Wow.  I haven't done a real CC in a long time.  I'm making these rules up as I type, so if they don't make sense, I guess you're just screwed, aren't you?

Okay, because I won the last contest with this comic, the #1 rule in this contest is:

Your comic must feature someone talking to the TV.  The TV can be the TV prop or implied.  Or a character can talk about someone talking to a TV.  But some sort of TV talking must happen or have happened or be planned in the future.

In addition, your comic must conform to one or more of the following rules:

• A character must feel extreme happiness
• A character must feel extreme unhappiness
• A character must defend his sexual preference
• A character must eat obscene amounts of food
• A character must be correcting someone's grammar
• A character must not know where he is
• A character must have a heart attack

Okay, that's all I can think of.  If you make a comic that follows all those rules... well, you'll probably lose because that's way too much info to be funny.  But feel free to make it anyway.

Old comics are fine.  Series are fine, but comics will be judged individually.  Maximum 1000 entries per stripper.  No chewing gum during class.

Judging will be completely partial and unfair.  And probably around April 7 or so.

[edited by Scyess on 03-26-08 at 3:03:25pm]

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"Old" is the old new.

Maybe mom was right about the schizophrenia.

Yay! Star Wars is on! Shit, it's Episode 2. That's gay. I'm not. Why must Yoda invert all his sentences like that? Where am I? Why am I light-headed? Dude, you don't even have a TV.

by habnem, 3-26-08

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- christ@myself.com - fuck a cat, kill yourself - my alter ego has five stars

Somebody else post one already. I'm getting paranoid. (see what I did there?)

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- christ@myself.com - fuck a cat, kill yourself - my alter ego has five stars

RCL no. 1826 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 3-26-08

I can't believe what's on the TV again tonight... This is the third time this week! Hey, mom! I don't think the plasma can handle the weight of you two fucking. Besides, dad looks like he's about to have a heart attack!

CC 385: Don't Leave Your Videos Lying Around by 100Faces 3-27-08

Yeah baby! Don't stop, yes! Aaah! Mummy, Mummy! Daddy's on TV. Yeah! That's wonderful! Oh, oh, yes! And Auntie Helen, too! A little later ... Helloooo! Anybody home? Where the fuck is the TV? Hello?

Target Greeter Girl #20 : This... is American Idolotry! by themushroom 3-20-08

TGG had what she considered a deep dark secret, though it was a rather common one: she was hooked on American Idolotry. She'd record it at home but sneak peeks at work. pitchy, dawg. I dunno, maaan... She wasn't particularly into the music and was not attracted by the cults of personality of the judges. Beyond the fun of the tryouts, there was only one reason she watched the program. dreadful. that's about as exciting as wallpaper. Like many viewers, she watched the show just to drool at the contestants. I could seriously drag Brooke to the Dark Side. *slurp* Carly & Amanda are roomies?! *pant* Hot Ramiele- on-Jason action...

(never mind that she very seldom speaks in her comics, she's responding to the television with what she would say)

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Say something cryptic then leave snickering.

cc385: Or would you rather be a Dan? by mandingo 3-27-08

good evening, i'm Dan Rather. IMPOSTER! no, Dan. just tape delayed. now hurry into the kitchen and get one of those hot sugar cookies i baked up for us mmm, cookies CBS News, three hours earlier... who's he talking to, Stump? i asked him that once... back when people still called me by my christian name

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what if nigger meant kite

CC 385: John Robinson, TV Mechanic by AnIntellectualMind 3-28-08

John Robinson had the unusual gift of being able to communicate with TV sets. Repair me, repair me! He soon became the country's best mechanic ever. Miss Holmes was extremely happy to have her set ... Replace my picture tube! ... fixed that fast. Needless to say John always did what the television told him to do. Fuck her, fuck her!

An accidental observation.. by twreks1989 3-28-08

Now to get the jewlery ...what the the? Ohh yeah, oh yesssssssssssss, oh my, yeahhhhhhh. ... More of Guys gone Wild after this commercial break. who the hell are you? That was ......... that was on when i got here....I didn't look....not once....Oh f**k you you and those judgemental eyes!!

