From farting contests, naturaly we now go to great literature.

The strip should revolve around books...real or made-up.
Be they in bookstores (my favorite), libraries, bathrooms, classrooms, under the sheets, anywhere as long as a title and author is used.
So not only will the judging be based on the strip itself, but also on the creative use of the title and/or author  (again...it can be a real book OR a funny pun...ie: "A Fart in Church" by P.U. Whipe).

Winning entry not only gets the next contest, but I'll sell the book in "Your a Book Store, Aintcha" along with a guest appearance  on Oprah. You'll make MILLIONS!
Good luck.

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Insert Theme to Mannix here

RCL no. 1905 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 10-03-08

Dude... Say some-thing funny. We're entering a new comic contest. Another one? [ *SIGH* ] Why do we even bother? We're not going to win anyway... Gee whiz! Why don't you try being POSITIVE for a change? Okay. I'm POSITIVE we're not going to win! Goddamn, dude! You should go read book on positive thinking... And, you should go read a book on SHUT THE FUCK UP!!

Thumbs up for war amps by Cre8tive13 10-03-08

Are you that writer 'Andy Capp', who wrote that book making fun of disabilities? I'm laughing with you people...not at you. I'm an amputee and don't find your humor acceptable! You don't get my humor? Sorry to hear that. ....Soo, thumbs up for war amps, then!!! Your...uh... thumbs aren't even up!? Hahah...That's the joke!! Get it? Mwahahaha!

RCL no. 1906 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 10-04-08

Hmmm... ...and that's when I knew the bitch was cheating on me with the newspaper boy! It seems one of the EMTs forgot his stethoscope here on the side of the road... But, after reading Dr. Laura's book, "The Care and Feeding of Whores"... Maybe, I can use this to hear what the inside of my balls sound like when I whack off... ...I realized all women are fucking idiots. And whores.

CC #402 : If the title doesn't tell you something, RTFM.

I have known several women who have read He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys by G.Behrendt & L.Tuccilo. All of them, one month later, have reacted as such: I still don't get it. What do I have to do to get him to fall in love with me?

by themushroom, 10-04-08

Based on several true stories.  Aggrivates me to no end. 

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Say something cryptic then leave snickering.

Sally in "Book Shnook" by biped 10-05-08

Guess what, Mommy? I'm reading "All Da Bitchez I Can Dik" by MC Jizz! Aww, that's wonderfuuuuUUU UUUAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAHHHH!!! How DARE you allow my INNOCENT LITTLE SALLY to check out a horrible piece of FILTH like THAT! Hey, it's YOUR responsibility as a parent to keep SHIT LIKE THAT away from your kid! YOU FUCKED UP!!! Well, I read the book--jacked off--and then beat the shit out of that little punk down at the library. YES! The convent said they could just squeeze Sally in. She should graduate just in time to get married.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

CC #402 : Hot sweet robot lovin', by the book by themushroom 10-05-08

Tobor need your assistance. Tobor not making anyone happy with his sex. Have you read Anal Sex For Robots by Philip A. Rektum? Is that book about raping humans or about backdoor with other robots? Uh... that first thing. If you were wanting to try that second thing for a change, check out Anal Sex With Robots by Joel N. DeBawtz. Tobor, did you find a solution to your sex problem? Depends, Clango. Do you have an exhaust portal on your posterior side that is this big?

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Say something cryptic then leave snickering.

cc402: Larry Luke, King of the literary agents by mandingo 10-06-08

so i'm thinking i'll call it "Atlas Pirouettes, Triple Lindings, Jazz Hands" Ayn, baby, let's just go with "Atlas Shrugged." and what say we nixay the old Comic Sans font, eh? i don't know, Larry. i think i'm quite set on "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Mummified Funsack" trust me, J.K., "Sorcerer's Stone" will draw in the readership. it's street slang for 2 in the pink, 1 in the stink, last 2 plugging the meter "How to Get a Porn Star's Physique on 6500 calories a Day" by Ron Jeremy perfect title, Ronny boy, but how bout we kill the pictorial angle? in fact, just to be safe, how bout you write it under a pseudonym and we delete all adjectives

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what if nigger meant kite

The Return of Alan Splet by biped 10-05-08

Excuse me, do you have "On The Road" by Jack Kerouac, "A Catcher in the Rye" by J.D. Salinger, or "Naked Lunch" by William S. Burroughs? No. Why don't you just find some brain-dead old hipster fuckhead and borrow them from him? Thanks, Dad. Don't dog-ear 'em, boy.

The Naked Abe by biped 10-06-08

Welcome back to "Book Chat", where Abe Vigoda is telling us all about his new autobiography entitled "Make a Wish." The cover photo is me, stark naked in bed with my legs spread wide apart. That's where the title comes from--how to make your wishes come true. I assembled the Abe Vigoda cutout display, but I had a dickens of a time activating the little motor that makes his balls dance around. COME ON, FATHER O'MALLARD--MAKE A WISH! LICK MY BALLS! Well, this is now officially the worst "Sign-off Sermonette" ever.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

biped

I'm going to try and work, "Don't dog ear 'em, boy" into a conversation tomorrow...

CC #402 : What I learned from Lit Classes over five years by themushroom 10-07-08

In the seventh grade, I had to read Stephen Crane's The Red Badge of Courage. Getting shot while wandering around in clouds of blue and grey smoke is very noble! Dude? You were high. I'd rather be shot than have to read this shit. In the tenth grade, I had to read William Golding's Lord of the Flies. Why do the other kids keep saying "sucks to your asmar, bollocks to your rules"? We need to work together to get off this island! You remind me of Jeff Probst. Except that he always lives to the rescue. In college, I wrote term papers for other students, always for classes I didn't take on subjects I knew nothing about. They received high marks. High school proved teachers don't read term papers. I got a 100% on my social work thesis for Mr. Nygaard! Thanks Mushy! I got a 95% on the comparison paper between Egypt and Mesopotamia. I owe you, Mushy!

