All comics by AngryAmerican

Profile

 

by AngryAmerican
2-18-06
Shit! I thought for sure we'd clear that reef. ...........um........who are you?
I'm Donal's parrot. This program doesn't have a parrot icon, so from now on my part will be played by a succession of interesting characters.
Oh. I see. Well it appears we're sinking again, so unfortunately i don't think you'll get to be too many...
That's OK. I have opiates. Nothing really matters.
I wish i knew what i was doing.....
Cool! I can change into things that won't drown!

 

by AngryAmerican
2-18-06
Later, on a nearby desert island....
I love to swim. I sank the ship on purpose.
My morphogenic field seems to sometimes put me in forms appropriate to my surroundings. I have to be the coolest pirate's parrot in the history of piracy.
Now i break open one of those orangutan eggs for the nourishing yolk. Behold my versility.
ah...
DIE EMBRIONIC PRIMATE SCUM!!!
I seem to know many receipes for the tender flesh of unborn orangutans. Strange.

 

by AngryAmerican
2-18-06
Meanwhile, elsewhere on the now mysteriously undesertlike island
Well Captain William, first the Rubber Ducky sank, and now we're lost on this oddly lush and thriving desert island. What're we gonna do?
Don't ask me. Next to Capt. Wolf, i'm the worst pirate ever. At least he's scary lookin.
Well, you're the Captain, its your call.
A Captain outranks a Chaplain?
Yes.
uh oh

 

by AngryAmerican
2-18-06
Sir, do you know why i pulled you over?
No sir i don't believe i do. Can you clue me in?
Not because you're legally well over the limit. That's so obvious i woulda just let you wreck. No, i pulled you over because i'm going to beat you shitless.
ummm...*hic*... that a fact?
Yes. Its our way of saying welcome to Toledo.
But this is Baltimore.........oh.

 

by AngryAmerican
2-18-06
Bless me Father for i have sin...oh sorry, you kinda look like Father Mcpervy in the candlelight.
Its OK. I still have my penis.
Well last night one of my tricks asked my to suck marmalade outta his man twat while he inserted live trout into my beautiful little vagina.
Dont lie, you've got a cock too. Its pretty obvious with the thong you're wearing. So what sin do you wish to confess?
Oh nothing. that's just what Father Mcpervy likes me to say before i toss his salad with holy water.
Yeah. I remember those days. Every now and then i still cough up one of his ass-pubes.....

 

by AngryAmerican
2-19-06
....so I took it out of her little brother's butt and stuck it right in her mouth and said "There, there honey, everything's gonna be okay..."
excusesss me, can you direct me to the nursssery?
I knew she was gonna drop dead any day, but.....**sigh** ............it's right behind you sir.........................but i couldn't help to giggle a little......
thankssss sssso much. may your death lasssst an eternity.
*SIGH* You're welcome. Hmpf, some people.....
"OH DEAR GOD!!! WHAT IS IT!?.............'ITS EATING THE BABIES!!! ITS EATING THE BABIES!!!!!!.......GET IT OFF ME!!!!!!EEEWWWWWW, ITS GOT TENTACLES!!!

 

by AngryAmerican
2-22-06
Spare some change?
Um.....no.
Cmon, help a guy out.
Panhandling is a self perpetuating cycle of despair and dependency which will only lead you farther away from an acceptable social position and standing.
Eat your pussy for a dollar?
Kneel and start lapping you homeless piece of shit.

 

by AngryAmerican
2-28-06
An advanced discussion in Eugenics...
Why do fat, ugly people breed?
Because they let us.
Are they so selfish they don't realize the hell their ugly, fat offspring are gonna have to go through?
The world would be a pretty boring place if everyone was beautiful and had a great bod. ..........................Damn, even i can't buy into that...
I mean Christ, if the two of you look like 300 Lbs of silly putty slapped with faces that scare animals, is it any wonder your progeny will end up looking like obese neanderthals?
Eh. Fuck 'em.

