first realize you were Unheterosexual?

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Shovel Ready

CC 335. B'nai-chelor Party 1 by Xuanwu 10-19-06

WHOO! I am ready to part-ay! Where the Bachelor's party be at? Um, excuse me, what are doing here? This is a Bar Mitzvah party. Are there any s-? You'd best not finish that question. I have my brit milah tools close at hand.

CC 335. B'nai-chelor Party 2 by Xuanwu 10-19-06

What about X-rated movies? Got any of those? We managed to secure a rare director's cut of... "Funny Girl." "Funny Girl?" Yes. Okay, I'm in.

Yes, I'm aware of the irony of using the priest character as a stand-in Rabbi.

cc:335 Happy birthday by Redeye 10-19-06

Yeah some one called for a stripper. Wait a second ... DAD!!!! SHIT. I wanted a scooter for my birthday.

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I'm back bitches

CC 335: Relax by biped 10-20-06

WOWEE! My very first gay bachelor party! HEY! Let's all LICK THE GROOM'S BALLS! SNURF!!! SNORF!!! BLUB!!! GLUB!!! GOSH! I feel like a milkshake machine! (BURRRRP!) Oh man, I'm still tastin' it!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

every saturday night we get anywhere from 12 to 25 bachelor parties at the club where i work. they all think they're special as if they're the only bachelor party in northern ohio. they suck. they don't tip, and they're generally a bunch of fucking miserable shitheads.
the only bright spot to them is that the floor hosts and managers pick which idiot is going to get thrown out first and place bets. it passes the time.

bachelor parties suck by AngryAmerican 10-20-06

How do I go about obtaining a VIP champagne room for my buddy. Its his bachelor party and I'm his best man. I can help you with that, sir. What exactly did you have in mind? Well I was thinkin of me and him and maybe 3 or 4 str......HEY! Why'd you hit me?!? You were about to use the "S" word. We don't have those here, we have 'adult entertainers'. Well you didn't have to....OW! WHY THE FUCK DID YOU HIT ME AGAIN? Because I don't like you and my floor host sense tells me you're not going to tip me.

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Kill Whitey.

If Charlie Brown Were Gay by boloboffin 10-20-06

Charlie decides to catch up on CC 335 and reads biped's entry. GOSH! I feel like a milkshake machine! Must be nice...

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You can take the heart out of the hooker but you can't take the hooker out of the heart. -- Frankenhooker

And The World's Greatest Comic Strip Set (TM) continues.

CC335: At Mr. Furshlugginer's Bachelor Party by fpd 10-20-06

This is your last night of freedom, Greed! When my sister Sue becomes Mrs. Furshlugginer, you're gonna be in for it! Indubitably! I will be in for a marvelously fantastic time! My consummation with the Outta-Sight Chick will be superlative. Woah! Woah! Keep it on a need to know basis, Big Words! The idea of banging my sister is sickeningly nauseating! So what divertissements do you have planned for tonight, Johnny? Well, the Thingamabob and I were thinking that we could engage in a fantastic foursome with this cute superhero groupie we met. Sigh! Don't tell me. Another teenybopper thinks my ability to stretch my dingalingaling is an aphrodisiac, and she'll do the two of you if she can get with me.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

CC 335: Why you should always hire strippers by lukket 10-21-06

Hey! What are you doing here. I thought you were at Mikes bachelor party? I was, but it went all wrong. He wasn't allowed to have a stripper, so we booked a motel room and made them call for a prostitute. And Suzie discovered it, I bet? Well... he always thought she played bingo on all those Friday nights. So they were both very surprised when she entered the door in very skimpy clothes.

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troelsea at gmail dot com

RCL no. 1325 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 10-21-06

Another boring weekend up here in heaven... Wee. And, to think if I hadn't accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I'd be in hell right now... FUCKING!