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Say something cryptic then leave snickering.

Author Unknown by Hatrix 10-07-08

Sure I can help find this book for you. It may take me a while. We don't have a computerized system. Oh that's fine, take your time. I'm just going to browse. So which title did you task that unsuspecting part time clerk with? "Ethel the Aardvark Goes Quantity Surveying" Heh heh. What is it with you? People who don't read should not work in book stores. Now c'mon, let's go move religion books to the fiction section while he's gone.

First attempt.

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“Life is intrinsically... boring and dangerous at the same time. At any given moment the floor may open up. Of course it almost never does; that's what makes it so boring.”--Ogdred Weary

CC 402: Sequels by fpd 10-08-08

So you're purchasing Machiavelli's Guide to Making it with the Honeys. Yeah, that Machiavelli is great. I read the Prince and just loved it. And you're getting Lolita 2: Return to Nymphette Land. Yeah, in that one Lolita is all grown up, and Humbert Humbert meets her daughter Jane. Sir, are you a pervert? No way! I'm totally straight!

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

Wow...not a bad turn out for this contest ......unlike More Comic Competitions » BTC 78 Boobage.

Tell you what- for everyone who enters a comic in the "Boobage" contest AND this contest, they get an automatic vote of good from me on both/all entries. (sure...some people call that bribery...but in retail, its called "incentive!")

Let's see....I'll announce the winners for both contests this Monday night...that gives me a long weekend to rearrange my bookshelves

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Insert Theme to Mannix here

CC402: That's just what he calls it by evil_d 10-08-08

Excuse me; do you have Paris Hilton's Herpes yet? Uh, no, sorry. I didn't even know she was writing another book. Book?

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

80 Toasts around the world: A Tribute To Jules Verne (1) by Beeko180 10-10-08

New Mexico. A fare-a well to-a Mario-a! Mexico- During The OCOC Welcome to Mexico! America- Who did that? It wasn't me.

80 Toasts around the world: A Tribute to Jules Verne (2) by Beeko180 10-10-08

Australia- Northern Territory I'm going to use this bin as a bath! All hail lord dingus! Africa- Amazon River. Grrrr......... Look! There's a dead fish! Antarctica- Snowy Desert I hate it when you get everything wrong!

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You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll

CC: 402- Making a sign for Arts and Crafts. by Beeko180 10-10-08

And then he was all like, I clean your house with my sweat, I clean your toilet with my pee and I wash your car with homemade soap and a dishrag......................... You said it was to be for Jules Verne not me! Where's the god damn Author's name! Blue doesn't like reading. It's either this, or you have to read a book called "How To Shut Up" By Eima Blabbermouth Ok.

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You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll

HOW TO PICK UP WOMEN by tomko 10-11-08

hello hey babey do you want to have sex in my car no and i am appaled uh hold on what book is that how i pick up women by george clooney

CC 402: Reading in a bookstore by Beeko180 10-11-08

Cowardly warmonger and the skinny chicken legs and arms that are his own By J.K.S Plowing Jr. Wow that's a long title for a story. Blood Wars Episode V: The Empire Stabs Jack By Iva Greedyplughorn. Hey Dad. When are we gonna get out of this godforsaken geek festival of a book store? Uncommited Relationships for Dummies By JD Dumdum. Cuz I'm- OH MY HOLY ICE CREAM!!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU READING?!!!!!

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You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll

cc402 by mandingo 10-12-08

do you have A Good Fist in by Juan Piem? usually depends on traffic around the docks

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what if nigger meant kite

In the beginning, there was the word, and it was copyrighted by mandingo 10-12-08

hi, sorry to bother you, but i've looked all the way through these card catalogues and can't seem to find The Earth is Not Flat by Jesus Christ. publication date: 29 A.D. sorry sir, but i don't think there's any such book how about The Undiscovered Continents. same author and date sorry again, sir fuck it. just give me the Bible pay particular attention to Revelation!

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what if nigger meant kite

Some clever titles...I am afraid a couple of them may actually be in the system soon. My favorites included Cre8tiv13's "Andy Capp (who wrote that book making fun of disabilities)" , mushroom's "Anal Sex For Robots by Philip A. Rektum" and kudos to Hatrix for the Monty Python reference"Ethel the Aardvark Goes Quantity Surveying" (Funny..there seems to be a lot of books here).

However the two it came down to were mandingo's

 

cc402 by mandingo 10-12-08

do you have A Good Fist in by Juan Piem? usually depends on traffic around the docks

and evil_d's

CC402: That's just what he calls it by evil_d 10-08-08

Excuse me; do you have Paris Hilton's Herpes yet? Uh, no, sorry. I didn't even know she was writing another book. Book?

Too bad there isn't an evil(man)_D(ingo). So between fisting and herpes...I choose HERPES..The win goes to evil_d! (Get help)

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Insert Theme to Mannix here

You're a Book Store, Aintcha (evil_d style) by christopher7murphy 10-13-08

Did you ever get Paris Hilton's "Herpes" yet? No...but I did get Pamela Anderson's "Clap." No, thank you. Are you sure? It's signed by Tommy Lee.

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Insert Theme to Mannix here

Excellent.  Thanks, christopher7murphy!  Great theme, by the way.

I'm composing the post for CC403 in a separate tab, so look for it to go up right... about... now.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

christopher7murphythat bun's in the oven

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what if nigger meant kite