 

by AngryAmerican
3-01-06
OK so here's the plan: we set fire to that farmstead, then rape the first thing that runs out. sound good?
What happens if the first thing that runs out is a terrified farmer wielding a shit encrusted pitchfork?
Hmmm. That is a bit of a mood killer...All right, new plan: We storm the house, break down the door and rape the first thing we can tackle. Ready?
But that doesn't preclude the fact that it may STILL be a terrifed farmer wielding a shit encrusted pitchfork that we have to tackle before we can rape it, now does it?
Ah. You're right. Well. What if he's ruggedly handsome?
Oh well if he's ruggedly handsome....

 

by AngryAmerican
3-01-06
Didja hear Bjarn came across a troll up in the mountains last week?
What did the troll do?
It got angrier than Odin with the Nidhogg nibbling at His nutsack.
Very poetic. Are your forefathers Icelandic? So what happened then?
Oh, the troll made Bjarn wipe it up and promise to stop masturbating on the Hidden Folk.
That Bjarn....sometimes i think he's a closet Finn.

 

by AngryAmerican
3-01-06
Lovely little village, don't you think?
Eh. Its lacking a base authentic feel, you know? They're just trying too hard for "quaint", like they built it last year or something.
I don't know about that. My Father and Grandfather both raided this town, sometimes twice in one season.
Well i stand corrected. But the charm still comes off as forced to me.
Still, be a shame when we burn it to the ground and butcher its inhabitants.
I guess.

 

by AngryAmerican
3-02-06
...so this accountant from King Harald Fair Hair shows up out of the blue yesterday and says to me i owe back tribute for the last three raiding seasons.
Damn. What did you say?
I told him to tell King Harald he can kiss my ass. If he wants that tribute he can damn well unleash his fleet up my fjord and see what happens.
Wow. That sounded really gay.
That's exactly what i thought too, so i crushed his fucking skull with my ax.
Duh.

 

by AngryAmerican
3-02-06
Hey, remember that time we raped those hot Irish blondes right before putting their village to the torch? Damn, that was one Hel of a bachelor's party...
Olaf, we don't say "rape" anymore, its "ravish". Its called Pagan Correctness or PC for short. It means to make something more attractive by changing its name.
Oh, i get it. It makes people less fearful of something, and therefore less vigilant, right? So we have an easier time during the pillaging season.
You got it. Nothing will spoil a beautiful moonlit night like well organized resistance.
I like it! I can't wait til spring! Looting, Burning and Rape for all! HAIL ODIN!!!
You mean Profit Sharing, Downsizing, and Ravishment for all. Hail Odin indeed.

 

by AngryAmerican
3-03-06
Welcome Burger Jarl. May i take your order please?
Yeah...let's see. Gimme one Valhalla burger, extra raven sauce, hold the rotten shark liver. One order of Frey fries and a large mead.
Would you like to Thor-size it for an extra silver?
Fuck yeah.
You get a free thrall with every Thor-sized purchase. We currently only have dark haired Irish thralls in stock.
Eh, don't worry about it. I have a homestead full of dark haired Irish thralls already.

 

by AngryAmerican
3-03-06
WOW! We really outdid ourselves this time! I went berserk like four times! I 'm completely in-tune with my inner frost giant today...
I've been tweaked on meth since dawn. I've killed so many people i wore my ax down to a nub.
I almost wish my father could see me now...
Well, mine would be saying something like: "You call THIS razing a town? Back in my day when we Razed a town there was nothing but a Stain left behind..." Blah Blah Blah
Yeah! And how they had to "sail uphill BOTH ways, with nothing but pinecones to eat, fighting their way through sea monsters and Danes every mile." Yada. Yada. Yada.
Eh....ancestors. What do they know?