I guess this breaks the rules;

cc335: Scraping the barrel by TheGovernor 10-21-06

No problem Mr Smith, we can confirm tomorrow night. We have some of the best strippers in town, they leave nothing to the imagination Great, just turn up around eightish, and it will truly be a bachelors party to remember! At the party So dude, when do the Strippers get here? All in good time my friend , this party's only just starting! later... We've finished stripping the downstairs walllpaper Mr Smith, would you like me to start upstairs?

strippers not stripers! by bassfreak 10-21-06

Things for party: four kegs... check, lots of drugs... check check and check oh shit a striper? what the hell is that?!?!?! oh well, does he really need a striper? on that horrific afternoon so when are the ladies commin? ladies? what ladies? YOU DIDN'T GET ANY you know... "ladies?" Well I got a few hookers, but I don't know what you mean...

strippers not stripers!2 by bassfreak 10-21-06

ARE YOU RETARDED? What?! You didn't book the girls like I asked in the letter? Oh mean the stripers? I don't know what the hell that is? stripers?... STRIPERS?!?!?!?!? WHAT THE HELL IS A STRIPERS AND WHY DO YOU THINK I WOULD SAY THAT?!? That's what wanna know

strippers not stripers!3 by bassfreak 10-21-06

I should kill you where you stand yeah but then you'd miss the great striper I got for you I should kill you where you stand I love you too. I should kill you where you stand

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Don't take life to sieriously, you won't get apple pie.

oops, didn't want that last to be three panels, oh well fuck it.

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Don't take life to sieriously, you won't get apple pie.

Groovy! - You know you're at a shitty bachelor party when... by edoggydog 10-23-06

How did THAT asshole get in? I thought I told you to nail the door shut, STICKBOY! I DID!! What the FUCK?? Groovy!

CC 335: Location, Location, Location by ivytheplant 10-23-06

Max is offering to throw you a bachelor party with the full entertainment. I'd just rather have sex with you all night instead. We should go find a kinky place to do it that will annoy people. But who would possibly be annoyed by that? Think you can break into Scyess's car? Boorite gets teh scr0e!

CC by HCRoyall 10-25-06

I'd feel a lot better i you didn't have any "special entertainment" your bachelor party. Okay. Why did you want to do this at Chuck E. Cheese's? Because Kara would rather I get drunk and possibly feel up a giant rat than another woman.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

CC335: Lothario by KajunFirefly 10-26-06

The boys want to take me out to a few pubs, then a nightclub before crashing out in a diabolical drunken mess. Uh, honey, I don't want you injuring yourself before the big day. Well, instead we could all go to the football, get a bunch of class A narcotics and go on a drug-fueled rampage. That's sounds more dangerous than the first idea! We could both stay in and I'll give you another patented "Kajun orgasm"! Uh, forget I said anything! On you go.

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Dad was flammable

Okay, it's over. Thanks to all you whiny bitches for not being whiny bitches about my untimely judging of this contest.

And the results:

A special shout-out to Ivy for acknowledging that no body fluids are allowed to be exchanged in my car. Even now that she's married.

I really liked the following two comics a lot. A bronze medal tie to

A couple goes to friend's bachelor/bachelorette parties by crabby 10-18-06

I'm really not looking forward to Ted's bahelor party tonight. Due to his strict muslim upbringing he has forbid any alcohol or strippers from being consumed. Yeah, I don't know what Lilly has planned. She isn't an uptight miserable muslim fuck like that fiance of hers. I think she's gonna have a stripper. We watched old home videos he had of him and Lilly. They acted out scenes from the Matrix together. How was the bachelorette party? I sucked two different cocks.

CC 335: Relax by biped 10-20-06

WOWEE! My very first gay bachelor party! HEY! Let's all LICK THE GROOM'S BALLS! SNURF!!! SNORF!!! BLUB!!! GLUB!!! GOSH! I feel like a milkshake machine! (BURRRRP!) Oh man, I'm still tastin' it!