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if i was six years old i would hate girls..... in a completely hetero way of course.

Sally's New Insight by biped 3-28-08

"Clap your hands, kids...clap and SING! 'I can do...(CLAP!) I can do ANYTHING!'" I can do...(CLAP!) I can do ANYTHING! I can do...(CLAP!) I can do ANYTHING! Oh, shut the fuck up, you little whore. "We're so happy, we're so gay...we can SING our cares away!" Pffft. You are so full of shit, you stupid clown.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Evil 'n' Fred: Defending a fetish by danyi 3-29-08

Mean While And that is why I have come on this show... Hey Fred's on TV Hang on, why is he on Jerry Springer... There is absolutely wrong with liking feet in *that* way Good lord he's on the foot rant

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This is not war This is pest control!

RCL no. 1828 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 3-31-08

...and as you can see in this part of the video, kids just love it when clowns juggle balls and walk around in big, floppy shoes. Any questions, Lizzy? Yeah. When can I eat the children? You're supposed to entertain the children. Not EAT them... Well, I read the book "It", and, according to Stephen King, clowns eat children! Well, officially you're not supposed to, but....

RCL no. 1831 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 4-01-08

Oooo, here's the best part! Wait for it... Wait for it... And.......BINGO! Out he comes! I tell ya... The janitor had a helluva time cleaning up all that bloody crap! Now... Let me show you the video of my second child's birth....

CC 385: Earthworms and Spacemen by 100Faces 4-01-08

Wow! Daddy, Daddy! Quick! In our backyard there's ... Not now, I'm watching TV. They say aliens have landed. Go and play with those earthworms you've found. Gee whiz, they look awful! Hmm. People say if you cut them in halves, both ends live on, but in fact it's just the front part that survives.

Movies that don't work before Ritalin by Shaneo39 4-03-08

Uhhhh, my head, whuu, what? Where am I? Hello!?! *click* Good evening Marcus. Lets play a game. One i call the rubix cube room game. The room you currently are in is slowly decreasing in size. You have roughly 48 hours before it is no bigger then a common rubix cube. The following color order is vital to your escape, listen carefully. Blue, green, re..... *click* ..ason Kidd had 13 assists to go along with 12 points in a losing effort. Now on to hockey where today in New York the Islan . . .

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The Greatest Strip Ever Made

here it is:

CC 385: Big Mac Heart Attack by hardcore1rocker 4-04-08

After coming back from McDonald's... Man, this triple Big Mac rocks! Let's see what the food channel has on right now. Now for this urgent news. Aww...crap. There has been a major beef recall for Big Macs. If you eat at least three of these, you will have a deadly heart attack. I will NEVER take advice from Fat Al EVER AGAIN! YOU SHOULD'VE BEEN EATING VEGETABLES, B*TCH!

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Cheese waffles are a man's best friend.

CC 385 or 384: Democratic Conventions by TheGovernor 4-05-08

Since neither candidate for the Democratic nomination has gained enough delegate votes in the Primaries, we have decided to instigate the parties' Plan B Alright, this is what Ive been waiting for. Im taking you down Hilary! Bring it on Barack, I haven't had a good workout sice Lewinsky Plan B consists of both candidates fighting to the death Star Trek style in the Ring of Pain until one nominee remains. Live coverage will begin shortly. I approve this message!

Floyd Reynolds in TV Land 1 by biped 4-07-08

Fuckin' shit TV! PLAY SOME BETTER FUCKIN' SHOWS, GAH-DAMMIT!!! FUCK YOU!!! This shit's all your sorry fuckin' DRUNK ASS deserves, FUCKHEAD!!! Now where was I, oh yeah..."It was at that crucial turning point that Lance decided his sexual identity was more important than being 'in sync' with his"-- THAT DOES IT!!! WHERE'S MY FUCKIN' SHOTGUN, VERNA JEAN!!! Oh, no--you ain't shootin' MY fuckin' TV, ASSWIPE!!! I got "The View" and "Oprah" comin' up, and then my "Judge" shows-- Well SHIT, I guess this is why God made fuckin' CRACKWHORES!!! See yer FUCKIN' ASS "whenever", BITCH!!!