 

by AngryAmerican
3-03-06
What the fuck happened to your face?
I passd out into a bowl of raspberry mead...
......Bullshit.
uhhh.......if you were truly my friend you would kill me now
You have absolutely no idea what happened to you last night, do you?
vodka happened. fucking Magyars...

 

by AngryAmerican
3-04-06
And now with todays weather Ragnar Thorfinnsson.
Thanks Ana. Well, start sealing those hulls everyone, looks like we're in for an early start to the viking season!
Here is a live shot from one of our bear-cams and as you can see the snow is no more than waist high and receding fast. Ravens have been spotted returning to the Sacred Oak. Good omens abound!
Time to get those axes sharp! Back to you Ana.
Thanks Ragnar. In other news, King Harald Fair Hair has declared all Swedes to be christian-loving pussies. More at eleven.

 

by AngryAmerican
3-04-06
So...you're a what from where?
I am a Ninja. From the Rand of the Rising Sun, Nippon!
Hmm. Kinda small, aren't ya?
In my rand, we are not huge, crumsy rummoxes rike you Norsemen! Speed is arr that determines a warrior's skirr, and i am faster than a viking running from heavy carvary!
That fast huh?
I'm rirry fast...

 

by AngryAmerican
3-04-06
So, think your wee bitty sword can get through my chail mail?
My to will srash through the rinks rike butter.
It was forged deep beneath a mountain by short, furry men, you know. From metal extracted from a great stone hurled to Midguard by the mighty Thor Himself!
Oh don't EVEN try to go arr mysticar on me! My peepah were mystic before yours even had a word to express the idea. We invented mysticism.
OK, my wife made it for me over the winter.
She wirr have the comfort of not knowing how absorutry useress it was to you.

 

by AngryAmerican
3-16-06
Do you know what a berserker is? Its a warrior who can receive several lethal wounds yet keep fighting until his enemies are dead or he is reduced to tiny bits.
In my rand we are taught that we are aready dead. therefore there is no need for defense. Each movement is designed to kirr your opponent and to fair is to die.
Wow. That's an interesting concept. So you folks are not much on shields i guess.
We arways thought you carried them to make it easier for your brothers-in-arms to haur your corpse away.
They keep the rain off your head. You can use them for a plate at all you can eat smorgasbourds. They make great pillows. There's no end to their usefulness...
Secretry, since i am going to kirr you anyway, i always thought they rook rearry bad ass. Rirry good for the warrior -credibirity thing

 

by AngryAmerican
3-19-06
Somewhere in the Great White North...
Isn't that Chad from nickelback?
I'm Chad. There are lotsa things that rhyme with Chad.... Bad. Glad. Mad. Sad. I should write a song about the sound "ad". As in Chad. Like from Nickelback.
If I were to tear his throat out the world would hail me as a hero. They would all say "Good Doggie! Who's a good doggie? Is him a good doggie? Yes him is!!!"
If the rest of the band were to die, it would just be CHAD. Like a Canadian Bono, except the rest of my bandmates would be dead. The world needs CHAD. CHAD is good.
OK, time to put on the game face. "I am a savage carnivore. I was the reason early man feared the dark. I devour ALL of my prey and shit out the indigestible matter. My jaws can crush bone..."
Awwww, a little doggie onna ball! Hey there little fella! Are you bawancing on a bwah? That's right, come closer so i can pet you...what a good doggie!

 

by AngryAmerican
3-21-06
OK, so tell me again who the hell are you? And what the fuck is goin on?
I'm a Spirit Horse. I am here to guide you since you are 1/32 part Souix Indian. You are still in your apartment in Cleveland, but hallucinating badly.
So that peyote my buddy hooked me up with really works huh?
Actually he found out 3 months ago that you fucked his girlfriend. Soooo...
Soooo. That wasn't peyote?
Nope. PCP. But I've never seen anyobody else overdose by so much and still be alive if that makes you feel any better.

 

by AngryAmerican
3-21-06
Holy Shit! PCP! What the fuck! I've never done PCP before!
Just relax. You're probably gonna die anyone so enjoy the ride.
Wha.....What the hell kind of spirit guide are you? Shouldn't you be helping me?
Huh. Pretty sure I just did that.....
BY TELLING ME I'M GOING TO DIE?
I'm sorry, should i have put a bit more spin to it? I'm kinda outta practice on the whole "spokespirit" thing. But if its a spirit sycophant you want, i got you covered.

 

by AngryAmerican
3-21-06
And in a moment the the thread is lost. the inspiration is gone and a lame ending is inevitable.
Soooooo weeeeeakkk.......
Umm, can you bring the Horse back?
I'm tired and hungry. And there are wolves after me. Simpsons on soon...
FOOL! The Horse is poorly drawn and WEAK! Most people dying of an overdose would LOVE to have me as a hallucination. I have tentacles!
I don't know. Maybe its just the excruciating death cramps wracking my intestinal tract, but i prefer the Horse.

 

by AngryAmerican
3-29-06
Odin! Its cold in here! Throw another Saxon on the fire, will ya?
Sure thing. We're runnin low on Saxons though, gonna hafta burn them miserable Englishmen soon, and you know what they smell like...
Pudding and eels! har har har!
Ahhahhhahhhaahhh!
Seriously though. We're out of Irish too?
There's less Irish here than at a Jewish wedding.

 

by AngryAmerican
3-30-06
Your Majesty, a Viking fleet has been spotted skirting the coast off of York and bearing south!
Oh my. Yes I see. York, eh? Isn't that where those delightful little peppermint patties come from?
Er, yes my Lord. And quite tasty they are. However, I need your permission to raise the knights and thanes in your service to repel this Norsemen threat.
Norsemen you say! What kind of patties did you suppose they eat, these Norsemen you speak of?
Well. I can't really say my Lord. But i have heard that they bury a shark's liver in the sand til its good and rotten then dig it back up and eat it. Now, about our army-
Smashing! Now be a good lad and nip on down to meet them and make sure they've brought enough for everyone. There's a good chap.

 

by AngryAmerican
3-31-06
I'm sorry Mandy, but its just not working out for me. I don't think we should see each other any more.
This is because of my colostomy bag isn't it?
No no no no! I love when we get freaky with your groove-tube and then you give me some side door action. Its definitely NOT that.
Is it because of my jagged trailer park teeth? Cuz if so I'll let you knock them out...
No. Its because your vulva reminds me of a week old steak-um sandwich left on a stretch marked plate.
You said you liked having so many folds to chew!

 

by AngryAmerican
3-31-06
Seriously, it looks like your pussy tried to devour one of those albino bats, but couldn't swallow the wings. What the hell's goin on down there?
I've always had huge inner labia. Its how i learned how to swim.
Its like a giant clam. You know how they extrude that pseudopod and pull themselves along with it? It looks like you should be able to drag yourself along the ground with your snatch.
When I was a stripper, that's how i used to hang on to the pole.
Its like someone surrounded a big mouth bass with mounds of unruly ham. Or a failed Arby's sub.
You didn't complain when i gently tugged your balls with them while we fucked.

 

by AngryAmerican
4-02-06
BACKGROUNG MUSIC: super gay, whiny Emo crap
Why can't we have 15 people on our guest list? We're the headliners..
Two reasons fuckbag. One: You've only put 3 paid admissions through the door. Two: I hate you and everything you stand for. Clear things up any?
some tiny, muppet-haired guy screaming about how his dad didn't love him or something...
Why you gotta be such a hard ass man? "Look at me, I'm a bouncer on my little power trip. I have no life so I have to make everyone else around me as miserable as possible. I'm so tough."
Very accurate. Are you trying to get yourself thrown down 2 flights of stairs, or is this how you make friends?
(treat everyone who comes through the door with the utmost respect, that's my motto!)
Whatever dude, you're a fuckin bitch.
Have a great night! Can't wait to hear you play!