Floyd Reynolds in TV Land 2 by biped 4-07-08

HEY!!! GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM THAT TV!!! MOMMA'S MISSIN' BARACK OBAMA AND WHOOPI GOLDBERG!!! WAAAAA-HAAAAA!!! I NEVER GIT TA WATCH SESAME STREET LIKE ALL THA OTHER KIDS!!! WAAAAA!!! SNIFF!!! We missed you yesterday, Verna Jean! Me and Joy gave George Clooney foot jobs under the table and he shot TWO big-ass loads! Sorry, girls! My shithead old man snuck up on me yesterday and it took me TWO HOURS to get his fuckin' DICK outta my ass!!! Meanwhile... DAMN, you got a nice TV, Nutragena! Is that a motherfuckin' 19-inch? It sho am! An' you kin watch de Nascars on it if you buys me sum crack!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

  And... CUT!

  First, a dishonorable mention to those whose comics were great, but did not actually feature people talking to the TV, merely people watching TV:

100Faces, RandomComicLayoutGuy, and... oh, look who still didn't read the rules, 100Faces

And now the count down!  3rd place and sympathy goes to

cc385: Or would you rather be a Dan? by mandingo 3-27-08

good evening, i'm Dan Rather. IMPOSTER! no, Dan. just tape delayed. now hurry into the kitchen and get one of those hot sugar cookies i baked up for us mmm, cookies CBS News, three hours earlier... who's he talking to, Stump? i asked him that once... back when people still called me by my christian name

And a tie for 2nd place and half the box of AIDS infected ferrets goes to

Sally's New Insight by biped 3-28-08

"Clap your hands, kids...clap and SING! 'I can do...(CLAP!) I can do ANYTHING!'" I can do...(CLAP!) I can do ANYTHING! I can do...(CLAP!) I can do ANYTHING! Oh, shut the fuck up, you little whore. "We're so happy, we're so gay...we can SING our cares away!" Pffft. You are so full of shit, you stupid clown.

CC 385 or 384: Democratic Conventions by TheGovernor 4-05-08

Since neither candidate for the Democratic nomination has gained enough delegate votes in the Primaries, we have decided to instigate the parties' Plan B Alright, this is what Ive been waiting for. Im taking you down Hilary! Bring it on Barack, I haven't had a good workout sice Lewinsky Plan B consists of both candidates fighting to the death Star Trek style in the Ring of Pain until one nominee remains. Live coverage will begin shortly. I approve this message!

And finally... in first place, and the Harley-Davidson vibrator, plus the dubious honor of running the next contest... goes to my favorite of the lot:  Shaneo39.

Movies that don't work before Ritalin by Shaneo39 4-03-08

Uhhhh, my head, whuu, what? Where am I? Hello!?! *click* Good evening Marcus. Lets play a game. One i call the rubix cube room game. The room you currently are in is slowly decreasing in size. You have roughly 48 hours before it is no bigger then a common rubix cube. The following color order is vital to your escape, listen carefully. Blue, green, re..... *click* ..ason Kidd had 13 assists to go along with 12 points in a losing effort. Now on to hockey where today in New York the Islan . . .

Go for it, Shaneo

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"Old" is the old new.

Oh yes.

And of course.

Special mention to habnem for actually making a comic that followed ALL the optional rules and still making it funny.  I am proven wrong.

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"Old" is the old new.

well shit, and right when im plum out of ideas.

 386 coming up after i take a nice huge dump and give myself some time to think.

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The Greatest Strip Ever Made

Oops, I thought rule number 13 was not to stick to any or that no one really cared. Anyway, congratulations to the deserving winner!