 

by AngryAmerican
4-12-06
My Lord, our scouts have spotted a raiding party of wild Scots heading this way. We think they mean to sack London!
We'll flee to London where we'll be safe.
But my Lord, that's where they're heading. And London is an indefensible city, they'll burn it down around us.
Dear God, man! You've got armor. Fire can't get through that, its too soft.
What?

 

by AngryAmerican
4-12-06
I am the Quantity Over Quality Fairy here with advice to people trying to make funny comics.
And I am the Angry, Sarcastic Ghost of Wasted Time here to insult and belittle you.
No matter what, keep making comics. Hundreds per day if you have the time. You must be as persistant as a crackwhore, and as tenacious as an enraged wombat.
Yes. Please. Crank them out like bibles. It is reasonable to assume that if your first 30 suck ass, then then the reader will gladly slog through 30 more in search of a gem.
And remember, just because 99% of people who read them don't find them funny, if you've made one person laugh, even out of millions of people, you've done your job.
The first step towards being funny for most of you is to get rid of your computer and never speak to anyone again. Go die in solitude somewhere and leave the world alone.

 

by AngryAmerican
4-12-06
Quantity Over Quality Fairy, sometimes I don't have enough time to make more than 1 or 2 comics a day. How will i ever have enough to be funny?
The answer is simple my child- you won't! You will never be truly amusing until you can produce dozens of comics per day. And you'll never be BRILLIANT until you make hundreds every day.
I don't understand.
Its very elementary. You see, comics, by their very existence embody funniness. When something is funny is it not said to be "comical"? Therefore the more you make, the funnier you are.
I get it now! If i want to be really funny, i have to quit school, give up personal hygiene and take up a drug habit that keeps me up in front of a computer for days at a time?
You have taken the pebble from my hand. It is time for you to leave.

 

by AngryAmerican
4-12-06
Angry, Sarcastic Ghost of Wasted Time here, fillin in for the QoQ Fairy. I believe we have a caller on the line from some obscure country...
Uh yeah hi. Long time listener, first time caller here. Um...Cleveland's not a country. Its a city in Northern Ohio by Lake Erie.
Well, now you have my pity as well as my attention. What's on your feeble mind, prick?
Well, i don't agree with what The QoQ Fairy says. Making hundreds of shitty comics isn't the way to be funny. All it does is make it harder to find the really amusing ones amongst all the garbage.
Why don't you cry to Dr. Phil instead of me you whiny, rust brown tampon! Everyone knows the more comics you make, the more funny ones you end up with. Do the fucking math!
You tell that bitch I'm gonna kill her. *click*

 

by AngryAmerican
4-13-06
WHY THE FUCK IS THE GODDAMN CHICKEN NOT IN THE OVEN! GODDAMN IT! I GOTTA DO EVERYTHING AROUND HERE ANYWAY SO WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY ANYONE? fuck-fuckity-fuck, fuck.
The chicken was just delivered 32 seconds ago, in fact the delivery guy is still in the room. 'Hi Jason!' I'm elbow deep in coleslaw And have an order cooking on the grill. My bad.
Chicken is violently seized from the back room and ripped out its bags and hurled with much splashing of chicken blood onto trays destined for the oven...
Author's note. When in Cleveland don't eat here.
MOTHERFUCK! MOTHERFUCK! ALWAYS PAYIN WORTHLESS COCKSUCKERS WHEN I END UP DOIN THE WORK! FUCK! MOTHERFUCK!!!
sigh.

 

by AngryAmerican
4-15-06
"JESUS. THIS IS YOUR FATHER. ITS TIME TO GET UP."
Awww Dad, just let me sleep for a few more days...
"NO! YOU HAVE SEVERAL BILLION SOULS TO SAVE. AND COUNTLESS SINS TO ABSOLVE. WAKEY-WAKEY.
But i alredy died for everyone's sins, what more do you want me to do?
"WELL NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT THE LAWN NEEDS MOWED, AND I NEED YOU TO CLEAN OUT THE GARAGE SO I CAN PUT MY NEW ESCALADE IN THERE. CHOP. CHOP!"
There better be a hollow chocolate bunny in it for me. And maybe some peanut butter eggs...

 

by AngryAmerican
4-15-06
want to play mah-jong?
no, i hate asian games.
how bout dodge blade?
nah.
how about we tape dildos all over an angry bear, then try to wrestle it to the ground?
now you're talking!

 

by AngryAmerican
4-17-06
Carbicus Prime VS. KaenashiTron
I am Crabicus Prime. Destroyer of hope. Master of smarm. Perish under my withering scorn, KaenashiTron!
I have titanium alloy armor that's +5 vs. scorn, Crabicus. And i fear not your verbal missiles. Its the Day of Reckoning and the just will prevail!
I will crush you whole and stomp your remains into license plates. Bitch.
Bring it you surly bastard! Someone's gotta stop your evil!
This panel is actually a hyper violent animated battle scene that is so advanced, mere pc's aren't powerful enough to view it. It took a thousand programmers 3 yrs. and cost $55 million to make.

 

by AngryAmerican
4-17-06
Thank you! Thank you! Its great to be here tonight in San Quentin! The best damn prison in North America!
We're gonna rip ya outta dat chair and fuck you rimless!
Whoa! Hecklers in prison? Who'd a thunk it, huh? Hey pal, why don't you get a life, then you can trade it for a sentence. Hahaha, get it? Life sentence? I kill me!
You gonna die tonight cripple boy!
Go ahead, rush the stage! They got enough tear gas for all you motherfucking pieces of shit! C'mon, stab me bitch! I'll drag ya behind my chair til you're a stump!

 

by AngryAmerican
4-17-06
even a blind squirrel finds a hit every now and then.
i'm a squirrel.
i have no vocabulary and can think nothing more complex than "where's my next acorn comin from".
and even I think LSD is cool.

 

by AngryAmerican
4-17-06
i caused that accident.
and this one.
several state laws prohibit me from showing you what i did to this child. Suffice to say that in the unlikely event he survives, he will always fear trees, walnuts and adorable woodland creatures.

 

by AngryAmerican
4-17-06
Oh my heavens, what a cute little squirrel! Aren't you just adorable?
make with the bread bitch.
Does Mr. Fluffytail wants some bread crumbs? I bet you do....
the flesh near her jugular is so very thin...
Let Grandmamas get you some bread crumbs for you widdle belwy.
that's right, move along. there's nothing to see here folks. Certainly NOT a squirrel ripping at the feeble flesh of senior citizen.

 

by AngryAmerican
4-18-06
Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to Troll theater,
Tonight's entertainment features one person arguing with him/herself through the use of up to seventeen alternate personas.
I am giddy with anticipation, as i'm sure you all are too. Let's get right to it, after a word from our sponsors.
Are you an illiterate foreigner? Having difficulty with the tricky English language? Try Hooked-On-Comics, the easy, fun way to learn English while making lots of real, longtime friends. From Bradco!

 

by AngryAmerican
4-19-06
this comic is inspired by hunger.
Hello and welcome to Burger Tsar. How may i be your servant today?
Yeah, i want 2 orders of your baked-fried cheese globs with your extra thick ranch dipping goo and a grand dictator burger with extra egg, ham, cheese,mayo, pickle...
hunger is a great motivating factor
sardines, pepperoni, 2 kinds of olive, secret sauce, roast beef, BBQ sauce, onion rings and deep fried mushrooms. Hold the lettuce, tomato, ketchup, onion, bean sprouts, and bun cuz I'm on Adkins.
i'm going to rob someone now, but then i'll make a comic about it.
That'll be $23.97
That's it? In that case, throw in an order of bacon bombs with triple cheese infused marinara and a mocha-lime shake.

 

by AngryAmerican
4-19-06
Well, that got messy. Its always kinda sad when children try to avenge their parents isn't it.
Nah. I love killin kids. Its like choppin away at little statues made of butter.
You're a strange man Olaf. Let's see what they got in the way of loot. Doesn't appear to be much...
Dibs on the rutabagas.
You want a sack full of rutabagas? Why?
I leave them out as bait for stray, hungry children. What? They aren't gonna just walk through my door on their own are they?

 

by AngryAmerican
4-20-06
Studies prove online poker is a healthier addiction than crack.
YOU FUCKIN FUCK! THAT'S BULLSHIT! EVERYONE CAN CATCH SOMETHING ON THE FUCKIN RIVER BUT ME!
This same study found that prolonged crack abuse can cause psychosis.
SERIOUSLY, ONE MORE BULL-FUCKIN-SHIT HAND LIKE THAT AND I'M SMASHIN THIS GODDAMN KEYBOARD!
The study did not account for temper tantrums thrown by poor losers.
MOTHERFUCKER! FUCK! CUNT! BITCH-FUCK-PISS-TWAT-FUCK! GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKIN BULLSHIT! FULL HOUSES FOR FUCKIN EVERYONE! (incoherent howl of rage)

 

by AngryAmerican
4-20-06
What bouncers say...
But why can't you just believe me? I've been 21 for two months! I totally just forgot my ID!!
Sorry miss, absolutely no one enters without an ID. No exceptions. Have a good night!
What bouncers mean...
But why can't you just believe me? I've been 21 for two months! I totally just forgot my ID!!
You filthy cum-addled slut! I want to smash your face into a steaming pile of my feces while I ruin your little whore ass. Then strangle you for your own good and dump your carcass somewhere damp.

 

by AngryAmerican
4-20-06
What bouncers say...
Oh my god, i'm bleeding! I think you dislocated my shoulder too!
I'm sorry sir, but I DID ask you twice to take your hands off me didn't I? Would you like me to call an ambulance?
What bouncers mean...
Oh my god, i'm bleeding! I think you dislocated my shoulder too!
You pathetic little ass chancre! If there weren't 100 people standing around watching you bleed, I would stomp you into a fine, red paste and make your friends suck you off my shoes.

 

by AngryAmerican
4-20-06
Drunks are bad for business. Mostly.
Fuck You man! You fuckin touch me and you're gonna fuckin regret it! You can't keep me from comin in this club!
Sir, you're already intoxicated so I'm NOT going to let you come into my club. There are plenty of other places that will let you in. Let's just do this the easy way, OK?
If he looked like he had a lot of money to blow or bribe me with, i woulda let him in.
Why is it guys in camo pants never pick the easy way?

 

by AngryAmerican
4-20-06
Sometimes being totally reasonable and friendly when people are secretly hoping you'll be a hardass prick can be lots of fun
Fuck you man, I'm not goin anywhere and i didn't do anything wrong.
Except for kicking in the door on the bathroom stall you mean?
Yeah well I don't know anything about that man. I know the owner motherfucker! I'll have your ass fired!
Crazy as it may sound, I know the owner too! Small world, huh?
Dude I'll seriously give you 3 fuckin seconds to get the fuck out of my face.
You had me at "dude."

 

by AngryAmerican
4-20-06
cmon dude! you gotta move or you gonna die! sharks gotta move! you a shark!
nah, fuck all that. i'm a shark and i'm tellin ya, thats a marine myth.
Thats crazy man! what's the longest you just sat still before?
i don't know, maybe 30 seconds.
What!! You one crazy predator man ! Cmon, lets go to da reef. I got 2 CD's from that car wreck, you wanna listen to Aztec Camera or Blotto?
Fuck that. I'll stay here and see if i die or not.

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